by
C. "Sparky" Read
Helios checked his wrist-dial. Yep, his shift was almost over. He breathed a sigh of relief--it had been a long day. He hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep the night before, and, not only that, but Aethon got a bit of high-flying cloud in his eye around noon and had been vicious all afternoon. Helios was ready to turn in.
But when he saw Demeter waiting for him at the stables on Mount Olympus, he knew he was in for an even longer night.
"Helios," said Demeter sternly as the Sun God drew his team to a halt, "I must speak to you immediately."
"What is it now, Demi?" Helios sighed, springing out of the chariot and handing Pyrois' reins to a stablesatyr. "Was I too hot again today?" he began sarcastically. "Did some of your little flowers get too thirsty?" He stopped short when he took note of the Earth Goddess' sad face. "What's up?"
Demeter clasped her hands together. "Helios, I need you to tell me what you saw over Henna today." She arched an eyebrow when Helios began to fidget. "You did see something, didn't you?"
The Sun God released Eos from the chariot. "I figured it wasn't really my business," he said slowly.
"Well it's mine, so let me in on it."
Helios turned to face Demeter. "All right." He lowered his eyes. "I saw that boy Ascalaphus looking down the nymphs' dresses--I didn't want to get anyone mad," he explained hastily when Demeter's expression turned to one of surprise.
"Not that!" shouted the Earth Goddess. "Persephone!"
"Oh, no!" said Helios quickly, "She punched him when he tried to do it to her!"
Demeter began to fume. "Did you see who kidnapped her?" she shrieked.
Helios frowned. "Oh! Oh, uh..." He thought hard. "Hades kidnapped her? I thought he was just giving her a lift, or something."
Demeter clenched her fists and her teeth. "I think a certain hothead is going to be getting more company than he was bargaining for," she muttered, then turned and marched out of the stables.
Helios watched her leave. "Sheesh," he said to Phlegon, who still stood, rigged to the chariot. "That's Mother Earth for you."
Phlegon snorted.
"You said it."
Hades decided: This was definitely a worse day than the one when his father decided to make him the main course. He rolled his eyes at Poseidon, who was slapping his own knee in appreciation for one of his own jokes.
"So what do you say, Hades?" said Poseidon, leaning forward. "Shall we go see my lovely daughter? I'd like to see how you two are getting along."
"Um," said Hades. "I could just tell you..."
"Nonsense!" Poseidon stood up. "I want to wish her a happy birthday in person anyhow. You knew today was her birthday, didn't you?"
"No, no I didn't." Hades pushed himself up off of his rock. "Let's go, then, I mean, it's not as if I seem to have any say around here any more..."
"Swell!" shouted Poseidon. The two gods headed down a corridor.
"You know," said Hades before the Sea God could start jabbering again, "I never thought I would get married."
"Eh?" Poseidon slapped Hades on the back. "A good-looking guy like you? I'd think the goddesses would be pounding down your door!"
"Then you obviously don't get out much," muttered Hades under his breath. "What I mean is," he resumed, "I don't want to rush into this."
"Of course you don't," responded Poseidon. "This will be a smashing ceremony! We'll need time to plan for it."
"A lot of time."
Poseidon threw his arms wide. "Whatever you say. Hey, Hades," he said suddenly, stopping in his tracks as they walked along the riverbank. "Isn't that your uh, ship's captain out there on that rock?"
Hades, who hadn't been paying much attention to where they were walking, looked up. Sure enough, there was Charon, sitting on the boulder where Persephone had left him, looking dejected with his head in his hands.
Hades blinked. "What the--"
He was interrupted by a chorus of fierce barking and snarling, from further along the river.
"Oh no..." Hades grabbed Poseidon by the arm and began hauling him towards the sound. "That stupid--uh, I mean, delightful--girl," he hissed, casting a glance over his shoulder at the Sea God, "must be in the Kennel..."
Poseidon beamed as he was dragged along. "This place has more life than I thought!" he congratulated Hades, who didn't answer. "Persephone must love it here! She's quite a bundle of energy, you know."
Hades stepped up the pace.
"Hurry! Hurry!" shrieked Panic, fluttering frantically about. "Oooh, you made him mad!"
"Well I didn't mean to!" Persephone ducked behind a stalagmite. "I just wanted to look--I'd never seen a three-headed, gigantic dog before."
"Well now you've seen one!" Panic clung to Sephie's back. "We're gonna be chewtoys!"
Persephone reached around the stalagmite and pulled a panting Pain behind it by the tail. "I knew this would be bad," chided the purple imp. "Forget Hades, we're dogmeat!"
