Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It
I am, indeed, hating it...but I am enjoying my success!
DD: We are too. Get's us paid! *Pays Landlady*
Landlady: YOU'RE LATE!
Cell: Don't hurt us...!
Heh-heh...I'll protect you...!
DD: Don't do us any favors.
Okay, let us—
DD: Begin the madness!
_______________________________________________________________
(IN SEATTLE)
Instead of Montana, Vegeta had opted for Seattle, Washington in the states. Hey, it beat Walla-Walla. He probably should have done the smart thing and moved to Miami or Orlando or maybe even Canada, but we all know Vegeta isn't the brightest white in the laundry so we'll let it slide. He touched down in the middle of the country side. He looked all around him and decided it was perfect. There was a barn, a shed, an empty house, and field of endless grain that he could sell for profit. This would be the best vacation ever! (Vegeta's never HAD a vacation)
"Smell that air baby! I can come here to get away from it all!" Vegeta said gliding over to the empty house. It was nicely furnished with an upstairs, a down stairs, a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room, and a bedroom. Oh and there was an attic with a noose hanging down from it "just in case". Vegeta plopped down on the old yet comfy couch and took out his cell phone and ordered pizza.
(CAPSULE CORP)
Trunks woke up in a...hotel room?! He quickly sat up and nearly broke his neck checking the place out.
"What in hell's name?!"
"Hell doesn't have a name...unless it's Hellene or Hellen with 2 'L's"
"Hellen can have 2 L's—whoa, Piccolo!" Trunks exclaimed as the object of his object of affection's affection stood proud and tall in front of him.
"Yes it can...and yes it is I, the great Piccolo. Ms. Jackson if ya nasty."
"....You stole my boyfriend!"
"So all that sexual abuse from your father made you gay?" At this, Trunks cell phone that appeared out of nowhere rung loudly.
"Hello?"
"I didn't molest you."
"Dad?! Where—" Click. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep—uh I mean the soft click at the other end signaled that whoever had called had hung up. Trunks looked incredulously at the phone and Piccolo just looked cool as ice. Ice, ice baby/vanilla dum-dum-dum-da-da-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum-da-da-da-dum twang-twang...
"Why'd you bring me to a hotel?"
"Because I could. What's this mess about a boyfriend?"
"...OH! Goten's in love with you when it should be me! MEEEE!" Trunks shouted as he jumped up from the bed only to find himself head first on the floor. Piccolo raised an eyebrow and shook his head slowly before moving for the door.
"Wait! You can't just leave! I challenge ye to a du-el!" Trunks proclaimed with his face still on the floor. Piccolo walked over and put his foot on the demi-saiya-jin's purple head.
"Listen little dude, just except the fact that Goten is in love with me. He'll get over it you moron. Plus, I see why. I am better than you after all."
"You're not better than me!"
"Am too."
"Well I have purple hair!"
"I'm green."
"I'm 9 inches!"
"I can grow a 15 inch if I wanted to. And I do Viagra not take it."
"...You bastard."
"Oh yeah." Piccolo remarked cockily like the cool mofo he was. He took his foot away and vanished in that oh-so cool way I make him do in every chapter. Trunks rose up and looked around the room only to realize Piccolo was gone.
"He got away AGAIN! I will find you Piccolo and when I do you're DEAD!"
"You can't kill him!" Goku said popping out of nowhere like he does every chapter. Trunks slowly turned his head to look at the older saiya-jin.
"....Goku-san, where do you come from when you do this?"
"Do what?"
"Pop out of nowhere."
"No place in particular. Maybe the kitchen or my room."
"How?"
"Instant transmission!" Goku stated triumphantly as he held to fingers to his head. Trunks face-faulted and scratched his head with his index finger.
"Why?"
"....I dunno!"
"...Go away Goku-san."
"Can do!" Goku said with a grin and he disappeared, leaving Goku to wonder if Goten was adopted.
(IN SEATTLE)
Vegeta was having a grand ol' time. He had robbed his neighbors from 20 miles down the street, sold that in the nearest city (Which disappointingly was Walla-Walla) bought some sheep, sold three bags of wool to his neighbors 20 miles up the street, bought cattle with that money from the neighbors he robbed 20 miles down (apparently the 100 plus 4,000 of his own money was enough to make them drop the charges) and was now herding them across his 190 acres of land (that he got with blood, sweat, and a few tears) with the SUV he'd stolen from a pimp earlier.
