Chasing Shadows
Notes: A bunch of thanks goes out to all of ya'll who reviewed, me loves ya so much! Me no own Chobits so no suing!
Chapter Five
Acceptance
' From that moment that the strange yet profound girl had left my grasp, my "life" had a new meaning. I had a small thread of hope grasped in my fingers. Small, delicate, and almost nonexistent but it was hope and it was there; those two simple facts that made all of the difference in the world. In a moment of sanity I had forgotten my hatred towards humans, for I found a human a little girl that saw me as something more than a machine. But then the madness would come back to haunt me as I would lose the memory of her gentle hands touch and anglieic voice speaking in riddles that I wanted to solve. With a brief blink of my eyes I would recall all of the pain and mental anguish that I suffered in my years at the LAB, I would remember the honey coated words that eventual returned to pierce my flesh. I would know that for all of her beautiful words of vague promise that she was human; that she was flesh, blood, heart, soul and mortal bound whereas I was not.'
' I would tell myself that I was crazy for ever believing her, stupid for buying into her lies. I can't achieve equality; I cannot have my right to live unless I fight for it. Then I would close my eyes and see her childishly precocious face, I would know that she hides secrets from me, wonderful secrets that I want to know. I wanted her to show me and teach me of the world outside my shell. I wanted to find her so that I could surrender myself for her to mold me into her obedient student, her teacher, her master, and her servant. So I waited inside the enclosed and abandoned Eden that time and humanity had long forgotten. '
' I waited for her return because something told me that it was not her whom had intruded on that rainy day but yours truly. I waited for days, weeks, and then months, but she never came, yet I still waited. Stupidity at it's finest if I do say so myself, for I was waiting for someone that I wasn't even sure existed, she seemed too surreal to be real, she had delve far too deep with her words for a child so young, a human child none the less. My thread of hope was unraveling and I had given up on ever seeing her again. Then she came. But one visit was never enough; I always needed more. She had me addicted to her, her face, her eyes, her voice; even her promises that I knew were empty. Still I wanted her to stay with me no matter what so I begged for her to return at the end of each day. And time after time she came back'
"Rue-san, come on Rue I know you're awake. You can't pretend to be asleep forever." Kari said, her tone full of restrained laughter. A smirk crossed Rue's lips as he made a show of "waking up". First yawning loudly, stretching his limbs, grumbling and cursing under his breath as he sat up from the bench, finally opening his eyes to fall on the young girl sitting beside him. "What do you want now?" Rue growled, pretending to be annoyed by her visit even though they both knew that he was very pleased to see her again so soon. Kari reached out, winding her right arm against his, "Come let's walk around the park today."
Grudgingly Rue arose from the bench, allowing himself to be dragged along by the slip of a girl. She giggled at his weak protest; knowing that he would follow her to the ends of the earth if she deemed it necessary. Nevertheless for one so young she held a great fear of knowing that she had such control of someone such as she had with Rue-san. She did enjoy his devotion and kindness that he had showered her with in the short months that he had shown since they had met but at the same time it frightened her. Sometimes she wondered how would Rue go just for her? Was there any bound to his devotion and if so did she want to see how far that devotion would stretch? "More than likely it is best for me not to find out his limits nor push him to them." Kari inwardly mused as they stepped off of the gazebo and out into the park.
She smiled brightly as she wove her tiny and slender fingers through Rue's for now she decided to brush those thoughts aside, it was a beautiful spring afternoon and she for one didn't plan on wasting it indoors unlike other members of humanity chose to do. The park surrounding them was a literal jungle with its overgrown grass that reached their knees; flowers that had once been carefully plotted for landscape had spread to randomly pop out among the grass. The playground equipment had long since rusted after more than three years of disrepair and neglect only the swing set remaining in somewhat stable condition as well as the pathway that they walked across. With a contented sigh Kari leaned in closer to her companion, resting her head against his arm, "His skin feels so warm," she thought absently. True she did know that Rue was a Personcom, one would have to have been blind or very stupid not to notice that, but for some reason she felt that there was something.different about Rue.
Something mysterious and untouchable, he had a soul.
Kari didn't know how she came about this knowledge or even how she knew his name all she knew was that he was different, he was neither a human, nor a machine, but Rue, pure and simply Rue. That is why she came back, day after day, to uncover more about the mystery that had for one reason or another had dedicated itself to her. Kari gently shook her head, this motion caught Rue's attention.
