This is the second and last part of John the mon's adventure in Middle Earth. Other adventures will be added if reviews and suggestions are given. Enjoy.
*** The days did drag on as the group struggled through the mountains. Mordor seemed to get farther and farther away. The ring mockingly bounced on Frodo's chest as he walked. John wasn't used to such starvation. He had not eaten for two whole days in the fellowship's eyes apart from Legolas who would sneak him a few bits of his food. John still thought that Legolas was a she and was starting to get drawn to him and his friendly nature as he would chat constantly on the journey, sing songs and generally be nice in a pack of heartless gits. Gandalf was in absolute exasperation at this. He knew it wasn't his place to tell, but would often look Legolas firmly in the eye when he would laugh at John and flirtatiously touch his arm. 'This was not supposed to be how the story goes' he would angrily think. 'It's a kids story and already we have more than obvious references to drugs and a slash pairing is wanting to emerge' Five days after the munchies incident, the air in the group got a little bit easier. Gandalf must have counselled Frodo or something, because one night when they stopped to sleep. Frodo woke up and found John was staring miserably at the fire, tears were welling up. Frodo didn't know if this was due to smoke or homesickness, but sat next to him and touched his hand gently. "I'm sorry I over reacted," ventured Frodo bravely. For all he knew this man may be bitter at him for his exclusion. "Its ok. I deserved it," "No but it was wrong of me to treat you like this for so long, yes you ate a lot of our food, but to be nasty for this amount of time... It's not fair on you and it's not fair on the fellowship," "I didn't ask to be here you know. I got that ring off those kids and I went over to give it to you back, and I got caught up as you went here," "We realised that. I don't think you would leave your cushy life for this." "What exactly are you lot doing here?" asked John, for the first time realising he actually cared why these people were putting themselves through this. Didn't these people have families? Didn't they have nice houses to live in before they were talking about Mordor and becoming quivering wrecks at a ring? "It's a long story John. I am very tired. Can we talk in the morning?" "But in the morning we'll be travelling and that woman won't stop talking. Don't get me wrong, she's nice, but MON does she go on," Frodo burst out laughing. John looked amused. He couldn't see why he was laughing. "Why you laughin' Mon?" "You mean Legolas right?" "Yeh," "That is no way a woman. She is a he!" Frodo was now silently laughing; a hissing sound was escaping his mouth as not to wake the others up. John look horrified, but then saw the funny side. He laughed a great booming laugh that threatened to wake up even the comatose patient recovering from battle on the other side of middle earth. The other members of the fellowship slept on. That night, Frodo told John of his life before the ring came into his life, and about Bilbo and how he came to acquire this piece of what John called 'bling' He told of why the ring had to be disposed and where and how far they had to go and in the manner they would actually have to dispose it. He stressed the perils involved and what he was scared of, especially coming back to the shire to find it destroyed. While John just sat there and listened sympathetically, he nodded and tried to speak several times, but Frodo was on a roll. When Frodo stopped for a break, John didn't get the chance to put in his thoughts because Gandalf joined the pair. He said he couldn't sleep and heard that maybe Frodo was in need of counsel. "I don't know what to do Gandalf. It is still so far to go and I cannot take this burden for much longer. I need a break from it. I need it so bad I could scream and rip the ring from its chain and smash into tiny pieces onto the floor!"

"Frodo you must! Nobody in this group is wise enough and strong enough to take this ring. They all admit they would be taken over by its power and use it for evil's purpose. You must carry on for the mean time until we work out something to do,"
***

Days were passing but little ground was being covered. Frodo was trudging slowly and becoming weaker. His face began to take on a greyish tinge and they needed to rest more often than not. John had a little talk with Legolas and let on that he now knew that the elf was male. Legolas hung his head. John laughed and said it was his mistake to make and thanked the elf for being such a good friend when the rest of the group were sending him to Coventry. Legolas accepted and turned away screwing up his face as if he was bawling like a baby because John was still oblivious to his love and could never return it. But in a few minutes, he was fine again and turning his attentions to what seemed like a very nice tree. One by one, another member of the fellowship would join Frodo, Gandalf and John by a fire each night if it were safe to make one and discuss Frodo's ailing condition. He was now finding it difficult to move and the Aragorn, Gandalf and John would take it in turns to give the knackered hobbit a piggy back during the journey that now was walking near craggy rock faces and were steep to climb.