Persephone shook her head. "All we have to do," she whispered, "is get to that ledge up there. He can't get through that crack."
"Oh gee is that all?"
The goddess glared at Pain. "If you're going to be sarcastic you can stay here," she sniffed. "All right," she said to Panic, "Ready?"
Panic trembled.
"Let's go then."
Cerberus stalked towards the stalagmite slowly, hackles raised. A single thought passed through his three brains, and that was: maul.
"Run!" cried Persephone, bolting from her hiding spot. She tore towards the cavern wall, to a spot underneath the chosen ledge.
Cerberus roared with rage and lunged after her--but stopped with a yelp when something bit into his flank. He turned one head and snapped at the chubby bobcat that clung there.
Panic looked around as Persephone started to scale the cavern wall. "We really should be in--Pain!" he cried in surprise.
"Don't be so pessimistic."
"No, no!" Panic shouted. "It's Pain! He's lost his mind!"
Persephone hauled herself onto the ledge, and turned around. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "He'll be eaten!"
Cerberus turned in circles, snapping at the parasite on his flank. Finally he stopped, and flung himself onto his back. Pain was forced to let go or be crushed.
"Pain!" shouted Persephone, waving her arms. "Up here! Quick!"
Pain looked up, then around. The three-headed dog wasted no time in getting back to his feet, and immediately lunged at the transformed imp. Pain yowled in terror and, resuming his normal form, flapped furiously for the ledge.
Hades appeared around a corridor, still dragging Poseidon behind him. They both shouted in surprise when they saw Persephone on a ledge, with a huge monster dog heading right for her.
"What kind of place do you run here, Hades?" demanded Poseidon, raising his trident. "Daddy's coming, Angelfish!"
Persephone reached out to yank Pain into the crack she and Panic were wedged into, but it was too late--the jaws of Cerberus' middle head closed around the purple imp before she could grab him. She stumbled back, gasping in horror.
"Back, foul beast!" shouted Poseidon, charging at one of Cerberus' ankles. But before he could plunge his trident into the black-furred monster, all three of Cerberus' heads began yelping in agony. The middle head spat out a large porcupine, which landed on the cavern floor in a splat of canine saliva. Cerberus backed up, trampling Poseidon in the process, and shaking his middle head, which now had porcupine quills in its tongue and lips. The other two heads howled as the beast turned and fled from the cavern.
Everyone froze for a few moments, stunned. Finally Poseidon sat up.
"Was that your idea of entertaining my daughter, Hades?" the Sea God demanded.
Hades steadied himself against a wall for a few seconds, then marched into the room. "What," he demanded, "is going on around here?"
Persephone scrambled down from the ledge and hurried over to the porcupine, who lay curled tightly where he had fallen, hands over his face. She carefully touched him on the head. "Pain!" she said. "...Pain?"
Pain uncovered one eye and looked up. "Oh no," he said, morphing back to normal, "he ate you, too."
Persephone sighed, and attempted to pick the purple imp up, but he was coated with slimy dog drool. "Uh...ew."
Poseidon thumped the end of his trident on the cavern floor. "Hades!" he shouted. "I have a bone to pick with you!"
"Me first."
Everyone in the room looked around to where Demeter stood, her eyes smoldering.
"Why, hello, dear," wavered Poseidon.
"I am not your 'dear' anymore." Demeter strode forward and beckoned to her daughter. "Sephie, darling!"
"Mom!" exclaimed Persephone, running forward. She did not embrace her mother, as Demeter was evidently expecting, but took the Earth Goddess' hands instead. "Mom, it was so exciting!" she gushed. "I got to command a boat, and then I saw the Judges' Room, and then--"
"That's nice, dear," said Demeter, effectively cutting Sephie's account off. "Now I need to talk to...Hades," she said, narrowing her eyes at the Lord of the Dead, "about your little 'trip' down here."
Hades turned to Poseidon accusingly. "I thought you said it was all arranged with Demeter!" he said.
Demeter blinked. "What was all arranged with me?"
"Er," said Poseidon. "Didn't I tell you...dear?" he asked.
"No."
"Oops."
"'Oops'?" Hades widened his eyes.
"Oh no, Daddy!" Persephone frowned at her father. "What did you forget now?"
Poseidon forced a smile. "Oh, just a little thing," he assured Sephie.
Hades folded his arms. "Just the betrothal of your only daughter to myself, hm?"
Demeter practically exploded. "What?!" she shrieked.
"What?!" echoed Persephone. "I'm not marrying him!"
"Um, time to go." Panic scampered out of the cavern, closely followed by a still-damp Pain. Still stunned, but not wanting to have to hear her parents fighting again, Persephone quietly slipped out after them.
