Love, Love It's Everywhere...and I'm Hating It
And now folks...*sniffle* The last chapter.
DD: *Sobs* NOOOOOO!
Cell: *Mumbles* Yes! *Out loud* Waaah!
Yes! I too shall miss it! It's been a ride but now it's time to finish it off. Muses, I'm gonna miss ya! I'll never forget ya!
Muses: Where are you going?
Oh...uh...sorry, got caught up. So, now it's over. Or it will be once I actually write it. Which I shall do now.
DD: Riight, get to it. *Cries*
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(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)
All was quiet in the Veggie cabin. The danger known as Axl was finally over, Duff was with Velvet Revolver, Bono had promised not to curse anything, and now Vegeta could finally rest in peace. He sat in his living room with Bono across from him, knitting yet another quilt for his bed. He was on the 3rd foot when he and Bono jumped up at the same time.
"Do you know too?!"
"Know what? I just jumped up coz you did."
"...WE FORGOT ABOUT TRUNKS!"
"....GAH! Um, can't you do something with your voodoo-y magic or...?"
"Well sure I could but that would screw up the plot." At this Bono pulled out a huge book with the words "THA PLOT" written in shiny bold letters. He opened it to the center and thumbed through it before coming to a stop on a page. Vegeta appeared behind him and looked over his shoulder.
"There, see?" Bono pointed to the center of the page. "Final Act, Part 9: Bono and Vegeta break their necks to save Trunks. NO VOODOO. Th—"
Hey, don't spoil it damn you! I worked too hard for this crap!
"Oh, yeah." Bono closed the book and tossed it over his shoulder, barely missing Vegeta in the process.
"Well anyway, it'd just mess up the flow if I used my new found magic ya see."
"Oh. Well....let's get going!"
"Right. To the pimp—wait, we don't have a car!"
"Bono, you forget I can fly." Bono rolled his eyes and reached over and grabbed the plot book. He opened it to the final act again and pointed. Man, these guys are REALLY ruining it for me.
"NO FLYING EITHER."
"Oh...damn the author!"
Ahem, as Axl Rose once said and I quote: "DON'T DAMN ME!"
"....Clever m'dear, cleva. So how do you expect us to get out of here?!"
Use your damn heads! C'mon, you're the smartest Saiya-jin to walk the known earth and well he's Bono! THINK!
"Alright, alright!" Vegeta and Bono said in unison before dropping down on the floor Indian-style to think. Tch, what boneheads!
(END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)
Well, well, well. Where were we? Oh yeah, a half naked Goten was looking up into some bright light, which from experience you all should know means yet another rock star cameo. Why do I do this? I dunno.
"What in the world?!" The beam got wider and wider until some one stepped out.
"...HOLY CRAP ITS ROD STEWART!"
"Rod what?! Do I look like a damn rooster to you?"
"...Yes..."
"Oh you shut up. Seriously, who am I? Here's a hint: I'm not a Rod Stewart look-a-like."
"Oh...lets see, who's blonde and hot all over? Aren't you Jon Bon Jovi?"
"Sorta close. But I'm not even blonde!" While all this was happening another person stepped out of the light before it disappeared completely. It was a femme with red hair. That's all I'm sayin.
"...My God aren't you Trent Reznor?" The guy looked over to the red head.
"It took him 4 minutes to get it, a record." The red head laughed and put her hands on her hips expectantly.
"Yep, that's me! JB was supposed to be here but he's a little tied up." Insert image of Jon Bon Jovi tied to a metal pole with alligators and snakes at his feet and screaming like a girl. Goten blinked and got up.
"So...why are you here? And who's the red head?"
"Oh her?" Trent pointed to the red head. "She's the Yaoi Pimp or Sazz or what have you. The author put her here but forgot why, damn author. Just screwin' up all over the place. You do far too much, c'mon give the REAL people a break!"
HEY!
"Well it's true! As for why we're, we noticed that you have a problem." The Yaoi Pimp nodded.
"Yes, you're in love with Piccolo right?" She said. Goten nodded.
"I see. Well, we're gonna give him to you!" Trent and Goten exclaimed at the same time "WHAT?!"
"Yes! We're gonna give him to you! Or show you a future where you have him!"
"You mean like that Christmas movie with that guy?"
"Yeah, like that. Right Trent?" Trent looked over at the girl like she was psycho and said "Yes, that's exactly what we're doing." Suddenly Goten noticed that the crowd and the music weren't so loud anymore and that he felt...lightweight. Like he was drifting. He couldn't hear Trent screaming at Sazz about the future thing and the girl scream back "SHADDUP!" Before he knew it, things were growing dark and fuzzy around him and he just blacked out.
And now I introduce to you a new section, now known as the "DREAM MOMENT". But this means I'll have to cut the Seattle moments, but we're finished with them any way.
But I digress...
Trent: And talk way too much.
SHADDUP! *Whacks him*
(DREAM MOMENT)
Goten woke up in the exact same spot he was, but the arena was empty. A tumbleweed rolled by, a chorus started singing "Rawhide" and Trent and Sazz stopped their feuding.
"Oh I almost forgot! Goten, welcome to the future." Trent looked around and mumbled "So Alice Cooper was right..." Sazz glared at him and Goten cocked his head in confusion and said, "How far in the future are we?"
"Exactly..." Trent looked at his watch "2 years."
"Wow..." Goten looked down and also noticed he was now fully clothed in a white sweater with blue jeans and a pair o' Nikes. See? I treat characters gooood. Sazz looked around and smiled.
"So Goten, wanna go meet your future self?"
"I don't have a choice."
"This is true. So, let's go!" She looked over at Trent who clapped twice and in a flash the trio was gone.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
Trunks raced through the crowd calling out to Goten and on the way he bumped into Goku (thank God this time he didn't trip) who had ditched the blonde wig for a big fuzzy black one.
"Trunks, what's up!? Aren't you enjoying the concert?!"
"Mod-san I can't find Goten!" Piccolo suddenly appeared, startling Trunks and Goku.
"Dude where did you come from!?" Trunks yelled over the crowd.
"I was trailing you! Have you seen Goten?! I've been all over the place but I can't find him! I can't even feel his ki!"
"Now that you mention it I can't either...!" All three men started to get worried. Goku looked about and licked his suddenly dry lips.
"We should look for him. I'll go this way, Piccolo you search that half and Trunks you go right! If anyone finds him yell "olie-olie-oxenfree."" Y'know, I still don't know what that means. Goku went north, Piccolo took the east and south and Trunks went west.
Goku was scaling the north side went he bumped into a leather clad guy.
'Probably a Stones fan, probably just seen crowd.' Goku thought, but he realized it wouldn't hurt to ask the guy.
"Hey, you, leather clad boy!" The leather clad guy turned around to reveal none other than Bono.
"WAH! Bono, what're you doing here?!"
"Hey, you're that Mick-o-dink character! What are you doing here?"
"Call me Mod, and it's a long story. Have you seen my son Goten?!"
"Have you seen Trunks?"
"Yeah, he's looking for Goten too! He's missing!"
"Missing? In this crowd of crazies? We'd better find him!" Bono jumped behind Goku's wheelchair and pushed him—no churned him through the crowd like the wind in search of Goten.
(DREAM MOMENT)
By now, the trio (Goten, Sazz, and Trent incase you forgot that fast) had materialized into a stark white looking cottage. It was very beautiful in its emptiness with a patio and everything. C'mon, I'm too lazy to describe it. Think of your dream house and insert. Good Fido.
"Is this my house of the future?"
"No it's my recording studio." Trent said rolling his eyes. Sazz and Goten looked at him and he sweat dropped.