"Something wrong?" he asked.
"Hmm, oh no, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking." Kari replied.
"About what?" Rue asked.
His question caused a smile to cross Kari's face, she found his endless questions endearing and charming; almost like a curious child whom longed to know as much as his elder did.
"About you," she said simply.
There was a short pause before yet another question, "Why?"
Kari shrugged her shoulders, "Because you make me wonder."
Before Rue could question again Kari elaborated. "Every time I see you I wonder, where did 'we" go wrong."
"Pardon?" Rue started but Kari quietly silenced him.
"I wonder why we, humans, try so hard to create life, then take it one step further by transforming them into gods and goddesses in our own images. We constructed you and your "race" to be faster, stronger, smarter, and more efficient, than ourselves and yet we submit you to serve us and adore us like pets. It makes me sick knowing that we can use you and your kind when you can think, can feel, and have a soul."
Kari felt her body shake with a mix of unknown rage and fear as she continued. "I HATE what we are doing to you! You can be so much better, you can be more but.because you were created to serve you can't do more than that can you?"
A long silence followed Kari's rant, Rue not knowing what to say to comfort her reached his hand to creases her face but the girl cringed from his touch, leaving Rue's hand to hang briefly in the air before he retracted, eyes speaking of confusion.
"Why?" Kari whispered hoarsely as she slowly lifted her hands to touch Rue's face, which he in turn moved into her touch like a tame house cat, his ever-alert eyes never breaking away from her gaze.
"Why do I care about you so much for you when I know that you're not real?" Kari finished, tears stinging her eyes and her tone croaked with emotion.
A heavy pause fell between them, stretching the distance of a few inches between them into miles. Rue never felt so confused, he had thought that this girl, this Kari, was different from other humans, that she had seen him as more than metal and programming; but apparently she was just like everyone else.
At this realization he abruptly pulled away from her poison touch, knowing that if he stayed in her hands for a second longer he would forget the surging tides of anger and bitter betrayal. Turning to walk away, he had resolved to walk away, no run away, and leave the pathetic lying human child alone with her pettiness. But the frail grasp on his arm wouldn't let him go.
"Please Rue, I am sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that, Please stay with me." Kari begged.
"No!" Rue growled as he carelessly shook her hand away as easily if he were swatting away a butterfly.
However just as soon as her hand was free, the girl wrapped her arms around Rue's waist trying in vain to hold him in place. It was all to easy for Rue to just break away from her tight embrace in the process severely breaking both of her arms and tearing her shoulders, they both knew that he was capable of such an act, that he was angry enough to do it, and had every right to; and yet he stayed.
"Please," Kari whispered, her voice so soft that it was almost inaudible, "Please don't leave me. You're all I have left."
'I am all she has left?" Rue pondered. 'She needs me.' But even as those words entered his head, he knew that they were lies, surely one so young had a family, a home, friends; whereas it was he who was truly alone for even though he was captivated by the child that now clung to him, he was nothing but a machine. He was a toy that she was gradually becoming tired of.
"Stop lying to me, we both know that you couldn't care less about me!" Rue growled between clenched teeth, his temper starting to boil over. Then he felt something wet hit against his shirt even though it wasn't raining.
'She's crying. You made her cry you big stupid brute.'
He gave a heavy sigh, looking up to the heavens as if asking, "why me?" before he tried to console the girl. Gently he pried her arms from his waist, bending down to his knees so that he would be at eye level with her, Rue brought his hands up to cradle her face in his palms.
He let out a small gasp as he found himself once again captured by her amber gaze, which was almost sparkling in the setting sunlight with teardrops. Her dark lashes fluttering to wipe away the remaining dew of sorrow that clung to them; her shoulders trembling with suppressed sobs, everything about her speaking of her vulnerability in volumes. She looked so small and helpless, her entire being crying out to him for protection and affection; even though she already had both in abundance. And who was he to deny a child goddess. Rue knew from that moment on that he was trapped and for once he didn't mind being imprisoned.
With a soft sob, Kari threw her arms around his neck, drawing them so close together that he could hear and almost feel her rapid heartbeat. Laying her head in the crock of his right shoulder Kari whispered fervently near his oddly shaped ear; "Stay with me Rue, please stay with me. I need you."
