Hi! Here's the twelfth chapter…never thought I come this far, I was planning this fic to be only about eight chapters long, but I guess I still have a long way to go, ne? Anyway, I am still going to say the same old thing, but I really appreciate all you ppl out there who read my fic and also those who reviewed. It really helps me a lot, some form of encouragement, right?
Ok, enough of my crapping! On to the next chapter!
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(Kurama's POV)
Everything hurts. It really does. My head, my body even if its just a soul, and most of all, my heart. It feels as if it is being shattered into pieces, and you just had to step further on the pieces. The pain was nothing compared to the one I felt when Okasan died. Maybe, just maybe I did not love her as much as I did you, Hiei. But I guess it does not really matter now. She is gone, and so are you. But you will be back later, just to torment me more.
In my dreams last night, you lingered there still. You won't leave me, even in my sleep. Why?
I long for one more kiss. I long to be held tightly in your arms, never letting me go. I long to hear you say, "What we share is eternal love, I will always be by your side."
It's not really your fault. You can't force yourself to love me. I guess I just want someone to blame for the ache my heart is experiencing here now. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. They came last night, and they won't stop. Why do my own tears oppose me? They don't come when I want them to. They always like to do the opposite.
You don't even care so much for me, so why do I still love you so much?
I really should live on. Okasan would want me to do that, everyone would, even you. You still treat me as a friend, that's all. Anything more is impossible. You had already made that clear. Maybe your kiss was just my own hallucination too. It had seemed so real then, it gave me the belief that you actually returned my feelings. I don't want………..don't want to live on. To go on living means more torture, more pain.
I guess it doesn't matter now. Nothing matters. My tears are already dried up, and I am nothing but a broken soul. Time already knows when I will perish, into the darkness. It will be the end, of me, of everything and I will finally rest in peace. The moment when the inflecting sun shifts into the silent night is when I will disappear, forever.
But still, I can't help hoping. Hoping that I will see you one last time before I go. Before it's too late and I will never see your face again. When that moment comes, I won't want to let you go. I will pretend that I am not about to cry. I will pretend that those tears are only the falling rain. Until I disappear, I will cry this pain away, even though the tears won't come anymore. I will cry in my heart. Until then, memories of the past are all I have.
Forgive me, everyone, if I disappear. I just can't feel the will to go on anymore. Understand me, and then forgive me….I am just not strong enough….
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I am alone,
As long as I am standing in this world.
My heart is bleeding.
'You are lonely,' you said in a soft voice.
I really couldn't see the proof in living…
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(Meanwhile, in Ningenkai)
Yusuke sank onto the grass, exhausted from the fight.
"You really don't have to be so serious, Sensui," the reikai-detective complained loudly. "I still need energy to save Kurama."
"He's right. We don't have time for this right now. One day has already past. We only have until evening to get the crystal." Kuwabara added. He eyed Sensui and Itsuki warily. Who knows what's their motive this time in coming to Ningenkai. It's better to be safe then sorry.
"Oh? I guess I am too strong for you, ne Yusuke? I thought for sure you would have gotten stronger after all these years," Sensui said grinning, the mocking evident in his voice.
"Look, I have wasted most of my energy in a stupid ritual which failed. So, if you will excuse me, I have something on. I would greatly appreciate it if you just help me get that crystal from whoever that little weird girl is." Yusuke grumbled and muttered something akin to, "Only weirdoes like you two can understand a weird girl like her…"
Itsuki laughed, in that sensual voice of his. "She's just a girl who wants some company. Give her something which will amuse her and she will gladly exchange it with the crystal." He laid his head on his koi's shoulder who in turn wrapped an arm around him.
Kuwabara and Yusuke scratched their heads in unison unconsciously. "But what will amuse her?" Yusuke asked.
Sensui smirked. "That's for you to figure out."
That earned him a glare. "Can't you give some clue in the least? I really don't understand. Since that girl likes both of you, why can't you just persuade her to give it to us?"
"What you all want is none of our business. We just want to see a amusing performance of you people getting a crystal from a mere little girl."
Yusuke shot him another exasperated glare. He was too furious for words. He glanced at the sleeping figures of Keiko, Yukina and Botan (Ano, I don't know if Botan needs to sleep, but just let her do that to suit the story ^_^) under the shady tree.
