Author's Notes: Thanks to all my reviewers, sorry once again for the late
update, I'm having real writer's block with this story. Also, I switched to
writing it in third-person, because I think I write better in that mode
than in first-person, sorry. I'm *still* not sure if I should continue this-
I think I want to, but I'm not sure how to do it without making things too
predictable. I've also got a few new ideas for other fanfics, so I don't
know when I'll be updating this again- it's not finished, but I can't set a
deadline to my next update because I really don't know how to continue
this. . .I'm sure I'll think of something, it just may be awhile.
Chapter 5: Change of Destiny
Once again, darkness engulfed Cole. However, instead of accepting that darkness as he had before, Cole fought with all of his might against it. His physical form was nearly nonexistent at this point, but that didn't matter. It was a mental battle that raged, a war of wills that he strived to win. Unfortunately for Cole, he was struggling against forces that were more powerful than he could imagine.
In only a few moments, the darkness was complete, and Cole realized that he was no longer in the realm of the living. Even worse, he could feel his spirit weakening. It seemed as though the Powers That Be had decided not to leave him torment any longer- They were going to destroy his spirit entirely. At the time he was vanquished, Cole might have considered this course of action a blessing. Now, however, it was a curse. He had thought that he was over Phoebe, but watching over her for so long and talking to her recently had unleashed a flood of emotions that left him gasping. Even if they could never recreate what they had, he couldn't let go of her. He couldn't bear the thought that he might never see her smile again, that he might never hear her voice again.
"No! Phoebe! Damnit, I don't want to go back!" Cole yelled as loudly as he could, the desperation clear in his tone. Rage and fear mixed with a pain that went deeper than any physical wound.
"Cole?" Phoebe's voice was barely above a whisper as she gazed at the empty place where Cole's spirit had been moments earlier. "What just happened?" She turned to her sisters, searching for answers. Neither Piper or Paige had any to offer her. Phoebe turned her gaze to their Whitelighter. He was the one who usually had the answers when the Charmed Ones needed them.
"I'm not sure-" Leo started, but he stopped when he saw the pain flickering in Phoebe's eyes. "Spirits are usually stranded on Earth when they have some kind of unfinished business to take care of, something that is keeping them from resting in peace. It's possible that reconciling with you was what Cole needed to be freed from our world."
The explanation was simple enough, and it did make sense. In all likelihood, that was what had happened. But Phoebe couldn't forget the panicked, trapped look on Cole's face right before he disappeared. It had definitely not been the look of someone who was being laid to rest. And as much as she hated him for what he had done to her, Phoebe knew that she still loved Cole, at least his mortal half. "We've got to do something."
"It will do you no good to fight, Balthazar." The voice that spoke had the power and strength of a thunderstorm, along with the calm of a gentle spring breeze. It was both terrible and wonderful at the same time; it echoed all around and inside of Cole, so that he couldn't tell where it was coming from- or even if it was just one voice, or many.
Cole was unable to determine whether the speaker was allied with Heaven or Hell, but then he really didn't care. At this point, he considered both sides to be enemies. He wasn't afraid to let the raw rage show in his tone as he responded. "I'm not Balthazar- not any more. And I'm never going to stop fighting. I'm not going to let you bastards win this one, not this time."
There was a sound that was like thunder rumbling in the distance, and it took Cole a moment to realize that the voice was laughing. "We've already won, Cole. We always win." There was a short pause that followed, then the voice spoke once more. "Why do you continue to fight this? It is what you wanted, is it not? An end to your all of your pain, all of your suffering."
Cole didn't respond immediately. He didn't know how he could possibly explain the flood of emotions that raged inside of him at the mere thought of Phoebe. There were no words strong enough to describe the love that only grew stronger with every breath he took. But the silence was growing deafening, and he needed to answer.
"I love her." They were only three words, but they were heavy with emotion. "I thought- I thought I'd be able to let go of her, but I can't. I can't let go of Phoebe, because I love her. And I don't want to leave her."
"You had your chances with the Charmed One, many chances. And every time, you failed. You must accept your failure and move on." There was no sympathy in the voice's tone, only an awful finality.
"Phoebe, I told you, we can't interfere with this." Phoebe was flipping through the Book of Shadows as Leo tried in vain to make her listen.
"I'm sure as Hell going to try." The Charmed One muttered, trying to find some kind of spell that would summon Cole's spirit, something that would bring him back.
"Listen to me- do you remember when Prue met Death?" Leo got her attention instantly, as well as Piper and Paige's; Prue was still a very touchy subject for the two original sisters, especially Piper. "She learned that she couldn't reverse death, that she couldn't fight it- this is the same thing, Phoebe. Cole needed to find closure, and he did."
"Did it look like Cole had closure, Leo?" Phoebe refused to back down; the Halliwell women had always been stubborn. Without waiting for a response from the Whitelighter she continued looking through the Book, ignoring any further protests from him, or her sisters. She told herself that she just wanted to see Cole because his spirit had not been laid to rest, but in her heart she knew it was because neither of them had let go of each other yet.
"Don't you get it? I can't move on! Phoebe and I were meant to be together; why else would my love for her have survived, even when the Source had possession of me?!" Cole was back to yelling again, sick of the way that higher powers seemed to be manipulating himself and Phoebe.
There was silence for a few moments, and Cole wondered if the voice had left him. Then it spoke again. "You were meant for the Charmed One, Cole." Cole felt his heart leap in his chest (well, that was to say if he actually had a physical body with a heart it would have leaped). This was the one thing he'd been sure about for years, one thing he'd doubted only once, after Phoebe vanquished him for the second time. The voice's next words, however, immediately crushed any joy he had felt.
