Hi! I am here again…with the thirteenth chapter of course! Tis chap is dedicated to my friend, yue-estumi. She recently started her own fic! Ganbatte, etsumi-chan!
Am I going too slowly? It's like the thirteenth chapter already and Kurama has only died about a day and a half…oh well, this chapter will be on the last day for Kurama to get back the crystal, just to tell you readers, in case you are wondering why Kurama is still "dead".
Do you all think I am going to slow? If you are, pls tell me and I will try my best to speed up. I don't think I am going too fast but if you think I should elaborate more, tell me too. But since my elaboration skills sucks, forgive me if I am too vague…I just received your review, Ruri. I know I am dragging it, so pardon me. I am a long-winded person. Thx to the others who reviewed too!
Does anyone know any good yyh yaoi fic, which involves Youko Kurama and Hiei? If you do, pls tell me where to read it!
Ok, enough of my crapping, on to the next chapter!
~*~
Hiei smashed his fist against the hard and cold stony wall. Blood streamed from his knuckles and dripped on the floor, while staining the bandages on his arm. It was painful, but that was nothing compared to the one he felt in his heart. The countless youkais, which he had killed and injured today, did nothing to soothe the pain and the frustration he felt. He was positive Mukuro would come by and preached at him for injuring her guards and servants.
/To hell with that woman! If it wouldn't for that stupid fox, I wouldn't be in this sorry state right now. Arrgh! I am thinking about him again. Damn it! Why can't you just leave me alone?! Baka kitsune! /
The cursing did not help in the least. It only reminded him more of a certain golden-eyed fox with long silky silver hair and a beautiful face-
/Here I go again! /
The fire demon kicked at the nearest table, sending the oh-so expensive vase crashing onto the floor. Looking at the mess he made, Hiei sighed in resignation and counted mentally.
/One, two, three…/
Just as he expected, an annoyed Mukuro came barging into the room. No, there's too exaggerating. No Makai lord would 'barged' into a room. Nothing would make them unless, one of their, or rather, her precious vase had just been destroyed by an irritating brat who killed many of your guards just because he couldn't handle his own love problem.
Mukuro's voice was surprisingly calm, but still had a deadly edge to it. "What did I say about my vases, Fire demon? Forget about those useless guards you killed. They can't be compared to my vase. That was one of my favorites, and you just had to destroy it."
Hiei was already frustrated and he had no patience for a certain baka onna who always screeched over a simple object such as a vase.
"Don't put a vase in my room then," he snorted.
Mukuro stared at him in disbelief. "So it's my fault that my vase broke? Oh, I am so sorry, your highness! I only wanted to make your room not look so dull and uninviting when a certain fox comes to visit. I can't believe you said that! No, wait. I can. After all, you are just an annoying brat who only cares himself and that youko." She replied sarcastically.
"Just leave me alone," Hiei snapped back, and muttered something akin to "baka onna".
Mukuro sighed. "Seriously Hiei, what happened between the two of you? You have been in a foul mood since you came back! If I had known you bring such a disaster to my place, I asked Koenma to keep you in Reikai while I come back to handle a few matters. Why didn't you just stay there? I thought you and that fox were inseparable."
"None of your business. Get out." Even though his words were blunt, it lacked the usual power in it. The fact that Hiei's face had gone solemn at the mention of Kurama had certainly not escaped the female Makai lord's eyes.
"I do not have control over you or your love life, fire demon. But I do know that once you let go of a very important person, you may lose him forever. Don't make that mistake, Hiei. Hold him to you, and do it before it's too late."
With that, Mukuro turned and walked towards the door which was full of cracks obviously made by Hiei. As she left, she added, "I am going to Reikai now. Come only after you have sorted out your thoughts. If I find one more vase broken when I comes back, you will regret it immediately."
"I know, onna!" he snapped back.
/Just because you own this place doesn't mean you have control over what I do, stupid woman. /
He lay down on his bed and close his eyes, hoping to get some rest. But it was futile and his thoughts drifted back to Kurama.
