~*~
"I'm sixteen today, Papa…"
Dawn was still many minutes away. The sky was a light purple near the horizon, then blue and, lastly, almost black as one's eyes traversed the rest of the sky. The wind was cold and unforgiving. The leaves of the trees and brush sagged under the weight of the morning dew.
Silently, Nadia stood in a simple white dress that tied around her neck and the middle of her back and then, at her waist, widened into a full skirt that billowed as she walked. Her hair, red and dark and long, along with her dress, was caught in the cold morning air and trailed behind her.
The morning was full of mist as the day's humidity met the night's chill. Frigid droplets of moisture gathered on her bare arms, feet, and face. She stretched to her full height, trying to feel tall and lean and strong.
Slowly, Nadia eased down into a kneeling position. She placed a single white blossom across the gravestone, and then pressed the palm of her hand on the sand.
"I know that you've been watching over me, Papa. For my whole life."
She rose, holding her body rigid. She didn't even shiver, despite the cold and the wet.
"I'll make you proud of me."
And the last words she whispered.
"I promise…"
~*~
Kairi pushed the door open, holding her breath. She felt scared and excited and sad all at once.
"Happy Birth—"
But the words, half-finished, echoed in an empty room.
Nadia's sheets and nightclothes were piled together clumsily in a heap on the bed. Her slippers lay askew in the middle of the floor. Her mother stood in sheer puzzlement at the door.
Now where could that girl have gone off to—and before seven in the morning?
Kairi felt Sora's presence behind her, even before the man put his hands on her shoulders.
"What's up?"
Kairi turned around, frowning. "I was going to wake her up like I did on all her birthdays… Give her her first hug, you know? Like always." She leaned the side of her face against his chest.
He held her, smirking a little.
"She's a lady now, right? All independent?"
She shook her head. "Whatever. Honestly, when I was her age…"
And then Kairi was thinking about the sort of things she had done with Riku when she was about Nadia's age, and the woman began to worry all the more.
Sora took a hold of Kairi's shoulders again, this time from the front, and stared down into her eyes. "Don't worry about that sort of thing, Kairi. The only guy I've seen Nadia around is Edgar, and even him she keeps at arm's length."
Kairi pondered this and decided Sora was right. She nodded first and then her lips spread into an open smile. "She treats him pretty badly, doesn't she?"
"That's Nadia for you."
They laughed softly with each other.
And then Kairi shut the door to her daughter's room, the room of the young woman who was no longer anybody's little girl. She held Sora's hand and they left a piece of the past behind.
Together.
~*~
He waited patiently beneath the overhang of rock, out of sight. His sandaled feet were planted firmly on the wet sand, and he ignored the rising tide that was starting to splash all the way up to his bare shins. He had rolled up his khaki pants all the way to the knee because of this. He could continue waiting, for a little longer at least. He could hide so that she could be alone.
He had been on his usual early morning walk when he had seen her emerge. She'd been in a long white dress that billowed in accordance with the breeze. The rising sun lit her from behind, illuminated her crown of dark red hair so it glowed like a halo.
An angel…
He had followed her, employing every bit of stealth within his body. He did not want to disturb whatever she was doing, for it was obviously important. He watched her from afar, as he so often did.
But this morning had been different. Special.
Not only were her clothes unusual, but the way she carried herself was as well. Her chin she held level and her head high. Her arms and legs she kept very straight, and it was only then that he had a true appreciation for how tall a person she was.
She had walked straight to the grove of trees were mist was congregating. Everything seemed very quiet to him as he pursued her, save the crunching of his own footsteps. Quieter, he told himself.
But she was gone from sight and he felt it improper to investigate further. He knew now where she was headed.
The small gravestone surrounded by white flowers… The room full of dust… The tension in her family… The constant wistful quality of her eyes…
The pieces of the Nadia puzzle were falling into place.
