He took a deep breath and started.  "Where was I?  Oh yeah, my sister looked after Sydney.  On my second day in solitary, I was finally told what was going on.  They told me you were KGB and they demanded to know if I had known, if I was an accomplice.  I had no idea what they were talking about; I couldn't get past what they were saying about you.  I refused to believe it and then they showed me proof—pictures of you with high-ranking KGB officials.  I broke down and they thought I was faking.  They left me in solitary until they could prove I wasn't working with you.  It took them six months.  Six months I was away from Sydney, Irina."  His voice was starting to crack and he had to pause to catch his breath.

Irina shook her head, not knowing what to say, how to respond.  She had tried for years to prepare herself for this exact conversation in case it ever happened.  And now that it was finally happening she had no idea how to respond, how to apologize for all the hurt she had caused both him and Sydney.

Jack started to trace tiny shapes on her legs through her pants.  "With nothing to do in solitary but think, I couldn't help but look back through our time together, searching for clues that I should have seen.  I couldn't find any; not one.  There was nothing, that I could see anyway, which indicated that you weren't who you said you were.  I couldn't believe it, even though they had shown me proof.  After awhile though, I started to believe and I started to hate you for what you had done to Sydney, to me."

She took both of his hands in hers, squeezing softly.  Looking at him, she could see tears almost ready to fall.  She looked away and refused to look back.  She couldn't believe that she had caused Jack Bristow's tears.  She never thought she would ever see him cry and here she was, the cause.  She stayed silent and waited for him to continue, focusing on their entwined hands instead of his face.

"Six months later, the CIA came to the conclusion that I knew absolutely nothing about your involvement with the KGB and let me go.  I got home and all I wanted to do was tear down every little memento of you that was in the house, but I just couldn't.  If I had, Sydney would have asked question and after question and I just couldn't have explained to her why I was doing what I was.  She missed you so much and I refused to make things harder on her.  Every picture of you, any little thing that was yours stayed exactly where it had been left.  Those things tore a piece from my heart each day I saw them.  Sydney never realized that as she got older, those things started disappearing.  I just couldn't take it anymore."

She sat up on her knees between his legs, dropping one of his hands and placing hers on his cheek instead.  She tenderly stroked his cheek, wiping at the tears that were falling freely.  He took hold of her arms and pulled her into him, their chests meeting.  When she was lying down, she turned so her back was against his chest.  He locked his fingers with hers, wrapping his arms around her and placing his chin on her shoulder.  "Can I ask a question?" she asked.

"Sure."

"What happened to your relationship with Sydney?  You adored her before I left."

He sighed.  He knew the question would come sooner or later.  "When I first got home, all I cared about was that I was home with Sydney.  But reality set in and I realized that she was a part of you and I just couldn't deal with that.  My actions against her didn't become truly awful until she was older and she started to look more like you and act like you.  I pushed her away; I didn't care what she did, where she went or with whom.  I would volunteer for missions that I knew would take me away from home for long periods of time.  When she graduated high school and went to college, I think we were both glad she was out of the house."

She looked up at him and gave him a light kiss, not knowing what else she could do.

He continued.  "When Arvin told me he'd recruited her, I was mad because, once again, a member of my family was working for the enemy.  Sure, I was working for SD-6 too, but I was also working for the good guys at the same time.  When SD-6 killed Danny and I told her the truth, I felt kind of redeemed for treating her like I had.  It wasn't much, but it was a beginning.  We've been working on having a better relationship and I think we're succeeding."

She turned in his arms, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.  "You don't need to continue this tonight if you don't want to.  I'm not sure I'll be able to hear anymore."

"I think that's pretty much all I have to say anyway."  He kissed her forehead and brought a hand to her head, stroking her hair.