"Yes it's your house of the future. No one can see or hear you, but you probably expected that."
"Yup. So where am I?"
"Getting banged again, I'm just gonna say that now." Trent grabbed Goten by the hand and dragged him roughly upstairs and Sazz followed. A few doors down, they stopped and paused. The familiar sounds of pigs squealing and a man getting banged came from just behind the door. Goten's eyes widened and he squealed happily, "SEE?! I TOLD YOU!"
From behind the door: "What the hell!?"
"I thought you said they couldn't see or hear me?" Goten looked pointedly at Trent who threw his hands up in defense.
"If you play it right, they can't! No seriously, that was something else. Observe mere mortal." Trent walked through the door, as did Sazz. Goten looked on and shrugged and tried to walk through the door as well, only to walk into it hard. A hand shot out and grabbed him and pulled him in. Behind the door Goten was indeed getting banged but not by Piccolo *Gasp*. It was by Tommy Lee!
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Hah, had ya there for a sec didn't I? Naw, I'm just joking, it was by a guy who looked uncannily like Tommy but it wasn't and that's the honest truth. Goten gasped and cocked his head in confusion once more at the guy pounding into him on the bed. He did a double take and realized Piccolo and some 30-odd other dudes were off in the corner jacking off to the action on the bed.
"What the HELL?!" He shouted. Hmm, sounds like some one beat him with the accent stick...Nah, its probably just shock. In fact, it is. *Throws away accent stick*
"Welcome to Goten and Piccolo's bedroom, $12.99 an hour." Goten glared at Trent hard enough to burn holes in the back of his jacket.
"Hey, watch it! This thing is new!" I'm not even gonna touch that one.
"Whaddya mean 13 an hour?!"
"I said 12.99 and look." Trent directed everyone's attention to the wall where everything he'd just said was printed in big bold letters on a banner.
"He...made me into a prostitute! The man I've loved for...2 weeks has made me a prostitute! No damn way!"
"But a high paid one at least!" Sazz pitched in.
"Shut. Up." Sazz shrugged and looked at the bed where Goten was getting banged by the Tommy Lee look-a-like and shook her head.
"Bah, that's sad."
"Yeah it is. Oh, to catch you up, you have contracted Hepatitis C and made several porno tapes. Piccolo, your husband is your manager and co-star."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me. Now come along, there's more to see—"
"Oh Gee-hawd."
(END DREAM MOMENT)
By now, Bono, Goku, Trunks, Piccolo and even Vegeta were looking for the missing Goten and the concert was almost over. They all met up at the very, very, VERY back of the crowd and each turned up empty handed.
"I can't find him!" Bono exclaimed and every one else shook their heads.
"It's hopeless! While we were all distracted he probably went off somewhere!"
"Wait, this always works!" Goku wheeled back a step and he ran over something.
"There, see? Now someone see who it is." Sure enough when everyone looked down it was indeed the missing Goten.
"GOTEN!" Everyone exclaimed. They all hovered around his body and Bono poked him with a stick.
"Bono, what are you doing?! Cut that out!" Goku exclaimed and Bono looked around sheepishly and stopped.
"Is he alive?!"
"Is he dead?!"
"Isn't that Rod—"
"NO!" Everyone shouted at Trunks who threw his hands up and shouted "What'd I do?!" all defensive-like.
"Damnit, someone revive him!" Before anyone could say anything Trunks was on all fours and giving Goten the ol' mouth-to-mouth. By the way, this was NOT what James had in mind, I assure you.
(DREAM MOMENT)
The trio walked out of the house o' horrors and on to the street where they posed kinda provocatively and cameras flashed from bushes and trees and, y'know, everywhere. After that stint they all walked down the impossibly sunny street. Trent gave Sazz and Goten sunglasses and then took a box out of em from nowhere.
"What's that for?" Sazz inquired indicating the box (whew...).
"I'm about to sing and dance in a few minutes."
"No joke?"
"Nope, I'm serious." Okay, at this point even I don't know what's goin on, not that that's atypical. Anyways, the trio walked down the street a few ways and passed an alley way. They scuffled back and peered into the alley.
"Hey, whatever became of my dad?" Trent asked. Sazz pointed.
"We shall soon see." As if on cue, some one shot out of the darkness, past our three amigos and on to the street. It was a familiar lookin spikey haired guy in an orange gi—ah snap I just gave it away.
"DAD?!" Goten exclaimed. Trent rolled his eyes.
"Can't hear you, remember Goten?"
"Oh yeah...Dad you sick jerk!"
(Quick Reality Thingie)
"Look he's I think he's comin back to life!"
"Mm...dad you...jerk..."
"....."
(Alright, I just had to do that.)
Goku, who was still in the street, looked around frantically. The trio sat on the sidewalk curb and just watched. An innocent little kid walked by and Goku snagged him over.
"Oh my GOD my dad's become a kidnap—"
"Shut up and watch!"
Goku pulled the kid over and whispered in his ear. The kid nodded and started pulling Goku's pants down.
"OH MY GOD HE'S A PEDOPHILE!"
"Hmm...maybe it's Trunks that does that..." Before Trent could say anything else the kid had pulled Goku's pants down to reveal...
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Goku's smiley-face boxer shorts. The kid and Goku laughed and Goku ran down the street screaming "I AM SOCRATES!" Goten blinked once. Sazz blinked twice. Trent blinked three times and they all blinked thrice.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
By now the concert was well over and it was 3:30 in the morning. A crowd consisting of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards (ARRG! I said he wasn't gonna be here!), Goku and co. and a man who looked strangely like Rod Stewart had formed around Goten's prone body and hovered over him.
"My God...I think he's dead! It's over! My life is ruined!" Goku shouted. Trunks got choked up and touched Goten's face.
"Oh Goten...why?!"
"Oh cut the emotional crap! He's just—"
*Slaps duct tape over Mick's mouth*
"What in the world?" Goku mumbled. Trunks shook his head and nudged Piccolo. I dunno, supposed to be some kind of signal or whatever. Piccolo nodded and said to Goku, "Mod, we'd better move him or somethin' if he IS alive and I get the feeling he is." Goku nodded and pulled out his bull horn again.
"Alright people, we're gonna move my son! Any good hotels?"
"Uhhh...I think there's a Motel 6 somewhere..." Keith offered.
"On the way here I think we passed a Marriott Inn!" Bono piped in. Goku rolled his eyes and spoke into the bull horn again.
"Alright, all for the Motel 6 raise your hands and arms high please." Everyone raised their hands, which just further proves my theory that rock stars are cheap bastards.
"Riiight. Right, off to the Motel 6!" Every one minus Goku with the bull horn lifted Goten's body and carried him out of the arena and to the Motel 6.
(DREAM MOMENT)
Alright, remember the box of sunglasses Trent had? Remember him saying something about doing a dance routine? Well brace your self, coz here it goes:
"Trent, didn't you say something about you doing a dance number?" Goten inquired. Trent nodded and pulled the box o' sunglasses out of nowhere. Suddenly there were kids on their porches and in their doorways moaning and groaning at the sunlight (remember it was impeccably B-R-I-G-H-T-T-T). Trent shooed Sazz and Goten out of his way and turned south.
"Hello kids, sunlight in your eyes?"
Kids: "YES!" One kid boldly approached Trent, rubbing his eyes and sobbing miserably.
"Mister what are we ever going to do?!"
"Go in the house you twits. But if you simply HAVE to be outside, take these." Trent handed the kid a pair of glasses out of the box. The kid put 'em on and looked up smilingly.
"Hey thanks mister! What are they?" Goten stared at all this wide eyed and fingered his own glasses.
