Finally! This site is working again!

Sorry my updates are a bit erratic at the mo, I will be reverting to my Monday and Thursday slots. I'm not sure how many chapters are left; it'll probably go to about 11, but maybe more. I can't think of anything to say today, apart from: I hope Fergie's bitch slapped by Dave Beckham's dad. Oh and ff.net is being a complete arsehole, this so isn't my fault!

Erm… On with the story.

~*~Regrets~*~

The early morning mist smothered the valley, so thick he could barely see the waterfalls and trees that surrounded him. Rivendell was deathly silent; too early for the sweet birdsong to fill the trees and lift the gloom. The drizzle fell lightly, running down his fair skin, washing away the stains of yesterday's events. Blood seeped from his clothes. Estel's blood. Staring at his hands as the tiny streams of scarlet trickled through his fingers, he grimaced. Legolas slumped his head back against the ivy-covered walls. It grazed against his skin, the rainwater dripping down his neck, but he didn't notice. Too far away with his thoughts, too deeply in shock, to notice. His gaze moved to the sky, brightening a little as dawn crept closer. The stars shimmered faintly between the widening breaks in the clouds, the rain easing off, leaving the valley cool and murky, as it had been when they had set off a couple of days before.

His thoughts returned to Estel. And of Elrond and the twins. Their faces haunted him. Their eyes. The look in their eyes when they saw him. So much fear and pain. The grief. Wiping his face, he took a deep breath, glancing at the doorway ruefully. He didn't know if Estel was alive or not. He was sure he had lost him… sure he had killed him.

The corridor was eerily quiet, the cold light filtered through the room. The stone figures carved into the walls stared down at him, disapproving, judging. Legolas shook his head in bemusement; he could laugh at his own paranoia if it wasn't such a grave moment. He froze. The door was open, but he was too afraid to go in. What if he is dead? How do I tell them that this is all my fault? His head spun, hands shaking anxiously. Taking a deep breath, he edged closer and stopped in the doorway.

Three large leather chairs had been pulled closer to Estel's bedside. In each, were the sleeping forms of Elladan, Elrohir and their father. Candles lit the room in a soft warm glow. The four poster bed stood in the centre of the room, swathed in thin white cotton, he could just about make out the form of Estel laying in it, it in the same position as he had left him. Legolas took a tentative step towards the bed and pushed aside the material as quietly as he could. Estel looked as if he were in a peaceful sleep, the pain that was etched in his face before had gone. He was covered in bandages; Legolas could only see his face, which was littered with bruises and cuts, his wavy dark locks veiling Estel's tightly closed eyes, and his arms, which were bandaged from finger to elbow on both. He sighed with relief; he was alive.

"Legolas?" He heard a soft whisper that made him jump.

Elrond looked up at him, his tired eyes shining in the candlelight, his dark hair swept back in a messy bun. He turned to the older elf, his face a mix of sadness and relief.

"Will he live?" He murmured.

"His injuries are very serious but is getting stronger."

Legolas closed his eyes in regret. "I am sorry, Lord Elrond."

"Do not try to seek blame, I am not."

"But-"

"I simply wish to know what happened." He interrupted calmly.

Legolas remained silent, working out how to explain it all. "Wargs." Was all he could utter.

"I had guessed." Elrond mumbled sadly.

"He was alone-"

"What do you mean he was alone?" Elrohir whispered furiously.

"Shh." His father pleaded. "This is not the time, we are all tired and emotional. There is no blame to be placed."

"But Estel was left alone in the wild-" Elladan began.

"Not now." He replied sternly.

* * *

Legolas laid still, head buried in his pillow, begging for a few more minutes of much needed slumber. The soft gold and green coloured quilt pushed away, leaving his pale chest and arms exposed, the light dancing across his skin. Opening his eyes reluctantly, and turned onto his back, glancing out the window. The last minutes of sunset slipped away steadily, lighting the room in a hazy pinkish blush. He had slept through the whole day. Stretching his slender arms out, he yawned. His limbs ached and head pounded. Legolas got up, pushing his long blond hair behind his ears and dressed. His gold and ivory robes a mark of his regal roots. Brushing his hair lazily, he sighed as his thoughts returned to Estel.

His dark boots scraped the soft earth, fingers brushing through the leaves as he approached the Halls of Healing. The path wound gently, almost tunnel-like as the tall branches twisted and writhed around each other above, small spots of dimming sunshine bursting though the young leaves. The final moments of daylight clinging to the smooth walls, Legolas looked on, noticing a small stream of people making their way out. He jogged down the gentle hill and caught up with one of the maids he had known for many years, called Sailacel, her long brown hair fluttered in the gentle breeze and deep hazel eyes, which Legolas always found endearing, full of sadness.

"Lord Elrond has bid us to leave him alone with young Estel. I am afraid he has taken a turn for the worst. He has sent even his sons away from the room, but they would only retreat to the East Wing." She explained solemnly.

"You do not think…"

She nodded gravely. "I fear he will perish before dawn."

