Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Have a Party

"So much for keeping a low profile," Scott groaned as several kids fled the house. "Come one we'd better go inside." There were only about seven kids left in the house including a certain jock.

"SOMEBODY GET THIS KID OUT OF HERE!" Duncan screamed as he hopped around on one foot. Then he saw the X-Men. "What the hell are you freaks doing here? And what is this? Halloween?"

"I know this sounds strange Duncan," Jean asked. "But have you seen any unusual kids around here?"

"You mean that?" Duncan pointed to a Little Lance munching on some chips. "What are you freaks doing here? Get out of my house!"

"Gladly," Scott told him. "Just as soon as we get our little friend over there and any other kids that might be around here."

"You mean there's more muties here?" A football player yelled.

Jean ignored this. "Okay you," She told the Little Lance. "Fun's over!"

"MOMMY!" the Lance clone ran up to her. "He was mean to me!" He pointed to Duncan and stuck his tongue out at him.

"Mommy?" Duncan yelped. "Jean who is this kid?"

"I'm Lance Jr.," The boy grinned. "This is my mommy."

"I AM NOT YOUR MOMMY!" Jean shouted.

"Oh my god! Jean has a kid!" One girl gasped.

"And that Alvers nut is the father!" Another girl squealed.

"He is not!" Scott snapped.

"Oh for crying out loud Summers look at him!" Blake the football player said. "He looks exactly like Alvers and he has the same powers! Who else's kid could he be?"

"Okay technically he is Alvers' kid," Scott groaned.

"Technically?" Duncan yelled.

"It's a long story," Jean grumbled.

"Uncle Scott's my new daddy now," The Little Lance clone grinned. "After Mommy told my other daddy to take a hike because she found someone better."

"That's not true!" Jean snapped. "That's a lie!"

"Oh yeah and you've always told the truth huh Jean?" Duncan snapped. "Just how old is this kid?"

"Jeeze Duncan she was probably making time behind both you and Summer's back!" Blake shouted.

"I always said she was a slut," Mindy the cheerleader said.

"I AM NOT!" Jean shouted. "I don't have a kid! He's not mine!"

"Hi there!" Another Lance clone ran out. "This place is great! It has a lot of breakable stuff!"

"Oh you're right Jean you don't have a kid," Mindy sniffed. "You have two kids!"

"Hey guess how many clothes I can fit in the clothes dryer before the machine explodes!" A third Little Lance ran out.

"Three of them?" A cheerleader yelled.

"TRIPLETS?" Duncan yelled. "You're the mother of triplets and all this time you never told me!"

"There's a lot of things she never told you," Mindy sneered. "My god, these things are breeding faster than you can blink! What are they? Mutants or rabbits?"

"Mommy said we came from heaven," The Second Lance clone said. "We're five years old!"

"FIVE YEARS OLD!" Duncan yelled. "Where the hell were they all this time?"

"We live in the basement," The Third Lance clone said.

"You do not!" Jean snapped.

"I always said Jean was too good to be true!" Mindy snapped. "Not only is she a slut, she's a lousy mother! Mutants shouldn't be parents anyway!"

"Thank god I wised up and dumped her," Duncan moaned.

"OKAY THAT'S IT!" Jean put her hands to her head. Immediately all the kids in the house stood still with vacant stares. "You will remember only this: You all got drunk and decided to trash the house! No mutants ever showed up here at all! Got it?" She whirled around. "And as for you three little lunatics, you're coming with us! Bobby if they make a move, freeze 'em solid!"

"Let's go kiddos," Remy grabbed one Lance clone and the guys each grabbed another.

"Somebody's not happy," One Little Lance said.

"Don't start with me you!" Jean snarled. "I bet you thought that was funny didn't you?"

"What?" Another clone asked. "Can't take a joke?"

"You don't want to know what I would find funny right now!" Jean snapped.

"Uh Jean…" Scott blinked. "You think that was a good idea erasing their memories like that?"

"Scott there is no way in hell I am going to be known as an abusive mother! Let alone the mother of Lance's demon spawn!" Jean snapped at him.

"You have to admit the lady has a point," Remy chuckled.

"Well three down," Scott sighed. "Sixteen to go. But where are they?"