"The newest style, Nothing Sunglasses kids! Get a pair; send 'em to your friends, its free demo day!" At this, a metal instrumental version of "Singin' in the Rain" started up and Trent kicked his heels together (Goten: Oh Kami NO!). At this point I'm gonna remind all you people that this is completely irrelevant to the story so if you simply hate the thought of humor or you're confused already just move along.
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Alright is every one ready? Good. Hold on to something, I made this as stupid as I could.
"Oh God, what's he doing!?" Before Sazz could answer the question, Trent started *skipping* and throwing out sun glasses and *singing*. Went a little something like this:
"Stay cool in the summer
With my Nothing Sunglasses
If you don't get them it's a bummer
For only 3.99
You'll be fine!
Stay hot in the heat
Nothing glasses can't be beat!"
A line of kids had formed behind Trent and they marched down the streets happily while Trent continued his singing. On the way Trent hooked the surprised Goten's arm and muttered "Work with me here" in his ear. Goten nodded. They both broke for a tape dance routine while all the excited kids watched and Sazz stared blankly. Suddenly (and there wasn't a damn cloud in the sky!) a torrential down pour started up and Trent pulled a solid black umbrella with the word "NOTHING" written in bold white letters on it.
"When it's raining and you've got nothing to do
Take a Nothing umbrella, it doubles as a jump-rope too!"
The NIN front man then spun the umbrella in his hands and did a short tap dance routine in every large puddle of water while everyone got drenched. He closed the umbrella and held it directly in front of his crotch and started spinning around. It then stopped raining and Trent proceeded to pass out umbrellas. Goten stared in amazement and Sazz continued to stare blankly. Trent smiled and looked at them as everything went back to normal...or the way it was at least.
"...What, no big finale?"
"Nah, too lazy for that. C'mon, let's go see Trunks!" And with that, Trent tossed away his umbrella and guided the other two down the street to find Trunks.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
Okay, for all you killjoys who decided to skip the "musical" number, we're back to reality. Goku and everyone else had successfully moved Goten's body to a Motel 6 and now sat around in the room waiting. Not talking, just waiting. After a few tense moments Goku broke the silence.
"Hey Vegeta...just how'd you guys get here anyway?"
"Well, me and B-sama ran up the street to the people I trade with and stole their 'Vette and drove to an airport. Before you knew it, we were here!"
"Oh...I see..." A few more seconds passed before Trunks jumped up and left the room without warning. You would think this would disturb the atmos and balance of the room but it didn't. Shoot, no one even looked up for Pete's sake...wait, who's Pete...
Anyways, we join Trunks outside who was once again frantically dialing James' cell number. After 3 rings (more like 3 ½...ah forget it.) James picked up.
"Halloo?" When James picked up Trunks let loose and started sobbing hysterically. What a WUSS!
"Trunks? You sound hysterical man! What went wrong?!"
"Well we got to the 'cert alright but Goten like fainted or something and now we're in a Motel 6 and he's not stirring!"
"Not stirring?! You make it sound like—oh boy."
"I tried CPR and everything! Nothing works!"
"This sounds familiar...do you want me down there or should I send Jani Lane and Chris Cornell?"
"No...the author says no more rock stars..."
And I plan on stickin' to it—oh, sorry.
"Well do you want me down there since I've been in the story for quite some time?"
"Yes...but not yet, I'll call you when I do."
"Well good luck man." And with that James hung up on the other end and Trunks did the same. He then went back into the room and it once again went undisturbed as all eyes remained fixed on Goten.
(DREAM MOMENT)
After the whole musical which all you friggin wet blankets missed, Trent, Goten and Sazz were back on the road and off to find Trunks.
......Skip ahead a few miles.......
Before too long (and several rabid dogs, bulky hookers and a drug dealer later) they had reached Capsule Corp, which had turned into a "hooker home". Yeah you heard me, I said a brothel. And a huge one at that, it IS C.C after all.
But I digress...
Goten looked at the place grimly at the place he'd once called a second home while Trent and Sazz looked around the yard.
"So...care to catch me up here too?"
"Okay, I will." Trent started and cleared his throat. He first went into the whole story about Trunks working with James and since I'd like not to go into details about that AGAIN tough shizznat for you. Go read the first 7 chapters—wait if you haven't done that why are you here?! Shoo! After the explanation Goten was spellbound.
"He planned all THIS!?"
"Well not all of it, he didn't count on us." Sazz said pointing to herself and Trent. The black haired man (I can't do descriptions, forgive me) nodded.
"But...what happened to Trunks? And James?"
"Well, James was—and I say this bluntly—killed in a horrible blender accident."
"...Blender?"
"Well he was on the phone with Trunks and he got his hand caught in a blender. Before long he'd got his foot caught in it and things just went downhill hill from there. Long story short: when the police found him half of his head was in it."
"...That is a HUGE blender!"
"Nah, it's only about as big as my head." Goten fainted anime-style and Sazz cackled.
"So, let's go in!" With a flash and a little smoke they were inside the brothel. And what a fancy brothel! Gold trimming lined the mahogany walls and the carpet...woo the carpet! It was a deep rich wine-color and hockey sticks, was it soft! *Cough* I love my world. Well anyway, while Goten marveled at the carpet and the walls a purple haired guy dressed literally from head to toe in leather that was obviously Trunks came busting out of a wall...which probably had a door. So I hope. Trunks was talking away quite loudly and quickly on a cell phone, shouting orders in French.
"What's he sayin?!"
"He's an international pimp."
"Oh yeah, that clears up everything."
"It should." Sazz nodded. Goten went and sat on a desk and Trent began talking. I'm not really sure why but he said something about Trunks being a pimp of over a thousand women and having a serious breakdown when Goten went with Piccolo. Must've not been very important if I chose not to write the dialogue *shrug*.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
I dunno why I just don't do one whole big dream moment, we all know the situation here. Everyone's watching Goten yadda-yadda, y'know. *Looks in Vault o' Ideas* Oh wait, I have something!
Every one's eyes were still fixated on Goten like I said and have said maaany times. This left a dark shady figure almost unnoticed even as he crept into the room. He still went kinda unnoticed when he shouted "What're we doin?" Bono waved impassively and gestured to Goten. The figure sat down between Vegeta and Keith Richards and when Vegeta looked over to see who the new comer was, he shrieked like a wussy.
"GAAH!!"
"Vegeta what's—ROSE?! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?" Every one except Axl, Vegeta and Bono turned to look at the scene with confusion.
"The door." Axl said in answer to Bono's question without taking his eyes off—ah you know!
"ARRG! I thought I sent you to an Alaskan Wilderness—uh I mean how'd you get here?!"
"Well, somewhere between Canada and Alaska—"
"BONO!" Vegeta thwacked the Irishman.
"—I woke up. And out of instinct I got out of the car." Goku blinked and raised his hand. Axl looked over and pointed to him, giving him the signal to speak his mind.
"Uh but how'd you know where they were?"
"I grabbed the bumper of their car in Seattle and tailed along. I lost them at the parking lot but I asked a few prostitutes and groupies and here I am."
"...B-sama, I don't remember anyone grabbing the bumper..."
"Axl you are one sneaky, sneaky...there just are no words."
Axl smiled at Bono cheekily and clicked his tongue.
"Thank you."
"Okay, let's skip the pleasantries, why are you here in the first place? No one knows about this except those 200 odd sluts and junkies." Keith interrupted. Axl shrugged and related the story of his chasing Vegeta and his tail, most importantly his tail. After promising not to do it anymore (LIAR!) everyone clued him in on Goten's condition.
"Hey...I've seen this some where before! What time is it?" Trunks looked at his watch.
"4:30 AM...why?"
