Even as Buffy decided she couldn't raise a child, she was arguing that she could... or at least deserved to. This was part of a normal life. True, it was more the negative part of a normal life, but it was still normal, nice and nondemonic. It was a girl and a guy who couldn't behave and made a mistake. But a normal mistake. The world wasn't going to end because she was pregnant. With all the kings horses and all the government's super secret soldiers, couldn't the Slayer get away with having a baby? Couldn't the Slayer get away with having one normal thing in her life?

As she entered her room, and started dressing, she wondered if any other Slayer had to deal with this. There had to be Slayers whose knees weren't nailed shut. Unless the chapter on personality removal in the Slayer Handbook was followed by a chapter on the wonders of abstinence.

Out the door she went to the only place she could find answers.

Giles, oddly enough, was not there when she arrived at his apartment. Not that it really mattered, she thought as she let herself in. It was better that she didn't have to explain why she was going through the old Watchers' Journals.

After hours of searching, she ran across the journal of Michel de Shaunde from around the 1320s. His journal started when Eliane was only a Potential Slayer. They fell in love, married and had two children before she was Called, and he was carted off to England. Well, the Watchers Council hadn't changed much, recalling her own experiences with the Watchers Council and the two men that loved her. The Watchers Council should really get the idea that an unhappy Slayer is a careless Slayer... and a careless Slayer is a dead Slayer. She read the accounts of Eliane's last stand. The Watcher, Michel made it clear that no one survived the slaughter, and the information they had came from some kind of magic.

She rubbed her stomach. The Slayer had to kill her own child after it was turned. Her own child. This was beyond wanting or deserving a normal life. This was the truth of the life she lived. She thought of how often her family and friends had been used as bait. What made her think a baby, the child of a Slayer would be immune to that? The journal said the vampire child probably was much stronger than normal for having Slayer blood.

And, God, what if her baby was a girl? Would being born from a Slayer make it more likely she would be called? Buffy wanted a better life for her child than that.

Even if demons and other bad guys didn't kidnap her baby and turn it all evil, Buffy was more aware of her mortality than just about anyone. She'd been living on borrowed time since the Master rose. Dying young was one of the drawbacks to the job. What right did she have bringing a new life into this? What right did she have, she thought as she picked up a telephone book, when she had a choice?