"Get along little doggies! Yee-haw!" Vegeta called cracking a bullwhip. As he was cackling wildly as the cattle mooed and shouted their disapproval at him, Goku appeared in front of his vehicle and started running so he wouldn't get hit. Luckily Vegeta was only going about 20 so he had no trouble staying ahead.
"Hey Vegeta!! What'cha doing?!
"Get out of my way Kakarotto!! I'm busy!!"
"What are you doin?!"
"Herding cattle! Now go away!!"
"Why are you all the way out here anyway?! Shouldn't you be molesting Trunks or something?!" At this last comment, Vegeta saw red...well not really, but if he got caught for what he was about to do, he could blame it on that anyway. He pushed on the breaks and Goku stopped running and the cattle were about 30 feet away by this time but had stopped running as well.
"Vegeta?" Goku asked innocently. Vegeta stuck his hand out of the window and displayed his middle finger for all to see before slamming down with both feet on the gas pedal.
"DIE YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!!" Vegeta said as the car swerved side ways before coming around to hit Goku broadside at 200 miles per hour (I know SUVs probably can't go that fast but what the hell? It's my story).
Goku never had a chance on account that when a car is in front of you, you expect it to come at you from the front, not the side especially when the car's only 3 feet away from you.
The car's sudden jolt signaled that Goku had, indeed, been run over but not by a reindeer. Vegeta smirked and kept going, rolling down his window shouting to the cattle, "MOVE IT!"
Goku lay flat on his back sprawled out spread eagle style. While he wasn't dead, he was in a world of hurt and everything was really blurry and dark which probably wasn't very good.
"Ohhh...ouch..." Goku moaned. He placed his fingers to his head (or partially anyway) and managed to transport himself to the nearest hospital.
(SON RESIDENCE)
"Shupa-Shupi-Shupa-Shu Pikkoro—"
"O-yatsu wo wakuwaku matte 'ru kibun—"
"Shupa-Shupi-Shupa-Shu Pikkoro—"
"Nee Nee Tsuyoi zo Tsuyoi n' datte ba—"
"Pikkoro-San Dai Dai Dai Dai Da~i-Suki!!" Goten and Gohan finished off in the bathroom together. No telling why they were both in the bathroom together though. Maybe Gohan was lured in by the sound of Goten singing his song and wants his royalties. Who knows, he was just there okay? Goten was in the shower and Gohan was brushing his teeth with a towel around his waist.
"Hey Goten, why all the Piccolo songs?"
"Because, dear brother, I am in love with him! HA!"
"...Why?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because of my increasing desire to get laid, or that Piccolo's cooler than Antarctica...or maybe it's both!"
"Right. Well I'm married so I really don't care."
"Mm. Why are you here anyway?"
"You know what? I don't know. If you need me I'll be outside doin some stuff." Gohan said, taking his towel of revealing his manly.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Boxer shorts. He skipped like a girl out of the bathroom and downstairs and then outside where he went and did stuff. Goten whacked off for 40 minutes in the shower before re-showering and hoping out. He was preparing to brush his teeth when there was a knock on the door.
"Yes?"
"Goten? What are you doing?" Goku called out in a weak voice. Turned out that the only injury he had from the Seattle incident was a broken arm and leg, strangely on the same side: the right. Coincidence? I think not. Well anyway, Goku could now freely roll around the house in his wheel chair with 'I LOVE MICK JAGGER' on the back in bold white lettering so that every one could plainly see that he loved Mick Jagger.
"Having a staff meeting!"
"Oh, right. Well when you're done, Piccolo wants to see you." Goku said. There was silence before Goten heard the sound of wheels screeching, a pig squealing, and the sound of boulders falling off the very top of Notre Dame and realizing that his father had fallen down the stairs again.
"I will never have peace." Goten said as he jumped out of the bathroom, fully clothed, and walked down the stairs to see his father sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs and Piccolo looking at him like he was the biggest idiot in the world...but can ya blame him?
"Eh-heh-heh...Goten, would ya mind givin yer old man a hand?" Goku asked sheepishly and Goten resisted the urge to blow him up on the spot for making him look stupid in front of Piccolo. He instead sighed and helped his dad up back on to his Mick Jagger-wheelchair. Goku rolled his way out the door to join Gohan in doing stuff. Piccolo shook his head in pity.
