Forbidden

G/C

By Bec

Disclaimer:  These are not my characters, so don't have a go.  I just borrow them to relieve the boredom…

Archive:  The Graveyard Shift (thanks guys, you're the best!)

1             

"Did you ever fall in love with someone you shouldn't have?"

Catherine took another nervous sip of her coffee whilst waiting for her sister to answer her question.

"No, but I can tell you did."

"What, not even a little bit?"

"No."  Nancy smiled at her.  "Lust yeah, plenty of times.  Love?  No."

"And you knew it was just lust."

"Of course.  It went away after a while.  If it was love, it would never go away."  She grinned, checking on the kids over on the swings before returning her attention to her sister.  "So, do I have to guess this mystery guy, or are you going to tell me."

                Catherine hesitated.  "It's, uh, no one you know."

"Right."  Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.  "So how do you know you're in love with mystery guy?"

"Because…"  She stopped.  Was it something she could actually put her finger on?  Would Nancy understand?  "I just feel it.  Whenever I'm near him, my mind just seems to shut down, and my body is on fire."  She smiled at the thought.  Nancy laughed.

"You got it bad, girl.  How long has this been going on."

"Oh, a while."

"How long?" she asked again, a little more forcefully than before.

"Truthfully?  Years and years."

                They sat in silence for a while, watching all of the children in the park running around like idiots, using all of their abundance of energy.  Lindsey saw her Mom and Aunt watching and so she waved before heading off for the slide.

"So why shouldn't you be in love with him?"  Nancy asked, a knowing look on her face.

Catherine sighed.  She had hoped that Nancy had forgotten that bit.

"The situation is all wrong.  A long time ago, our circumstances stopped us from doing anything.  I was married to Eddie, he was working hard, and it wouldn't have been right for us to do anything."

"Says who?"

"You know."

"I don't.  Why don't you tell me."

                "It was difficult.  People would have made it difficult for us."

"I see."  She did see.  Catherine gave out the impression that she was a very strong woman, and generally she was, but she had this great insecurity when it came to love.  She had been like it all her life, but Eddie had made it worse.  "So you decided to…"

"We were friends.  That seemed fine."

"Except you don't seem to be fine with it."

"I never felt this way about Eddie.  I loved him, but not this much.  I can't hide it from myself anymore and it's eating me alive."

                "Does he feel the same way?"

"I never found out."  Catherine looked into her cup forlornly.  She had dreamed about him loving her that much, about what would happen between them, but she had never had the courage to find out.

                "Do you know what I would do, Cath?"

"What?"  She found it hard to imagine her happily married sister to know what the solution was, but Nancy had always been the one with the most common sense out of the two of them, and she had always been happy to advise Catherine.

"I think that if you feel this way, and it's obviously eating you up, then you should stuff everything and take the plunge."

"You mean go tell him how I feel?"

"Exactly.  You may find yourself pleasantly surprised."

"But it's awkward…"

"Catherine Willows, go and do something for yourself for a change.  Don't care about what other people will say.  All that matters is you and him."

"I'm scared that I'll lose him for good."

"Follow your heart.  You won't lose."

                Catherine wandered what it was her sister really knew, but she felt in her heart that she was right.  She was not young anymore, she did not want to be alone anymore, and she knew that there was only one person she wanted, and would ever want.

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"  That was her real fear.  That she would lay her feelings on the line and she would not get his love back.  The thought was killing her.

"Can you risk not knowing?  Can you risk not feeing yourself in his arms, or sleeping in his bed.  What about if you never feel him kiss you.  Could you live with yourself if you never tried?"

                "No, I couldn't."  Her voice was quiet.  She had to go and do it.

Nancy read her mind.  "Go now.  I'll explain to Linds."

"Thank you."  She hugged her sister before standing.  "I owe you one."

"Just go get him, that'll be enough for me."  She watched Catherine walk away.  "Oh, Cath," she called after her, a huge grin on her face.

"Yeah?"

"Tell Gil I send my love."

                Catherine could not help but laugh at the fact her sister knew who it was all along.  She had probably not been all that obvious about it, but her sister knew her.  She headed off to her car, ready to drive to his townhouse and bear her soul to him.