~*~
Sora insisted that evening that Edgar stay for the birthday dinner. They had been engaged in more mock battles with Jalen, so all three 'knights' dropped their wooden 'swords' and peeled bark from their hands as they headed to the deck where Nadia was laying out a baby blue tablecloth. Jalen ran in and gathered plates and silverware, and Kairi started bringing out the salad and bread. Sora got the big pot of soup and, later, the main course of steak and fried seagull eggs. Their guest retrieved glasses and a pitcher of lemonade with the help of Nadia's directions.
There were only four chairs made for outside, so Jalen sat on a stool he dragged to the space between his mother and sister. He swung his short legs back and forth, side to side, never tiring of it.
It was a lot of commotion and trouble getting everything ready, but at last the table was set and dinner begun with a toast of lemonade. Nadia was quiet and seemed reflective, Kairi seemed a bit sad, and Edgar seemed a bit surprised to know that today was anybody's birthday. As for Jalen, the boy just kept swinging his legs.
Sora, from Kairi's other side, leaned on his elbows and watched his son thoughtfully. He wondered what his and Jalen's relationship would be in thirty or forty years…
"Sora?"
"Yes, Kairi?"
"You want any salad, I said?"
"Oh. Yeah." He watched his wife's face try to hold back the sympathy lurking just beneath the surface as she dished up a bowl of greens for him. When she looked at him, he gazed back into her eyes, silently thanking her.
Kairi understood his face perfectly. She nodded.
When all the food had been dished out, they began to eat hungrily. All except Sora, whose fork lingered over the salad greens and his thoughts continued to drift. He thought, I can't go on like this. I'll never make it. Dad isn't dead. Not yet. Not for a long time, maybe. Not for a long time…
Sora tuned back into the conversation, which currently was focused on Edgar.
"And you enjoy making weapons?" Kairi was asking, her eyebrows raised a few centimeters higher than normal.
"Not just weapons. I enjoy creating—inventing, perhaps—new gadgets… And working with machines." The young man was smiling politely yet still acting slightly nervous.
"Creating is all well and good. But I don't like the idea of weapons," Kairi scolded in her most angry mothering tone. But Sora saw that her eyes were soft and knew she held no malice for the boy. He knew that Kairi was really getting to like Edgar, as he himself was.
It was strange. Sora and Kairi knew each other so well. They knew what the other was thinking. There were times when they had long conversations without exchanging one word. It was…special.
"Ach, Jay!"
Nadia sat covered in soup and lemonade, both of which Jalen had managed to knock over in her direction.
"Ac-Accident…" the little boy whispered, his blue eyes shiny and wide.
Nadia's face was turned down to her soaked white dress that had been made expressly for this day. Her shoulders were limp.
She stood silently.
"Sorry, big sister…"
"I know, Jay," she said. When she looked up, her face was not unlike the stone gray mask of a statue. "I'm not hungry anyway. Excuse me."
"Wait, Nadia! We haven't even gotten the cake out yet—" Kairi tried.
Nadia just shook her head. She abandoned her half-eaten dinner and lemonade and all the mess covering the baby blue tablecloth that was her and her mother's favorite, the one reserved for special occasions. She disappeared into the house, her limbs straight as she marched.
Those who remained at the table watched her go quietly and stayed that way as they finished their dinner. Kairi threw her utensils onto her plate after only a minute or two.
Sora always ate because there had been too many times when eating had been made impossible for him. He knew moods had a tendency to stop people from taking care of themselves, and, now that he was on the other side of his adventure, he refused to be so foolish.
Kairi began collecting the serving dishes and Edgar immediately hopped up to assist her. Jalen crawled into his father's lap, upset for the trouble he'd manage to cause.
"I think your sister was just a little moody," Sora told him. "It's not your fault."
"I jus' slipped…"
"Hey. It's okay. You can apologize to her later. We'll pick her some flowers—now how does that sound?"
Jalen turned the idea over a couple of times in his five-year-old mind, and then nodded vigorously and smiled. It had apparently passed the test.