"But he said Estel was getting stronger." Legolas' voice shook.

"He was, but there is only so much punishment a child's body can take before it gives up. Come, supper will be served soon, we can do nothing else but wait." She smiled sadly.

Reluctantly, he nodded and followed. Looking back regretfully as they walked away in silence, his head swam with confusion and guilt. He said little during dinner and didn't eat much either, occasionally glancing up at Gandalf, who sat on the opposite side of the room, far away in thought the grief plainly ingrained in his face. Legolas couldn't help but feel a little uneasy, unsure if it was a figment of his imagination, but everyone, bar Sailacel, appeared to be avoiding him. He felt their stares burning in the back of his neck; he heard the whispers and abrupt silences when approached. They blamed him. They had every right to blame him, thought miserably.

* * *

Letting his throbbing legs sway, he leant back against the cool bark of the tree trunk. Trees; his timeless refuge. He had not come for peace though; he had simply lost his nerve. Legolas gazed at the halls, daring himself once more to enter. Lord Elrond would not want him there, especially if Estel was as close to death as Sailacel had feared, he told himself. But if this was his last opportunity to apologise to him, even if he did not hear, then he must take it. However, he did not want to risk a confrontation with Elladan and Elrohir at such a despairing hour. They would never forgive him; he had killed their brother. Why had he left? Why had he let Estel get to him so easily?

Estel had said sorry when it should have been him apologising.

Dropping down to the ground, his feet barely making a noise, he clenched his fists and marched into the halls once more. The door was only open marginally this time, glancing inside, he spotted Elrond sitting in the same place he had before, the drapes open this time and the small form of Estel remained unmoved in the centre. Estel looked so much smaller, more delicate and vulnerable than he had before. Elrond was awake; looking at his foster son with fondness but also with grief, deep in contemplation and hadn't noticed Legolas' presence. He was crying, or had cried, the evidence shimmering on his pale cheeks.

"He is very weak." Elrond announced, taking him by surprise.

Legolas took a seat on the opposite side of the bed, avoiding his eyes. "I am sorry-"

The dark haired elf sighed, leaning back in his chair. "As I told you before, I will not place blame on anyone. If I did, then I would blame Gandalf for giving the twins the idea, I would blame myself for letting him go, I would blame my sons for abandoning you both, I would blame you for leaving him by himself in the wilds and I would blame Estel for aggravating you enough that you would leave him alone."

He opened his mouth to reply, but Elrond raised a hand to stop him.

"I know Estel has a habit of recognising others' sore spots and exploit them for his own enjoyment. And I know that it was particularly effective on you."

Legolas could help but let out a little chuckle. "It is clearly a great talent of his." He remarked wryly.

"One of many." Elrond muttered.

They fell silent for a moment, listening sorrowfully to the strained breathing of the young boy. Legolas gazed at him, he actually missed their banter, half expecting him to turn and wink with a big grin across his face, ready to dish out another cheeky insult. It had not been in good humour at the time, but looking back, he had not squabbled like that since he was an elfling.

"Imladris is not the same without his laughter… I thought that I would be safe from his pranks for the first time in years when he went on this hunting trip." He began. "I was not."

Legolas cocked an eyebrow in curiosity.

"He put butter on my bed chamber door handle." Elrond mumbled, noticing a little smile appear on Legolas' face. "It is not a smiling matter. After several attempts, I still could not open the door and had to go out of the window and try to climb down the balcony pillars. It was not one of my most distinguished of entrances, especially considering he had persuaded the maids to serve breakfast to the guests below."

The blonde elf tried very hard to stifle a giggle, but couldn't. "A classic trick, with a twist. It seems I have lost my crown."

"This may sound very strange, but this is one of the few times I have seen him sleep peacefully."

"I had noticed how disturbed his sleep was…"

"Estel is plagued by dreams of his father's death, he lives here because his parents were murdered in front of him. It is safer here."

His eyes widened. "Why do you call him Estel? I mean, it is not his real name, is it?" Legolas pressed quietly.

"No." He conceded softly. "I called him that because he is a hope… He is the last hope for so many. It is too dangerous for him to go by his true name."

"A hope? For who? Who is he?"  

The raven-haired elf held his gaze for a moment, before looking to Estel with a tender smile. "I did not think he would have such an impact on us all, but it feels like he is my own." Elrond explained, before his face fell once more. "I did not think I would have to witness any of my children die." He replied, on the verge of tears again.

"He has not gone yet, I do not think he is ready to die yet."

"Perhaps not, but I think his body may disagree. Humans are so fragile..." Elrond frowned.

Legolas remained silent for a moment. "You should not frown… Frowning suits no one." He said, a little smile on his face. "That is what Estel told me."

"Except dwarves."

"What?"

"Except dwarves." Elrond laughed quietly. "He always said that to me: 'Ada, you need to smile more. Frowning suits no one, except for dwarves, and that is only because their faces are naturally like that. They even frown when they smile, it is very unfortunate, but suits them nevertheless.' It is one of his little mottos." Elrond explained fondly.        