/Karui…Kurama…I wanted to tell you the truth, but I don't want to face you leaving me again. I want to put a stop before this relationship even starts. Who am I kidding? It has already started a long time ago, when I was known as Hikage. But I am a different person now. I am no longer he. I am Jaganshi Hiei and the past doesn't matter anymore. No, it matters and it matters just because…it's you, Kurama. Kuso! Why do I have to fall in love with you again? Arrgh! Forget it! You may hate me but I will be damned if I let you leave me now. I am a selfish bastard and I don't give a damn about it. /
With that thought in mind, the determined Jaganshi made his way swiftly to Reikai.
~*~
(In ningenkai.)
Urameshi Yusuke gave a frustrated growl, "Will you just give the crystal, damn it! Why must you be such an annoying brat?"
He was getting very tired. Every attempt he made to get near to the nameless girl was fruitless and instead, he was sent flying back a mile.
Sensui gave an amused chuckle. "Temper, my dear friend. Getting angry will get you nowhere."
Yusuke glared back. "Why don't you help me get that crystal then, my dear friend?" he smiled falsely and replied sarcastically.
Sensui smiled thinly. "But that would spoil the fun, wouldn't it?"
He looked over to where Itsuki was playing with the girl.
Yusuke stood up and brushed his pants. "Didn't know that green-hair youkai could play." He remarked.
Sensui's eyes softened unconsciously. "There are many things you don't know about him."
Yusuke was surprised. He didn't know the ex. Reikai detective was capable of such a peaceful look. He looked contented and his eyes shone with…love? His smile looked sincere unlike the usual smirk. / He must really care about Itsuki a lot. / Yusuke realized.
"I don't think I want to know anyway." He muttered. "I have been wanting to ask you, Sensui. How did you come back to life? I thought I killed you, you arrogant bastard."
Sensui laughed. "I wasn't really dead, you know." He turned and saw Yusuke gaping at him, eyes wide in disbelief. "What? Thought you can kill me that easily?"
"…" Yusuke was still incapable of speech. His mouth opened and closed, like a goldfish.
"Anyway, Itsuki realized this. I don't know how, too, but he managed to revive me. I think he went to seek a very old youkai for help. He succeeded, and here I am."
Sensui gazed at Itsuki wistfully. "We really went through a lot together. Though I still don't know what he sees in me."
"You really changed a lot, you know that?" Yusuke told him.
"Really?" he chuckled. "The power of love, ne?"
He walked towards Itsuki and the little girl. He stopped in front of her bent forward slightly. "Can you give me that crystal?"
The girl turned, her large blue eyes wide and shimmering. "Are you going to give it to that baka oniichan who refuses to play with me?"
Behind, Yusuke glared. "Hey! I heard that!" he hollered.
Sensui looked at him, amused. Turning back to the girl, he replied, "Maybe."
"Don't worry, I won't be angry if you give it to him. Sensui niichan is always right!" she replied brightly.
Yusuke snorted.
Sensui laughed. "You are just jealous." He took the crystal from the girl. "Hey, Yusuke! Catch!" he threw it to him.
The reikai detective almost missed it, but fortunately for him, Sensui's tossing skills were good, so even if your catching skill is quite bad, you still can barely catch it.
Yusuke sighed in relief. "Phew!" he glared. "Can't you be more careful, at least?"
Itsuki turned towards Sensui. "We should go. Besides, Kurama's time is running out."
The other nodded. "You owe me one, Yusuke. Next time we meet, it will be a fight."
Yusuke grinned. "I know. And I will beat you for sure!"
With that, he advanced towards reikai. / Wait for me, Kurama! You will be fine. I look forward to attending you and Hiei's wedding! /
Sensui stared at his disappearing back. "Nothing seems to faze him."
Itsuki laid a head on his shoulders. "That's why you find him a challenge."
"Maybe."
"Let's go."
"Aa." He held his hand.
~*~
Golden eyes stared at the ball of ice in his hand, confusion evident in them. / I haven't seen this for a long time. Since my youko mother died. But the youkos except Kurunoe had nothing to do with me. So why are they giving this to me now? /
He infused a bit of ki into the ice. As he expected, it disappeared. Instead, an image of a woman appeared, taking its place.
