Hopeless
For a supposedly difficult maze, JJ mused, the going sure isn't tough. He and Lexia had been walking for about a mile so far. And so far, all the path had done was twist and turn. There had been no intersections or other paths leading from the one they were on -- just blank walls either side. In fact, the hardest thing they'd come across so far was the amount of assorted debris -- tree branches, loose masonry and the like -- that littered the path.
"So what did you mean by 'the real Paul'?" he asked, suddenly breaking the silence that had existed between them since leaving the gateposts behind.
Lexia started. She'd obviously been lost in her own thoughts. "Huh?" JJ repeated his question. "Oh, that."
"Yes, that." JJ grinned a little. "You said it, you meant something by it."
Lexia sighed. "How well do you know Paul?"
JJ shrugged. "If you're asking do I think stunning and kidnapping one of his own team-mates is a thing he'd normally do, answer's no."
"There you go."
"No, there you don't go," JJ responded. "There's other things -- he could be brainwashed or..."
"True. And knowing Frax, not impossible." Lexia waved a hand at herself. "As I know from personal experience."
"Right," JJ agreed. "But you still think it was some sort of clone."
"I don't know what I think, to be honest." She sighed again. "I don't know if it's something I'm half remembering or if it's just a vibe I'm picking up on."
JJ nodded. "Guess we'll find out when we beat this thing." Looking around, he added, "Speaking of which, is it me, or is this really not much of a maze?"
Almost as if to prove him wrong, they rounded the next corner and found themselves in a courtyard, which seemed to be the meeting point for six different paths.
"Spoke too soon, there, JJ," Lexia observed. "Guess this is a maze after all."
"A-mazing," JJ retorted.
Lexia groaned. "I just have to find myself stuck in Pink Hell with a guy who thinks he's funny."
"Whaddya mean think?" JJ asked. "I know I'm funny."
"Funny like toothache," Lexia retorted, smiling all the same. "So which path do we choose?"
"How about," growled a voice, "none of them!"
~*~
John gazed around at the six creatures. The one he'd kicked had ceased rubbing its snout. All six of them looked angry. The five who still had their critter pikes, angled the snapping critters in towards him. He gripped the stolen pike in both hands.
While the six creatures were hardly a threat to him, the five critters most definitely were -- as his now throbbing calf and bicep bore witness to. Standing and fighting wasn't an option, which just left him one option...one that his pride rebelled against: Running.
Then the decision was taken out of his hands as the five, armed creatures all attempted to rush him. Instinct took over from ego. Heedless of the keening wail of the unfortunate critter on the end of his stolen pike, he moved to block the incoming blows. Wood clashed jarringly against wood as he managed to successfully deflect three of the five pikes. The other two, both aimed from behind him, connected with his upper-back and shoulders. He felt sharp critter-teeth against his flesh but against the flat of his shoulder blades, they could do little but scratch. Their jaws weren't wide enough to take a serious bite out of their target. More, even as they connected, he was already moving forwards, so the impact of the blows was lessened.
"Now we have you!" screamed the weaponless creature.
"And now you don't," John retorted, dropping the pike and diving between two of the creatures circling him. He rolled to his feet and grabbed the noisy beast in a headlock in one smooth move.
Everyone froze.
"Now," said John. "Two things are going to happen here or this one gets his neck broken. Comprende?"
The creature he had in a headlock gave an unhappy gurgle. The other five nodded slowly.
"You five," John continued, "are gonna back right up against that wall." They hesitated. "I'm not kidding, I can snap his neck like a twig." For good measure, he tightened his grip on the creature.
"Do it, men!" it screamed, a real note of panic in its voice.
Slowly, the other five backed up against the far wall of what John now realised was some sort of courtyard.
John nodded. "Good. That's good. Now, me and this guy are gonna walk, real slow-like, out of this courtyard and you five are gonna stay there. I see anyone so much as sneeze..."
"They won't move," the creature in his grip assured him. Five, clanking headshakes agreed with the statement.
"Good. For your sake, that'd better be the truth."
John started to move crab-like across the courtyard, keeping the headlock firmly in place, heading towards the only visible exit from the courtyard. As he neared it he could see that the passage was long and straight. If he let the creature go, it wouldn't take it -- or its cohorts -- much to catch up with him, even allowing for their relative leg-lengths.
John frowned and eyed the height of the walls either side of the passage. They were taller than he was -- no surprise there; neither of his parents were exactly tall -- but they weren't high enough that if he got a little bit of a run he couldn't scramble over them. There was certainly no way any of the creatures would be able to follow him.
Decision made, John allowed himself a small smile. He reached the gateway into the walled passage. With considerable force, he pushed his hostage away, across the courtyard towards its cohorts, turned and started to run.
"He's getting away!" yelled the former hostage. "After him!"
Angling his run across the passage, John neared the wall and jumped just as the first creature reached the start of the passage. His fingers found purchase on the wall top. Desperation leant him additional strength and he managed to haul himself up onto the top of the wall.
"No!" howled the outraged creature.
"See ya!" John retorted, and dropped off the other side of the wall.