"Simple! Well since its past midnight, at 5 o'clock Goten will wake up!"
"....Wouldn't it make more sense for him to wake up at 6?"
"Yeah, but nothing ever makes sense in reality. Be real."
"Oh..." Everyone else in the room mumbled and nodded their heads in agreement, then one half turned to look at the clock and the other half continued to watch Goten. This is gettin old damnit.
(DREAM MOMENT)
After the stint with Trunks, the trio found themselves on their way down the streets again.
"Wow...so that's Dad, Me an' Piccolo and Trunksie-chan, what about everyone else?"
"Well, your mother she killed herself—"
"...what?"
"And Bulma, after her son became a pimp she moved to Europe and was never heard from again—"
"Wha?"
"Vegeta, he moved back to Seattle and just stayed, also to never be heard from again—"
".....wha?"
"And Gohan and his family, after finding out what happened to you picked up their things and moved to Asia. Pan's a prostitute, Videl is a store clerk and Gohan's a recluse. Everyone else is perfectly normal, 'cept for Gyu-Mao (Ed. Note: for ye who DON'T know, Ox King) who was so tore up over Chi-Chi's death set himself on fire in a horrible crack accident."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me. Basically Goten, your being with Piccolo screwed everyone up—except for Goku, he does that anyway."
"...He...does?"
"Yeah, you didn't know?" Everyone stopped walking and Sazz looked over at Goten.
"So you see, this is what will happen in the future if you don't be careful!" Goten blinked.
"Crap, you mean all this could still really happen?!"
"What the HELL do you think we've been doing, going through Disneyland!? Yes this could still happen and it WILL if you don't do something!" The ever-angry Trent shouted.
"What should I do?! How do I stop this...madness?!"
"Break the mold, use your head."
"Are you saying...that I should sell my soul to Satan and move to Africa and become a pygmy?" At that, Trent started cursing and screaming in a language he didn't even know he knew. It was a mix between Gaelic and a German Shepard having a seizure. After calming down and hitting his head on hard objects for a few minutes he said calmly, "No, follow your heart. Who do you really wanna be with?"
"I really wanna be with Piccolo...but—"
"NO! Think boy, who do you truly love?!" As Goten thought, he didn't notice he Sazz and Trent were slowly levitating toward the sky, if you have to be specific, Kami's tower. There, there ya go.
"I don't know..."
"Goten, who's been pursuing you relentlessly since you were 5? Who's been your best friend through it all and really loves you like no other?" Sazz offered.
"...My brother?"
"My God you are dense aren't you?" After 3 minutes of floating Sazz and Goten reached the top of the Look-out, but Trent, being on the far left, banged his head on the bottom. He too eventually got to the top with a huge bump on his head.
"Goten...TRUNKS!" Trent finally screamed in frustration. Oh don't worry, I was goin that way anyway.
"Trunks...yes! It is Trunks! I really do love him, he's my bestest friend ever! I love Trunks!"
"Hallelujah it's over! Now Goten, go change shizz. Now that you've seen the future I hope you know what to do."
"Do I click my heels together 3 times and say "There's no place like home"?" Sazz and Trent snickered.
"Uh sure...yeah, you do that." Goten did just that, clicked his heels together 3 times and said "there's no place like home", and there isn't kiddies. A lesson from Uncle Lex, now ya can't say I never gave ya anythin'. Anyway, after a few times saying the phrase, Goten opened one eye and saw Trent and Sazz laughing their heads off and rolling on the floor.
"....I've been bamboozled!"
"Hey, you said it not us!" Trent said between laughs. He and Sazz straightened themselves up while Goten fumed at them.
"Well you at least got it half right. But now we'll do the rest—"
"You'll do the rest—"
"I'll do the rest." Trent sighed and wiggled his fingers. Goten started glowing and he felt incredibly warm and good. He closed his eyes to bask in the feeling and when he opened them again Trent was charging at him.
"What the—" Before he could say anything else, Trent booted him in the stomach and sent the boy skidding over the edge of the tower.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
"Damn, Axl was wrong again, I knew—" Goten's body suddenly jolted and rolled off the bed with a loud thump. He groaned in the weird-ness and feeling of his soul reentering his body. Everyone peered down at his body and Axl went and id a victory snake dance.
"HAH! I TOLD YOU! 5 O-FUCKIN-CLOCK! Take THAT one to heart!"
"Actually its 5:03! HAH!"
"I'm not God Trunks." Axl stopped his victory dance and peered over Goten as well. Said boy started to move around and twitch before he finally opened his eyes and looked at the crowd peering down at him. And wouldn't ya know the first thing he said was:
"OH MY GOD ITS ROD STEWART!"
"Wha? Who me?" The guy that looked uncannily like Rod Stewart that's been hanging around for the past few chapters looked around the room and pointed at himself.
"I'm just a janitor! I'm only here coz I heard there was free crack."
"No way man you're Rod Stewart! Show me some ID!" The janitor took out his wallet and tossed it to Goku, who was hit in the head with it. When he regained his eyesight he looked in the wallet and pulled out the guy's ID.
"...Toldja."
"...Damn, I've been found out." The guy ran out of the room and down the hall. A few minutes later came the sound of breaking glass, a woman screaming and a dude goin "WHOA!" that signaled the guy had jumped out a window in a woman's room.
"So it really was Rod after all!"
"Yep, it was." Goku tossed the wallet through several walls. Quick, someone use it as a glory hole!
"But anyways...Goten, thank God you're alive!"
"Yes I am and Trunks...I have something to say to you..." Goten got up and got down in front of Trunks on bended knee and took a rather large ring box out of nowhere. Every one's eyes got wide and they crowded around Goten and Trunks.
"Trunks Briefs, heir to Capsule Corp, son of—"
Everyone minus Trunks: "MOVE ON WITH IT NAH!"
"...Will you..." Goten opened up the box to reveal a studded dog collar with a leash "be my whore?"
Needless to say everyone was shocked...then thrilled...then disgusted...then they just gave it up and clapped and shouted their approval, all in 5 seconds. Trunks began to cry and tear and Goten clamped the collar on his neck (he just took it as a yes *shrug*). The two embraced and rolled on the floor in a heavy make out session and went kinda unnoticed.
"Well, that's it. Vegeta, what job we had here is done. Are you going back to Seattle or what?" Bono placed his hand on his hips and looked over at Vegeta.
"I think I'll stay there a few days and then come home for good with all my millions. All rock stars who have made cameos, what about ye?"
"Er, I'm just gonna go work on that album. I've wasted enough time." Axl said as he ducked out of the room and disappeared. I better not hear another peep out of him til fall.
"We're just going to leave, I'm not at all sure why we're here." Mick said as he and Keith also left.
"Well, I'm gonna get back with the boys and do some charity. World peace every one, stay good." Bono held up a peace sign and left the room with Vegeta behind him. Whew, that's over at last. NO MORE CAMEOS!
"Well, I learned a lot of
shizznat today, some of it I probably won't even need. Goten, Trunks, I hope you two are happy in your future as slave and master!" Goku said and clapped his hands once. Goten smiled then glared at Piccolo. Without warning, the demi-saiya-jin jumped him and wailed on him SSJ-style. Trunks dialed James number and when he picked up, before Trunks could say anything Goten shouted "YOUR BLENDER'S POSSESSED!" before continuing to beat on Piccolo. Everyone just had a big laugh and all was right in the world.
And that, mon ami, is the end of the story. Thank you for putting up with this madness and leave 20 bucks at the door. Audi and adieu.
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And that folks is it. I hope you enjoyed and feedback is much obliged.
DD: Catch ya on the flip side guys.
Cell: Pray not for a sequel.