*** Even more days were passing and Frodo was now having trouble breathing from the weight of the ring pressing down on his lungs. They all realised that this was a desperate situation and that Frodo, unless they thought of something in the next few days, would be dying. John was carrying Frodo the day after they realised how dire the situation was. His back was aching from carrying the little Hobbit for three hours straight without a rest. He gently put down Frodo who was having a coughing fit and shaking violently in case he dropped him and sat down, flexing his spine. It was getting hot today and something that had a resemblance to the sun was beating down on his head. For the first time in 2 weeks he took his puffa jacket off. He played with the lining inside of it and pulled out a few items that appeared useless in this new world. John pulled out his house keys; a few raggy handkerchiefs, a biro and a few rings of what looked like gold, one of them looked like his nipple ring, he was glad he found that- the hole was starting to close up. He also pulled out his mobile phone and looked at that forlornly. There would be no way he could use this ever again if he was stuck here. The battery was probably dead. But he turned it on anyway, and his welcome message came up. The battery had been fully charged then turned off. That must have been Gabrielle he thought. So if he was in a state, he could ring her in an emergency. He played a game on his mobile for a minute to check the signal was working and then turned it off. He had a feeling it may come in handy. That night, Frodo got to his worst. Gandalf didn't know what else to do apart from relieve him of the ring that was slowly killing him. Frodo was still dangerously ill but he didn't get any worse. The fellowship lit a fire to keep the Hobbit warm and John's puffa jacket was used as well. 'Every little helps' Sam declared with a forced smile. They made gruel that night. Nobody could be bothered to cook a dinner and didn't feel like much. Even though the ring was away from Frodo's body, it felt like his last night with them. The fellowship drank the foul tasting gruel in silence and looked at the dying Hobbit from time to time. John felt utterly useless, as he watched Frodo's consciousness ebb away in bouts. Frodo was trying to be brave. He chatted from time to time and would sleep lightly while the others thought him unconscious. He knew he wasn't really dying. He was very, very weak though, months of holding that ring non-stop was wearing him down. A few weeks and he would be fine to take it back again. Why wouldn't the fellowship believe him though? Why did they think the ring would be making him push up daisies by this time next week? They didn't trust him- that was it. He was just a weak little hobbit who was three quarters dead. It was just what they needed. Aragorn looked over the ledge of the hill they had been resting on. He saw an army of Orcs marching towards them. It was too far away for a charge, and they had time to stamp out the fire and bundle up Frodo before making a run towards another rocky area that wasn't sheltered but hid them from view. Nobody dared to breathe. They knew that the Orcs had seen them and were following. Gandalf couldn't perform the spell that took them to London. Frodo was too much of a burden to take, possibly to a more dangerous land. They sat and waited for the Orcs to avoid them, or wait for the confrontation. It was tense. They could only sit and wait. John began to wring his hands. In want of something to do, he pulled his phone out to play a few games and wait to die. Seconds passed and a beep beep sound emitted from his phone. It was a text from Gabrielle. John was amazed that there was still a signal in this Middle Earth. He turned round to the direction of the Orcs to get a better signal to text her back when this shriek, amplified by the surrounding mountains reverberated into their ears unexpectedly. John ran out of their hiding place to explore why the screaming was so loud and painful. He was still holding the mobile, the message was still sending. The Orcs backed away. They looked in a lot of pain as far as John could see. The Orcs were kneeling on the ground curled up in the foetal position and screaming like they were having bits pulled off savagely. John realised it must be the phone that was sending these ugly creatures off on one and kept it pointed at them. The rest of the fellowship looked on in amazement at the halted army. "I don't believe this! How are you controlling them like that?" enthused Gandalf. "It's the signal," explained John. "I am amazed." Aragorn said. "We must keep you close to us," piped up Gimli.