~*~
"You don't understand," Shawn bit out. "I need to go back there. I need to talk to Commander Myers."
"Guardian Clingleffer," Jackson retorted, for once unsmiling, "you have a broken right ankle -- not to mention other injuries that you are refusing to let me diagnose. You are not fit for active duty and you are not leaving this medical centre, unless it is to attend hospital."
"Frankly, doc, I don't give a damn," Shawn shot back. "I have to go back."
"Doc," Taylor put in, "there are people missing. Shawn knows what's going on. That's information Commander Myers needs to know."
"And what about Guardian Clingleffer's long-term health?" Jackson spluttered.
"Screw my long term health," Shawn put in.
"No I will not," Jackson retorted. "I..."
Suddenly Jackson pitched forwards, landing insensate on the floor.
Shawn blinked. Rick, who was standing immediately behind where Jackson had been stood, shrugged a little, his expression a mix of sheepish and unrepentant. "A...My sister's one of the people missing." Shawn noted the knowing expression on Taylor's face and judged she, at least, knew what Rick's slip meant. "C'mon."
~*~
Lexia looked at JJ then looked into the courtyard. The voice was big and booming yet there was nothing to be seen.
"It's not those Gargoyles again is it?" JJ asked.
"Can't see them," Lexia replied.
"Oh for pity's sake!" exclaimed the voice, suddenly losing any hint of threat and simply sounding exasperated. "Down here!"
Duly directed, Lexia looked down...and had to bite her lip in an effort not to laugh. Standing knee high to her, was a creature that seemed to fit every cliché of a Leprechaun, even down to the green jacket, black breeches, red-and-white striped stockings and big buckled, black shoes. In fact, Lexia realised, all he was missing was the Lucky Charms style Irish accent.
"What the hell?" JJ asked.
"Now I have your attention," said the Leprechaun, suddenly dropping back into the deep, intimidating voice, "you shall not pass."
"Uh-huh," said Lexia. "Whatever you say, Lucky." Glancing at JJ she said, "C'mon."
"Could you at least look as if you're taking me seriously?" the Leprechaun asked, giving up on trying to be threatening.
"Sorry, but I've seen more frightening glasses of milk," JJ admitted.
"I can be scary!"
"Lucky..." Lexia began.
"James," interrupted the Leprechaun.
"What?" said Lexia.
"James -- it's my name," said the Leprechaun. "I'm not some cartoon who advertises a breakfast cereal."
"And just when I thought life couldn't get any weirder," JJ muttered.
"OK, James: I can step over you," Lexia explained. "You're not scary. Unless we're talking about your taste in fashion. That shade of red paired with that shade of green just does not work. Especially with your hair."
James' mouth hinged open. "What's wrong with my hair?"
"It's red," said JJ. "Bright red. Fit to give a carrot a serious case of envy-red. Even I, as a fashion-sense-less guy knows you don't mix that with red clothing."
"Oh." James looked crestfallen.
"C'mon," said Lexia, starting to head across the courtyard by stepping over James. "We need to get moving. I'm not sure how long Mirracon's timer runs for, but I'm betting we don't have that much time and..."
"I can help," put in James.
With a sigh, Lexia turned back to face him. "Excuse me?"
"I can help," said James. "You're trying to beat this maze, right?"
"Ye-es," JJ answered. "What about it?"
"Well, first, I'm fed up of no-one taking me seriously," said James. "If I can't scare anyone, what good is it me being here?"
"Comic relief?" JJ suggested sotto voce.
Lexia rolled her eyes. "So you've decided you're going to help us just because we didn't find you scary?"
James shot her with a glare. "Second, since I live here, I know my way around. So, I figure, I help you, you help me."
"And you want us to do exactly what?" Lexia asked.
"When you leave the maze, take me with you."
"Just what Silverhills needs," JJ murmured. "A real life Leprechaun."
"I suppose yer man here thinks he's funny," James observed.
"Does seem to," Lexia agreed.
"Hey!" objected JJ.
"I don't want to land up wherever it is you call home," James continued, ignoring JJ's exclamation, "I just want to go back to my home dimension. Unfortunately, unless someone actually takes me out of this maze, I'm stuck here. The second I set foot outside of this maze, I'm home free."
"You really know the way through this place?" Lexia asked.
"On my honour," James replied.
"JJ?" she said. "What do you think?"
"Well -- can't hurt to try," said JJ.
Lexia nodded. "OK -- James -- you've got a deal."
~*~
Some days, Kimberly reflected, it didn't pay to get out of bed. This was rapidly proving to be one of those. As the last Cyclobot was dealt with, by Jen, who had been a part of Ben's squad of Guardians who'd arrived as back up, Kimberly could already feel muscles complaining about abuse they hadn't taken in a very long time.
"You OK?" Eric asked via the internal comm. system.
"I will be." She issued the power-down command and the full ache of strained muscles set in. "Ow."
"You OK?" Ben asked.
"I will be," Kimberly repeated. Putties weren't half so tough.
"So now what?" Wes asked as he powered down.
"Good question," Eric responded, likewise powering down.
