Disclaimer: Hogwarts, other Wizarding institutions and any characters you recognise are the intellectual property of J. K. Rowling. The characters you don't, especially Poppy, are mine. I'm writing this for a laugh, not to make a profit.
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Poppy Skeeter's Very Secret Diary
By shewhodares
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2nd September, 1991 - Monday
This cannot be good.
Following last night's debacle at the Sorting Ceremony (there can't possibly be another way for me to end up in Slytherin – can there?), was led to the dormitories by a foul mouthed (and looking, while we're on the subject) prefect, who introduced himself as "Dippet". Dip-stick, more like, but seeing as you're still here, I might as well tell you about what happened when we actually got down to the first year dorms.
First of all, they're in the dungeons. That's right – where they used to keep P-R-I-S-O-N-E-R-S. If that isn't a bad enough omen, I don't know what is.
Second – I have to share a room with Bulldog, Pug, Tart and Gorgonzola, and if that thought doesn't frighten you, nothing will. Then again, am pretty tough for an eleven year old, so will endure this for the sake of ~ something. Haven't quite figured out the purpose of my being here yet.
Still further, I digress (see the effect this place is having on me?).
We get there, the place looks like something out of a horror film. And no, horror films are not 'too scary' for me. Have put up with Mother for eleven years. Pug, showing the only spark of intelligence I think we'll ever see from her, belatedly realises that this is where they expect us to sleep for the next seven years, and says –
"But, but – it's so dark!"
And starts looking around as if she expects bats to fly out of the light fittings (now there's an idea!).
"I guess that's understandable" I replied, all expression wiped from my face, "seeing as we're underground."
Holly (have decided Gorgonzola too cruel nickname for potential best friend) started snickering in a suitably derisive fashion, Tart tried – and failed – to hide disdain for PP's lack of brain power, and Bulldog – looked like a confused Bulldog.
As I tried to get some sleep with the sound of someone's snoring filling my ears, I figured that this term could be a little too long for my own liking.
Need best friend quickly, or will die of boredom.
Or possibly sleep deprivation.
~*~
I woke this morning to find new room-mates looking even more bemused / confused / plain stupid than normal. Turns out that someone (I can't bring myself to say some 'thing') had been into the dorms and dumped our new uniforms on the chairs next to our beds – and Queen Pansy of the Pug face was not impressed.
I suppose it makes a change from being impressed with Draco 'more hair gel than a beauty salon' Malfoy.
"Someone's been in here!" she shrieked. "These clothes weren't here last night!"
"Top marks for observation, Pansy" said Holly, before catching my eye and miming stabbing the silly bint. "We're in a School of Magic, we need some sort of uniform to wear."
"But, but – someone in here, while we're sleeping?" whimpers Pug. "It's so freaky!"
"Hello, School of MAGIC?" Holly repeated. "Haven't you ever heard of transportation charms? Or House Elves" she muttered to me from the side of her mouth.
"Oh ~"
"It's not like anyone would want to kidnap you at any rate, Pans. They'd get fed up of your whining and leave you to be trampled by a Hippogriff after ten minutes."
"Here's hoping."
This was from Tart, who has therefore gone up a notch in my estimation. If she carries on much longer, just might start refer to her using her real name.
Doesn't mean I'd actually like her, though.
Leaving Pug to practice her 'hard-done-by martyr' look (with only Bulldog for an audience), the rest of us picked up our respective heap of cotton and wool and headed for the bathrooms to change. First breakfast and class coming up – want to make a good impression after all.
But not the type of good impression that you're probably thinking of.
~ * THE END * ~
A/N: I know this was kind of short, but I wanted to make the before/after class entries separate ones. And of course, having been away for a while, I want to update! Thanks to all of you who have kept on reviewing, I don't have a list with me so – consider yourselves well and truly thanked, everyone!
I'll try and get my next chapter of "Helga" started in a few days. Hope you're all there – now please, R+R?
Shewhodares
xx