*** Later, after they had left the Orcs screaming like little girls, frozen in fear and pain, and went to carry on their journey. Finding a place to rest that was sheltered for Frodo was difficult. They were out in the open and there were no woods or caves for miles. Gandalf said they would have to risk it and camp out in the open. They set for the night at the foot of an incline where they were only at partial view. Fires were definitely going to be out tonight. "You showed initiative and courage in defeating that army of Orcs," complimented Gandalf. "It was just an accident," John replied modestly. "We don't care. That was a good job you did and we are intrigued about this instrument you have," said Aragorn. Frodo raised his head feebly from the bed of cloaks. He could feel some strength returning to do so. Vision was now clearer and Frodo could feel some interest in the ring being reborn. Maybe it was better that John looked after the ring for the meantime. He felt shy suggesting this in case everyone pooh poohed it, saying that this strangely accented man had no idea of what he would be walking into, that the ring would over take him and he would steal it that would be disastrous. It was worth a shot though. "Gandalf," Frodo croaked. "He speaks!" cheered Sam and the other hobbits. "You're still alive- thank goodness!" sighed Gandalf with relief. "I am nearly finished off though Gandalf if you entrust me with that ring right now. Give it to John until I am well enough to continue," "But Frodo that is impossible!" exclaimed Gandalf worriedly. "He has no perception of what this ring means. How can we trust it to him," "If he doesn't know of all the ring's power, then he can't be tempted," reasoned Legolas. "True," Said Aragorn. "Also with all that weed he has smoked, the ring's power doesn't stand a chance in trying to corrupt him," announced Gandalf "Well that's settled then," Argued Frodo. "I want John to look after it because he can ward off armies of Orcs and doesn't give a toss for its power," "Too right Mon. You said that ring can't bring me ice-cold beer or free porn, or dope. Why would I want it?" It was settled. Gandalf handed John the ring on its chain dangling happily, as if it was thinking cheerfully: 'aren't we going to have fun?'
*** John kept the ring in his shirt pocket. He didn't like to wear it on his neck. The chain was too delicate and he wouldn't be seen dead with such a petite and weak piece of bling. He changed his shirt that night for bed and remembered his nipple ring needed putting in or the hole was going to close up. He took it out of his pocket and slipped it in. He winced as it pushed open the hole. He snuggled down and went to sleep with his shirt off, as it was a hot night. He didn't care. His body was wide and stocky, more due to bone structure than fat. The fellowship could stare at his half naked body for all he cared. He turned over and thought of how he could keep the ring closer to him. He tossed and turned for a little longer. His nipple ring caught on his newly acquired blanket from Gandalf, the old wizard barely slept anymore due to the humidity and contemplating their next moves. Every tugging on the cheap ring was a little hint to him, but it took a while to think of it. He pulled the ring out of his shirt pocket nearby. He took the chain off it and returned the dainty accessory to his shirt. He held the ring and thought about its weight. It seemed feather light. (But little did he know). He confidently attached the ring to rule them all to his cheap gold nipple ring. The weight was negligible. John turned over and went to sleep.
*** After that day, many passed without incident. The weather got colder again as they were ascending on their last mountain before entering Mordor. John's mobile phone signal proved invaluable to the rest of the fellowship. It was deadly for some beasts and a major irritant for others. Gimli had to admit it made his head go funny. (More than usual) but he was willing to forfeit for the sake of destroying this ring that John had proudly announced was attached to his nipple. Frodo soon got stronger and within three weeks, he was able to walk unaided and carry a light pack of his stuff and walk for 6 hours a day before getting tired and needing rest. Another month passed, he was feeling strong enough to ask to take the ring for a trial run. Gandalf refused and said to give it an extra two weeks. Two weeks passed and they had obviously made better time than they expected. They were a couple of hundred miles from Mordor. Frodo would have to go it alone with a hand picked chosen few, and then destroy the ring. He chose Sam, Aragorn and Legolas and Gimli. Gandalf refused to go. He could sense Sauron was near the vicinity and would not go near it. (Though not out of fear he insisted). Gandalf had firmly argued that John should not accompany them to dispose of the ring. He was not trained in combat and would never survive if they were attacked. John lifted his shirt to release the ring from his chest. IT WASN'T THERE! There was a lot of screaming and arguing that John could not be trusted and had stolen the ring for gain. But John was confused. He had no nipple.
