You know how when your in love - or in this case, think your in love - with
someone it's suppose to be so wonderful?
Flowers and butterflies.
Chocolate and champagne.
Isn't that what it's suppose to be?
Well that's what I hear. That's what they tell you don't they? They probably find it amusing. Playing us like that.
Because it isn't like that. At least for me.
For me love is two things - pain and suffering.
And, for instance, if you do not even know the person you love, it's all for nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe it's just a way to punish ourselves. If we're bad, we fall in love. And get are hearts puréed in a blender.
And that pain will never go away.
Like for me. I can't listen to certain songs anymore. Without that flashback. That pang. I can't eat Oreos either. The best cookie in the world, and I can't fucking eat it without breaking down.
So much for love.
Chapter 2
After the incident I was confused. Very confused.
But it had obviously been a mistake. A lapse of judgment. I tried to go on with my life.
But why did it have to be a mistake? Maybe it was just...right.
Little by little I noticed something was changing. I found myself thinking about him all the time.
French class was the worst. I'd just sit there and write his name all over my binder Which is something I never do.
I mean don't get me wrong. I've had crushes before. But I NEVER wrote someone's name all over my binder. And during school? Unheard of. I'm not like that. I'm not boy crazy. I don't write "Mrs. Rory Whatever" all over everything.
I'm not like that.
Or I wasn't.
I started getting pangs. Yes pangs, literally. The kind of PANG where you're absolutely floored for a minute. Just floored. By how wonderful he is.
But I couldn't tell anyone. Everyone knew. But I wasn't going to admit to it. Never. I never admit to anything.
I'm not like that.
Now at this point your all thinking "Oh my god, I've had a million of these crushes. What is she on about?" And I don't blame you. Everyone has crushes like this. I have. You have. Everyone.
It's normal.
But this one wasn't normal. Something was wrong this time. Because I really liked him. I did. He was everything I'd ever wanted in a guy.
Perfect.
Ideal.
I didn't have to make anything up.
And it was the most wonderful feeling in the world for a while. To know someone like him was out there....
And then I woke up. And he wasn't there. He wasn't going to be there. Ever.
And that's when it started to get scary.
Isn't that what it's suppose to be?
Well that's what I hear. That's what they tell you don't they? They probably find it amusing. Playing us like that.
Because it isn't like that. At least for me.
For me love is two things - pain and suffering.
And, for instance, if you do not even know the person you love, it's all for nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe it's just a way to punish ourselves. If we're bad, we fall in love. And get are hearts puréed in a blender.
And that pain will never go away.
Like for me. I can't listen to certain songs anymore. Without that flashback. That pang. I can't eat Oreos either. The best cookie in the world, and I can't fucking eat it without breaking down.
So much for love.
Chapter 2
After the incident I was confused. Very confused.
But it had obviously been a mistake. A lapse of judgment. I tried to go on with my life.
But why did it have to be a mistake? Maybe it was just...right.
Little by little I noticed something was changing. I found myself thinking about him all the time.
French class was the worst. I'd just sit there and write his name all over my binder Which is something I never do.
I mean don't get me wrong. I've had crushes before. But I NEVER wrote someone's name all over my binder. And during school? Unheard of. I'm not like that. I'm not boy crazy. I don't write "Mrs. Rory Whatever" all over everything.
I'm not like that.
Or I wasn't.
I started getting pangs. Yes pangs, literally. The kind of PANG where you're absolutely floored for a minute. Just floored. By how wonderful he is.
But I couldn't tell anyone. Everyone knew. But I wasn't going to admit to it. Never. I never admit to anything.
I'm not like that.
Now at this point your all thinking "Oh my god, I've had a million of these crushes. What is she on about?" And I don't blame you. Everyone has crushes like this. I have. You have. Everyone.
It's normal.
But this one wasn't normal. Something was wrong this time. Because I really liked him. I did. He was everything I'd ever wanted in a guy.
Perfect.
Ideal.
I didn't have to make anything up.
And it was the most wonderful feeling in the world for a while. To know someone like him was out there....
And then I woke up. And he wasn't there. He wasn't going to be there. Ever.
And that's when it started to get scary.