"No, you don't." Rue started to weakly protest until two soft lips pressing themselves against his mouth silenced him. This was something.different to say the least. No one had ever "kissed" him before. Everyone kissed his sister though, it was expected because she was female and she was beautiful, because she was kind, obedient. Because she was perfect and loved while he was none of those things. This girl though didn't care what he wasn't. She was kissing him because she wished him to stay; she was giving him a reason to trust her, a reason to hope, a reason to believe in her promises.
She was offering something that she knew he would love, something he had always wanted. On the other hand Kari was nothing if not an Indian giver in Rue's mind, so to him she was giving him this kiss with only half her heart. She wanted him to continue being entrapped and entranced by her.
'You can't let this go on push her away! She's lying to you! Just push her back and run before it's too late!' logic screamed at him.
For a moment Rue wasn't sure what to do, during this moment Kari withdrew from him, her soft lips parting from him. Her amber eyes flickering between the sadness and anger of rejection, finally she gave up to the truth. Reluctantly she backed away from Rue, blinking back yet another wave of tears; knowing that she had lost him. "So much for speaking my mind. And here I thought that you might be the only one who might be able to understand me." Kari said bitterly as she started to walk away. Just as she brushed passed him Rue snapped out of his inner turmoil to see her walking away.
His eyes widen as he realized that if she left now she wouldn't ever be coming back, this would be the last time he would ever see her amber eyes, to hear her soft voice and bright laughter, the last time he would listen to her honey coated lies. A part of him wanted to say 'good riddance" while another and stronger pull was screaming at him to run to her, to kiss her back and mutter apologies, to beg her to stay or at least promise to come back. But he opted for the third and more timid voice; this voice had instructed him to just stand his ground and watch her leave. He achieved this action with great difficulty but the worse came when she paused at the entrance of the park then turned to look back at him. Even from the fair distance between them he could pick up ever single detail of her face right down to the last raven black eyelash; she was still crying, the tears cutting pink marks into her face. "What are you waiting for?" he whispered into the breeze, knowing that she would not hear him.
She blinked her eyes, almost as if she had heard him and was replying with, "You, I am waiting for you." Then she lowered her head, her shoulders sagging from a dejected sigh before she removed herself from the park. As he continued staring at the same spot that had once held the young woman Rue felt a shutter ripple through his body.
"We will met again Kari, for better or worse, we shall met again."
Notes: A bunch of thanks goes out to all of ya'll who reviewed, me loves ya so much! Me no own Chobits so no suing!
Chapter Five
Acceptance
' From that moment that the strange yet profound girl had left my grasp, my "life" had a new meaning. I had a small thread of hope grasped in my fingers. Small, delicate, and almost nonexistent but it was hope and it was there; those two simple facts that made all of the difference in the world. In a moment of sanity I had forgotten my hatred towards humans, for I found a human a little girl that saw me as something more than a machine. But then the madness would come back to haunt me as I would lose the memory of her gentle hands touch and anglieic voice speaking in riddles that I wanted to solve. With a brief blink of my eyes I would recall all of the pain and mental anguish that I suffered in my years at the LAB, I would remember the honey coated words that eventual returned to pierce my flesh. I would know that for all of her beautiful words of vague promise that she was human; that she was flesh, blood, heart, soul and mortal bound whereas I was not.'
' I would tell myself that I was crazy for ever believing her, stupid for buying into her lies. I can't achieve equality; I cannot have my right to live unless I fight for it. Then I would close my eyes and see her childishly precocious face, I would know that she hides secrets from me, wonderful secrets that I want to know. I wanted her to show me and teach me of the world outside my shell. I wanted to find her so that I could surrender myself for her to mold me into her obedient student, her teacher, her master, and her servant. So I waited inside the enclosed and abandoned Eden that time and humanity had long forgotten. '
' I waited for her return because something told me that it was not her whom had intruded on that rainy day but yours truly. I waited for days, weeks, and then months, but she never came, yet I still waited. Stupidity at it's finest if I do say so myself, for I was waiting for someone that I wasn't even sure existed, she seemed too surreal to be real, she had delve far too deep with her words for a child so young, a human child none the less. My thread of hope was unraveling and I had given up on ever seeing her again. Then she came. But one visit was never enough; I always needed more. She had me addicted to her, her face, her eyes, her voice; even her promises that I knew were empty. Still I wanted her to stay with me no matter what so I begged for her to return at the end of each day. And time after time she came back'
"Rue-san, come on Rue I know you're awake. You can't pretend to be asleep forever." Kari said, her tone full of restrained laughter. A smirk crossed Rue's lips as he made a show of "waking up". First yawning loudly, stretching his limbs, grumbling and cursing under his breath as he sat up from the bench, finally opening his eyes to fall on the young girl sitting beside him. "What do you want now?" Rue growled, pretending to be annoyed by her visit even though they both knew that he was very pleased to see her again so soon. Kari reached out, winding her right arm against his, "Come let's walk around the park today."