Her voice was clear and had an air of loyalty in it.
"I am Tanami. I know you are probably are very confused right now, Youko Kurama. My purpose in sending you this is to invite you to have a chat with me. I know your youko mother, Kurama. I am also well aware of the fact you are now waiting for the third crystal. If you want to know how I know all these, come to me. I assured that it will be beneficial to you and you may question any of your doubts. You know how to come here. I will be waiting, just like your questions are waiting to be answered."
The image vanished.
Kurama took some time to process this piece of information. To tell the truth, he was curious but he was also tired. He barely had any rest due to the fact that a fire demon's harsh words kept repeating in his mind. In his weakened state right now, the idea of traveling all the way to the east of Makai wasn't very tempting at all. But curiosity got the better of him. He concentrated hard in his mind. / Help me, Shimoki. /
The next thing he knew, he was in front of a familiar yet not so familiar forest he once knew very well hundreds of years ago.
Although traveling when he was a soul was easy, it required a lot of energy and it was making him feel lethargic. Kurama leaned against a tree for support.
He was startled when a voice suddenly appeared. "You are really a very unique spirit, Youko Kurama. You could fool everyone by saying you are one."
The silver youko turned around to see a female youko approaching him. "Tanami."
"So I am." She held out her hand.
Kurama raised an eyebrow in question.
"Hold it."
He didn't know why, but something about her made him feel as if he could trust her. So he followed her instruction.
Everything was a blur and when he opened his eyes, he was in a room, which appeared to be quite small but yet grand. Kurama came to one conclusion. /She is powerful. /
"Sit down, Youko Kurama." Tanami gestured to a seat. The fox obliged.
The female youko took a seat herself. "Silver youkos are rare."
"I know." /A unique way to start a conversation. /
"Do you know why?"
"No."
"Do you want to know?"
"Does it matter?"
A pause. "Actually, it does."
"Tell me then."
"I am going to say it only once. Silver youkos are what we considered as youkos of royalty blood."
There was a very long silence. Then,
"So you are telling me that I am considered royal?"
"Exactly."
"It's hard to believe."
"I know. It's also hard to believe that you are so calm. Most youkos would have freaked out. This shows that you are much different."
"Explain."
"I intend to, Youko Kurama. Your father was of royalty blood. Your mother was just a mere servant. They had an affair, which was not allowed. You know how some people, especially royal ones have ancient thinking. This of course led to the affair as an act of crime. You are smart. You should be able to guess what happened after that."
"Your explanation is short." Kurama noted.
"I know."
"Let me guess then. My mother had me and to escape punishment, she escaped from here with me."
"You are partially correct."
"Tell me my errors then."
"What you said was correct, but you were too vague."
"Just like you were."
"I will be more elaborated then."
"Please do."
"Your mother carried you from here and both of you escaped. That's true, but-no, tell me what you believed first, Kurama."
"What I believed?" he echoed.
"Do you think your mother cared about you?"
"Yes and no."
"Nice answer."
"Thank you."
"Why?"
"She abandoned me but I thought she had her reasons. I assumed she grew Shimoki for me because she cared. I was wrong. Shimoki was already in my past life."
"She was torn. She wanted to leave you, for she knew you would have a good life here. You were born silver. Here, as long as you are born silver, you will be accepted as of royalty blood. But she brought you with her."
"So she hated me then, and did not want me to have a good life."
"No. On the contrary, she cared for you and wanted you by her side. That's why she took you away. But she hated you too. You took after your father too much. Your looks, your color. She hated that man for destroying her, for he did nothing to defend her, yet she treasured the love she had for him. Understand your mother, Kurama. She was lost and had nobody to turn to."
"So she abandoned me." his voice was icy.
Tanami sighed. "Think of it this way, Kurama. At least she bothered to leave you at Shimoki's. She knew it had a link with you."
"That shows she still had some kindness in her."
"Why can't you forgive her?"
"I didn't say I blame her. It doesn't matter anymore. She has been gone for so long already. I had already forgotten about her. I don't see the point in you reminding me of her."
"I just want to give you a reason to live on."