"Kuwabara, take the girls back to my home and let my mother take care of them. They are just too tired."
"But, Urameshi-
"Just do as I say. I will figure a way to get the crystal."
"I understand." With that, he shook Yukina up, and explained to her. The sweet girl understood immediately and nodded her head. For once, Kuwabara acted seriously in front of the maiden he loved. He carried Keiko and Botan who were still sleeping soundly in his arms and together, they headed towards Yusuke's.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
(In Reikai)
The Jaganshi appeared very calm as he entered Koenma's office. But inside, he was facing turmoil.
/I did not mean to be so harsh towards that fox, but…I just don't want to go into a relationship which has no definite future. He will leave me again, be it now or in the future, just like what happened in the past. I don't want to be hurt or left behind again. I don't want to be attached, not again. This is the only way. It is better to be hurt now when things are not so bad. /
However, as he was having all this thoughts, he was vaguely aware that a small voice was screaming at him that what he has done is all wrong.
His thoughts were interrupted when Koenma and Genkai entered the room.
Genkai raised an eyebrow at the absence of a certain youko.
"Where is Kurama?" Koenma asked.
"He needs to be left alone for a while." Hiei answered simply.
"Oh?" Koenma directed a very doubtful look at him.
"Just to sort out his thoughts."
"That's all?"
"Hn."
Realizing that he was not going to get anything more out of the fire demon, Koenma wisely gave up and sighed. Genkai gazed at Hiei intently, causing him to turn away uncomfortably.
At that moment, the door opened again and Jin barged in, exclaiming, "We got one of the crystals!"
Touya who was behind him, chuckled. "Calm down, Jin."
The rest who followed behind had a small smile on their faces too.
Genkai gave an acknowledging nod. "That leaves the crystal in Ningenkai. We can only wait for Yusuke to return."
"Do we need to go and help him?" Suzuki piped up.
The old woman shook her head, "I am sure he will be back-"
"Where is Kurama?" Yomi interrupted after being unable to sense the youko's ki.
Hiei was about to answer when all of a sudden, a voice interrupted.
"I am here, Yomi."
All of them turned in unison towards the direction of the voice, and they were most certainly surprised to find the silver youko standing at the door, smiling weakly.
He was still translucent, and they were able to see through him easily.
"How did you get here?" Hiei couldn't help but ask. Kurama was definitely too weak to get here by himself.
Kurama expression turned triumph. "I am just a soul. I can get here easily if I just concentrate hard enough."
"But you still need some amount of ki to do that!" Jin exclaimed.
The youko smiled mysteriously. "I have my own ways."
Mukuro stepped forward and handed Kurama the second crystal. He stared at it for what seemed like a long time to the others.
"Kurama, what's wrong?" Touya asked.
"Nothing." He replied quickly. /I don't want to live, so why should I take this crystal? But just to keep them from worrying…/
He concentrated and the crystal soon vanished. The youko regained some of his color and he did not look so pale anymore.
"One more thing, Kurama. A silver youko called Tanami requested for me to pass this to you. She said you will know what to do with it," the female Makai-lord placed the ball of ice carefully in Kurama's hands.
Kurama nodded, but he was feeling very confused inside. "Tanami?" he murmured softly. The name seemed to ring a bell but he just could not remember where he heard it.
Genkai spoke up, "Kurama. I am sure Koenma has a room prepared for you to rest. Hiei, please bring him to it to ensure that he has ample rest."
The fire demon nodded and wordlessly left the room, with the youko silently following behind.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
The two of them walked in uncomfortable silence, each not knowing what to say to the other.
They reached the door. Kurama reached out and turned the knob. He stepped into the room.
"Kurama."
"What?"
"About last night, I am- " /I am sorry. I can't tell you the truth…I…/
"It's ok. I understand."
"It's not what you think it is."
A pause. Then, "Does it matter?" /nothing matters anymore. I am going to disappear. That's the end of everything./
"….I guess not."
"…"
"Rest well, fox."
"Aa"
And he was gone.
/You left me…again…/
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I just don't want to be alone,
But you always leave me behind.
Even if I want to follow you,
And stay by your side forever.
You just won't allow me to.
Is that really too much to ask?
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
To be continued……….
How's this chapter? Better? Worse? Does it matter? It does, to me. Tell me, ok? Be it through mail or review.