And now folks...*sniffle* The last chapter.
DD: *Sobs* NOOOOOO!
Cell: *Mumbles* Yes! *Out loud* Waaah!
Yes! I too shall miss it! It's been a ride but now it's time to finish it off. Muses, I'm gonna miss ya! I'll never forget ya!
Muses: Where are you going?
Oh...uh...sorry, got caught up. So, now it's over. Or it will be once I actually write it. Which I shall do now.
DD: Riight, get to it. *Cries*
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(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)
All was quiet in the Veggie cabin. The danger known as Axl was finally over, Duff was with Velvet Revolver, Bono had promised not to curse anything, and now Vegeta could finally rest in peace. He sat in his living room with Bono across from him, knitting yet another quilt for his bed. He was on the 3rd foot when he and Bono jumped up at the same time.
"Do you know too?!"
"Know what? I just jumped up coz you did."
"...WE FORGOT ABOUT TRUNKS!"
"....GAH! Um, can't you do something with your voodoo-y magic or...?"
"Well sure I could but that would screw up the plot." At this Bono pulled out a huge book with the words "THA PLOT" written in shiny bold letters. He opened it to the center and thumbed through it before coming to a stop on a page. Vegeta appeared behind him and looked over his shoulder.
"There, see?" Bono pointed to the center of the page. "Final Act, Part 9: Bono and Vegeta break their necks to save Trunks. NO VOODOO. Th—"
Hey, don't spoil it damn you! I worked too hard for this crap!
"Oh, yeah." Bono closed the book and tossed it over his shoulder, barely missing Vegeta in the process.
"Well anyway, it'd just mess up the flow if I used my new found magic ya see."
"Oh. Well....let's get going!"
"Right. To the pimp—wait, we don't have a car!"
"Bono, you forget I can fly." Bono rolled his eyes and reached over and grabbed the plot book. He opened it to the final act again and pointed. Man, these guys are REALLY ruining it for me.
"NO FLYING EITHER."
"Oh...damn the author!"
Ahem, as Axl Rose once said and I quote: "DON'T DAMN ME!"
"....Clever m'dear, cleva. So how do you expect us to get out of here?!"
Use your damn heads! C'mon, you're the smartest Saiya-jin to walk the known earth and well he's Bono! THINK!
"Alright, alright!" Vegeta and Bono said in unison before dropping down on the floor Indian-style to think. Tch, what boneheads!
(END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)
Well, well, well. Where were we? Oh yeah, a half naked Goten was looking up into some bright light, which from experience you all should know means yet another rock star cameo. Why do I do this? I dunno.
"What in the world?!" The beam got wider and wider until some one stepped out.
"...HOLY CRAP ITS ROD STEWART!"
"Rod what?! Do I look like a damn rooster to you?"
"...Yes..."
"Oh you shut up. Seriously, who am I? Here's a hint: I'm not a Rod Stewart look-a-like."
"Oh...lets see, who's blonde and hot all over? Aren't you Jon Bon Jovi?"
"Sorta close. But I'm not even blonde!" While all this was happening another person stepped out of the light before it disappeared completely. It was a femme with red hair. That's all I'm sayin.
"...My God aren't you Trent Reznor?" The guy looked over to the red head.
"It took him 4 minutes to get it, a record." The red head laughed and put her hands on her hips expectantly.
"Yep, that's me! JB was supposed to be here but he's a little tied up." Insert image of Jon Bon Jovi tied to a metal pole with alligators and snakes at his feet and screaming like a girl. Goten blinked and got up.
"So...why are you here? And who's the red head?"
"Oh her?" Trent pointed to the red head. "She's the Yaoi Pimp or Sazz or what have you. The author put her here but forgot why, damn author. Just screwin' up all over the place. You do far too much, c'mon give the REAL people a break!"
HEY!
"Well it's true! As for why we're, we noticed that you have a problem." The Yaoi Pimp nodded.
"Yes, you're in love with Piccolo right?" She said. Goten nodded.
"I see. Well, we're gonna give him to you!" Trent and Goten exclaimed at the same time "WHAT?!"
"Yes! We're gonna give him to you! Or show you a future where you have him!"
"You mean like that Christmas movie with that guy?"
"Yeah, like that. Right Trent?" Trent looked over at the girl like she was psycho and said "Yes, that's exactly what we're doing." Suddenly Goten noticed that the crowd and the music weren't so loud anymore and that he felt...lightweight. Like he was drifting. He couldn't hear Trent screaming at Sazz about the future thing and the girl scream back "SHADDUP!" Before he knew it, things were growing dark and fuzzy around him and he just blacked out.
And now I introduce to you a new section, now known as the "DREAM MOMENT". But this means I'll have to cut the Seattle moments, but we're finished with them any way.
But I digress...
Trent: And talk way too much.
SHADDUP! *Whacks him*
(DREAM MOMENT)
Goten woke up in the exact same spot he was, but the arena was empty. A tumbleweed rolled by, a chorus started singing "Rawhide" and Trent and Sazz stopped their feuding.
"Oh I almost forgot! Goten, welcome to the future." Trent looked around and mumbled "So Alice Cooper was right..." Sazz glared at him and Goten cocked his head in confusion and said, "How far in the future are we?"
"Exactly..." Trent looked at his watch "2 years."
"Wow..." Goten looked down and also noticed he was now fully clothed in a white sweater with blue jeans and a pair o' Nikes. See? I treat characters gooood. Sazz looked around and smiled.
"So Goten, wanna go meet your future self?"
"I don't have a choice."
"This is true. So, let's go!" She looked over at Trent who clapped twice and in a flash the trio was gone.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
Trunks raced through the crowd calling out to Goten and on the way he bumped into Goku (thank God this time he didn't trip) who had ditched the blonde wig for a big fuzzy black one.
"Trunks, what's up!? Aren't you enjoying the concert?!"
"Mod-san I can't find Goten!" Piccolo suddenly appeared, startling Trunks and Goku.
"Dude where did you come from!?" Trunks yelled over the crowd.
"I was trailing you! Have you seen Goten?! I've been all over the place but I can't find him! I can't even feel his ki!"
"Now that you mention it I can't either...!" All three men started to get worried. Goku looked about and licked his suddenly dry lips.
"We should look for him. I'll go this way, Piccolo you search that half and Trunks you go right! If anyone finds him yell "olie-olie-oxenfree."" Y'know, I still don't know what that means. Goku went north, Piccolo took the east and south and Trunks went west.
Goku was scaling the north side went he bumped into a leather clad guy.
'Probably a Stones fan, probably just seen crowd.' Goku thought, but he realized it wouldn't hurt to ask the guy.
"Hey, you, leather clad boy!" The leather clad guy turned around to reveal none other than Bono.
"WAH! Bono, what're you doing here?!"
"Hey, you're that Mick-o-dink character! What are you doing here?"
"Call me Mod, and it's a long story. Have you seen my son Goten?!"
"Have you seen Trunks?"
"Yeah, he's looking for Goten too! He's missing!"
"Missing? In this crowd of crazies? We'd better find him!" Bono jumped behind Goku's wheelchair and pushed him—no churned him through the crowd like the wind in search of Goten.
(DREAM MOMENT)
By now, the trio (Goten, Sazz, and Trent incase you forgot that fast) had materialized into a stark white looking cottage. It was very beautiful in its emptiness with a patio and everything. C'mon, I'm too lazy to describe it. Think of your dream house and insert. Good Fido.
"Is this my house of the future?"
"No it's my recording studio." Trent said rolling his eyes. Sazz and Goten looked at him and he sweat dropped.
"Yes it's your house of the future. No one can see or hear you, but you probably expected that."
