LUIS
Our next game is a week after Ken snapped at Adam. The locker room is a little more tense than usual, and I feel uncomfortable, like it's somehow my fault. But looking over at Ken, I realize I don't feel it half as badly as he does. As we're getting ready to head out onto the ice, I see him approach Adam and offer a hand in apology. Adam takes it willingly, and a smile of relief crosses Ken's face. I catch his eye, and flash him a thumbs-up. He returns it, then quickens his pace to catch up with me.
"Hey. How's it going?" he asks.
"Good. Yourself?"
"Better. This thing, though-" he points to his lip, "still hurts like hell."
"Yeah, well, the guy punched you in the mouth, Ken."
"Yeah, well, he called me a chink." Damn, but the kid's quick on the comeback.
"See, I don't get it," I say as we stand in line, waiting to shoot on Julie, "I hear my Asian friends call each other names like that all the time."
"It's the same as when Mexican kids call each other 'puto,' and stuff like that. Black kids can use the 'n' word with each other, but if a white kid uses it, it's racist. I can call my friend a chink 'cause I'm Asian. But a white kid can't," Ken explains, "Probably isn't fair to them, but I figure if they're gonna beat us down for being who we are, we don't have to be fair."
Now this is a side of Ken that I'm a little less familiar with. I know him as a quiet kid, who pretty much minds his own business and lets things slide. Never seemed to be one for confrontation. But after that fight, and definitely after this little comment of his, he's seeming like less and less of a passive observer and more and more like a Hispanic kid: loud and proud.
I'm not knocking Asian kids. I have plenty of Asian friends who will punch anyone out who gets in their face about who they are, but a lot of them back away from confrontations like that, especially the East Asians. I think it's a cultural thing. Chinese, Japanese and Korean kids tend to be more focused on their studies, more inclined to pacifism, and reluctant to argue. Laotian, Hmong, Vietnamese and Cambodian are more hot-blooded. They're the ones that get in most of the fights over race. And they're usually the most arrogant about their pride. I'm not getting down on them, I'm just saying. That's what I see.
KENNY
See, there's a fine line between being proud and being arrogant, and I think I'm walking a little on the arrogant side right now. But for real, can you blame me? I've been at an all-white high school for three and a half years now. You'll forgive me for being a little jaded. I can only go so long listening and not reacting. For years, I've endured racist comments on and off the ice. In San Francisco, it wasn't as bad, because there were tons of Asians, Blacks and Hispanics around. If some white kid got in your face, you automatically had ten or twelve kids behind you, from all different races. When race fights broke out, you didn't even have to know anyone in the fight to get involved. If you were a minority, you fought the first white you saw. Yeah. I'm not even joking.
I'm getting arrogant, because if no one notices when I'm just proud, why shouldn't I? People are always wondering why kids ever get caught up in gang life. Well, here's the reason. They want to be recognized. They don't want to be assimilated and watered down. They—we—want to be proud of who we are, to not lose our culture to the mainstream. Proud? Hell yeah. Arrogant? If that's what it takes. If we have to say, "You're white, you'll never be like us," then that's what we'll do. If we have to say, "We're Asian, we're better," then we'll do it.
This is how it starts. I've seen it enough times to know. First you try to ignore it, figure people will grow out of their ignorance. Then the anger starts building inside, and you can't fight it, because you don't want to. You want someone to hurt because it hurts so much inside. Then you try to express your pride, because you want it to be known. You want people to know who you are. When it doesn't work, you turn to arrogance, and then you're done.
See, I told you it was going to drag me down in the end.
It's the AZN, nigga f*ck the rest
Dallas to New York, jigga, we the best
Vietnam to Japan to Mongolia
Philippines to Taiwan to Cambodia
Korea, ah-ah
Hometown China, who you got huh?
You got sh*t, nigga, feel the size
It's the AZN better recognize…
F*ck no, hell, you white,
You'll never be like us.
Rice Brothers, "Asian Pride"
AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: I am Korean-adopted, so I relate more to Ken's point of view in this story, but many of my friends are Hispanic, and I tried to reflect what life is like for them as well. I live in Minnesota, which is incredibly white, and the racism is alive and well. Asian gangs are prevalent, as well as Hispanic gangs. And yes, if you're wondering, I walk the arrogant side of the line.