"Darlin I'm too cool for you."
"WAH!" Goten shouted and attached himself to Piccolo's leg.
"Get off me damnit! Goten, this has gone on far enough! Aren't you already dating someone anyway?!"
"Nooo..."
"Well you should! You can't keep following me around! Oh wait, that's Trunks."
"TRUNKS IS IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO?! NOOOOOO!"
"No, but you are there for he is stalking me! I want you both to stop it, get together, and have sex 3 times a day 4 on the weekends!" Piccolo shouted angrily. Goten looked up and raised an eyebrow.
"Why can't we do that?"
"I'm asexual!"
"One wish from the dragon and some Viagra will change that."
"I'm addicted to Viagra! And I don't want to become male!"
"You are male!"
"....Hey, your right. And I am too cool for you people...but that's beside my point. We can't go on together with suspicious minds!"
"Saywha?"
"You know what I mean."
"No I don—"
"Goten, face it. I'm too hot for you and I'm a tad older my friend. Plus, I just don't like you that way."
"Is it because I'm half saiya-jin?!"
"Actually it's more or less because you're related to Gohan."
"Oh...that's not fair!"
"Ohhh yes it is. Now you've got to move on kid. Find someone else...like Trunks. He'll probably be the easiest thing you hit on. But I, of course, am too advanced for such an amateur like you, there for you must move on and forget about me."
"NEVER!"
"DO IT!!"
"Okay." Goten answered meekly and Piccolo vanished just because I can't stand seeing him use the door or a widow.
"Who was that?" ChiChi asked because I felt like putting her there.
"Oh no one...just my...unrequited love! WAAAAAAAAHHHH! HE BROKE MY HEART AND DID IT SO FUCKING....COOL!" Goten sobbed like the little girl he was and he was right of course because we all know that only Piccolo could pull of breaking some one's heart in 4 and looking so damn awesome. Gohan and Goku returned inside after whatever they were doing and saw Goten sobbing on the floor.
"Goten, what's wrong?"
"Piccolo just crushed me and it was awesome!"
"...." was the response from both of the older Saiya-jin. And at that particular moment, Trunks—who heard poor Goten crying a mile away—crashed in through the window, managing to look awesome...well on a scale from 1 to 10 he'd been like 6, but that's okay. We're not all perfect. Anyways, Trunks crashed in through the window and Goten stopped sobbing.
"Never fear, Trunks is here!"
"Trunks, what are you doing?"
"Coming to save you and comfort you in your time of need!"
"...That's nice. Really, it is. But you can leave now."
"Why?! Why do you resist my charms?!"
"Because I just do. Come back when I start getting screwed by Piccolo about 7 times a day and 8 on the weekends and maybe we'll talk."
"...7 times...a day...?! I could do that..."
"Great. Go away now Trunks." Goten said getting up. Tears sprang to Trunks' eyes as he pointed a finger at Goten semi-triumphantly.
"I will claim you!"
"In hell purple-boy." Goten said flatly. Trunks waited a few seconds before sobbing, jumping back out the window and running around in a circle like a little sissy before taking off.
(IN SEATTLE)
Vegeta sat under a tree reading "Scarred" while his sheep grazed on grass in the huge field they were in.
"Hmm...ah-ha...uh-huh...run you damn fool...ouch...oh that's not good...oi momma....wow..." Vegeta muttered under his breath with every sentence, his eyes getting impossibly wide with every word. He had by now gotten in to the Seattle spirit and was wearing a blue and black plaid shirt with jeans with rips in the knees and 5 inch high-heeled boots, but that was just because he wanted to. As he got deeper in to the book, he barely registered a sheep nudging his leg.
"Huh? Oh hi there. Get away, go graze or something." Vegeta said finally noticing the creature. But the sheep wouldn't go away and it stared at Vegeta with big brown eyes. Vegeta stared right back, unblinkingly, at the creature before turning back to his book. Before long, Vegeta began to feel the gaze of thousands and when he looked up from his book, he noticed that all the sheep were staring at him.
"...Okay gettin' weird...." Vegeta mumbled and he started moving back up against the tree because who doesn't get scared by 1,000 some even sheep staring at your very eyeballs? The sheep continued to stare and Vegeta continued to stare right back. Then, in a pure act of fury, they all rose up and shouted "BAAA!" before turning back around and continuing to graze in peace. Vegeta hesitantly rose up and took off to the left and came back with a shot gun.
