Disclaimer: I don not own the Outsiders. I own the plot.
A/N. 113 Reviews! Wow, thanks so much you guys, I never expected to get this far.
* Pony's POV*
*Two days later*
"Pony ?"
Everything was heavy. I didn't know how to get it off me. There was
a force holding me down. Placing me in darkness. I knew that I had to get
rid of the force, I had to fight back. I started to push at the air around
me with all my strength. For some reason there wasn't much of it. Someone
was calling my name. I couldn't tell who it was from the voice. I couldn't
see them because of the force. I had to get rid of the heaviness.
"Pony, can you hear me?"
Of course I can hear you, but I can't see you.
Suddenly the force was gone and it was as if I had an enormous
weight lifted off my chest. I slowly opened my eyes because I wasn't sure
how well I'd be able to. When my eyes were fully opened, to my surprise
I couldn't make out anything. There were only colors and shapes. Blurred
images that had lost their meaning. I saw a figure standing next to me
that looked like it might be a person. Was this the owner of the voice
?
"Pony, can you talk to me?" the person asked.
I blinked a few times and slowly the world started to come into view.
I blinked a few more times and then I was able to make out the person next to me. It was Darry. He looked exhausted and his eyes were red.
"Darry ?" I asked worriedly
"Pony ?"
"Yeah, what's wrong ?"
Darry gave me a look of disbelief
"Don't you remember ?" he asked
I was about to say something, but then I had a closer look at were
I was. The walls all around me were white, and the room had an air of sadness
to it. I looked down at myself and realized I was in a strange bed with
starched white sheets. I looked at myself, and to my surprise there was
an iv in my arm. I reached up my other hand to my face and felt tubes going
in my nose.
"Darry ?" I asked again, only this time my voice was frightened not
worried
" Yeah baby ?"
" Am I in the hospital ?"
Darry bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Very not Darry like behavior.
"Yeah, we brought you in Thursday night, you woke up for about three
minutes and now it's Saturday afternoon.
"Why ?" I asked.
I was still confused. Why was I in the hospital, and why did Darry
look so sad
He looked at me carefully. It was almost as if he was trying to decide
what to tell me and what not to tell me.
"Pony, do you remember anything ?"
I was about to say no, and then it all hit me. I remembered lying on
my bed and feeling nothing. No emotion or feeling anywhere on my body.
I decided that I wanted to feel something again, that I wanted to start
coming back to the world. I went into our bathroom and opened the medicine
cabinet. I looked through it until I found a bottle of Tylenol. I picked
it up and took it back to my room. By this point I'm pretty sure I had
no idea what I was really doing. When I got back to my room I opened the
Tylenol on my bed and counted the contents. Fourteen pills. There was a
glass of water on the dresser and I went over and got that and then sat
back down on my bed. I wasn't sure how many pills to take so I just decided
to take all of them. One by one, I popped them in my mouth with gulps of
water. For a while I felt fine, and I thought everything was fine. Then
I started to feel a little funny. My stomach hurt a little and it was hard
to find my breath. I didn't want to be any more of a burden on the gang
than I already was so I just laid down on the bed. The pain was worse and
right then all I wanted in the entire world was for the pain to go away.
But it wouldn't and I laid on my bed and whimpered softly. I was so stupid.
The guys were going to be mad at me. I didn't want that to happen and I
tried to act normal. The pills had worked too far into my system though
and I couldn't do anything about it. I was weak and all I could do was
blink and concentrate on breathing. Eventually my room started to fade
away and then I was trapped in the darkness.
"Do you remember ?" Darry asked me with a look of
concern.
" I.. I..." was all I could say
" Pony, we all want to help you, " Darry told me
" How could you want to help me after I was so stupid? " I asked, now
I felt like I was going to cry
"Pony how could you say that ?" Darry asked
I didn't want to answer him. I didn't know how to express what I was
feeling with words. Luckily fate decided to be kind and the door to my
room opened and the rest of the guys walked in.
They stood in the front of the room for a moment and stared at me.
"Hi ," I said weakly
That broke the ice and Soda ran over to me and Darry had to hold him
back to keep him from flinging himself onto me
" Pony, you're awake. I was so worried," Soda said
" Really ?" I could help but ask
Soda looked at me in disbelief
" Of course, you almost died you know, "
No, I didn't know that
" What ?" I asked
" When we brought you in Thursday night you were unconscious. The doctors
had to pump your stomach immediately and after that you were still unconscious.
