Disclaimer: I sadly own none of the characters, places, or incantations in
this story. All that stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling, [J.R.R. Tolkien, and
company], and Monty Python.
After a few minutes, Dumbledore and Legolas stopped laughing, and the teenagers surrounding them came to their senses, and were once again paying attention. "So what's killing this 'bunny' going to do to get 'ear boy' back?"
"Well Ron, it's blood is the base of the one potion that will enable Legolas to get back." Dumbledore responded.
"Plot-hole potions? Oh I always wanted to make one of those!" Hermione informed the room, "But, aren't they dangerous?"
"Mione, sweety, everything's dangerous with you, isn't it?" Ron asked cautiously.
"Yes, they can be dangerous, but him staying here is more dangerous," Dumbledore replied, ignoring Ron's comment.
"So, what's so dangerous about plot holes?" Ginny inquired.
"You'll learn about them later this year, they're part of the O.W.L. class," Harry told her "They must be the exact right size, if it's too small, he won't be able to fit through. He could even get stuck between worlds, which can be, well, let's just say OUCH! And then, the hole could be too big, sucking aspects of our world into theirs."
The look on Legolas's face, at this point, was absolutely priceless. the though of getting stuck sounded, well, OUCH! "You said it was more dangerous for me to stay here, but what exactly are these dangers?" Legolas had never chickened out of anything, but if it was between having half of him in one place, and the other half in another, and staying in a foreign land, he'd rather the second option.
"Well, technically you came here through a plot hole, and if you don't ge back to middle-earth in time, you'll start bringing aspects of your world here. See, look Harry's already shrinking to Frodo's height!" They all looked over at Harry, who had shrunk a bout one-half inch. A look of horror temporarily made a home out of Ginny's face, but was evicted the moment she realized it was there. "He's about 5'8-1/2" now, once he's 3'6" all the changes will be permanent, Harry will be Frodo, Ron will be Sam, Voldemort Sauron, etc."
"But, what about me? I don't want to change," Legolas whined, much like a four-year-old.
"Um, you'll remain you."
"Yay!" Legolas said sounding like a four-year old, again. "Uh-oh, me is getting more imnatumure." (four-year-old for immature).
"How wonderful, an unexpected side-effect of Legolas being here!" Dumbledore said cheerfully, "He's regressed into the mental state of a four year old!"
DUM, DUM, DUM! Stuff Dumbledore didn't know. That's impossible!
Suddenly Harry didn't feel so good, "I haven't had any ale since last Hogsmeade trip!"
"That was just yesterday, Harry" Ginny reminded him, "And you brought back some extra bottles, they're in your trunk, at the foot of your bed!" she blurted, hoping nobody wold notice that she knew to much, and ask her for her source of information. Luckily it went unnoticed.
"Oh, yeah,"
"It's worse than I thought!" Dumbledore said happily, "Your personalities are changing faster than your physical appearances!"
"I've got to go to the bathroom," Harry stated, a funny look on his face. He had already shrunk a whole inch!
"You're going nowhere without me!" Ron said. Standing up, it was made apparent that he had already shrunk one inch as well.
Ginny laughed, "That concludes it; all of my brothers have said the wrong thing at the wrong time at least three times in front of me." Hermione closed and then scrunched her eyes trying hard NOT to picture Ron following Harry into a stall in the bathroom.
"Let's focus people!" Dumbledore said, in a manner that reminded Legolas somewhat of Peter Jackson. But clearly, his efforts were lost. "Well, it's been almost three whole chapters with no rest, I guess it's time for the commercial break!" the characters all relaxed, Ron and Harry went outside to smoke some hobbit pipe-weed.
Suddenly the screen ("whoa there's a screen!" all characters but Dumbledore said in unison) went dark, and red bloody letters came on.
The screen read "Loose weight fast! Keep it off!"
Then a female, southern (American) voice said, "If that's your goal, y'all need to visit the Texas chain saw weight loss clinic. We guarantee that you'll lose weight and keep it off, or you'll get your whole $49.95 back! Just one quick stop, no more than half an hour, we promise, or your next visit is free!" Ginny and Hermione smiled and contemplated going there, but Dumbledore shook his head.
