Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It
Hah! The one-sided battle for Goten technically begins today but gets wacky tomorrow

DD: Yay!

Cell: God help us all.

But first I'd like to say thanks to my reviewers. You guys (and/or girls) rock. And I try to throw in a bit of "Vegeta in Seattle" every now and then. Like at the begging or the end of the fic.

Cell: Why? Because he's in SEATTLE. And he probably won't be back for this fic. But at least you know he's here.

In our hearts...*snickers*

DD: Heh-heh

Begin the almighty madness
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(IN SEATTLE)

Vegeta had given up chasing Goku 2 hours ago and it was now 6:30 PM. For a guy with one arm and in a wheel chair to boot he could...wheel pretty damn fast. The Saiya-jin prince now sat on his fluffy, 9 ft. high, 6 ft. wide feather bed with baby blue quilting and 5 HUMONGOUS for his little Veggie head (he needed five because of his hair). He sat on his huge bed knitting. Why was he knitting? Because the damn quilt on the bed was too small and he had started this yesterday and now he was on a mission to finish it. The fabric was velvety and deep purple like the group. The room it's self was a sort of beige color with a tan carpet. There was a big screen TV that took up the whole northern wall and in the corner was a dim 3-way light (that he'd bought) that somehow made the room seem bigger and in the other corner a table with a tube of Torengos™ on it. Also, Vegeta had switched from blue-black plaid to yellow-green plaid with hunter green shorts.

"Damnit...must...finish...8 ft...quilt...!" Vegeta chanted to himself. He had just finished the 3rd foot when his cell phone rang.

"ACK! Oh, who the hell would be calling me?" Vegeta said as he opened up the phone and answered, "Moshi, if your trying to sell me something I'll hunt you down and kill you." as sweetly as at all possible.

"Dad?"

"Trunks? Boy, what the hell do you want?"

"Dad...I need love advice..." Trunks said as something crashed in the background. There was the sound of someone running from Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees cutting them off with a rubber chicken. Vegeta raised his eyebrows as all the commotion went on in the background.

"Uh...Trunks? Helloooo?"

"Uh sorry about that! Anyways, I need love advice dad! I'm desperate!"

"Well who's the unfortunate girl?"

"Um...her name is...Dokken!"

"...Dokken? Who named their child Dokken?"

"They're big, big, BIG metal fans...!"

"Of course...but why Dokken?"

"Dad, it's not important!" shouted an exasperated Trunks. Vegeta hummed the first few chords of "Tooth and Nail" much to Trunks' annoyance.

"I thought you were into the "Seattle Grunge" movement?"

"I am. I'm also into the alternative metal, art metal, heavy metal, dark metal, rock, hard rock and soft rock movements. So Miss..."

"Kyuss."

"...Dokken Kyuss? Are you messing around with me?"

"I kid you not! But I'm having trouble showing that I like her..."

"What's she like?" Vegeta breathed out as he laid back and continued his knitting.

"Well uh...she's pretty, kinda goofy, strong, and...she's in love with someone else!"

"And? You're my son damnit, charm her and impress her!"

"But this guy is TOO cool!"

"Kick his ass!"

"She'd kill me!"

"Oh boy. Well have you tried singing to her? Women like love songs. Like Depache Mode or even the Cure. Guns 'n' Roses work too."

"...Dad, you should know I'm not into rock like that!"

"Its time to start damnit!" Vegeta said grabbing the Torengos ™ can and tossing back 5 chips.

"What do you know?"

"Uh...Madonna, George Michael, I know a little GNR..."

"How little?"

"A bit of "Civil War" and "Patience"..."

"That will never do! Damnit...you said Michael Jackson?"

"Actually I said George Michael."

"Oh what we're you going to do, go up to her and start saying "I want your sex"?!"

"NO!"

"Well you WILL learn Michael Jackson!" Vegeta shouted around a mouth full of chips. He swallowed and added, "Even if I have to drag you up here and train you myself!"