When his son went to pick out the prettiest blossoms the garden had to offer, Sora went to the kitchen to help finish cleaning up. Kairi's face said it all, how heartbroken she felt to have the birthday dinner ruined. Edgar had been working steadily and was already putting the dishes on the rack to air dry.
Sora embraced his wife and promised to fix everything, although this he said with doubt lingering in his mind.
"I should go," Edgar said when he had all the dishes drying. "Thank you for the wonderful dinner."
Kairi looked at him remorsefully. "You don't want a piece of cake?"
"Maybe I'll come back later to take you up on that kind offer," the young man told her, bowing. "Thank you again."
Sora and Kairi watched Edgar through the glass as he said goodbye to Jalen and then walked down the hill toward the village. Jalen came in shortly after with some large orange and red flowers clasped tightly in his stubby fingers.
"Ready to go?" his father asked.
"Yup!"
They headed upstairs to Nadia's room. Kairi followed at a hesitant distance.
Jalen knocked excitedly at the door.
"Jay?" came Nadia's muffled voice from inside.
"Big sister!"
There was a pause and then the door creaked open about a quarter of the way. Nadia's face was a little pink and her eyes were only half-opened. She had changed into a light blue t-shirt and a khaki skirt that went to her knees. She'd pulled her hair into a ponytail on the back of her head.
She caught sight of Sora standing behind Jalen and her body stiffened. Then her brother pushed the miniature bouquet up into her face. She sniffled a little as a few petals ventured into her nostrils.
"For me, Jay?" Nadia took the flowers and rubbed her nose with the back of her free hand. "Thank you."
Both her words and her expression seemed rather flat.
"Happy birthday…" Jalen's lower lip was trembling.
Sora put his big hand on his son's shoulder. "He's sorry for what he did. It was an accident."
"I know." Nadia's arm with the bouquet went limp and the flowers hung close to the floor. "I'm not mad at him. I'm just…tired." She sighed. Her eyes didn't meet Sora's. She only stared vacantly into space.
Jalen looked up into his father's face desperately.
"Run along now, Jalen," Sora told him. "You can go play in your room."
The boy left, sniffling all the way. Kairi emerged from the stairwell and followed her son to his bedroom.
It was just the two of them left now.
Sora had seen his wife and son's faces. "Nadia, I know you're upset about the soup and everything, but it's over now. You've made both your mother and your brother pretty upset, you know—"
"I'm not mad about the soup," she replied through clenched teeth.
"Your mother worked hard making all that food for you—and you haven't even seen her cake yet."
"Look, whatever! I'll have some cake tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay, but you owe Kairi and apology when this is all done."
"Fine! I'll say, 'Mom, sorry for being your daughter! Sorry for not being what you and Sora wanted!' Is that good enough? Is it?"
"You're sixteen now, Nadia. Maybe you should start acting like it."
"And how exactly should I go about that?"
"Maybe you could start by thinking about how other people feel before you go and do something so selfish—"
Nadia swung at him, but Sora's reflexes were as sharp as ever. He stopped her attack a few inches from his face, grabbing her wrist tightly.
The girl turned her eyes up into his, glaring with red-hot anger. She fought to get her hand free and, most likely, hit him again, but he was too strong.
Still, her strength was surprising.
"Damn it, you're one to talk!" she sputtered. "Where do you get off telling me not to be selfish? What a joke, you fucking hypocrite!"
"Don't you use that kind of language with me—"
"Damn you!" she screamed, bringing up her leg and connecting it with the back of his knee. "Don't tell me what to do! Don't try and act like you're my father!"
The anger in her eyes glowed hotter and hotter, transforming into seething hatred.
Sora still held her tightly, but, on the inside, he felt off-balance with shock. He wasn't aware she knew how to fight. He didn't know she was so strong. But the most frightening thing was the hatred in her eyes, burning solely for him.
She stopped wrestling with him so much and just stood there, shuddering. Sweat glistened on her forehead.