"If they do that again I'm having lamb-chops so help me!"
(CAPSULE CORP)
"Oh mother, it's impossible!"
"What's impossible Trunks?"
"Impossible to become cool like Piccolo so that Goten will like me!"
"Goten already likes you!"
"Yeah as a friend!" stated a distraught Trunks as he conversed with his mother in the kitchen. Bulma cocked her head to the side in confusion at her son.
"What do you mean...you don't..."
"Hey, you said you'd still love me if I were gay!"
"...All Vegeta's molesting has finally made you gay!? Damn him!!" Bulma shouted slamming her fist on the table. At that moment, the phone rang and Trunks went to pick it up.
"Hello?" he said but the only reply he got was the sound of a chainsaw, pigs being slaughtered, and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" playing in the background. Bulma was silent as he son turned back around, eyes wide and full of fear.
"I don't think we should say things like that anymore...!" Trunks said shakily.
"Why?"
"HE might...hurt us..." Trunks said sitting back down in front of his mom.
"...Well anyway, what's this about Piccolo?"
"OH! Well, he stole Goten from me damnit!"
"Stole him?"
"Piccolo's so damn cool he stole my would-be boyfriend! I've been in love with Goten all my life!"
(Flashback)
Trunks: *Jumps down from the C.C roof* Ha-ha!
Goten: Trunks, what was that?
Trunks: I wanted to impress you!
Goten: ...Didn't work buddy. Lets just go do some stuff.
Trunks: But—
Goten: SILENCE! *Cracks whip*
Trunks: ...yes dear...
(End Flashback)
"...I didn't realize how twisted a child hood you had."
"In-deed. But what am I gonna do mom?!"
"Well maybe you could win Goten in a duel of some sort or passionately confess your love to him with hot Latin music playing in the back ground...!"
"...That just might work but I don't think I'm trying it." Trunks said slowly, backing away from his mother. But, Bulma being the persistent person she was, reached across the table and grabbed him.
"NO! WE WILL DO THIS TRUNKS M'BOY! WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS Goten WILL BE YOURS!"
"...yey...please don't hurt me..."
(IN SEATTLE)
Vegeta sat on a stool milking a cow. Until he raised enough money for a grinder, he'd have to settle for being a milk-maid for now. A few kids had come over earlier and tried to knock over his cow and they were now in the hospital for head fractures and one kid had a broken arm, but that was because he tried to run while Vegeta was twisting his arm and his brother nearly broke his neck trying to get down from where Vegeta had hung him by his feet. When it got too much, Vegeta just chased the rest of them out wearing a hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw. And now, 3 hours later, he was milking a cow.
"Y'know, this is actually fun! I get paid for milk, I have an endless field of grain for profit, and if I get bored I can chase kids around in a hockey mask and my chainsaw! Plus, I'm only a few hors drive from the grave of Kurt Cobain! Who's ready for pilgrimage baby?!" Vegeta shouted triumphantly, falling over in the process. He got back up and went back to his milking.
"And what's better, the next person that accuses me of child molestation I can just kill! This place is miles away from the city the police wouldn't get down here alive!" Vegeta said to him self. At that moment of bliss, Goku appeared, wheelchair and all, right next to him.
"Hi Vegeta!"
"Go away Kakarotto."
"Are ya still makin money?"
"In a few years I'll be rich damnit!"
"Oh...ooh, cow! Hey, can you get chocolate milk from a brown cow?"
"No."
"Aw damn, I want chocolate milk."
"Oh well. Now go away."
"...I LOVE MICK JAGGER!" At this Vegeta sighed and got up. He went out of the little barn he was in and came back in a hockey mask with a chainsaw. Goku shrieked like a little girl, revved his wheelchair up and he was off, zooming through the wheat field with Vegeta a few miles behind him.
"Give it up Kakarotto! Out here, no one can hear you scream bitch!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"AH HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Vegeta cackled as he chased Goku up and down the country side.
_______________________________________________________________
Now THAT was an abrupt ending! One of my longer chapters I think...time to write: 6 hours not including breaks! HOO-HOO!
DD: So what is Bulma's master plan? Why is Trunks such a girl? Why the hell is Piccolo so cool?! WHAT IS WITH THIS FIC!? Oh I already asked that...well any way all this and more next time.
Cell: CU.