*** "What the hell is going on John?" demanded Frodo. "I have trusted you with this thing, taken you into this elite group when we could have left you for dead. And this is how you repay us? By destroying our quest and putting the safety of middle earth into a certain death!" "Mon! I ain't stole that bloody ring! It's gone and I don't know where. But I have no nipple either. If anyone's stolen anything. It's the ring. It stole my nipple!" "What you talking about you silly man!" shouted Gandalf in annoyance in this man's stupid exclamation. "This gold ring is not alive, it is not capable of slicing off your nipple without you screaming in pain, and then putting it in it's pocket, running off into the night," "Have you been at my, um, tobacco?" asked John, confused at Gandalf's off the wall speech. "No," said Gandalf uncertainly, looking at the floor to avoid his gaze. "When's lunch, I'm starving," "We just had it," said Aragorn. "You've been at my weed!" screamed John. "No I haven't," John checked his puffa jacket and the pockets for a little clear bag. He looked for a while as if to give Gandalf the benefit of the doubt. It clearly wasn't there. He turned to Gandalf in anger. "That was my last ounce of gange!" "Oh well I'm sorry John, I thought it was normal tobacco. I ran out last night. I've never seen you smoke, so I didn't think you would mind," pouted Gandalf. He wasn't really sorry but this man would never be satisfied until he apologised. "Where is the ring?" worried Frodo out aloud. "I honestly don't know. It would be around your neck and we would be seeing you off right now if I did know where it was," Frodo decided to believe him and let it lie. He didn't want to undo all his good rest and the stress was starting to get to him. He was confused though. Where was that blimming ring?
*** There was a clear source of water nearby and the fellowship made their way over to it and took off most of their clothes and jumped in. They did stink, so they thought it had been justified. They had had many months of summer weather that was baking and baths were very rare. John raced Gandalf for who could get undressed and fast enough into the water. They splashed about with the others and collected their water for the rest of their journey. A few hours later when they were all wrinkled by the water and starting to shiver, they made their way back to the bank. John was drying himself off when Legolas gasped. "What?" asked John peevishly. "I found the ring. And your nipple," stammered the elf. "Where?" squeaked Frodo excitedly pushing Sam and Pippin out of the way. "Look down by your foot," John looked at his foot in horror. The ring was down there all right. But John's nipple was still attached to it. The fellowship looked on in disgust as John's man breast had sunk to the floor and was dragging sadly along. The ring glistened like it was having the best time. "That," said John. "Is disgusting," and swiftly removed the ring. The weight of it had stretched him. He knew now why Frodo had worn a chain.
*** The skin tissue didn't shrink back. It didn't for a while. If he ever got back to Britain again, he would get the surgeons to sort it out. John was now very miserable. Not only was he homesick and missing all the creature comforts of the flat he shared with Gabrielle, parts of his anatomy was displaced. This journey was also at an end for him, he and the others who were left: Gandalf, Merry and Pippin. It was going to be a tough wait while Frodo and Sam made their way to Mount Doom, they would stay on the border of Gondor and Mordor and wait for the days that Frodo and his accomplices would destroy the ring. Frodo said an emotional goodbye to John, who had just given him his mobile phone and showed him how to switch it on so he could at least have a go at disabling any opposition. He had quite possibly saved the little hobbit's life while looking after the ring and not getting drawn into its power. John felt himself he was going to miss the little sod. They hugged and said a throat full of tears 'I'll miss you'. Legolas got quite impatient with them at this point, as they would not be separated for long. Gandalf, John and the other Hobbits waved the party off and sat down on the ground feeling useless. It was going to be a long and boring wait.
*** Days dragged on. They wanted to believe that they would be back later that day. But it was a long and uphill climb for the Hobbits with their furry feet and short legs. They had to convince themselves sometimes that they were still alive and weren't lying dead somewhere. The two Hobbits had strong fighters with them. But they were still concerned. Gandalf didn't dare give the instruction for the 'cast offs' to abandon camp in case the party came back the day after. Merry hated irony like that and often spoke of it in the long nights of when they were waiting. And they waited for Frodo's quest to all be over.
***