************************************************************************

Kitty finally roused herself from unconsciousness. "Where am I?" She looked around and saw that she was in some kind of small shack. There were flowers everywhere and candles. "Oh great," She muttered. "What did they do to me?"

Then she heard the sounds of a scuffle outside and a cry of pain. "Now what?" Kitty groaned as she sat up and the door opened.

"Hello Kitty!" A tiny metal person walked up to her. "We're here to save you!"

"Baby Colossus?" Kitty's jaw dropped. "What do you mean we?" She saw the rest of the Baby Colossus Gang behind him. "Oh god no!"

"NOW WE HAVE KITTY!" They all cheered. "HOORAY!"

"Not again!" Kitty moaned. "I am so out of here!" She phased through the wall and ran for her life.

"I think we frightened her," One Baby Colossus said.

"You think?" Another snapped. "But we have to save her from the Evil Avalanches! Forward!"

"Not so fast!" A group of Avalanche Clones popped up. "You may have gotten the drop on some of us! But not all of us!"

"Let's rumble!" A Little Lance Clone shouted.

Kitty could think of nothing other than running. She didn't get very far when she saw the other X-Men. "Guys!"

"Kitty!" Peter reached out to her. "Are you all right?"

"Just peachy," Kitty moaned. "Where are we?"

"Duncan's place," Scott walked up to her with his group and some Lance Clones.

"Hey she got out of the boathouse!" One Little Lance clone remarked. They heard a loud rumble. They turned and saw the small boathouse collapse.

"Oh goody another building got wrecked," Kitty muttered.

"See Kitty, Avalanche is nothing but trouble!" Peter remarked. "What more proof do you need?"

"Oh really?" Kitty pointed. "Then how do you explain that?" To their horror a mob of Avalanche clones were brawling with a mob of Colossus clones.

"IT'S THE ENEMY!" One of the captive Lance clones shouted.

"Get them!" Another captive clone shouted and they broke free of the X-Men in order to join their brothers in battle.

"Okay, this was unexpected," Peter gulped.

"Oh great," Scott moaned. "Now we have both mobs of Baby Avalanches and Baby Colossuses running amok!"

"Colossuses?" Bobby thought. "Shouldn't that be Colossusi or something?"

"What do we do? We gotta get them under control before they tear up the landscape!" Tabitha said. She barely dodged a crack in the earth. "Let me rephrase that…"

"I suggest tear gas, knock out gas," Logan said. "Some very large grenades! Whatever it takes in order to stop 'em!"

"We can't stop 'em," Rogue said. "But Kitty can!"

"Me?" Kitty yelled.

"You're their queen, remember?" Rogue told her. "They'll listen to you!"

"Kitty is ours!" The Colossus clones shouted.

"NO SHE'S OURS!" The Avalanche clones shouted back.

"OURS!"

"OURS!"

"OURS!"

"SHE'S OURS!"

"OVER OUR DEAD BODIES!"

"ALL RIGHT! THIS IS YOUR QUEEN SPEAKING! ALL OF YOU STOP FIGHTING AND SHUT UP!" Kitty shouted.

Both groups did so. They stood there quietly. "All right you!" Kitty snapped. "Now as your queen I am ordering all of you to come back to the mansion right now and no more funny business! Got it?"

"Yes Kitty," They all said.

"All right! Move it out! Move it! Move it! Move it!" Kitty ordered with the effectiveness of a drill sergeant.

"Remind me never to get on Kitty's bad side," Bobby remarked as they loaded the kids in the van and car and drove back to the mansion.

"What do we do with them now?" Kitty asked. "We can't keep them!"

"We may not have to," Xavier pointed at the driveway. "It looks like we have guests."

"Oh no…" Logan groaned when he saw who was there. "This is all we need!"

"I knew they'd be here!" Baby Wolverine stood proudly. He turned to his two companions. "Didn't I say they'd be here! The nose knows!"

"Hey guys!" Longshot waved. Spiral was also with him.

"Told you they'd be here," Baby Wolverine said. "I'm the bestest tracker in the world cause I'm the best at what I do!"

"Oh god no…" Logan groaned. "Of all the times to be out of alcohol!"

Coming soon, the insane conclusion!

Kurt: Is there any other kind in her fics?