I find myself once more on Gaea. There is no mistaking it; two moons in the sky and less ugly stuff. Hallelujah! Slap Girl slowly sits up in the grass and takes a moment of dramatic pause…

Is it just me or are the Mystic Moon people just really dense?

Slap Girl looks panicked all the sudden. Why? It's Gaea; she should be relieved. So we're surrounded by a bunch of beast men, fangs bared, growling in warning fashion. So? I look up and notice…Ruhm!

Ha ha! Free-ride back. I'm sure he won't mind…heheh….

"You've truly been to the Mystic Moon?" Ruhm inquired in fascination as we started our journey back home.

"Yeah."

Haven't you?

He continued, looking over at the girl. "And that girl is one of its people?"

Frighteningly enough.

"Excuse me," the girl asked Ruhm timidly, "what's the Mystic Moon?"

Perhaps dense isn't the word. More like "stupid". Doesn't she know the name of her own planet? Gods……

I look up at her and notice she's gazing off into space with a glazed look in her eyes. Okaaaaaaay, is she hungry? That time of the month? Stoned? Growing slightly concerned, I ask her if she's all right.

That snaps her out of it. She blushes and won't look at me, dismissing it as nothing. What, is it something I said? I kept my tone neutral; don't want to get slapped again. Is it me? What, it's not like I have wings growing out of my…back…

Doo doo doo, tra la lalala….fa la…

………

……

After one heck of an awkward night, morning finally arrives and with it the amazing light that IS my country: Fanelia!

Bu-yah!

The girl seems amazed as Ruhm tells her that it is Fanelia. Of course she should be amazed with the beauty of Fanelia, who wouldn't be? It has that classic beauty, timeless, traditional, and lots of trees. We also have dragons! Don't forget that one! And a Dracon…

Dooodooodooodoo…….

As we approach the gate I realize how much I've missed my country. You never notice how much something means to you until it's gone…

Sudden sense of foreboding…

Oh well. The mountains envelope the city like a mother's arms around her beloved child, protecting it while I was gone. The scent of the trees and fields in the clean air, the wind whispers through the trees, stirring the windmills in front of the gates.

See Slap Girl, we're efficient. Wait a minute…

………

What are those for?!?

We enter the Fanelian gates. I hear someone call out my name and a crowd gathers around the yak. My adoring public. I missed you guys too, you can't imagine how much! I leap from the yak, showing off I must admit…

Crck!

Ow, my ankle. Must not show pain, I am Van, I am good…

Single tear.

"Lord Van!" I hear the familiar cry.

"Merle!" I shout in excitement. Merle, my buddy, my pal! SANE person! Oh it's good to be home! I throw open my arms to receive the hug I know is coming and…oof!

I chide her, telling her that we're in public and to stop licking my face. Cats' tongue…ow. Like sandpaper across the face. It's good to be loved. Heeheehee.

"Lord Van?"

Merle and I look up to see my mentor, Balgus, emerging from the crowd. "Lord Van." He says again. Right. Merle bows and scoots away, this scared look on her face. Wish I could scurry away too.

"Lord Van."

Yes Balgus, that is my name; we've established that the first two times. Fine, if you want it officially. I nod and hold up that poor dragon's energist for all to see.

"I, Van Fanel, have completed the Rite of Dragonslaying, have returned with a Drag-Energist."

Man, they look like they're gonna shit a brick. What, they thought I couldn't do it? Thanks for the faith, guys. Well, I'll just grace them with my smile. I mean, I am glad, I'm gonna be king, I can do all sorts of deeds for the good of my people.

Like figure out what those windmills are for, for one.

Balgus calls me over, telling me I should give the girl a room and that I need to practice my sword skills.

Oh no…Hey wait, I'm king now Balgus, I'm in charge now, not you! HA!

So I give the girl one of our guest rooms and follow Balgus to the training room doggedly.

All hail the king. Rah.

LordVan, Lord Van, Lordvan Lordvan lordvan! Argh! Does the man know any other words? We stand facing each other, Balgus in his tight pants.

Aaagh…old man in tight pants. I hope someone kills me if I ever try that.

Balgus starts grunting, signifying that I should get ready. With a bored look on my face that I hope he sees I draw my sword, facing him. Intimidating little creature, aren't I?

Rawr.

All fifteen years of my lanky form. I can see you shaking in fear now.

He does some long growl, and the "battle" commences. You can cut the tension with a knife in this room. I charge!

Charging…charging! Tight pants…no! Charging!

CLANG!

He blocks me. Big surprise there. At this rate, I won't get to be an old man in tight pants.

"Lord Van,"

Slave Balgus.

"You don't charge aggressively enough!"

Who just slew a dragon?

"Come at me like you mean to kill me!"

Yeah, I can really kill something ten times my size…wait…dragon…That's different! Dragon's not Balgus! Dragon wasn't half as scary. Gods Balgus, your hand can pop my head. So, when it comes down to it, I don't think I can kill you.

"I don't like mortal sword combat," I sigh heavily. He knows this, but enjoys pissing me off. Unlike you, I have a country to run right now. I'm king, hear me roar.

Rer…

"Lord Van,"

Not to say he has a one-track mind.

"It is a poor thing for a man who is about to become king of Fanelia to show such weak sentiments!"

Would you rather I start out for world domination and have my country incinerated? That can be arranged.

"It's not like I'm becoming king because I want to." I reply. Oops, shouldn't have said that. I sense a lecture in my future.

"Lord Van…"

WHAT!?

Balgus sees my distressed look and decides not to do anything. He pauses, looking thoughtful. "We have a guest."

Guest? Who would be visiting me while I perform my "important" duties? Oh, her. Don't trust her Balgus, she slaps. She may look all innocent and timid, but she could take you out.