I am, indeed, hating it...but I am enjoying my success!
DD: We are too. Get's us paid! *Pays Landlady*
Landlady: YOU'RE LATE!
Cell: Don't hurt us...!
Heh-heh...I'll protect you...!
DD: Don't do us any favors.
Okay, let us—
DD: Begin the madness!
_______________________________________________________________
(IN SEATTLE)
Instead of Montana, Vegeta had opted for Seattle, Washington in the states. Hey, it beat Walla-Walla. He probably should have done the smart thing and moved to Miami or Orlando or maybe even Canada, but we all know Vegeta isn't the brightest white in the laundry so we'll let it slide. He touched down in the middle of the country side. He looked all around him and decided it was perfect. There was a barn, a shed, an empty house, and field of endless grain that he could sell for profit. This would be the best vacation ever! (Vegeta's never HAD a vacation)
"Smell that air baby! I can come here to get away from it all!" Vegeta said gliding over to the empty house. It was nicely furnished with an upstairs, a down stairs, a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room, and a bedroom. Oh and there was an attic with a noose hanging down from it "just in case". Vegeta plopped down on the old yet comfy couch and took out his cell phone and ordered pizza.
(CAPSULE CORP)
Trunks woke up in a...hotel room?! He quickly sat up and nearly broke his neck checking the place out.
"What in hell's name?!"
"Hell doesn't have a name...unless it's Hellene or Hellen with 2 'L's"
"Hellen can have 2 L's—whoa, Piccolo!" Trunks exclaimed as the object of his object of affection's affection stood proud and tall in front of him.
"Yes it can...and yes it is I, the great Piccolo. Ms. Jackson if ya nasty."
"....You stole my boyfriend!"
"So all that sexual abuse from your father made you gay?" At this, Trunks cell phone that appeared out of nowhere rung loudly.
"Hello?"
"I didn't molest you."
"Dad?! Where—" Click. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep—uh I mean the soft click at the other end signaled that whoever had called had hung up. Trunks looked incredulously at the phone and Piccolo just looked cool as ice. Ice, ice baby/vanilla dum-dum-dum-da-da-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum-da-da-da-dum twang-twang...
"Why'd you bring me to a hotel?"
"Because I could. What's this mess about a boyfriend?"
"...OH! Goten's in love with you when it should be me! MEEEE!" Trunks shouted as he jumped up from the bed only to find himself head first on the floor. Piccolo raised an eyebrow and shook his head slowly before moving for the door.
"Wait! You can't just leave! I challenge ye to a du-el!" Trunks proclaimed with his face still on the floor. Piccolo walked over and put his foot on the demi-saiya-jin's purple head.
"Listen little dude, just except the fact that Goten is in love with me. He'll get over it you moron. Plus, I see why. I am better than you after all."
"You're not better than me!"
"Am too."
"Well I have purple hair!"
"I'm green."
"I'm 9 inches!"
"I can grow a 15 inch if I wanted to. And I do Viagra not take it."
"...You bastard."
"Oh yeah." Piccolo remarked cockily like the cool mofo he was. He took his foot away and vanished in that oh-so cool way I make him do in every chapter. Trunks rose up and looked around the room only to realize Piccolo was gone.
"He got away AGAIN! I will find you Piccolo and when I do you're DEAD!"
"You can't kill him!" Goku said popping out of nowhere like he does every chapter. Trunks slowly turned his head to look at the older saiya-jin.
"....Goku-san, where do you come from when you do this?"
"Do what?"
"Pop out of nowhere."
"No place in particular. Maybe the kitchen or my room."
"How?"
"Instant transmission!" Goku stated triumphantly as he held to fingers to his head. Trunks face-faulted and scratched his head with his index finger.
"Why?"
"....I dunno!"
"...Go away Goku-san."
"Can do!" Goku said with a grin and he disappeared, leaving Goku to wonder if Goten was adopted.
(IN SEATTLE)
Vegeta was having a grand ol' time. He had robbed his neighbors from 20 miles down the street, sold that in the nearest city (Which disappointingly was Walla-Walla) bought some sheep, sold three bags of wool to his neighbors 20 miles up the street, bought cattle with that money from the neighbors he robbed 20 miles down (apparently the 100 plus 4,000 of his own money was enough to make them drop the charges) and was now herding them across his 190 acres of land (that he got with blood, sweat, and a few tears) with the SUV he'd stolen from a pimp earlier.