The doctors wouldn't tell me if you were in a coma or not, but I knew you
were,"
Soda paused for a minute and then continued.
" I was standing beside you and all of a sudden you flat lined. Doctors
rushed into the room and made us leave. We waited outside to see what would
happen. Then the head doctor came outside to tell us you had died."
Soda's voice cracked on that last part and I could see tears in his
eyes.
" Pony, I thought I'd lost you," he sobbed
Soda couldn't finish what he was trying to tell me so Two Bit jumped
in
" After the doctor told us you were dead, none of us could believe
it. We just stood there, and did nothing because we didn't want it to be
real. Then the nurse came to the door and told us you were alive. It was
like a miracle or something,"
Two Bit shook his head and at the same moment Soda wiped his eyes and
smiled at me. I saw Steve giving me a strange look. It was between mad
and upset. Was it because Soda was crying ? I had done it again. I had
done something that hurt everyone around me. I was the reason
Soda was so upset and Steve was mad. I couldn't take it anymore. I had
caused to much suffering and the guys deserved better.
"Hey kid are you ok ?" Dally asked me
"Yeah, Pony is something wrong ?" Johnny asked me.
I saw Johnny on his crutches and knew that it was all my fault.
" I bet he's just tired," Steve said.
He had the tiniest hint of a smirk on his face. I always knew he didn't
really like me.
" Air bubble," I said quietly.
"What ?" Soda asked me in confusion.
I didn't answer him though. I was already trying to figure out a way
to cut the iv tube. I'd heard that was a definite way to die.
Dally was standing next to me on the other side from Soda. He was also
on the side with the hand that was iv free. I saw his switchblade sticking
slightly out of his pocket and I slowly reached over and slid it out.
" You sure you're ok ?" Darry asked me
"Well except the fact that I'm in the hospital I'm fine," I lied
It was time. The gang would be better off without me in the end. I
knew they'd be upset at first, but then they 'd realize it was for the
best. I was doing them a favor really.
I tried to cut into iv with Dally 's switchblade. I put it against
the tube and was about to press down, but then Dally saw me. He grabbed
my arm and pulled his blade out of my grip.
"What the hell were you trying to do ?" he yelled
"What happened ?" Soda asked in alarm.
Darry held up his blade for all to see.
"He was trying to cut his iv with this."
" That could've killed you," Johnny said softly
I didn't tell him I knew
" What were you thinking ? How could you be so stupid ?" Steve cried
Two Bit started to say something but then I said
" No, I knew what I was thinking,"
" What were you thinking Pony ?" Darry asked me softly
I turned my eyes towards the ceiling so I couldn't see any of their
faces.
" I was thinking I wanted to die," I said
" No, no," I heard Soda say
"Yes! Yes, I was !" I said as loud as I could
" Why ?" I heard someone ask, I'm pretty sure it was Steve.
"Because I cause too much trouble. I'm a burden on the gang and we
all know it,"
" That's not true," Johnny said
I turned my eyes from the ceiling and onto Johnny
" Do you see yourself with those crutches," I asked
Johnny didn't say anything.
"That's because of me. Because I'm so stupid,"
" Come on Pony, you don't mean it," Two Bit said
" Yes I do. I want to die," I said harshly
" Pony, stop it," Steve said
" Stop what ?" I asked him
" All of this, just stop." he said angrily
I wanted to prove that I meant what I said so I took the blade out
of Dally 's pocket again. The guys were so busy trying to calm Steve down
that they didn't notice. Somehow I was able to transfer the blade to the
hand with the iv in it. Then I slashed out at my other hand.
"Pony no !" Darry yelled and grabbed the blade
It was too late though. Blood ran down my arm in a red river.
" What the hell !" Dally cried
I tried to savor this moment but something went wrong.
I started to breathe really fast and I felt cold.
" Pony ?" Johnny asked
I could feel my heart beating faster and I didn't know what was happening.
" Something's happening to him, his skin's turning blue," Two Bit cried
" Someone go find a doctor, he needs one for his arm," Darry said
Two Bit ran out of the room.
" What's wrong with him ?" Steve asked
I couldn't talk to them. All I could do was lie there in confusion
and feel the blood flow slow down throughout my body
" I think he's going into shock," Darry said
That was the last thing I heard anyone say for a while.
A/N. I hoped you guys liked that. This is the longest chapter so far. Please tell me what you think, you know I love to hear from you. I checked for typos, but I might not have caught them all. Sorry.