Merle comes bounding in for a hug. Where'd you come from…?

Balgus struts over, suddenly the diplomat that he's been trying to get me to be for years. Whatever, I could do it. Do doodoo la la…

"It seems that Lord Van-" BARG "- owes you his life."

Huh?

"I promise you that we'll do all in our power to return you to your home." He states, smiling fondly at the girl.

"Really?"

No, he's lying. Never trust samurai of Fanelia!

For some reason Balgus made me bring that Girl to my coronation. Probably to keep me in line if I try to run; slap me if I try anything. She is just standing there awkwardly, no sense of royal etiquette. Bah.

Geez it is hot. Who could fight in this armor? I mean, billowing cape? Someone could just jab a sword into it and I would be stuck.

So hot…

Hot….

I feel like a mukushi in this thing…

Mmm… mukushi meat….

Yum….

Still hot…barg…they seem to be talking to me, perhaps I should pay attention. Look at tbat bird fly…Balgus senses I'm not paying attention, I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my helmet. Sigh.

That's a nice sword, even with the crest of Fanelia on it. Hey, if I lose it, they'll all know it's mine, the king's sword.

…King's sword…king. I'm king.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm not ready for this! I'm too young! What if I botch up!? What if I'm forced to do a political marriage!? Marriage! Shit, I need an heir! I'm too young! What if there's an invasion! Brain burp! I can't remember what to do! Stupid dad! Stupid brother! What if there's an earthquake? What can I do then? What if there's a flood, or a drought!? What if the mother of the dragon I killed comes after us all in revenge!? ……People will be after my head! Assassination attempts! I have to sleep with one eye open! Too young! I can feel my hair graying now! What if everyone finds out what I am? DOOMED! Will they cut off my wings? Ooooh…

I'm tired…

I hear explosions coming ominously closer……parties?

"Enemy attack!"

First day on the job…and I already botch it up.

Balgus and the other samurai step forward in a group huddle, leaving me in the background. I guess I'm just a figurehead.

Remember, I don't charge aggressively enough.

"Lord Van,"

Yeeees?

"I want you to take the Lady Hitomi to the shrine and if it prove necessary awaken Escaflowne and flee."

Escaflowne?

I swear I've heard that name before…

It was something important….. hmm….

Come Girl! To the shrine!

… there are three caskets over there… as I recall there was only one dead body. Folken died, a hero's death, (he did not run away); Mother went out looking for him and never returned….

What are the other two for?

Me… Gir… Hitomi…

One… two…

I don't like the odds against me.

Well, from what I remember of my lessons I –think- that I stand in the middle of that elaborately decorated circle. Hm… now what.

I wonder how things are going out there..

Hope no ones died… what a track record I'd have…

Oh yeah, blood!

Oooooowwww!

Don't like slicing my finger. Whoa, look at blood, must have hit an artery. Um… I'll lift it above my head and shut my eyes….

Please come out… please come out….

Please?

I hear cracking above… that could be a good or a bad sign….

That's a big rock. Imagine if that thing fell. Squish goes Van.

Oh! THAT'S Escaflowne! It all makes sense now, I remember! Patting self on back. Hitomi is looking at me. What? I knew what to do the whole time. I'll show you what Escaflowne and I can do together.

I jump up on the knee. I think the energist goes here. With a dramatic wave of my arms, it WILL! Hai-yah!
Splort!
Oh, that's gross, ugh, getting hand out of there……ew…

"What do you think you're doing?"

Umm, sitting in here since the view is fabulous, what do you think I'm doing?

Okay, one step at a time. I hope I don't fall on my face. That'd be kind of funny. Trip, bonk, heheehehe. I feel the Escaflowne strapping me in, closing around my form to attune itself with my every move. The door bursts open. I step rather close to Hitomi.

MOVE!

Oh gods, we're back to that not moving stage again. The Mystic Moon battle tactic at full throttle. Perhaps if I stamp my foot she'll get the point.

I don't see anything. That could be bad. Grabbing sword, hehee, it grows! That could be so wrong! Highly amused.

"To your left!"

Looking to left and…

WHOA!

What the?

Erm… charge?

I slash the metallic claw thing and it bursts into blue flames. Glad I'm not on the ground. They think they're getting away from me, huh?

"A guymelef?!" I shout out as the invisible cloak is torn off. This could be worse than I first thought.

"Behind you!" I can barely hear Hitomi through this thing. She's running into the fray, again.

"ROAR!"

Hey! Balgus! I'm glad to see you! That's a huge sword…making up for something?

I turn my attention back to the melef and find his melef can do fancy tricks. Is that fair?

I hear Balgus shout to me to escape. I'll never turn my back on the enemy! You've pounded it into my head enough… Suddenly I feel something jump onto my shoulder. Big bird?

Balgus just saved my life from the guymelef behind me. You can say "Lord Van" all you want man! Alright, I get the picture, I'm not that good in battle. Grumble…Come Hitomi, we gotta go! Look how tiny you are! You like…fit in the palm of my hand. I could pop you…

Okay, running. Get vengeance later. Leaving temple and…

…………
Oh my…no words come to mind…Fanelia's burning……
"All right Balgus, retreat!"

I turn to see my dear mentor struck down…
BALGUS!!!!

I can't think…I can't think! So much blood…

He tells me to reunite Fanelia…

Ah……….BALGUS!

Balgus, my mentor…he was like a father to me…

Blue light…no…

Going back to the Mystic Moon now, right? No! Wait! I have to fight! To save Fanelia!

FANELIAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Disclaimer: Don't own Escaflowne (or Van….)

Yukari: I'm possessed!

Ever notice kid picking his nose in the background? ("Enemy attack" part).