"But your destiny changed when you managed to escape Hell on your own. The Charmed One was supposed to write a spell that would bring you back, as a mortal; none of us anticipated that you would find a way out yourself, or that you would go insane because of what you'd gone through. You changed your destiny, and this is now the result. You and the Charmed One aren't meant to be any longer."
Chapter 5: Change of Destiny
Once again, darkness engulfed Cole. However, instead of accepting that darkness as he had before, Cole fought with all of his might against it. His physical form was nearly nonexistent at this point, but that didn't matter. It was a mental battle that raged, a war of wills that he strived to win. Unfortunately for Cole, he was struggling against forces that were more powerful than he could imagine.
In only a few moments, the darkness was complete, and Cole realized that he was no longer in the realm of the living. Even worse, he could feel his spirit weakening. It seemed as though the Powers That Be had decided not to leave him torment any longer- They were going to destroy his spirit entirely. At the time he was vanquished, Cole might have considered this course of action a blessing. Now, however, it was a curse. He had thought that he was over Phoebe, but watching over her for so long and talking to her recently had unleashed a flood of emotions that left him gasping. Even if they could never recreate what they had, he couldn't let go of her. He couldn't bear the thought that he might never see her smile again, that he might never hear her voice again.
"No! Phoebe! Damnit, I don't want to go back!" Cole yelled as loudly as he could, the desperation clear in his tone. Rage and fear mixed with a pain that went deeper than any physical wound.
"Cole?" Phoebe's voice was barely above a whisper as she gazed at the empty place where Cole's spirit had been moments earlier. "What just happened?" She turned to her sisters, searching for answers. Neither Piper or Paige had any to offer her. Phoebe turned her gaze to their Whitelighter. He was the one who usually had the answers when the Charmed Ones needed them.
"I'm not sure-" Leo started, but he stopped when he saw the pain flickering in Phoebe's eyes. "Spirits are usually stranded on Earth when they have some kind of unfinished business to take care of, something that is keeping them from resting in peace. It's possible that reconciling with you was what Cole needed to be freed from our world."
The explanation was simple enough, and it did make sense. In all likelihood, that was what had happened. But Phoebe couldn't forget the panicked, trapped look on Cole's face right before he disappeared. It had definitely not been the look of someone who was being laid to rest. And as much as she hated him for what he had done to her, Phoebe knew that she still loved Cole, at least his mortal half. "We've got to do something."
"It will do you no good to fight, Balthazar." The voice that spoke had the power and strength of a thunderstorm, along with the calm of a gentle spring breeze. It was both terrible and wonderful at the same time; it echoed all around and inside of Cole, so that he couldn't tell where it was coming from- or even if it was just one voice, or many.
Cole was unable to determine whether the speaker was allied with Heaven or Hell, but then he really didn't care. At this point, he considered both sides to be enemies. He wasn't afraid to let the raw rage show in his tone as he responded. "I'm not Balthazar- not any more. And I'm never going to stop fighting. I'm not going to let you bastards win this one, not this time."
There was a sound that was like thunder rumbling in the distance, and it took Cole a moment to realize that the voice was laughing. "We've already won, Cole. We always win." There was a short pause that followed, then the voice spoke once more. "Why do you continue to fight this? It is what you wanted, is it not? An end to your all of your pain, all of your suffering."
Cole didn't respond immediately. He didn't know how he could possibly explain the flood of emotions that raged inside of him at the mere thought of Phoebe. There were no words strong enough to describe the love that only grew stronger with every breath he took. But the silence was growing deafening, and he needed to answer.
"I love her." They were only three words, but they were heavy with emotion. "I thought- I thought I'd be able to let go of her, but I can't. I can't let go of Phoebe, because I love her. And I don't want to leave her."
"You had your chances with the Charmed One, many chances. And every time, you failed. You must accept your failure and move on." There was no sympathy in the voice's tone, only an awful finality.
"Phoebe, I told you, we can't interfere with this." Phoebe was flipping through the Book of Shadows as Leo tried in vain to make her listen.
"I'm sure as Hell going to try." The Charmed One muttered, trying to find some kind of spell that would summon Cole's spirit, something that would bring him back.
"Listen to me- do you remember when Prue met Death?" Leo got her attention instantly, as well as Piper and Paige's; Prue was still a very touchy subject for the two original sisters, especially Piper. "She learned that she couldn't reverse death, that she couldn't fight it- this is the same thing, Phoebe. Cole needed to find closure, and he did."
"Did it look like Cole had closure, Leo?" Phoebe refused to back down; the Halliwell women had always been stubborn. Without waiting for a response from the Whitelighter she continued looking through the Book, ignoring any further protests from him, or her sisters. She told herself that she just wanted to see Cole because his spirit had not been laid to rest, but in her heart she knew it was because neither of them had let go of each other yet.
"Don't you get it? I can't move on! Phoebe and I were meant to be together; why else would my love for her have survived, even when the Source had possession of me?!" Cole was back to yelling again, sick of the way that higher powers seemed to be manipulating himself and Phoebe.
There was silence for a few moments, and Cole wondered if the voice had left him. Then it spoke again. "You were meant for the Charmed One, Cole." Cole felt his heart leap in his chest (well, that was to say if he actually had a physical body with a heart it would have leaped). This was the one thing he'd been sure about for years, one thing he'd doubted only once, after Phoebe vanquished him for the second time. The voice's next words, however, immediately crushed any joy he had felt.
"But your destiny changed when you managed to escape Hell on your own. The Charmed One was supposed to write a spell that would bring you back, as a mortal; none of us anticipated that you would find a way out yourself, or that you would go insane because of what you'd gone through. You changed your destiny, and this is now the result. You and the Charmed One aren't meant to be any longer."