"Get along little doggies! Yee-haw!" Vegeta called cracking a bullwhip. As he was cackling wildly as the cattle mooed and shouted their disapproval at him, Goku appeared in front of his vehicle and started running so he wouldn't get hit. Luckily Vegeta was only going about 20 so he had no trouble staying ahead.
"Hey Vegeta!! What'cha doing?!
"Get out of my way Kakarotto!! I'm busy!!"
"What are you doin?!"
"Herding cattle! Now go away!!"
"Why are you all the way out here anyway?! Shouldn't you be molesting Trunks or something?!" At this last comment, Vegeta saw red...well not really, but if he got caught for what he was about to do, he could blame it on that anyway. He pushed on the breaks and Goku stopped running and the cattle were about 30 feet away by this time but had stopped running as well.
"Vegeta?" Goku asked innocently. Vegeta stuck his hand out of the window and displayed his middle finger for all to see before slamming down with both feet on the gas pedal.
"DIE YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!!" Vegeta said as the car swerved side ways before coming around to hit Goku broadside at 200 miles per hour (I know SUVs probably can't go that fast but what the hell? It's my story).
Goku never had a chance on account that when a car is in front of you, you expect it to come at you from the front, not the side especially when the car's only 3 feet away from you.
The car's sudden jolt signaled that Goku had, indeed, been run over but not by a reindeer. Vegeta smirked and kept going, rolling down his window shouting to the cattle, "MOVE IT!"
Goku lay flat on his back sprawled out spread eagle style. While he wasn't dead, he was in a world of hurt and everything was really blurry and dark which probably wasn't very good.
"Ohhh...ouch..." Goku moaned. He placed his fingers to his head (or partially anyway) and managed to transport himself to the nearest hospital.
(SON RESIDENCE)
"Shupa-Shupi-Shupa-Shu Pikkoro—"
"O-yatsu wo wakuwaku matte 'ru kibun—"
"Shupa-Shupi-Shupa-Shu Pikkoro—"
"Nee Nee Tsuyoi zo Tsuyoi n' datte ba—"
"Pikkoro-San Dai Dai Dai Dai Da~i-Suki!!" Goten and Gohan finished off in the bathroom together. No telling why they were both in the bathroom together though. Maybe Gohan was lured in by the sound of Goten singing his song and wants his royalties. Who knows, he was just there okay? Goten was in the shower and Gohan was brushing his teeth with a towel around his waist.
"Hey Goten, why all the Piccolo songs?"
"Because, dear brother, I am in love with him! HA!"
"...Why?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because of my increasing desire to get laid, or that Piccolo's cooler than Antarctica...or maybe it's both!"
"Right. Well I'm married so I really don't care."
"Mm. Why are you here anyway?"
"You know what? I don't know. If you need me I'll be outside doin some stuff." Gohan said, taking his towel of revealing his manly.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Boxer shorts. He skipped like a girl out of the bathroom and downstairs and then outside where he went and did stuff. Goten whacked off for 40 minutes in the shower before re-showering and hoping out. He was preparing to brush his teeth when there was a knock on the door.
"Yes?"
"Goten? What are you doing?" Goku called out in a weak voice. Turned out that the only injury he had from the Seattle incident was a broken arm and leg, strangely on the same side: the right. Coincidence? I think not. Well anyway, Goku could now freely roll around the house in his wheel chair with 'I LOVE MICK JAGGER' on the back in bold white lettering so that every one could plainly see that he loved Mick Jagger.
"Having a staff meeting!"
"Oh, right. Well when you're done, Piccolo wants to see you." Goku said. There was silence before Goten heard the sound of wheels screeching, a pig squealing, and the sound of boulders falling off the very top of Notre Dame and realizing that his father had fallen down the stairs again.
"I will never have peace." Goten said as he jumped out of the bathroom, fully clothed, and walked down the stairs to see his father sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs and Piccolo looking at him like he was the biggest idiot in the world...but can ya blame him?
"Eh-heh-heh...Goten, would ya mind givin yer old man a hand?" Goku asked sheepishly and Goten resisted the urge to blow him up on the spot for making him look stupid in front of Piccolo. He instead sighed and helped his dad up back on to his Mick Jagger-wheelchair. Goku rolled his way out the door to join Gohan in doing stuff. Piccolo shook his head in pity.
