DISCLAIMER
I don't own Arthur Dent or any other characters or concepts from the Hitchhiker's Trilogy (in five parts). They belong to the (regrettably) deceased
Douglas Adams. I'm just playing with his toys.
A/N: Here is the next and final chapter of Eddy a History. If you enjoyed it, tell you're friends. If you didn't, don't.
Eddy and Marvin finally got a grip on themselves, and the laughter slowly died out. Marvin sat in the silent bridge for a few more minutes while Eddy collected his thoughts, there were precious little of them, and continued his narrative.
"Now, where was I? Ah yes, my first space flight. Well, being a shoe and all, I couldn't really tell what was going on. But I did have a sensation of acceleration. That didn't last long, but the next stage did. After the preliminary acceleration we spent a long time in the dark.
"It was during this time that I made friends with Slartibartfast's ship, which at the time was a slightly torn checkered table cloth. He had been working in an Italian restaurant, and was eventually thrown away once he became torn. Now, he is of course a spaceship, and quite happy to be in an Italian restaurant again.
"Anyway, we flew through the vast distances in between the stars for a very long time, and I can't tell how long. Eventually we came to the IRS star system of Trowbleywadormorsopheliusgartic. {A/N: pronounced TRASH.} After going through customs we made our way to the fourth planet, the Sorting Planet.
"There, we were dumped out of the spaceship and onto a conveyer belt. This was a tremendously huge conveyer belt. It went all around the planet. Not in a circle, but loops. It looped one way for hundreds of miles, then the other way for hundreds of miles and so on. The entire planet was one conveyer belt. That's all it was.
"So we started at the beginning of this conveyer belt, and went on it. To complete the entire circuit takes, on average, twelve years. However, not many pieces of garbage complete the whole circuit. The point of this circuit is to analyze the garbage, learn everything possible about it, and then ship it off to one of the other planets. The first planet, for instance, was the final stop for those pieces of garbage that completed the circuit. This garbage could not be reused in any way, and was shipped to the closest planet to the sun of that system where it was incinerated.
"If the garbage isn't to be incinerated, it's sent off to Sirius Cybernetics. That is a whole other system, and in which each planet has a different purpose.
"The seventh planet was the computer-building planet, and it was right next door to the eighth planet, the ship-building planet. Then of course there was the tools-building planet, the sixth. The food making planet, the fifth. The furniture making planet, the second. And of course there was the administrative planet, the one that runs everything, the third planet. And not to mention our favorite, the ninth planet, the door-making planet.
"I went throughout the sorting planet for seven and a half years were they learned everything there was to learn a bout shoes on Earth, including it's entire history. After five and a half years I went through some more conveyer belt where they tried to find someplace where I could be useful. After an additional three years I was put on a spaceship and shipped off to the Sirius system and the sixth planet, the ship-building planet."
Here Eddy paused for a few seconds and was about to continue when Marvin suddenly asked, "But I thought you said that the sixth planet was the tools-making planet and the ship-building planet was the eighth."
"So they are." Said Eddy, "I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. I was in fact shipped off to the seventh planet, to become a computer.
"I spent nearly four years being turned into a computer. It was a very interesting process. First I was immersed in one solution, then in another solution, then again in the first solution. After this treatment I was now a shoe without any laces. The immersions took a very long time, about a month each. After that I was bombarded with Kahydron {A/N: pronounced KAHYDRON} rays for almost a year. This was simply a preliminary treatment. It made me more susceptible to further treatment. I don't know how, and I don't know why. In case you haven't noticed-"
"I have." interjected Marvin.
"-then this is a bureaucratic facility and they do things for no apparent reason." Eddy continued without missing a beat.
"Then, over the course of the next three years or so I was methodically taken apart and put together again until I became a computer."
Eddy stopped.
Marvin asked, "And that's it? How exactly did you 'become' a computer?"
"Well, like I said, they kept taking me apart and putting me back together again, until I was a computer. I guess that they did it by trial and error."
"Okay, so after that, what happened?"
"I was shipped off to planet eight to be inserted into a space ship. They decided that since I came to the Trowbleywadormorsopheliusgartic system as a shoe, I would probably function best as a shoe, so they shipped me from there to Damogran where the Heart of Gold project was nearly complete. I was incorporated into the ship, integrated my systems with those of the ship, and waited patiently for Zaphod to steal it.
"And that is the story of my life."
The ticking of the ticker tape was the only sound in the bridge, and then that too, stopped. Marvin looked at Eddy, he thought about all that he had heard.
"Thank you, Eddy." He said, "that was most enjoyable. Maybe someday I'll tell you my story."
And with that Marvin shut himself off.
Eddy slipped into standby mode and ran some service checks on the Nutra-Matic.
Ten minutes later Ford returned to the ship, and was quite surprised when he found that he couldn't get into the bridge, as it was filled to the overflowing with miles upon miles of ticker tape.
The End
A/N: Ubge, ubge ubge that's all folks! I know that this chapter was short, but hey, it's the end of the story. You can make up for it by writing a lot of Reviews. So this is the end of another wacky story. Join me again tomorrow night and I'll tell you about the time Jimmy went hunting with his.......
