Legal Disclaimer: I am not JKR. Most characters are her creation. I mean her no disrespect. All bow down.
Personal Disclaimer: I'm not a fabulous fiction writer. This is simply my way of coping with severe Harry Potter withdrawal post-Phoenix. Plot is not a strong point. I'm generally interested in exploring the characters of Lily, Severus, and James. If you think they and their crowd are pretty cool cats, read on.
Feedback is hugely appreciated. Anyone who has written love stories featuring Severus Snape, do point me in your direction!
On with the show.
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I should have felt more excited, about to begin my seventh and final year at Hogwarts. I had just learned I'd been named Head Girl of Gryffindor House; I was an accomplished student on a path to become an accomplished auror; I had many friends and, not to put too fine a point on it, my share of suitors. I had everything to look forward to. But I simply wasn't.
For the seventh and final time, I walked alongside my beaming parents toward platform 9 3/4, trying my best to duplicate their joyous expressions. My sister Petunia lagged behind, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face, as was her custom. This time, my true feelings might have better manifested themselves in an imitation of her.
Not to suggest I was dreading my return to Hogwarts; I was no more keen on remaining at home another day. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I felt I had grown beyond both formal education and living at home. I was eager to begin preparation for my career, and prepared to join the fight against the still little-understood but undeniable rise of dark wizardry. And speaking of friends and suitors, I had to admit there were many people I was not exactly looking forward to seeing. I was tired of being one of the most loved, envied and hated girls in school; tired of everyone knowing my name and face but no one at all knowing who I truly was.
But I would see it through to the end. I would do my best. I always did.
"Well," my mother began when we reached our destination, "good luck, darling! I know you'll make us as proud as ever this year."
My father straightened my Head Girl badge and reminded me warmly, "Send us a note as soon as you get settled. I know you'll be very busy, but if you can spare a second --"
"For you, I'll spare even five," I replied as I hugged each in turn.
I looked to my sister, standing several feet behind us, trying to pretend she was not related to any of us. "Bye, Petunia," I called amicably.
She sniffed in my general direction.
After a final round of goodbyes I stepped through platform 9 3/4, left my trunk to be loaded and boarded the Hogwarts Express.
I couldn't help but brighten a bit at the sight of the first years, excitedly soaking up what was for many of them their first true magical experience, nervously searching out new friends to sit with on the train. I remembered clearly how I felt in their shoes -- so full of possibility, as if I could choose from any of an infinite number of paths before me. How had I come to feel so set in my ways? I wondered absently when I began to feel so disinterested.
Lost in thought, I walked down the corridor to the back of the train where my girlfriends and I always sat, but the sight of one person made me stop dead in my tracks.
He was sitting in a compartment by himself, gazing fixedly out the window, even though the train had not yet left the station and the only scenery he could enjoy were dark brick walls. His expression was hard to read -- even I couldn't detect a trace of emotion on his pale face, and I don't think it's too self-gratifying to say I knew him better than anyone else at Hogwarts. But as he always intended, his cold, dark eyes were impenetrably dispassionate.
I stood there stupidly for what felt like five minutes, willing myself to sit next to him, at least say something. It felt like ages since I'd seen him last, but I still burned with embarrassment at the thought of everything that had happened between us at the end of last term, still as drawn to him as I'd ever been...
I was about to open my mouth to try for a simple "Hello" when my best friend Catherine leaned out of her cabin and shouted, "Hey, Lily! We're back here!"
Severus looked up sharply at the sound of my name and caught my eye for a second before I rushed away to my friends. I flashed him a weak but - I hoped - friendly smile as I passed. He remained determinedly impassive.
I plopped down next to Catherine, feeling suddenly flushed and hoping no one noticed. If they did, they didn't mention it.