"A reason."
"I know what you are going to do Kurama. You are going to let yourself fade into the darkness. I have no right to stop you but I don't wish to see that."
"Reminding me about her doesn't give me a reason to live."
"It doesn't. What I want you to know is that you are of royalty blood. If you really can't find a reason, then you can stay here and rule us, the youkos."
"Who are you?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Answer me."
"Your father's sister and a good friend of your mother."
"You still haven't told me why you know so much about me."
"I am after all, the current ruler of youkos. I know everything about all youkos. It was a gift for those of royal status. You would be given that too, Kurama, if you weren't taken away."
"I thank you for your offer, but I have no wish to stay."
Tanami sighed. It was almost inaudible. "I expected that answer. I can't and I won't force you. It's your choice. But whatever you do, Youko Kurama, don't let yourself fade away."
"There's no reason to keep-" he was abruptly cut off.
"You don't need a reason to live, Kurama. You live to find one."
"…"
"I will send you back. Close your eyes."
Kurama heard some incoherent mutterings and he felt himself falling into darkness.
~*~
Golden eyes fluttered open and stared at the white ceiling of the room. He was back in the room he was 'resting' before he went to find Tanami.
Just then, there was a knock on the door, followed by a deep voice. "It's me, fox."
Kurama groaned. He loved Hiei's voice, but he really didn't want to see him at that moment. He had enough to deal with already. After what Tanami said, he really needed some time to think things out.
"You don't need a reason to live, Kurama. You live to find one."
There was some truth in this sentence. / Should I really live on? /
His thoughts were interrupted as Hiei came in.
He immediately put on an emotionless mask. "I didn't say you could come in." As soon as he said that, he immediately regretted it. He sounded so weary.
Of course, Hiei noticed it. "How do you feel, fox?"
"Horrible." There was no point in lying. Hiei would see through everything and he did not need a mirror to know that he looked terrible too.
"What do you want, Hiei?"
"I want to talk."
"That's a rare proposal."
"I am serious, fox."
"Talk then."
"About yesterday, I-"
"It didn't matter."
"I-"
"You said that yourself."
"I regretted it."
"If you are feeling pity for me, forget it, Hiei." Kurama said bitterly.
"Look, Kurama. I was afraid. Of what happened between us in the past. Of what happened between us in the present. And of what I felt for you. I just wanted to say that I…I…I think, no, I know that I love you."
There was a very long silence, before Hiei finally looked at Kurama, looking for any reaction. He was shocked to find tears rolling down the youko's porcelain cheeks. "Kurama…"
"Why do you toy with me, Hiei? Why do you take my heart and break it? I don't blame you for not mending it, but why must you step on it and smashed it into even more smaller pieces? And now you are telling me that you love me? What do you hope to achieve? Joining the pieces back and shattering them even more next time. I don't understand you, Hiei! Why can't you just leave me alone?"
He couldn't hold it in anymore. All the pain he held in his heart was overwhelming him. Just when it began to not hurt so much, Hiei had to refresh the pain by saying a meaningless sentence.
Seeing Kurama in pain, Hiei rushed forward and embraced the youko tightly. It hurt him deeply too, to see his fox like this.
"I am sorry, fox. I didn't mean to hurt you this much."
Kurama shook his head. He tried to get away but he was too weak and had no strength. All he could do was to sob uncontrollably in Hiei's chest, savoring the warmth the fire demon radiated and letting his pain out.
"Don't say such things to me, Hiei. Don't give me hope. If you want to hurt me, do it mercilessly. Make me give you up. Just don't do this."
"I don't want you to give me up. I want you to love me." he tightened his hold on Kurama.
The silver youko was lost. He did not know what to believe anymore. He clung onto Hiei tightly. / Even if it's just awhile, even if he don't love me, please, just let him hold me like this. A few moments will be enough. /
~*~
I want to hold on to you, always.
And when I do, I don't want to let go.
Even if it's just a game to you,
I want to continue.
~*~
To be continued…
~*~
Finally finished! ^_^ I think I am very bad to Kurama here…so how was this chapter? I am looking forward to the next chap! See you next time then!
