Shadow Girl
Book One: Who I Am
[Chapter Five: A Face in the Flames]
The rest of the week flew by, and soon I was getting ready for the big party. Mom and Dad had adjusted things so the Ostara festivities with Kithic didn't interfere with my plans. It was great: Ostara's the celebration of the vernal equinox, the first day of spring. We did a powerful circle, and I felt like I was really alive, with magick flowing through me like an electric current through water. But now, stress overcame me as I faced a girl problem I'd never considered before: what was I going to wear?
Luckily, Aunt Bree hadn't left our house yet, so I shouted for her to come up and help me. She picked through my closet, and finally picked out a dark green stretchy top and jeans. "So are you nervous?" she asked as I threw on the clothes.
"Terrified," I admitted. "I still have no idea why these people suddenly want to befriend me."
"Don't question a good thing," Bree advised, grinning. By that time, I had my clothes on, and she asked, "Do you have makeup?" I nodded and handed her the plastic baggy of makeup. Aunt Bree sat me down and began making me over.
"Nreeh," I complained when she came at me with the eyeliner. "I've had bad experiences with that."
"Oh, calm down," Aunt Bree replied. "Just hold still, I won't hurt you." Miraculously, I got through that one with both eyes intact. Then she brushed my dark brown hair until it shone.
Mom came into my room while Bree was primping me. "Hey, hun. You look great," she told me.
"Thanks," I told her. "You still paranoid about this thing?"
"It's not paranoia," Mom said. "It's just that it's your first high school party and I'm worried. It's normal for a mother to worry."
"Mom, you were fine until you found out it was in the middle of a field," I argued.
"That's because anything can happen to you in the middle of a field and we'll never know," replied Mom.
"You asked if the kid was new at school like it was vital information." Aunt Bree and Mom shared looks, and I got the feeling that they were hiding something from me. I frowned. "What?"
"Nothing," Mom said, which only made me more irritated. I got up and left my room.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang and my dad answered it. "Oh, hello," he said when he found Claire D'Alessio on the other side. I think her hair surprised him a little.
"Hi," she said. "Is Moira here?"
"Yes, of course," Dad told her. I grabbed my denim jacket, and Dad said, "Be careful, Moira. No drinking. Be home by midnight."
"Yes, Dad," I said, feeling embarrassed. Claire and I walked out to where Jamie was waiting in her faded white Camry.
"Nice wheels," she told me, nodding over at my Mom's car. "What is it, a '71 Valiant?"
"Yeah," I said, trying not to stare at her multicolored hair. "Das Boot."
"What?" Claire asked, laughing a little.
I smiled. "Das Boot. It's what my mom calls her car, 'cause my grandpa says it weighs more than a submarine, so they called it Das Boot—'the boat' in German."
"Cool," Claire said. "You should name your car, James."
Jamie frowned as the car struggled to get started. "How about 'Lousy Piece of Crap'?" Claire and I laughed, and we rolled out of my driveway and towards the edge of town.
Soon Jamie was pulling up to an old willow oak. Three other cars were also parked under the tree. "Looks like we're the last ones to get here," Claire observed, climbing out of the backseat. My magesight adjusted immediately to the darkness.
"How many people are gonna be here?" I asked.
"Four others besides us," Jamie answered, walking towards a flickering light in the distance. As we got closer, I saw that somebody had made a small campfire, and the rest of the party guests were sitting around it. The scene reminded me of when I was about six and my family and I went to Ireland to celebrate Litha, the Wiccan summer solstice celebration. A bunch of local witches put together a bonfire in an empty field and we spent the night sipping hot cider, singing, and enjoying the midsummer night. A little girl named Ceire taught me the words to the song, which had been entirely in Gaelic, and we and the rest of the kids did sort of a ring-around-the-rosy around the fire. It was really fun, and a lot of people were interested in Mom and I, being descendants of Maeve Riordan, who was a native of Ballynigel, Ireland. Sometimes I wish we could have stayed in Ireland. There were more blood witches there; I didn't feel like I stuck out.
"Moira, hi." Rusty got up to meet us. "I'm glad you could come," he told me, looking directly into my eyes. I had to look away; it made me feel weird, having a guy look at me like that. "Hey Jamie, Claire," he greeted the D'Alessio sisters. "There's hot cider and soda, help yourselves."