The next add went a little more smoothly, "Do you have an evil rabbit problem? Well I know I used to. Evil hares can be pesky, bothersome, and annoying. Plus, they're a danger to small and tall children, alike. Here at Bunny be Gone, we promise a safer evil forest in half-an-our or our next visit's free!" Ginny noted the recurring theme (under a half hour or it's free!). Oh no! Ginny's acting like Arwen, not Harry-obsessed Ginny, "Call 1- 800-NO-EVIL"
"But that's only six numbers!" Hermione said.
"No, that's six letters" Dumbledore corrected.
"That's still not a complete number"
"Yeah if we gave a complete number, it would be called by the only person dumb enough to take this story seriously,"
"You mean, that person exists?"
"Not anymore, they don't"
The final ad came on, everyone had to go back to their places soon. "Do remember the good, old days? Do you find it sad that you haven't had good drink complete friends and a song since the first age? Then you need to pay a visit to the Green Dragon Pub. Where if you keep your nose out of harm, no harm will come to you."
As the commercial closed, the Green Dragon scene in the extended version of the first movie played, "... wind may fall, and wind may blow, but there'll still be many miles to go..."
"Oh no, we have less time then I thought, that was a Lord of the Rings thing!" Dumbledore said, with concern in his voice. He decided that now he'd better explain how they were going to defeat the evil hare, "First, we venture into the forrest, next we search for this rabbit. Then we stun it, but only temporarily, if it's under any spell when killed the potion won't work. Then, we take a pole with a net attached, and scoop the bunny up. It's important that everyone wears their dragon-hide gloves, we don't want another 'Idol Hands' incident." Dumbledore flinched, so did Harry and Hermione, the Weasleys and the elf stayed blissfully ignorant of the awful happenings that created an. entire terrible movie! "Then, we need an arrow, with a goleen tip."
"Give me the gold, and I've got the arrow!" Legolas exclaimed, a look of excitement spread acroos his face.
After a few minutes, Dumbledore and Legolas stopped laughing, and the teenagers surrounding them came to their senses, and were once again paying attention. "So what's killing this 'bunny' going to do to get 'ear boy' back?"
"Well Ron, it's blood is the base of the one potion that will enable Legolas to get back." Dumbledore responded.
"Plot-hole potions? Oh I always wanted to make one of those!" Hermione informed the room, "But, aren't they dangerous?"
"Mione, sweety, everything's dangerous with you, isn't it?" Ron asked cautiously.
"Yes, they can be dangerous, but him staying here is more dangerous," Dumbledore replied, ignoring Ron's comment.
"So, what's so dangerous about plot holes?" Ginny inquired.
"You'll learn about them later this year, they're part of the O.W.L. class," Harry told her "They must be the exact right size, if it's too small, he won't be able to fit through. He could even get stuck between worlds, which can be, well, let's just say OUCH! And then, the hole could be too big, sucking aspects of our world into theirs."
The look on Legolas's face, at this point, was absolutely priceless. the though of getting stuck sounded, well, OUCH! "You said it was more dangerous for me to stay here, but what exactly are these dangers?" Legolas had never chickened out of anything, but if it was between having half of him in one place, and the other half in another, and staying in a foreign land, he'd rather the second option.
"Well, technically you came here through a plot hole, and if you don't ge back to middle-earth in time, you'll start bringing aspects of your world here. See, look Harry's already shrinking to Frodo's height!" They all looked over at Harry, who had shrunk a bout one-half inch. A look of horror temporarily made a home out of Ginny's face, but was evicted the moment she realized it was there. "He's about 5'8-1/2" now, once he's 3'6" all the changes will be permanent, Harry will be Frodo, Ron will be Sam, Voldemort Sauron, etc."
"But, what about me? I don't want to change," Legolas whined, much like a four-year-old.
"Um, you'll remain you."