He smiled. "He was going to tell the rest when he recovered."

"Did he say anything else?"

"He lapsed in and out of consciousness so I am afraid he said very little; I heard him ask for you while we riding back, he even made a joke just after he was attacked, it was remarkable." He looked up to see Elrond wipe away a tear furiously. "…He apologised for winding me up, but I did not get the chance to say how sorry I am for everything. I said some terrible things that I can see were untrue now, I am afraid he will never forgive me."

"Estel does not hold grudges. If he survives, he will accept your apology, this I am sure of. You may not see it, and perhaps he has not even realised it, but he is fond of you, I think he secretly enjoys the challenge."

"I very much doubt it." Legolas replied solemnly. "This is all my fault."

"It is nobody's fault, Legolas."

"Estel could die because of me."

"But he could live because of you. Do not blame yourself."

Legolas slumped back into the old chair, watching Elrond try to suppress a yawn. "You are exhausted, why do you not try get some sleep and I will stay with him."

"No. I could never forgive myself if he… and I was not there."

"I will wake you if anything happens, just try to get a couple of hours sleep in the next room. You will be of little use if you are too tired to help tomorrow."

Elrond glared icily at Legolas. "I cannot leave him."

"Please, Lord Elrond. I will wake you." Legolas pleaded.

Their eyes met, and Elrond groaned. "Wake me if anything at all happens. I will be back in an hour." He replied reluctantly.

Legolas leant forward, watching Estel's chest as it struggled for air. It had only been twenty minutes, but it felt like days had passed. As he sat there, Elrond's words swirled around his head, but he could not accept them. Of course it was his fault.

"I am sorry, Estel. Sorry for treating you like I did, I am sorry for leaving you alone-"

"Ada?"

Legolas' eyes shot up to Estel, but he remained still, his eyes still closed.

"What are you doing in here?" He heard Elrohir's voice ask furiously.

"Your father was exhausted, he needed some sleep, and I said I would stay with him."

"He should have asked us, not the person who put Estel in that bed in the first place." Elrohir whispered angrily.

"El-"

"This is your fault. He could die because of you!" He cried.

"I am sorry." Legolas replied meekly.

"You left him alone to die."

"No-"

"Look at him!"

"I should not have left him. I know this is my fault, but-" He muttered, pushing his blonde hair back.

"How could you do this? He is almost dead because of you!"

"I am sorry, Elrohir. Please, you must-"

"Sorry means nothing to us, how could you let this happen? He is a child, why were you not protecting him?"

"Elladan?" He turned to the other twin, but only met with an unforgiving stare.

"Let me explain, Es-"

"Do not try to place the blame on him!" Elladan hissed.

"I am not."

"Then you admit your guilt." He replied sadly.

Legolas looked up at them, his eyes shining in the moonlight. He nodded sadly, before bringing his head down into his hands.

"Just leave, Legolas. You are not welcome, you have let us down."

* * *

Legolas crumpled to the ground, the cool damp soil soaking into his elegant robes. His bottom lip quivered as he tried desperately to fight back the tears. He did not cry. He would not cry. He would not cry.

"What have I done?" An involuntary tear rolled down his cheek.

TBC…

Urgh, I hate all this angst, it depresses me. But it's necessary, so hey.

Thank you as ever to all my reviewers!

StriderGrrl – Will he, won't he? I haven't decided Mwahahahaha. I have really, or have I? God, I'm indecisive. And I talk to myself. Hmm…

Porcelain Princess – You make a fair point, but I'll gloss over it. I think he'd be sexier if he were more rugged in the film though.

TigerLily713 – Yeah, I agree, it'll take a while though.

Astronema – There are counselling sessions for eccentrics and shoulder devils?! Amazing…

Avon – * waves back cheerfully * Nice to see you, what d'you mean 'poor Legolas'?! Meh.

Rose85 – Ah, someone understands my pain! Good news is that I've finished, so they should be more regular updates again.

NaughtyNat – It wasn't really a cliffy. What in the name of arse does 'bler' mean by the way?

Nell-Marie – No need to apologise, I'm rubbish at remembering to review, but you've done it now, so thank you.

Ele – Good as new? Couldn't tell you. Alive? Couldn't tell you. Mwahahahaha

Trustingfriendship – Well you've seen their overprotective side and it ain't pretty!

TrinityTheSheDevil – Whoa! Anger issues! Ner, ner – you can't touch me, I'm on the other side of the world (I think)... don't hurt me!

Dujoran – I tend to bring out everyone's evil side. It's an amazing gift.

Jambaby1963, Arifel & Eph – Not reviewers of many words, but always appreciated.

Tithen Min – What's gonna happen? Well, first Estel #censored# and then Legolas #censored# and then Estel #censored# hope that clears everything up!

Shaan Lien – tough shit.

Lady Eleclya – what's all this 'fun'? You make it sound like a bloody orgy!