I almost repeated, Hot cider?! because that's a big drink for Wiccans. I hadn't expected any of the other people here to have cider at all. Next to me, Claire grinned and elbowed my side. "Looks like Rusty has a crush," she commented.
I gave a short laugh. "What the hell are you on?"
"No, I think Lil' Sis is right," Jamie agreed, smirking at me. I shook my head, and followed Claire towards the other people. We all talked for a while. Most of the other people were older than me and Claire: Arianna Waters and PJ Franks were sophomores, and Rusty McDown, Mike Johnson, and Jamie were juniors.
"You having fun?" Rusty asked me at one point. I nodded, staring into the fire. Fire and I have a special relationship. We can work with each other easily; it's my element, the one I most identify with. My zodiac sign is Leo, a fire sign. I scry with fire; I can see images of the past, present, and possible futures within its flames. Of course, other witches scry with fire, too, but not many do. It's difficult to scry with fire. It's next to impossible to conjure fire with one's mind. But not for a fire fairy like me.
As I looked into the fire, a strange thing happened. I could almost perceive an image in it: a face. A teenage boy's handsome face.
I leaned back and shook my head quickly, and the image disappeared. What was that? I hadn't even been scrying for anything. Shivers went through me as I wondered if it had anything to do with my ghost.
"Are you okay?" Rusty asked, looking at me with concern.
I blinked and shook my head again. "I'm fine. I just thought I saw something. But I guess my eyes are playing tricks on me or something." Rusty nodded slowly.
"Come on," he said, taking my hand and leading me towards the front of the half-circle of people. Everyone started quieting down and looking at us. A pang of nervousness swept through me.
Rusty didn't waste much time. "Most of you know why we're here tonight," he said. "With the exception of Moira." He looked down at me, and I looked right back at him. "Moira, we all sort of have something to ask you."
I stared at him, wondering what I had gotten myself into. Was this why Mom had been so paranoid? Were they going to turn me into some bizarre offering for a freaky cult? My heart was pulsing.
"Moira, would you teach us about Wicca?"
My heart stopped, and an inner me fell over silently.
Rusty looked at me, into my eyes, searching for any visible signs of emotion. I looked out at the other five people, sitting around the fire. Did they all really want to study Wicca? A wave of mixed emotions washed over me. I felt almost used; had they had only invited me to this party so I could teach them the Craft? On the other hand, it meant they were opening themselves up to things I believed in, accepting me. Were they all playing a joke on me? Were they for real?
"…You guys want to study Wicca," I repeated. "All of you. Seriously." They all nodded, some of them voicing their positive responses. "Really?"
"Yes," Arianna said emphatically. "Now will you teach us?" Jamie poked her, and she said, "What? It's like she has a hearing problem or something."
"I heard you fine," I said, feeling irritated. "I just want to make sure you guys really want to do this. Wicca isn't just some fad. It's a serious religion, and of course you can get out of it if you decide it's not for you, but you have to be sincere in wanting to do it."
"We've all thought about this," Rusty said quietly. I looked over at Claire, who gave me a hopeful smile. "We would really like to do this," Rusty continued, and his tone made me look up into his brown eyes again. "We want to form a coven. And we'd like you to lead it."
I sat down on the ground, trying to comprehend this. I live here for fourteen years being the oddball, and now six people want to form a coven with me?! I thought frantically. Then, I surprised even myself by saying, "Okay. I'll do it."
Rusty smiled really big, and the rest of the people shared relieved glances. "I did some research, and tonight's a Wiccan Sabbat, right?"
I nodded. "Ostara. The vernal equinox." I got up and said, "There's seven other Sabbats, too: Samhain, Yule, Imbolc, Beltane, Litha, Lammas, and Mabon." I grinned and said, "Consider this your first lesson in Wicca. I'll start with Samhain, the witches' new year. It's on October thirty-first, and it's a day where Wiccans honor those who have passed before us."
"So, when we celebrate Halloween," PJ said, "we've actually been celebrating a Wiccan holiday?"
"Yes and no. While there are many elements of Halloween that have been borrowed from Wicca, like the colors orange and black and making jack-o-lanterns, they're two different holidays. You'll see that a lot of traditions in the non-Wiccan world originated out of Wicca. Yule is a great example—Yule logs, mistletoe, and the colors red and green are found both in Christmas and the Wiccan celebration of Yule. It's celebrated on the winter solstice and is a celebration of the rebirth of the God. Yule is a time of reflection and of letting go of the past.