"Yay!" Legolas said sounding like a four-year old, again. "Uh-oh, me is getting more imnatumure." (four-year-old for immature).
"How wonderful, an unexpected side-effect of Legolas being here!" Dumbledore said cheerfully, "He's regressed into the mental state of a four year old!"
DUM, DUM, DUM! Stuff Dumbledore didn't know. That's impossible!
Suddenly Harry didn't feel so good, "I haven't had any ale since last Hogsmeade trip!"
"That was just yesterday, Harry" Ginny reminded him, "And you brought back some extra bottles, they're in your trunk, at the foot of your bed!" she blurted, hoping nobody wold notice that she knew to much, and ask her for her source of information. Luckily it went unnoticed.
"Oh, yeah,"
"It's worse than I thought!" Dumbledore said happily, "Your personalities are changing faster than your physical appearances!"
"I've got to go to the bathroom," Harry stated, a funny look on his face. He had already shrunk a whole inch!
"You're going nowhere without me!" Ron said. Standing up, it was made apparent that he had already shrunk one inch as well.
Ginny laughed, "That concludes it; all of my brothers have said the wrong thing at the wrong time at least three times in front of me." Hermione closed and then scrunched her eyes trying hard NOT to picture Ron following Harry into a stall in the bathroom.
"Let's focus people!" Dumbledore said, in a manner that reminded Legolas somewhat of Peter Jackson. But clearly, his efforts were lost. "Well, it's been almost three whole chapters with no rest, I guess it's time for the commercial break!" the characters all relaxed, Ron and Harry went outside to smoke some hobbit pipe-weed.
Suddenly the screen ("whoa there's a screen!" all characters but Dumbledore said in unison) went dark, and red bloody letters came on.
The screen read "Loose weight fast! Keep it off!"
Then a female, southern (American) voice said, "If that's your goal, y'all need to visit the Texas chain saw weight loss clinic. We guarantee that you'll lose weight and keep it off, or you'll get your whole $49.95 back! Just one quick stop, no more than half an hour, we promise, or your next visit is free!" Ginny and Hermione smiled and contemplated going there, but Dumbledore shook his head.
The next add went a little more smoothly, "Do you have an evil rabbit problem? Well I know I used to. Evil hares can be pesky, bothersome, and annoying. Plus, they're a danger to small and tall children, alike. Here at Bunny be Gone, we promise a safer evil forest in half-an-our or our next visit's free!" Ginny noted the recurring theme (under a half hour or it's free!). Oh no! Ginny's acting like Arwen, not Harry-obsessed Ginny, "Call 1- 800-NO-EVIL"
"But that's only six numbers!" Hermione said.
"No, that's six letters" Dumbledore corrected.
"That's still not a complete number"
"Yeah if we gave a complete number, it would be called by the only person dumb enough to take this story seriously,"
"You mean, that person exists?"
"Not anymore, they don't"
The final ad came on, everyone had to go back to their places soon. "Do remember the good, old days? Do you find it sad that you haven't had good drink complete friends and a song since the first age? Then you need to pay a visit to the Green Dragon Pub. Where if you keep your nose out of harm, no harm will come to you."
As the commercial closed, the Green Dragon scene in the extended version of the first movie played, "... wind may fall, and wind may blow, but there'll still be many miles to go..."
"Oh no, we have less time then I thought, that was a Lord of the Rings thing!" Dumbledore said, with concern in his voice. He decided that now he'd better explain how they were going to defeat the evil hare, "First, we venture into the forrest, next we search for this rabbit. Then we stun it, but only temporarily, if it's under any spell when killed the potion won't work. Then, we take a pole with a net attached, and scoop the bunny up. It's important that everyone wears their dragon-hide gloves, we don't want another 'Idol Hands' incident." Dumbledore flinched, so did Harry and Hermione, the Weasleys and the elf stayed blissfully ignorant of the awful happenings that created an. entire terrible movie! "Then, we need an arrow, with a goleen tip."
"Give me the gold, and I've got the arrow!" Legolas exclaimed, a look of excitement spread acroos his face.