Catherine Cole, a fellow Gryffindor, had become my best friend instantly the first day of our first year when my ordinarily ambivalent pet cat Hank jumped out of my arms on the train and went straight to her, made himself comfortable in her lap and began purring loudly. We both took it as a sign. She was a gorgeous, slightly plump girl with blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. She was probably the most outgoing and friendly girl I had ever met, and she never had a mean word to speak of anyone (a quality that often came as a breath of fresh air). I could never understand how so many boys in our class seemed to fancy me over her. I honestly believed many were intimidated by her beauty and good nature.
Violet Hooper, a Ravenclaw, and Opal Purkiss, a Hufflepuff, were both seated in our usual compartment as well. Opal, a tremendous gossip, and Violet, always reserved and earnest, were often at odds, but in the end they fought and loved each other like sisters. These three girls felt like a second family to me; I knew I could tell them anything, and they have been there for me anytime I needed someone. At Hogwarts, it seemed rare for members of different houses to become such close friends. Personally, I had never liked the rivalry and ill will the sorting system promoted. It was rare enough that I found a true friend; I refused to allow something so arbitrary as a sorting hat to narrow my options even further.
My bad mood vanished altogether as we discussed the details of our summers that hadn't already been related by owl post, moving on to our expectations about the final year and our already strong trepidation at facing the N.E.W.T. examinations. I didn't mention my brief encounter with Severus, or the feelings it had stirred in me, not that I managed to clear them from my mind. I didn't want to bring down everyone's high spirits, and truthfully, I didn't want to deal with my own feelings. More than that: I didn't want to acknowledge they even existed.
Not much chance of that, I thought resignedly as James Potter burst into the compartment, predictably enough.
"Why hello, pretty ladies," he grinned, acting as if he had stumbled across us by complete chance. "Now I'm here, the party can officially commence."
"That's a relief," Opal shot back in a tone I admired.
He leaned against the door purposefully, hands calculatedly casual in his pockets. "I just came by to let you know -- if this isn't too much excitement for you lovelies to handle, that is -- we're going to kick it up tonight in the common room. You know, show the first years what it really means to be a Gryffindor."
He was going out of his way to avoid meeting my eye. He had really only come to make sure I was aware of his presence, but knew this would agitate me.
"You may not want to incriminate yourself in front of the Head Girl, Potter," I suggested pleasantly.
"Ah, excuse me, your highness, didn't see you there," he smirked. "But I'm not really concerned, seeing as our Head Boy here is on the official planning committee."
He gestured to Remus Lupin, now standing behind James' shoulder. Remus smiled guiltily and shrugged. "He doesn't know it, but I'm keeping him in line."
"Ah." All four of us nodded, not believing him for a second -- knowing full well we weren't meant to.
"Listen," James said conspiratorially, "we've got to get back to the other two. They're the ones you've really got to look out for, of course."
"Of course," Catherine agreed with a wink - aimed primarily at Remus.
Remus smiled back at her, then took a couple steps back to make his exit.
"Well, I'm off then," James said, following his friend. "Hope to see all you ladies tonight, Gryffindor by nature or association! And Lily, if you decide to be cool, I'll be saving a dance for you."
Sometimes I wondered if he wasn't purposefully caricaturing himself.
I looked up to see all my friends' eyes on me, apparently gauging my reaction. They knew from first-hand experience how easily James got under my skin and how widely my regard for him tended to vary.
"Want to talk about it?" Catherine offered lightly.
"No," I replied simply. They understood.
"On the other hand," Violet interjected, eyeing Catherine, "I expect you'll be only too glad to talk about your prospective love interest."
Violet was referring to Remus, who Catherine had had a crush on since fifth year. He seemed to alternately adore her and keep her at arms' length. Happy that today seemed more an indication of the former, I focused on Catherine's irrepressible grin rather than Violet's intimation that James was a prospective love interest of mine.
Catherine blushed. "Well, now you mention it..."
The rest of the trip passed congenially and uneventfully, the four of us falling quickly into our usual cadences of friendly chatter. Nothing relating to either Severus or James came up in conversation, but as the subject was weighing heavily on my mind and as they were so careful to avoid it, we might as well have discussed nothing else.