"Darlin I'm too cool for you."
"WAH!" Goten shouted and attached himself to Piccolo's leg.
"Get off me damnit! Goten, this has gone on far enough! Aren't you already dating someone anyway?!"
"Nooo..."
"Well you should! You can't keep following me around! Oh wait, that's Trunks."
"TRUNKS IS IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO?! NOOOOOO!"
"No, but you are there for he is stalking me! I want you both to stop it, get together, and have sex 3 times a day 4 on the weekends!" Piccolo shouted angrily. Goten looked up and raised an eyebrow.
"Why can't we do that?"
"I'm asexual!"
"One wish from the dragon and some Viagra will change that."
"I'm addicted to Viagra! And I don't want to become male!"
"You are male!"
"....Hey, your right. And I am too cool for you people...but that's beside my point. We can't go on together with suspicious minds!"
"Saywha?"
"You know what I mean."
"No I don—"
"Goten, face it. I'm too hot for you and I'm a tad older my friend. Plus, I just don't like you that way."
"Is it because I'm half saiya-jin?!"
"Actually it's more or less because you're related to Gohan."
"Oh...that's not fair!"
"Ohhh yes it is. Now you've got to move on kid. Find someone else...like Trunks. He'll probably be the easiest thing you hit on. But I, of course, am too advanced for such an amateur like you, there for you must move on and forget about me."
"NEVER!"
"DO IT!!"
"Okay." Goten answered meekly and Piccolo vanished just because I can't stand seeing him use the door or a widow.
"Who was that?" ChiChi asked because I felt like putting her there.
"Oh no one...just my...unrequited love! WAAAAAAAAHHHH! HE BROKE MY HEART AND DID IT SO FUCKING....COOL!" Goten sobbed like the little girl he was and he was right of course because we all know that only Piccolo could pull of breaking some one's heart in 4 and looking so damn awesome. Gohan and Goku returned inside after whatever they were doing and saw Goten sobbing on the floor.
"Goten, what's wrong?"
"Piccolo just crushed me and it was awesome!"
"...." was the response from both of the older Saiya-jin. And at that particular moment, Trunks—who heard poor Goten crying a mile away—crashed in through the window, managing to look awesome...well on a scale from 1 to 10 he'd been like 6, but that's okay. We're not all perfect. Anyways, Trunks crashed in through the window and Goten stopped sobbing.
"Never fear, Trunks is here!"
"Trunks, what are you doing?"
"Coming to save you and comfort you in your time of need!"
"...That's nice. Really, it is. But you can leave now."
"Why?! Why do you resist my charms?!"
"Because I just do. Come back when I start getting screwed by Piccolo about 7 times a day and 8 on the weekends and maybe we'll talk."
"...7 times...a day...?! I could do that..."
"Great. Go away now Trunks." Goten said getting up. Tears sprang to Trunks' eyes as he pointed a finger at Goten semi-triumphantly.
"I will claim you!"
"In hell purple-boy." Goten said flatly. Trunks waited a few seconds before sobbing, jumping back out the window and running around in a circle like a little sissy before taking off.
(IN SEATTLE)
Vegeta sat under a tree reading "Scarred" while his sheep grazed on grass in the huge field they were in.
"Hmm...ah-ha...uh-huh...run you damn fool...ouch...oh that's not good...oi momma....wow..." Vegeta muttered under his breath with every sentence, his eyes getting impossibly wide with every word. He had by now gotten in to the Seattle spirit and was wearing a blue and black plaid shirt with jeans with rips in the knees and 5 inch high-heeled boots, but that was just because he wanted to. As he got deeper in to the book, he barely registered a sheep nudging his leg.
"Huh? Oh hi there. Get away, go graze or something." Vegeta said finally noticing the creature. But the sheep wouldn't go away and it stared at Vegeta with big brown eyes. Vegeta stared right back, unblinkingly, at the creature before turning back to his book. Before long, Vegeta began to feel the gaze of thousands and when he looked up from his book, he noticed that all the sheep were staring at him.
"...Okay gettin' weird...." Vegeta mumbled and he started moving back up against the tree because who doesn't get scared by 1,000 some even sheep staring at your very eyeballs? The sheep continued to stare and Vegeta continued to stare right back. Then, in a pure act of fury, they all rose up and shouted "BAAA!" before turning back around and continuing to graze in peace. Vegeta hesitantly rose up and took off to the left and came back with a shot gun.