"I thought you were rock/metal-only?"

"I'm versatile."

"Oh...well I already know one song by him by heart—"

"Well sing that! As long as it's not "Leave Me Alone", all of Michael's songs are sappy little love songs that'll not only sicken her but make her fall in love with you quicker than the Hindenburg!" Vegeta shouted as he took a look out the one window in his room. Outside, some stupid kids were trying to fuck his poor cows. They would have to pay.

"But—"

"Look boy, I have to get back to my knitting and some kids outside are dry-humping my livestock. Look, you're my son! Anything you sing—and give her flowers and chocolates—will most likely win her over! And remember: I never molested you biotch!" Click. Beeee—uh I mean the soft click at the end of the other line signaled that Vegeta had hung up. Unfortunately, Trunks never got a chance to mention that the only Michael Jackson song he knew was "Thriller". Had he listened, he might have been able to save his son from a world of hurt.
Oh Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeta....
Vegeta put on his hockey mask and grabbed his chainsaw and ran outside to teach those kids why you don't go to farms at night.

"Hey, I dare you to fuck that cow!" said one kid whom we shall call Tommy, pointing to a random cow. There were 4 kids and 9 cows. The kids were all dressed in black leather with their hair slicked back. Why? I have no idea...damn 1st graders...

"Okay, "said another kid who we shall call Nathaniel "but only for 4 dollars!"

"D-did you guys h-hear that?!" said another boy whom we shall dub Billy. The others shook there heads as Nathaniel crept up to a cow. He then stopped as he heard another rustling noise then...the sound of a chainsaw.

"AAAAAAH! It's Jason!" Billy shrieked like a little girl. Vegeta came out of the wheat field like vapor slashing his chainsaw about like the madman he was. The four boys started running, tripping over themselves as Vegeta chased them up and down the field cackling psychotically.

(CAPSULE CORP)

Trunks hung up the phone with a shrug and flopped down on the couch. His father has given him some...interesting advice and by God he was going to take it but he felt bad about locking his mother up in the closet. He'd made up his mind: he was going to sing "Thriller". But how to pull it off with out looking like a complete retard was the question.

"Aw man, this is bitchin (translation: Damnit this sucks!)!" Trunks exclaimed in frustration. He collapsed back on his bed in anger and gave a shaky sigh. He looked close to tears.

"Oh Goten...damn you Piccolo! I can't kill you but your too fucking cool for me to try and take Goten away from you! WHY?!" Trunks screamed at no one in particular. Trunks was about to jump out of his window and see how far he would get on the ground before his instincts kicked in and he soared up to the heavens when a thin beam of light appeared in his room. The beam got wider and wider until a form appeared and the light dimmed around the form.

"God!?"

"No you moron, James!"

"...James?"

"James Hetfield of Metallica!"

"...Me...ta...llica?"

"That's right chico!" James said spinning around and the light disappeared completely in a flash. When he turned back to face Trunks he was grinning like a psychopath.

"Why are you in my room!?"

"To give you some luuuuv advice! Listen, you want to impress this guy Goten right? And your going to sing the song "Thriller" which is a HORRIBLE idea but I'm gonna make it work muh man!"

"How James Hetfield of Metallica?"

"Master is just fine. And I will make this work because damnit I'm the 3rd coolest guy on the planet!"

"Who's the 1st?"

"Ozzy Osbourne but don't tell me you want him."

"...Who's the 2nd?"

"Trent Reznor."

"Why couldn't I get him?"

"Let's just say...if you did you'd be in a world of hurt. Look, just trust me on this kid. I could just see how hopeless you are and kill ya, but I'm feelin merciful." James said with a sigh. He flopped down on Trunks' bed and when he flicked on the TV, lo and behold the video for "Thriller" was on. Coincidence? If you think that you are a fool.

"THAT is how I'm gonna help you."

"......Are you sure this will work?"

"If it doesn't I have a back up plan chico. Now watch and learn...and then I'll show ya how to pull it off with out getting killed."