Grudgingly Rue arose from the bench, allowing himself to be dragged along by the slip of a girl. She giggled at his weak protest; knowing that he would follow her to the ends of the earth if she deemed it necessary. Nevertheless for one so young she held a great fear of knowing that she had such control of someone such as she had with Rue-san. She did enjoy his devotion and kindness that he had showered her with in the short months that he had shown since they had met but at the same time it frightened her. Sometimes she wondered how would Rue go just for her? Was there any bound to his devotion and if so did she want to see how far that devotion would stretch? "More than likely it is best for me not to find out his limits nor push him to them." Kari inwardly mused as they stepped off of the gazebo and out into the park.
She smiled brightly as she wove her tiny and slender fingers through Rue's for now she decided to brush those thoughts aside, it was a beautiful spring afternoon and she for one didn't plan on wasting it indoors unlike other members of humanity chose to do. The park surrounding them was a literal jungle with its overgrown grass that reached their knees; flowers that had once been carefully plotted for landscape had spread to randomly pop out among the grass. The playground equipment had long since rusted after more than three years of disrepair and neglect only the swing set remaining in somewhat stable condition as well as the pathway that they walked across. With a contented sigh Kari leaned in closer to her companion, resting her head against his arm, "His skin feels so warm," she thought absently. True she did know that Rue was a Personcom, one would have to have been blind or very stupid not to notice that, but for some reason she felt that there was something.different about Rue.
Something mysterious and untouchable, he had a soul.
Kari didn't know how she came about this knowledge or even how she knew his name all she knew was that he was different, he was neither a human, nor a machine, but Rue, pure and simply Rue. That is why she came back, day after day, to uncover more about the mystery that had for one reason or another had dedicated itself to her. Kari gently shook her head, this motion caught Rue's attention.
"Something wrong?" he asked.
"Hmm, oh no, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking." Kari replied.
"About what?" Rue asked.
His question caused a smile to cross Kari's face, she found his endless questions endearing and charming; almost like a curious child whom longed to know as much as his elder did.
"About you," she said simply.
There was a short pause before yet another question, "Why?"
Kari shrugged her shoulders, "Because you make me wonder."
Before Rue could question again Kari elaborated. "Every time I see you I wonder, where did 'we" go wrong."
"Pardon?" Rue started but Kari quietly silenced him.
"I wonder why we, humans, try so hard to create life, then take it one step further by transforming them into gods and goddesses in our own images. We constructed you and your "race" to be faster, stronger, smarter, and more efficient, than ourselves and yet we submit you to serve us and adore us like pets. It makes me sick knowing that we can use you and your kind when you can think, can feel, and have a soul."
Kari felt her body shake with a mix of unknown rage and fear as she continued. "I HATE what we are doing to you! You can be so much better, you can be more but.because you were created to serve you can't do more than that can you?"
A long silence followed Kari's rant, Rue not knowing what to say to comfort her reached his hand to creases her face but the girl cringed from his touch, leaving Rue's hand to hang briefly in the air before he retracted, eyes speaking of confusion.
"Why?" Kari whispered hoarsely as she slowly lifted her hands to touch Rue's face, which he in turn moved into her touch like a tame house cat, his ever-alert eyes never breaking away from her gaze.
"Why do I care about you so much for you when I know that you're not real?" Kari finished, tears stinging her eyes and her tone croaked with emotion.
A heavy pause fell between them, stretching the distance of a few inches between them into miles. Rue never felt so confused, he had thought that this girl, this Kari, was different from other humans, that she had seen him as more than metal and programming; but apparently she was just like everyone else.
At this realization he abruptly pulled away from her poison touch, knowing that if he stayed in her hands for a second longer he would forget the surging tides of anger and bitter betrayal. Turning to walk away, he had resolved to walk away, no run away, and leave the pathetic lying human child alone with her pettiness. But the frail grasp on his arm wouldn't let him go.
"Please Rue, I am sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that, Please stay with me." Kari begged.