"Yup. So where am I?"
"Getting banged again, I'm just gonna say that now." Trent grabbed Goten by the hand and dragged him roughly upstairs and Sazz followed. A few doors down, they stopped and paused. The familiar sounds of pigs squealing and a man getting banged came from just behind the door. Goten's eyes widened and he squealed happily, "SEE?! I TOLD YOU!"
From behind the door: "What the hell!?"
"I thought you said they couldn't see or hear me?" Goten looked pointedly at Trent who threw his hands up in defense.
"If you play it right, they can't! No seriously, that was something else. Observe mere mortal." Trent walked through the door, as did Sazz. Goten looked on and shrugged and tried to walk through the door as well, only to walk into it hard. A hand shot out and grabbed him and pulled him in. Behind the door Goten was indeed getting banged but not by Piccolo *Gasp*. It was by Tommy Lee!
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Hah, had ya there for a sec didn't I? Naw, I'm just joking, it was by a guy who looked uncannily like Tommy but it wasn't and that's the honest truth. Goten gasped and cocked his head in confusion once more at the guy pounding into him on the bed. He did a double take and realized Piccolo and some 30-odd other dudes were off in the corner jacking off to the action on the bed.
"What the HELL?!" He shouted. Hmm, sounds like some one beat him with the accent stick...Nah, its probably just shock. In fact, it is. *Throws away accent stick*
"Welcome to Goten and Piccolo's bedroom, $12.99 an hour." Goten glared at Trent hard enough to burn holes in the back of his jacket.
"Hey, watch it! This thing is new!" I'm not even gonna touch that one.
"Whaddya mean 13 an hour?!"
"I said 12.99 and look." Trent directed everyone's attention to the wall where everything he'd just said was printed in big bold letters on a banner.
"He...made me into a prostitute! The man I've loved for...2 weeks has made me a prostitute! No damn way!"
"But a high paid one at least!" Sazz pitched in.
"Shut. Up." Sazz shrugged and looked at the bed where Goten was getting banged by the Tommy Lee look-a-like and shook her head.
"Bah, that's sad."
"Yeah it is. Oh, to catch you up, you have contracted Hepatitis C and made several porno tapes. Piccolo, your husband is your manager and co-star."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me. Now come along, there's more to see—"
"Oh Gee-hawd."
(END DREAM MOMENT)
By now, Bono, Goku, Trunks, Piccolo and even Vegeta were looking for the missing Goten and the concert was almost over. They all met up at the very, very, VERY back of the crowd and each turned up empty handed.
"I can't find him!" Bono exclaimed and every one else shook their heads.
"It's hopeless! While we were all distracted he probably went off somewhere!"
"Wait, this always works!" Goku wheeled back a step and he ran over something.
"There, see? Now someone see who it is." Sure enough when everyone looked down it was indeed the missing Goten.
"GOTEN!" Everyone exclaimed. They all hovered around his body and Bono poked him with a stick.
"Bono, what are you doing?! Cut that out!" Goku exclaimed and Bono looked around sheepishly and stopped.
"Is he alive?!"
"Is he dead?!"
"Isn't that Rod—"
"NO!" Everyone shouted at Trunks who threw his hands up and shouted "What'd I do?!" all defensive-like.
"Damnit, someone revive him!" Before anyone could say anything Trunks was on all fours and giving Goten the ol' mouth-to-mouth. By the way, this was NOT what James had in mind, I assure you.
(DREAM MOMENT)
The trio walked out of the house o' horrors and on to the street where they posed kinda provocatively and cameras flashed from bushes and trees and, y'know, everywhere. After that stint they all walked down the impossibly sunny street. Trent gave Sazz and Goten sunglasses and then took a box out of em from nowhere.
"What's that for?" Sazz inquired indicating the box (whew...).
"I'm about to sing and dance in a few minutes."
"No joke?"
"Nope, I'm serious." Okay, at this point even I don't know what's goin on, not that that's atypical. Anyways, the trio walked down the street a few ways and passed an alley way. They scuffled back and peered into the alley.
"Hey, whatever became of my dad?" Trent asked. Sazz pointed.
"We shall soon see." As if on cue, some one shot out of the darkness, past our three amigos and on to the street. It was a familiar lookin spikey haired guy in an orange gi—ah snap I just gave it away.
"DAD?!" Goten exclaimed. Trent rolled his eyes.
"Can't hear you, remember Goten?"
"Oh yeah...Dad you sick jerk!"
(Quick Reality Thingie)
"Look he's I think he's comin back to life!"
"Mm...dad you...jerk..."
"....."
(Alright, I just had to do that.)
Goku, who was still in the street, looked around frantically. The trio sat on the sidewalk curb and just watched. An innocent little kid walked by and Goku snagged him over.
"Oh my GOD my dad's become a kidnap—"
"Shut up and watch!"
Goku pulled the kid over and whispered in his ear. The kid nodded and started pulling Goku's pants down.
"OH MY GOD HE'S A PEDOPHILE!"
"Hmm...maybe it's Trunks that does that..." Before Trent could say anything else the kid had pulled Goku's pants down to reveal...
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Goku's smiley-face boxer shorts. The kid and Goku laughed and Goku ran down the street screaming "I AM SOCRATES!" Goten blinked once. Sazz blinked twice. Trent blinked three times and they all blinked thrice.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
By now the concert was well over and it was 3:30 in the morning. A crowd consisting of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards (ARRG! I said he wasn't gonna be here!), Goku and co. and a man who looked strangely like Rod Stewart had formed around Goten's prone body and hovered over him.
"My God...I think he's dead! It's over! My life is ruined!" Goku shouted. Trunks got choked up and touched Goten's face.
"Oh Goten...why?!"
"Oh cut the emotional crap! He's just—"
*Slaps duct tape over Mick's mouth*
"What in the world?" Goku mumbled. Trunks shook his head and nudged Piccolo. I dunno, supposed to be some kind of signal or whatever. Piccolo nodded and said to Goku, "Mod, we'd better move him or somethin' if he IS alive and I get the feeling he is." Goku nodded and pulled out his bull horn again.
"Alright people, we're gonna move my son! Any good hotels?"
"Uhhh...I think there's a Motel 6 somewhere..." Keith offered.
"On the way here I think we passed a Marriott Inn!" Bono piped in. Goku rolled his eyes and spoke into the bull horn again.
"Alright, all for the Motel 6 raise your hands and arms high please." Everyone raised their hands, which just further proves my theory that rock stars are cheap bastards.
"Riiight. Right, off to the Motel 6!" Every one minus Goku with the bull horn lifted Goten's body and carried him out of the arena and to the Motel 6.
(DREAM MOMENT)
Alright, remember the box of sunglasses Trent had? Remember him saying something about doing a dance routine? Well brace your self, coz here it goes:
"Trent, didn't you say something about you doing a dance number?" Goten inquired. Trent nodded and pulled the box o' sunglasses out of nowhere. Suddenly there were kids on their porches and in their doorways moaning and groaning at the sunlight (remember it was impeccably B-R-I-G-H-T-T-T). Trent shooed Sazz and Goten out of his way and turned south.
"Hello kids, sunlight in your eyes?"
Kids: "YES!" One kid boldly approached Trent, rubbing his eyes and sobbing miserably.
"Mister what are we ever going to do?!"
"Go in the house you twits. But if you simply HAVE to be outside, take these." Trent handed the kid a pair of glasses out of the box. The kid put 'em on and looked up smilingly.
"Hey thanks mister! What are they?" Goten stared at all this wide eyed and fingered his own glasses.