(SON RESIDENCE)

Gohan was in the shower and Goten was staring at himself in the mirror. Why? The world may never know. Just deal with it. So anyway, they were in the bathroom together and not singing for once thank god.

"Goten, what are you thinking?"

"About Piccolo, duh! I think I'm gonna kidnap him and seduce him!" Goten giggled like a girl. Yes it was true, Goten was slowly going down that road to teenybopper-dom. And it was horrible witnessing it all, but it's kinda essential to the plot, y'know. Okay, enough of that.

"Goten I think this little obsession has gone on far enough. You have to let Piccolo go!"

"Never! Why do you care, your married!"

"...I am? Oh yeah, I am." Gohan mumbled and jumped out of the shower. Goten shrugged and splashed some water on his face. Then there was a knock on the door.

"This is becoming routine dad!"

"It's your mother!" ChiChi called. She then added, "Phone for you!"

"Phone for me? Ooh!" Goten squealed and Gohan just shook his head. Goten, suddenly fully dressed, ran outside the bathroom and downstairs to answer the phone.

"Y'ello, you've got Papa John's. May I take your order?"

"...Pepperoni pizza, 2 extra cheeses, 3 Supremes and 2 cokes."

"Right, got'cha! Can I get your address?"

"Capsule Corp."

"Alright! Be there in 10 or so!" Goten said as he hung up. He ran in to the kitchen and came out with one pepperoni pizza, 2 with extra cheese, 3 with everything and 2 cokes.

"Where ya goin' lil bro?" Gohan who was now wearing a kimono for some odd reason asked.

"To Capsule Corp for a delivery." Goten said as he ran to the door and took off.

"....We don't do deliveries...of anything....."

(CAPSULE CORP)

"Hey James, I just ordered pizza!"

"Excellent! From where?"

"Papa John's."

"Awesome." James said as he reclined on Trunks' bed. There was a knock at his window and when James opened it, Goten was floating outside bearing pizza and coke.

"Pizza's here!" he called. Goten floated in, set the pizzas and coke on the bed and zoomed back out the window.

"Woo-hoo!"

"Trunks...you were calling Goten...how'd we get pizza?"

"....I have NO idea."

(SON RESIDENCE)

Gohan still stood at the foot of the stairs trying to figure out since when did Goten do Papa John's deliveries. He had decided it was better not to ask when Goten materialized on the couch.

"Oh dear younger brother, where did you go?"

"Off to Capsule Corp ho-ho-ho!"

"Oh dear younger brother, what did you see?"

"James and Trunks who still likes me!"

"Oh dear younger brother, what did you hear?"

"Nothing except "Have no fear!""

"Okay...." Gohan said shaking his head. He considered shooting himself but settled on perhaps returning to his sane family. He went upstairs to pack his things muttering, "Help me Kami."
Goten was tapping his thigh to a tune only he could hear when the phone rang again.

"Moshi, moshi?"

"Hey Goten! It's your buddy!"

"George Michael?"

"...No not that buddy. Guess again."

"....Whitney Houston?"

"...I'll give you one more guess."

"...Ozzy?"

"Goten, it's me. Trunks."

"Oh Trunksie! What's up?"

(On the other side of the line)

"Did he just call you Trunksie?"

"Frighteningly yes."

(Enough of that)

"Uh nothing's up...I just wanted to know if you wanted to go see a movie..."

"Movie? What's playing?"

"Batman again."

"The first one?! It's still playing!?"

"It WAS hella popular...and Tim Burton just is the man was the man is the man."

"True, true. What time ol' buddy o' mine?"

"Er the next one plays at 10."

"10?"

"Think about long the damn thing is."

"...Your right. See you at 10?"

"Yes!"

"Bitchin. See ya." Goten said as he hung up the phone. Gohan came from downstairs with his suitcases packed and ready.

"Where ya goin bro?"

"Away. I think I may just join Vegeta in Seattle."