"No!" Rue growled as he carelessly shook her hand away as easily if he were swatting away a butterfly.
However just as soon as her hand was free, the girl wrapped her arms around Rue's waist trying in vain to hold him in place. It was all to easy for Rue to just break away from her tight embrace in the process severely breaking both of her arms and tearing her shoulders, they both knew that he was capable of such an act, that he was angry enough to do it, and had every right to; and yet he stayed.
"Please," Kari whispered, her voice so soft that it was almost inaudible, "Please don't leave me. You're all I have left."
'I am all she has left?" Rue pondered. 'She needs me.' But even as those words entered his head, he knew that they were lies, surely one so young had a family, a home, friends; whereas it was he who was truly alone for even though he was captivated by the child that now clung to him, he was nothing but a machine. He was a toy that she was gradually becoming tired of.
"Stop lying to me, we both know that you couldn't care less about me!" Rue growled between clenched teeth, his temper starting to boil over. Then he felt something wet hit against his shirt even though it wasn't raining.
'She's crying. You made her cry you big stupid brute.'
He gave a heavy sigh, looking up to the heavens as if asking, "why me?" before he tried to console the girl. Gently he pried her arms from his waist, bending down to his knees so that he would be at eye level with her, Rue brought his hands up to cradle her face in his palms.
He let out a small gasp as he found himself once again captured by her amber gaze, which was almost sparkling in the setting sunlight with teardrops. Her dark lashes fluttering to wipe away the remaining dew of sorrow that clung to them; her shoulders trembling with suppressed sobs, everything about her speaking of her vulnerability in volumes. She looked so small and helpless, her entire being crying out to him for protection and affection; even though she already had both in abundance. And who was he to deny a child goddess. Rue knew from that moment on that he was trapped and for once he didn't mind being imprisoned.
With a soft sob, Kari threw her arms around his neck, drawing them so close together that he could hear and almost feel her rapid heartbeat. Laying her head in the crock of his right shoulder Kari whispered fervently near his oddly shaped ear; "Stay with me Rue, please stay with me. I need you."
"No, you don't." Rue started to weakly protest until two soft lips pressing themselves against his mouth silenced him. This was something.different to say the least. No one had ever "kissed" him before. Everyone kissed his sister though, it was expected because she was female and she was beautiful, because she was kind, obedient. Because she was perfect and loved while he was none of those things. This girl though didn't care what he wasn't. She was kissing him because she wished him to stay; she was giving him a reason to trust her, a reason to hope, a reason to believe in her promises.
She was offering something that she knew he would love, something he had always wanted. On the other hand Kari was nothing if not an Indian giver in Rue's mind, so to him she was giving him this kiss with only half her heart. She wanted him to continue being entrapped and entranced by her.
'You can't let this go on push her away! She's lying to you! Just push her back and run before it's too late!' logic screamed at him.
For a moment Rue wasn't sure what to do, during this moment Kari withdrew from him, her soft lips parting from him. Her amber eyes flickering between the sadness and anger of rejection, finally she gave up to the truth. Reluctantly she backed away from Rue, blinking back yet another wave of tears; knowing that she had lost him. "So much for speaking my mind. And here I thought that you might be the only one who might be able to understand me." Kari said bitterly as she started to walk away. Just as she brushed passed him Rue snapped out of his inner turmoil to see her walking away.
His eyes widen as he realized that if she left now she wouldn't ever be coming back, this would be the last time he would ever see her amber eyes, to hear her soft voice and bright laughter, the last time he would listen to her honey coated lies. A part of him wanted to say 'good riddance" while another and stronger pull was screaming at him to run to her, to kiss her back and mutter apologies, to beg her to stay or at least promise to come back. But he opted for the third and more timid voice; this voice had instructed him to just stand his ground and watch her leave. He achieved this action with great difficulty but the worse came when she paused at the entrance of the park then turned to look back at him. Even from the fair distance between them he could pick up ever single detail of her face right down to the last raven black eyelash; she was still crying, the tears cutting pink marks into her face. "What are you waiting for?" he whispered into the breeze, knowing that she would not hear him.
She blinked her eyes, almost as if she had heard him and was replying with, "You, I am waiting for you." Then she lowered her head, her shoulders sagging from a dejected sigh before she removed herself from the park. As he continued staring at the same spot that had once held the young woman Rue felt a shutter ripple through his body.
"We will met again Kari, for better or worse, we shall met again."