Kimberly noted the wry expression on his face and knew what was coming next. Before he could say anything else, she said, "Don't even think it."
"Think what?" Ben enquired.
"He's got his 'I'm about to do something stupid' expression on," Kimberly replied.
"And you have a better idea?" Eric retorted, shaking his head.
"Actually, I do," said a new voice.
"Nice to see Eric's not got the monopoly on 'stupid' today," Ben muttered as his eyes fell on the speaker.
"Apparently not," Kimberly agreed.
Taylor rolled her eyes. "Jackson passed me fit -- it's Shawn who isn't." And she waved a hand in the direction of the Guardian who was clearly only standing upright because he was leaning on both Taylor and Rick.
"And yet," said Eric dryly, "here he is."
"I think this might be a good point for an explanation," observed Wes.
"I know what's going on," Shawn answered.
There was an electric pause. Wes opened and shut his mouth a couple of times without saying anything.
"He's got you there, Wes," said Eric, a smile faintly lighting his face. "It's an explanation all right."Turning to Shawn he added, "So...enlighten us."
~*~
On the other side of the wall, John found himself in something that resembled a maze. Tall, admittedly pink, hedges rose up to border paths that seemed to weave in and out and around in a confusing pattern. It didn't take long before he'd lost all sense of where the wall -- his starting point -- was.
Gotta find my way out of this place, he mused as he picked the left hand fork of a junction. He followed it for a yard, around a bend, only to discover it was a cul-de-sac. With a grimace he retraced his steps...only to never actually find the original fork.
Huh?
He came to another junction. Again he picked the left fork...and found himself back in the cul-de-sac.
"What the...?"
He turned around and retraced his steps. Again, he didn't find the original fork. When he reached the next junction, instead of taking the left fork, he turned right...
...And still found himself reaching a dead end.
"This is ridiculous!" he exclaimed, irritated. "How can I get out of this place if it keeps moving."
"You know, if I were you," said a voice.
"I'd be taking the hint," finished a second voice, this one scornful and British.
Slowly, John looked round and found himself confronted by two (pink) stone gargoyles. "Talking gargoyles?"
"Left," said the one on the right.
"And Right," said the English one on the left.
"At your service," they finished jointly.
John found himself chuckling. "Shouldn't you be sitting the other way around?"
Both gargoyles looked confused. "If we were sitting the other way around," mused Left.
"We'd have our backs to you," Right continued. "And that would be..."
"Very rude," Left concluded.
"No -- I meant..." John stopped. "On second thoughts, never mind."
"I see decisiveness is running rampant in the maze today," observed Left.
"He seems smarter than the other two though," Right mused.
"Other two?" John echoed. "And while we're at it, what is this place anyway?"
"The woman and the man," said Left. "Woman about your height, brunette. The man was a bit taller, but not as broad, and blonde."
"Both dressed like you," put in Right.
John blinked. The 'woman' sounded like Lexia. He didn't recognise the 'man', but if they were both dressed like him, that meant the man was another Silver Guardian. He'd better be looking after Lexia or I'll kick his butt.
"As for where this is..."
Before Left could finish his sentence, however, a bronze head suddenly plummeted onto the path, only narrowly avoiding hitting either of the gargoyles or John himself. As it bounced off the brick surface of the path and ultimately landed at the base of one strip of hedge, John realised it was the head of a Cyclobot.
Frowning, he followed his instinct and looked up.
"Run!"
~*~
Lexia was forced to swallow laughter as she listened to her two companions argue as they walked through the maze.
"Whaddya mean?" JJ was asking.
"What do you think I mean?" James retorted. "Those films are an affront to my kind. They're filled with slanderous lies. I mean look at me. Do I look like I'm going to go around killing people?"
"Well...no," JJ agreed.
"And," James continued, his rant working up steam, "do I look like I have a pot of gold? Even a small one? Are you kidding me? If I had any gold, you think I'd be dressed like this?!"
JJ slowly shook his head. "But...if they're so outta whack...where'd they come from?"
"You tell me," James sniffed. "Do I look like I'm a Hollywood script writer?"
JJ apparently had no answer.
"Anyway," James continued, "they completely lost the plot with Leprechaun in Dublin. That film was just a walking cliché."
"You've seen them all?" Lexia giggled.
"A guy's gotta get his laughs somewhere," James admitted, a little sheepishly.
"You hypocrite!" JJ exclaimed. "And you were the one who was complaining about us not finding you scary, too."
James shrugged. "You thought I knew what they were by what? Osmosis? Besides," he added bitterly, "why do you think Mirracon grabbed me in the first place?"
"Mirracon grabbed you because of the Leprechaun movies?" Lexia queried, trying -- and failing -- to picture the grey mutant sitting down to watch trashy horror movies.
"More or less," James agreed. "It's another thing I hold against them." They reached a junction. "This way," he added.
There was no answer to that statement, so they walked on in silence for a few yards. Rounding a corner, they entered another courtyard area.
"Be careful..." James began as they entered. "I can't remember if this is the Werrat's lair or..."
But James' words died in an instant as JJ stepped into the courtyard and promptly vanished.
TO BE CONTINUED...
