"Oh, would you mind wiping your feet on the carpet before you come in, old bean?" said the President.

Artemis blinked twice, then whipped out a dangerously sharp looking machete. "Asta la vista, baby," he growled.

Suddenly a famous Hollywood actor climbed through the window.

"Dammit! Too late, again! Can't you mind your own business?" the man groaned, ripping off his Uzi and jumping up and down on it. Halfway to climbing back out the window, he paused and said, "Well, can you at least give me a dollar?"

Artemis scowled, crossed the room and shoved him out the window instead. The last they heard of him was a slowly fading "I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack" as the man dropped further away from the window.

"Anyway..." said Artemis, turning to face the President, who was flopped over his chair and nibbling a chocolate amphibian, with a slightly benign look about him. Artemis took his time to work his face into a cruel and vengeful expression. "You bastard! You killed my Voldy! Damn you to Hades!" he shrieked, murderously raising his machete.

"Oh, dear, no, he's not dead, I daresay. He's like a very bad smell that won't go away. A wretched child that will make his mother buy him sweets from the supermarket no matter what it takes. A well-thrown boomerang. One of those hula hoops which you spin one way before tossing it the other. A Cher goodbye tour. A..."

"Shut up, imbecile!" Artemis exploded, waving his arms about like in a crazy rain dance.

"Ar...ty..." came a hoarse cry from the doorway. "You too!" shouted Artemis, spinning abruptly on one foot and glaring fiercely at a mortally wounded Butler.

"...A recurring nightmare. A predictable robber who always returns to the scene of the cri..."

"LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" shrieked Artemis at the top of his voice, stuffing his fingers in his ears and spinning about while doing an Irish jig. Then he suddenly froze as a dark shadow came into his frenzied vision.

"Artemis..." came a tender hiss from the window.

"Eek!" yelped the President who promptly shut up and leapt behind his desk.

"V-V-Voldy?" squeaked Artemis, putting his hands to his mouth and stumbling about dizzily. "Is that you? Voldy?"

"It is, my preciousss," came the gentle hiss once again.

"Oh!" cried Artemis, leaping where he thought he saw the shadow, instead coming into contact with a very rigid bookcase. "Owwww..." he said.

There came a patient sigh from the shady outline by the window. Artemis stepped back, his vision coming into focus. But as he did so, his foot landed on Pex's gun, which had been flung in the struggle beforehand. BANG- it went off.

Artemis wiped the blood from his face, breathed deep and screeeamed like a girl at the mangled man before him. He rushed over to the body. "Show Arty where it hurts, Voldy!"

He got no response from the thinly drawn lips, already becoming blue.

"Arty- Arty will kiss it better!" said Artemis, with a desperate and wild note in his voice.

Still, there were no flashes of meaning from behind those glazed, beetle black eyes so dear to Artemis.

Artemis gave a great shudder, wrenching away from the body. His eyes, burning with hatred, swivelled round in their sockets to bring the chattering President into view.

"This... is... the absolute LAST straw," said Artemis, with his teeth clenched. He rose and pointed the machete at the President.

"Er... like I said, he's not dead. Trust me, you just wait a while, and he'll make a comeback, eventually," said the quivering Pres.

"Silence, you fool! That's not good enough! You're gonna pay for this!" sobbed Artemis. He stepped closer to the man.

The president stood up, panic in his eyes, his hand groping beneath the mahogany wood.

"Eureka!" he gave a cry, and just before Artemis could plunge the knife into his body, a whole opened up in the floor, and the President was promptly swallowed up.

Artemis stood gaping like a fish for a while. He pinched his nose against the bittersweet tang of blood, stuck the machete into his pocket and mimicked the President's last manoeuvre. But no matter how many times he pressed the switch he had discovered, the floor revealed no hole and Artemis, exhausted through shouting and high emotions, gave up.

He gave one last, mournful look at his Voldy, and walked out of the room, stepping over the still whimpering Butler.

"Get up, boys," sighed Artemis, prodding the snoring Pex and Chips with the end of his knife.

Mumbling and muttering, they got to their feet and followed Artemis out of the building, disposing of any who got in their way.