"Imbolc is February second, and it brings the awakening of the life forces of the earth," I continued. "Tonight, Ostara, is the celebration of the vernal equinox. It's a time where we seek inner balance. Beltane is on May first, and it's a time for celebrating fertility and romance. It's a good time to perform handfasting ceremonies."
"Handfasting ceremonies?" Jamie repeated.
"They're Wiccan weddings," I explained. "Litha is the midsummer festival, celebrated at the summer solstice, and it's a time of reflection. Lammas is the first harvest, on August first. And Mabon is the autumnal equinox, the harvest festival. So, there you have it: your first Wicca lesson."
"And boy, was it boring," Arianna commented, and everyone, including me, started cracking up.
"I'm sorry, did I sound like a walking textbook?" I asked, looking around at what could be my new coven.
"It's okay," Rusty told me. "What I'd really like to do is one of those circles I've read about. They sound cool."
I thought about it for a second, then said, "All right. We'll do a banishing circle." I don't know what made me think of doing a banishing circle; it just sort of popped into my head. I got up and located a long stick to draw a circle with in the dirt. Then, I remembered something, and asked, "Does anyone have any salt?"
Everyone stared at me. "Salt?"
"I need it to purify the circle," I explained. "It's important."
The others all looked at each other. Finally, Mike said, "I think I might have some in my car from McDonald's." We walked to his car, and came back with two tiny packets of salt. It would have to do; I had nothing else.
I quickly drew a circle around the fire, leaving a space open. The others gathered inside my circle, and I closed it. "Wow," Claire said, looking at the circle I'd drawn. "It's…perfect."
I shrugged. "It comes with practice, I guess." I went around, sprinkling what little salt I had around the circle. "With this salt, I purify my circle." I pocketed the empty packets, then said, "Okay, everyone hold hands." I ended up being between Claire and Rusty. I swallowed hard, hoping that they wouldn't decide this was all stupid once I got it all started. But somehow, I felt like I wasn't really leading it; something else sort of took over. Maybe it was my inner leader.
I raised my two hands, clasping Claire's and Rusty's, and said, "Thanks to the Goddess." I looked back at the others, and said, "Now you say it." They repeated me, sounding a little skeptical.
"It is the vernal equinox," I said, pushing my voice so it sounded a little stronger than I actually felt. "The Goddess will blanket the earth in rich green fertility. It is a time to connect with nature." I looked around the circle. "Now you say 'Blessed Be'."
"Blessed Be," we said together.
"It is a time for rebirth. A time for new beginnings." I waited a beat. "Say 'Blessed Be' again."
They did so.
"We give thanks to the Goddess for blessing us with fertile soil." All I had to do was nod this time, and we all chorused, "Blessed Be."
"Let us breathe." I began to take slow, deep breaths. Soon, all our breaths were synchronized, as if we were one pair of lungs. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and said, "We're doing a banishing circle, so we'll move counterclockwise—widdershins in Wicca-speak." I pressed against Rusty a little bit, and soon we were going around in a circle, gradually picking up speed. I began a chant:
Blessed be the Mother of All Things,
The Goddess of Life.
Blessed be the Father of All Things,
The God of Life.
Thanks be for all we have.
Thanks be for our new lives.
Blessed be.
I repeated it over and over, and soon the others joined in. By now the faces were blurring as we flew along in our unerring path around the fire. Firelight, my soul is bright, I thought to myself; a little rhyme my mother often whispered to me.
"Claire," I yelled, trying to look my new friend in the eyes. "What feeling or idea would you banish, if you could? Any negative thing in the world, pick anything!"
Claire looked alive, her pale blonde blue-streaked hair flying all over. "I banish hatred!" she shouted into the night sky.
"Jamie?" I prompted.
"I banish ignorance," she offered, and they all went around in the circle.
Mike. "I banish loss!"
Arianna. "I banish stubbornness!"
PJ. "I banish anger!"
Rusty. "I banish fear!"
Then it was my turn. "I banish loneliness!" I shouted, barely even thinking about the words before they left my lips. We all then threw our hands up into the air, releasing the energy we had created. I looked into the fire and screamed.
I could see a man, standing within the flames. His eyes looked directly at me, almost through me. I stumbled to the ground, and closed my eyes. Goddess, save me…