"Nadia, I'm sorry, but I'm the only father you've got."
"And whose fault is that, huh?" she asked. Hollow laughter followed. "Who's the one, huh?" She used her free hand to punch him in the stomach, dodging his defense as she spoke. "Who's the one that—showed up—just—to ruin—his life?"
He finally restrained her, grabbing her other wrist. She was left to kick at him.
Sora felt Kairi watching them, but he did not turn his head to acknowledge her presence.
Nadia just snickered, and it was eerie. "That's right, isn't it? He's dead because of you. He suffered for years because of you."
"Nadia!" Kairi cried from the sidelines in disbelief. "How can you say such awful things?"
"Because they're true, Mom. Do me a favor and stay out of this—unless you want me to bring up how you and Sora collaborated to make Papa's life miserable!" She brought up her knee and slammed it into Sora's stomach.
"That's enough!"
Sora slammed Nadia against the wall, suspending her by her wrists a few inches above the ground. He could no longer control his movements. Reflexes from years of fighting in the darkness had taken over. Someone important to him had been threatened, and he was turning into the animal he once had been…
Nadia didn't cry out. She instead bit her lip so hard that bright red blood trickled down her chin. She was staring up at his face with defiance and hatred and anger and mockery.
"Sora, no! No!" Kairi was shrieking, pulling frantically at the man's arms. But she was no match for him. "You're hurting her! Please no, Sora! Stop it!"
But somehow Kairi didn't exist at the moment, at least the Kairi who couldn't bear to see any harm come to her daughter.
The animal within Sora was thinking only of how the woman he loved more than the world had been wounded in the heart by this wretched creature before him—how Kairi had gone through pain each and every day because of Nadia.
And the wretched creature was smiling now, even though a few tears of pain escaped her eyes and slid down her reddened cheeks. She was mocking him with her grin.
"So this is the bastard you really are, Sora," Nadia whispered harshly. The blood dribbling from her lip splattered on him when she spoke like that, spoke like a snake. "I knew there was a person like this lurking underneath. Someone who was so terrible to my father."
He stared at Nadia with frigid eyes. But the more Sora looked at her face, the more he saw Riku's eyes gazing back at him.
Sora gradually loosened his hold on her wrists and Nadia slid down to stand on the floor. She was wearing a triumphant smile.
The human Sora was beginning to break through. He would not raise his hand to strike her, as the animal within might have done moments before.
The rest of the world gradually rematerialized around him. Kairi was on the floor choking back sobs. Jalen was watching from the stairs, his eyes big and fearful. It was dark in the house now; clouds must have moved in over the island.
Nadia was flexing her bruised wrists, trying to show that no, they didn't hurt at all.
Then Kairi came to her feet.
"Nadia…are you all right…?"
Nadia just scoffed at her mother and went into her bedroom. She began to throw a few items into a bag—among them her father's old shirt she had used as pajamas when she was a child.
"Nadia, honey… Where are you going? Nadia, answer me."
Nadia slung the bag across her shoulder. Her eyes were focused on a point past her mother. "You don't deserve any answers from me."
"Nadia, I'm your mother!"
Nadia glared at Sora, her eyes still burning with contempt. "As long as you are his wife, you are not my mother."
Kairi gasped and stumbled a little as Nadia pushed past her to get out the door.
"I can't stay here. I can't take it."
Kairi reached after her daughter's retreating form. Nadia didn't turn around, but said one last thing.
"'Bye, Jay…"
When they heard the door slam a floor below, Kairi turned her face up to Sora's.
Her expression was one of sheer horror.
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I'm baaaackkk. I had a great time at my camp, the Asian and Pacific Studies Institute. I learned so much…! Asia is such a fascinating place. There is so much to learn about every country in our world. I wish the U.S. wasn't so self-centered…
A big thank you to everyone who was concerned about my depressive episode. Mood swings are nasty things, I tell you what. .
Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