"Bitchin, bro, bitchin." Goten said nodding. Gohan cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Did you just say...'bitchin'?"

"Yeah, bitchin! Get into the lingo man!"

"...How about I don't." Gohan said as he took off through the roof. Goten looked at the rather large whole in the roof then just shrugged.

"Gohan is so bitchin man."

(CAPSULE CORP)

"Did he just say...'bitchin'?" James asked as Trunks hung up the phone. Trunks shrugged.

"Goten is weird. If he wants to say bitchin all day then we should just...steer clear."

"Right."

(IN SEATTLE)

Vegeta sat on his freshly made bed with the newly knitted quilt. After chasing those damn kids and hanging them by their heads on meat hooks in his barn, he'd gone straight back to knitting...and finally finished! Cheer for him now......okay stop.

"Y'know I could learn to like this place..." Vegeta said as he leaned back and relaxed, his features set in an ecstatic smile before they suddenly dropped in to a frown.

"I, for some reason, now really want to know who in hell's name is Dokken Kyuss...her parents must know Tool!" Vegeta said to himself. He was about to hop up (and possibly break his neck) to go do some stuff when a thin beam of light appeared in his room. It got wider and wider until a form appeared (sound familiar? Yes it does.).

"...B...BONO!?"

"Yeah, it's me." Bono said as he spun 'round and the light disappeared. Bono looked around before looking up and seeing Vegeta up on a 9 ft. bed.

"Hey, come down here so we can talk! I'll catch ya!" Bono said holding his arms out. Vegeta snorted.

"I don't need catching! I can fly!"

"Do ya really need to waste ki on a 9 ft drop?"

"...I guess not...promise to catch me?"

"Yeah! Come on, I got ya! I wouldn't let anything happen to ya!" Bono said convincingly. Vegeta looked down before shrugging and jumping down. And Bono actually caught him. Bono set Vegeta down on the floor before flicking on the TV.

"Vegeta we need to talk."

"The kindest and coolest person in the world wants to talk to me? Why?"

"Because your son's been lying to you! He's not in love with a lass he's in love with a lad! And his name isn't Dokken Kyuss its Son Goten. I think you know him."
Needless to say, Vegeta nearly had a heart attack. Well actually he did but Bono, being the skilled and wonderful person he is, revived him before anything serious happened.

"Are you alright?"

"...You tell me that my son's in love with another male and expect me to be alright?! I'd kill you were you stand...! but I love you too much."

"Aw, I luv you too! But I had to tell ya." Bono said semi regretfully. Vegeta nodded before leaning up against his bed.

"So how long has this been going on?"

"Oh...14 years?"

"....Trunks is 19..."

"Get me point? And now James Hetfield is helping him out all because YOU gave him some horrible advice."

"ME!?"

"YES YOU! Ahem, remember what you told 'im about Michael Jackson? Well the only MJ song he knows is "Thriller"! You bloody moron!"

"NOOO! I must stop him! But..." Vegeta said looking out his window. Bono put his hands on his hips.

"But what?" He asked hotly. "If your worried about your house I'll take care of it."

"It's not that...It's Kurt Cobain..."

"...What about him?"

"I have...I...I have to see his grave!" Bono did something close to a face fault and his jaw hit the ground.

"There...will be plenty of time for that later! Go save your son!"

"I've been without it too long! You don't understand!"

"Your right, I don't and I don't want to. Look, I'll visit it for you if I have to!"

"NO! Its not the same!"

"Dam—I mean darnit you stubborn little man! I'll go save your son and you go visit Kurt Cobain's grave alright?"

"Okay! Good luck Bono-san."

"Yeah, yeah." Bono said as he put one hand on his hip, his other in the air, snapped his fingers and he was gone.

"Wow...Bono is cool..."
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A lot of rock-stars ne? I'm surprised I didn't throw in Bruce Springsteen!

DD: I am too. We hope to answer all Q's tomorrow muh friends!

Cell: G'night Seattle we love you!