"If they do that again I'm having lamb-chops so help me!"
(CAPSULE CORP)
"Oh mother, it's impossible!"
"What's impossible Trunks?"
"Impossible to become cool like Piccolo so that Goten will like me!"
"Goten already likes you!"
"Yeah as a friend!" stated a distraught Trunks as he conversed with his mother in the kitchen. Bulma cocked her head to the side in confusion at her son.
"What do you mean...you don't..."
"Hey, you said you'd still love me if I were gay!"
"...All Vegeta's molesting has finally made you gay!? Damn him!!" Bulma shouted slamming her fist on the table. At that moment, the phone rang and Trunks went to pick it up.
"Hello?" he said but the only reply he got was the sound of a chainsaw, pigs being slaughtered, and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" playing in the background. Bulma was silent as he son turned back around, eyes wide and full of fear.
"I don't think we should say things like that anymore...!" Trunks said shakily.
"Why?"
"HE might...hurt us..." Trunks said sitting back down in front of his mom.
"...Well anyway, what's this about Piccolo?"
"OH! Well, he stole Goten from me damnit!"
"Stole him?"
"Piccolo's so damn cool he stole my would-be boyfriend! I've been in love with Goten all my life!"
(Flashback)
Trunks: *Jumps down from the C.C roof* Ha-ha!
Goten: Trunks, what was that?
Trunks: I wanted to impress you!
Goten: ...Didn't work buddy. Lets just go do some stuff.
Trunks: But—
Goten: SILENCE! *Cracks whip*
Trunks: ...yes dear...
(End Flashback)
"...I didn't realize how twisted a child hood you had."
"In-deed. But what am I gonna do mom?!"
"Well maybe you could win Goten in a duel of some sort or passionately confess your love to him with hot Latin music playing in the back ground...!"
"...That just might work but I don't think I'm trying it." Trunks said slowly, backing away from his mother. But, Bulma being the persistent person she was, reached across the table and grabbed him.
"NO! WE WILL DO THIS TRUNKS M'BOY! WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS Goten WILL BE YOURS!"
"...yey...please don't hurt me..."
(IN SEATTLE)
Vegeta sat on a stool milking a cow. Until he raised enough money for a grinder, he'd have to settle for being a milk-maid for now. A few kids had come over earlier and tried to knock over his cow and they were now in the hospital for head fractures and one kid had a broken arm, but that was because he tried to run while Vegeta was twisting his arm and his brother nearly broke his neck trying to get down from where Vegeta had hung him by his feet. When it got too much, Vegeta just chased the rest of them out wearing a hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw. And now, 3 hours later, he was milking a cow.
"Y'know, this is actually fun! I get paid for milk, I have an endless field of grain for profit, and if I get bored I can chase kids around in a hockey mask and my chainsaw! Plus, I'm only a few hors drive from the grave of Kurt Cobain! Who's ready for pilgrimage baby?!" Vegeta shouted triumphantly, falling over in the process. He got back up and went back to his milking.
"And what's better, the next person that accuses me of child molestation I can just kill! This place is miles away from the city the police wouldn't get down here alive!" Vegeta said to him self. At that moment of bliss, Goku appeared, wheelchair and all, right next to him.
"Hi Vegeta!"
"Go away Kakarotto."
"Are ya still makin money?"
"In a few years I'll be rich damnit!"
"Oh...ooh, cow! Hey, can you get chocolate milk from a brown cow?"
"No."
"Aw damn, I want chocolate milk."
"Oh well. Now go away."
"...I LOVE MICK JAGGER!" At this Vegeta sighed and got up. He went out of the little barn he was in and came back in a hockey mask with a chainsaw. Goku shrieked like a little girl, revved his wheelchair up and he was off, zooming through the wheat field with Vegeta a few miles behind him.
"Give it up Kakarotto! Out here, no one can hear you scream bitch!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"AH HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Vegeta cackled as he chased Goku up and down the country side.
_______________________________________________________________
Now THAT was an abrupt ending! One of my longer chapters I think...time to write: 6 hours not including breaks! HOO-HOO!
DD: So what is Bulma's master plan? Why is Trunks such a girl? Why the hell is Piccolo so cool?! WHAT IS WITH THIS FIC!? Oh I already asked that...well any way all this and more next time.
Cell: CU.