"The newest style, Nothing Sunglasses kids! Get a pair; send 'em to your friends, its free demo day!" At this, a metal instrumental version of "Singin' in the Rain" started up and Trent kicked his heels together (Goten: Oh Kami NO!). At this point I'm gonna remind all you people that this is completely irrelevant to the story so if you simply hate the thought of humor or you're confused already just move along.
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Alright is every one ready? Good. Hold on to something, I made this as stupid as I could.
"Oh God, what's he doing!?" Before Sazz could answer the question, Trent started *skipping* and throwing out sun glasses and *singing*. Went a little something like this:
"Stay cool in the summer
With my Nothing Sunglasses
If you don't get them it's a bummer
For only 3.99
You'll be fine!
Stay hot in the heat
Nothing glasses can't be beat!"
A line of kids had formed behind Trent and they marched down the streets happily while Trent continued his singing. On the way Trent hooked the surprised Goten's arm and muttered "Work with me here" in his ear. Goten nodded. They both broke for a tape dance routine while all the excited kids watched and Sazz stared blankly. Suddenly (and there wasn't a damn cloud in the sky!) a torrential down pour started up and Trent pulled a solid black umbrella with the word "NOTHING" written in bold white letters on it.
"When it's raining and you've got nothing to do
Take a Nothing umbrella, it doubles as a jump-rope too!"
The NIN front man then spun the umbrella in his hands and did a short tap dance routine in every large puddle of water while everyone got drenched. He closed the umbrella and held it directly in front of his crotch and started spinning around. It then stopped raining and Trent proceeded to pass out umbrellas. Goten stared in amazement and Sazz continued to stare blankly. Trent smiled and looked at them as everything went back to normal...or the way it was at least.
"...What, no big finale?"
"Nah, too lazy for that. C'mon, let's go see Trunks!" And with that, Trent tossed away his umbrella and guided the other two down the street to find Trunks.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
Okay, for all you killjoys who decided to skip the "musical" number, we're back to reality. Goku and everyone else had successfully moved Goten's body to a Motel 6 and now sat around in the room waiting. Not talking, just waiting. After a few tense moments Goku broke the silence.
"Hey Vegeta...just how'd you guys get here anyway?"
"Well, me and B-sama ran up the street to the people I trade with and stole their 'Vette and drove to an airport. Before you knew it, we were here!"
"Oh...I see..." A few more seconds passed before Trunks jumped up and left the room without warning. You would think this would disturb the atmos and balance of the room but it didn't. Shoot, no one even looked up for Pete's sake...wait, who's Pete...
Anyways, we join Trunks outside who was once again frantically dialing James' cell number. After 3 rings (more like 3 ½...ah forget it.) James picked up.
"Halloo?" When James picked up Trunks let loose and started sobbing hysterically. What a WUSS!
"Trunks? You sound hysterical man! What went wrong?!"
"Well we got to the 'cert alright but Goten like fainted or something and now we're in a Motel 6 and he's not stirring!"
"Not stirring?! You make it sound like—oh boy."
"I tried CPR and everything! Nothing works!"
"This sounds familiar...do you want me down there or should I send Jani Lane and Chris Cornell?"
"No...the author says no more rock stars..."
And I plan on stickin' to it—oh, sorry.
"Well do you want me down there since I've been in the story for quite some time?"
"Yes...but not yet, I'll call you when I do."
"Well good luck man." And with that James hung up on the other end and Trunks did the same. He then went back into the room and it once again went undisturbed as all eyes remained fixed on Goten.
(DREAM MOMENT)
After the whole musical which all you friggin wet blankets missed, Trent, Goten and Sazz were back on the road and off to find Trunks.
......Skip ahead a few miles.......
Before too long (and several rabid dogs, bulky hookers and a drug dealer later) they had reached Capsule Corp, which had turned into a "hooker home". Yeah you heard me, I said a brothel. And a huge one at that, it IS C.C after all.
But I digress...
Goten looked at the place grimly at the place he'd once called a second home while Trent and Sazz looked around the yard.
"So...care to catch me up here too?"
"Okay, I will." Trent started and cleared his throat. He first went into the whole story about Trunks working with James and since I'd like not to go into details about that AGAIN tough shizznat for you. Go read the first 7 chapters—wait if you haven't done that why are you here?! Shoo! After the explanation Goten was spellbound.
"He planned all THIS!?"
"Well not all of it, he didn't count on us." Sazz said pointing to herself and Trent. The black haired man (I can't do descriptions, forgive me) nodded.
"But...what happened to Trunks? And James?"
"Well, James was—and I say this bluntly—killed in a horrible blender accident."
"...Blender?"
"Well he was on the phone with Trunks and he got his hand caught in a blender. Before long he'd got his foot caught in it and things just went downhill hill from there. Long story short: when the police found him half of his head was in it."
"...That is a HUGE blender!"
"Nah, it's only about as big as my head." Goten fainted anime-style and Sazz cackled.
"So, let's go in!" With a flash and a little smoke they were inside the brothel. And what a fancy brothel! Gold trimming lined the mahogany walls and the carpet...woo the carpet! It was a deep rich wine-color and hockey sticks, was it soft! *Cough* I love my world. Well anyway, while Goten marveled at the carpet and the walls a purple haired guy dressed literally from head to toe in leather that was obviously Trunks came busting out of a wall...which probably had a door. So I hope. Trunks was talking away quite loudly and quickly on a cell phone, shouting orders in French.
"What's he sayin?!"
"He's an international pimp."
"Oh yeah, that clears up everything."
"It should." Sazz nodded. Goten went and sat on a desk and Trent began talking. I'm not really sure why but he said something about Trunks being a pimp of over a thousand women and having a serious breakdown when Goten went with Piccolo. Must've not been very important if I chose not to write the dialogue *shrug*.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
I dunno why I just don't do one whole big dream moment, we all know the situation here. Everyone's watching Goten yadda-yadda, y'know. *Looks in Vault o' Ideas* Oh wait, I have something!
Every one's eyes were still fixated on Goten like I said and have said maaany times. This left a dark shady figure almost unnoticed even as he crept into the room. He still went kinda unnoticed when he shouted "What're we doin?" Bono waved impassively and gestured to Goten. The figure sat down between Vegeta and Keith Richards and when Vegeta looked over to see who the new comer was, he shrieked like a wussy.
"GAAH!!"
"Vegeta what's—ROSE?! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?" Every one except Axl, Vegeta and Bono turned to look at the scene with confusion.
"The door." Axl said in answer to Bono's question without taking his eyes off—ah you know!
"ARRG! I thought I sent you to an Alaskan Wilderness—uh I mean how'd you get here?!"
"Well, somewhere between Canada and Alaska—"
"BONO!" Vegeta thwacked the Irishman.
"—I woke up. And out of instinct I got out of the car." Goku blinked and raised his hand. Axl looked over and pointed to him, giving him the signal to speak his mind.
"Uh but how'd you know where they were?"
"I grabbed the bumper of their car in Seattle and tailed along. I lost them at the parking lot but I asked a few prostitutes and groupies and here I am."
"...B-sama, I don't remember anyone grabbing the bumper..."
"Axl you are one sneaky, sneaky...there just are no words."
Axl smiled at Bono cheekily and clicked his tongue.
"Thank you."
"Okay, let's skip the pleasantries, why are you here in the first place? No one knows about this except those 200 odd sluts and junkies." Keith interrupted. Axl shrugged and related the story of his chasing Vegeta and his tail, most importantly his tail. After promising not to do it anymore (LIAR!) everyone clued him in on Goten's condition.
"Hey...I've seen this some where before! What time is it?" Trunks looked at his watch.
"4:30 AM...why?"
"Simple! Well since its past midnight, at 5 o'clock Goten will wake up!"
