Dun, dun, dunnn.... Time for chapter two (three is coming very soon)! Warning for this chapter: Relena bashing (since she's evil), scary eyebrow girl imagery (a.k.a. Dorothy) and other random silliness. By the way, oocness prevails. Enjoy!

Still don't own Gundam Wing or its characters, but would like to some day as to be able to do horrible thin.. never mind. Read on! Don't forget to review. ^_^

-Kate

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Chapter Two : The Logic of Relena

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Wufei was idly making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when Heero entered below deck, again. Wufei's brow rose as he noticed the state of Heero's face. It was very out of place for him; he was blushing. Not wanting to lose his lunch before it even made it to his stomach, Wufei didn't bother asking the other pilot what was up. He simply took his sandwich and sat himself down on a large bench behind a table. Heero too took his place on the bench, but before he could get comfortable Relena came running from down the hall (which ultimately lead to everyone's bedrooms) screaming his name.

"Heero!! There you are!!" She squeaked. Obviously Relena was still in happy land when it came to the fact Heero and Duo were a couple; she'd never admit it to herself. This time Wufei was the one that snickered as a very large sweat drop formed on Heero's temple. "I've been looking all over this ship for you!"

"Uh, why?" Heero didn't need to ask that question, he already knew. He was just scared to hear it out of Relena's mouth. A giant, very dimwitted, smile formed on Relena's face.

"Cause I figured out who's going to sleep with who!" Relena's voice was in one of those annoying high pitched tones, which meant she was over excited.

"HUH?!" Wufei's eyes grew wide as he took a bite from his.. hand. He'd missed his sandwich by about two inches. "OWWWW!" Relena stared at him for a moment before looking to Heero for an explanation.

"Uhm, Relena? You've decided who's going to sleep with WHO? Shouldn't it be WHERE? Oh for the love of God let it be where instead of who..." His voice was that of fear, pure and utter terror.

"Oh, yeah.... right! Who's going to sleep where." A very evil, and insane mind you, laughter filled the room from Relena. She quickly stopped with a cough. That stupid grin returned as she looked to the piece of paper in her hand.

Meanwhile, on deck, Duo came happily back around the corner heading towards the other flight of stairs to below deck. He was blissfully unaware Quatre was close behind him; beat red and breathing like Satan. As Duo came to the corner, quite close to where he had retched his guts not too long ago, he felt like doing it again. Where Milliardo sat before now sat Treize. This wouldn't have disturbed Duo, saving the fact Treize was creepy, if he had some clothing on. Duo's eyes grew wider than he thought physically possible as he eyed the naked man. Instead of getting a reaction of 'OoOoOO he's tasty' his body gave him more a reaction of 'Ewww, he's related to EYEBROW GIRL!' An image of a naked Dorothy was now permanently embedded into his brain.

Much mental retching ensued.

Quatre didn't notice Treize like Duo had, he was too focused on killing the poor Shinigami. His small hands were clutched around a rather large beach ball, which he thought would some how bring death to Duo, and his eyes were locked onto Duo's braid. Just as he got close to Duo the loud speaker went off, in his ear. He shrieked like a girl and fell over anime style. Duo jumped about four feet off the ground, grabbing onto the nearest object, which happened to be Milliardo coming around the corner. Zechs was just as shocked by the sound as Duo, so they clung onto each other like lost lovers.

"THIS IS RELENA! I want everyone to come." Her voice was even worse in loud decibels.

Milliardo looked to Duo with a brow raised. Duo looked to Milliardo with a brow raised. Treize, now in shorts mind you, looked to the loud speaker with a brow raised. Must I say what Quatre did? Everyone wasn't sure if they had heard the loud speaker right, it sounded awfully dirty. In the background they could hear Heero muttering something to Relena and her going 'Uh huh, oh.. OH!' Then she, unfortunately, yelled back into the loud speaker.

"I mean, I want everyone to come below dick! Uh, I mean deck!" Her voice trailed off and there was a loud click. Obviously Relena was a few marbles short, to put it nicely, of a full bag and what marbles she did have were focused on a nice romp in the hay with Heero.

Once Zechs processed the information given to him, slower than normal, he dropped Duo onto the deck and turned around to head below. Duo sat there startled, wondering what awful things Relena might to do Heero if he didn't get down there quickly, and Quatre scampered off to get Trowa before Duo figured out his 'Death by Beach Ball' plan. Treize, who whenever Duo looked at, from this point on and saw a naked Dorothy with wiggling eyebrows, wandered over to help the violet eyed boy off the ground. He stopped once he noticed Duo's face looked like he had just sniffed the gaseous workings of an elderly yak. Duo's eye twitched at speeds to which the fastest mobile suit in all of the Earth Sphere wouldn't be able to keep up with. But none the less he stood and quickly, mind you quick doesn't even come close to how fast Duo moved, took off down the stairs. Treize shrugged and followed.

Quatre grabbed Trowa, who was doubled over in a laughing fit again (I guess years of not laughing will do that to ya, huh?), and drug him to below deck. Trowa's eyes were watering as he followed his koi.

"She said dick! AHAHAHHAHA!!" Trowa sounded like he had reverted to the ways of Duo; easily amused. Quatre just glared at Trowa as they came down below deck, spying everyone that was on the cruise. Lucrezia had graced everyone with her presence, she had been hiding from Relena who wouldn't leave her alone, Milliardo stood next to her scratching his head, Relena was practically crawling over and drooling on Heero, Heero looked as if he were in hell, Wufei's nose was spurting blood as he grimaced, and Duo stood staring at Treize with that same look of disgust. Quatre couldn't help but snicker.

"All right! We're all here, I think." Relena interjected into the mass of mumbling, and mortified, people. "Now then, I have our bunk assignments!" A resounding 'Whoop de do' could be heard from the mass. She glared. They recoiled in fear. She spoke again.

"Duo will be room number 2! Trowa you're 3, Quatre's 4 (Let's play.. spot the trend!) and Wufei is 5!" All four boys stared at Relena, wondering how long it took her to figure out those assignments.

Much silence and twitching of eyeballs ensued.

"Milliardo you'll be in 15 and Treize will be in 14! Lucrezia will be in my cabin, for company of course, and Heero, you'll be right next door in 19! (News flash; the trend just met its death)" She finished by flashing that ever so wonderful smile of hers.

Much silence ensued.

It took about 10 minutes for everyone to stare at Relena and think to themselves how she must have been dropped on her head at birth; over and over again. The logic in her planning was lost to them since there was 20 rooms and they somehow got split up to 2, 3, 4, 5, 14, 15, 19, and 20. Made things just as confusing as ever. "Don't just stand there! Get your stuff from up top!"

Much rushing for the exit and panic ensued.

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Continue on to chapter three, if you dare ^_~ Muahahahahah! *ahem* Don't forget to review!