"....Wouldn't it make more sense for him to wake up at 6?"
"Yeah, but nothing ever makes sense in reality. Be real."
"Oh..." Everyone else in the room mumbled and nodded their heads in agreement, then one half turned to look at the clock and the other half continued to watch Goten. This is gettin old damnit.
(DREAM MOMENT)
After the stint with Trunks, the trio found themselves on their way down the streets again.
"Wow...so that's Dad, Me an' Piccolo and Trunksie-chan, what about everyone else?"
"Well, your mother she killed herself—"
"...what?"
"And Bulma, after her son became a pimp she moved to Europe and was never heard from again—"
"Wha?"
"Vegeta, he moved back to Seattle and just stayed, also to never be heard from again—"
".....wha?"
"And Gohan and his family, after finding out what happened to you picked up their things and moved to Asia. Pan's a prostitute, Videl is a store clerk and Gohan's a recluse. Everyone else is perfectly normal, 'cept for Gyu-Mao (Ed. Note: for ye who DON'T know, Ox King) who was so tore up over Chi-Chi's death set himself on fire in a horrible crack accident."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me. Basically Goten, your being with Piccolo screwed everyone up—except for Goku, he does that anyway."
"...He...does?"
"Yeah, you didn't know?" Everyone stopped walking and Sazz looked over at Goten.
"So you see, this is what will happen in the future if you don't be careful!" Goten blinked.
"Crap, you mean all this could still really happen?!"
"What the HELL do you think we've been doing, going through Disneyland!? Yes this could still happen and it WILL if you don't do something!" The ever-angry Trent shouted.
"What should I do?! How do I stop this...madness?!"
"Break the mold, use your head."
"Are you saying...that I should sell my soul to Satan and move to Africa and become a pygmy?" At that, Trent started cursing and screaming in a language he didn't even know he knew. It was a mix between Gaelic and a German Shepard having a seizure. After calming down and hitting his head on hard objects for a few minutes he said calmly, "No, follow your heart. Who do you really wanna be with?"
"I really wanna be with Piccolo...but—"
"NO! Think boy, who do you truly love?!" As Goten thought, he didn't notice he Sazz and Trent were slowly levitating toward the sky, if you have to be specific, Kami's tower. There, there ya go.
"I don't know..."
"Goten, who's been pursuing you relentlessly since you were 5? Who's been your best friend through it all and really loves you like no other?" Sazz offered.
"...My brother?"
"My God you are dense aren't you?" After 3 minutes of floating Sazz and Goten reached the top of the Look-out, but Trent, being on the far left, banged his head on the bottom. He too eventually got to the top with a huge bump on his head.
"Goten...TRUNKS!" Trent finally screamed in frustration. Oh don't worry, I was goin that way anyway.
"Trunks...yes! It is Trunks! I really do love him, he's my bestest friend ever! I love Trunks!"
"Hallelujah it's over! Now Goten, go change shizz. Now that you've seen the future I hope you know what to do."
"Do I click my heels together 3 times and say "There's no place like home"?" Sazz and Trent snickered.
"Uh sure...yeah, you do that." Goten did just that, clicked his heels together 3 times and said "there's no place like home", and there isn't kiddies. A lesson from Uncle Lex, now ya can't say I never gave ya anythin'. Anyway, after a few times saying the phrase, Goten opened one eye and saw Trent and Sazz laughing their heads off and rolling on the floor.
"....I've been bamboozled!"
"Hey, you said it not us!" Trent said between laughs. He and Sazz straightened themselves up while Goten fumed at them.
"Well you at least got it half right. But now we'll do the rest—"
"You'll do the rest—"
"I'll do the rest." Trent sighed and wiggled his fingers. Goten started glowing and he felt incredibly warm and good. He closed his eyes to bask in the feeling and when he opened them again Trent was charging at him.
"What the—" Before he could say anything else, Trent booted him in the stomach and sent the boy skidding over the edge of the tower.
(END DREAM MOMENT)
"Damn, Axl was wrong again, I knew—" Goten's body suddenly jolted and rolled off the bed with a loud thump. He groaned in the weird-ness and feeling of his soul reentering his body. Everyone peered down at his body and Axl went and id a victory snake dance.
"HAH! I TOLD YOU! 5 O-FUCKIN-CLOCK! Take THAT one to heart!"
"Actually its 5:03! HAH!"
"I'm not God Trunks." Axl stopped his victory dance and peered over Goten as well. Said boy started to move around and twitch before he finally opened his eyes and looked at the crowd peering down at him. And wouldn't ya know the first thing he said was:
"OH MY GOD ITS ROD STEWART!"
"Wha? Who me?" The guy that looked uncannily like Rod Stewart that's been hanging around for the past few chapters looked around the room and pointed at himself.
"I'm just a janitor! I'm only here coz I heard there was free crack."
"No way man you're Rod Stewart! Show me some ID!" The janitor took out his wallet and tossed it to Goku, who was hit in the head with it. When he regained his eyesight he looked in the wallet and pulled out the guy's ID.
"...Toldja."
"...Damn, I've been found out." The guy ran out of the room and down the hall. A few minutes later came the sound of breaking glass, a woman screaming and a dude goin "WHOA!" that signaled the guy had jumped out a window in a woman's room.
"So it really was Rod after all!"
"Yep, it was." Goku tossed the wallet through several walls. Quick, someone use it as a glory hole!
"But anyways...Goten, thank God you're alive!"
"Yes I am and Trunks...I have something to say to you..." Goten got up and got down in front of Trunks on bended knee and took a rather large ring box out of nowhere. Every one's eyes got wide and they crowded around Goten and Trunks.
"Trunks Briefs, heir to Capsule Corp, son of—"
Everyone minus Trunks: "MOVE ON WITH IT NAH!"
"...Will you..." Goten opened up the box to reveal a studded dog collar with a leash "be my whore?"
Needless to say everyone was shocked...then thrilled...then disgusted...then they just gave it up and clapped and shouted their approval, all in 5 seconds. Trunks began to cry and tear and Goten clamped the collar on his neck (he just took it as a yes *shrug*). The two embraced and rolled on the floor in a heavy make out session and went kinda unnoticed.
"Well, that's it. Vegeta, what job we had here is done. Are you going back to Seattle or what?" Bono placed his hand on his hips and looked over at Vegeta.
"I think I'll stay there a few days and then come home for good with all my millions. All rock stars who have made cameos, what about ye?"
"Er, I'm just gonna go work on that album. I've wasted enough time." Axl said as he ducked out of the room and disappeared. I better not hear another peep out of him til fall.
"We're just going to leave, I'm not at all sure why we're here." Mick said as he and Keith also left.
"Well, I'm gonna get back with the boys and do some charity. World peace every one, stay good." Bono held up a peace sign and left the room with Vegeta behind him. Whew, that's over at last. NO MORE CAMEOS!
"Well, I learned a lot of
shizznat today, some of it I probably won't even need. Goten, Trunks, I hope you two are happy in your future as slave and master!" Goku said and clapped his hands once. Goten smiled then glared at Piccolo. Without warning, the demi-saiya-jin jumped him and wailed on him SSJ-style. Trunks dialed James number and when he picked up, before Trunks could say anything Goten shouted "YOUR BLENDER'S POSSESSED!" before continuing to beat on Piccolo. Everyone just had a big laugh and all was right in the world.
And that, mon ami, is the end of the story. Thank you for putting up with this madness and leave 20 bucks at the door. Audi and adieu.
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And that folks is it. I hope you enjoyed and feedback is much obliged.
DD: Catch ya on the flip side guys.
Cell: Pray not for a sequel.
