Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT, so you can't sue me. I'm just borrowing them
for a bit. But Magnolia and the others are mine, so if you want to use
them, please just ask. Thank you.
Chapter 3: Return, but to where?
When I regained my senses somewhat, it felt like someone had thrust me headfirst underwater and I had just managed to bring myself to the surface again. I had to take several short, gasping breaths for the next few minutes that helped to wear down the shock a bit. I was still in darkness, but not the total nothingness that had the voice had claimed to be my regret. No, it was the kind of darkness that came from having your eyes closed.
With that kind, if there's a light somewhere nearby, then it shines in dim reflection through your eyelids. Not enough to wake you up, but just enough to let you know that it's there. At the moment, that was the kind that I was sensing and I can't tell begin to express the relief that I was feeling. I guess being in total darkness really can take more out of a person than I thought it could.
Relief can only go so far however, and for the moment, it was just restricted to only a small portion of my brain. The rest of me felt terrible. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I had felt the last time I was awake, but it was bad enough to make me ache all over.
The part of me that remained strangely aloof from the pain and partial relief thought it was weird being back in a body again. For what I was now supposing was a long time, I hadn't been able to move. All I could do was think, and as much as freedom as that can offer, it isn't the same thing as moving around in your own flesh.
But being back in my own body wasn't really as cracked up as I thought it would be. For one thing, the pain, though surprisingly lessened from what I last remembered, still made me feel as if I had been run over several times. And each time I tried to move anything, even my eyelids, a new wave of discomfort would wash over me with renewed intensity. So I was more or less stuck where I was, able to feel and sense things but unable to do much else but think.
Hmm, as if I hadn't had enough of that already? True, my experience had allowed me to sort out how I felt and what I had done all those years ago. It had also allowed me to find forgiveness not only within myself but the courage to seek out that of others. I know that I've said that I hope they forgive me someday, but there's a difference between saying and doing. One I hadn't seen until now.
In some ways, I'm surprised that I never realized that before. Maybe I was just so wrapped in trying to survive that I buried it in a place that I couldn't find or I just never wanted to let go of my self-pity. Or maybe I'm just going crazy and the whole thing was a fever dream.
I'm beginning to think it was all just that, a fever dream. An extremely weird and crazy fever dream, but still just a fever dream. One that was probably brought on by my pain and played out on the same note. If that were the case, then it would certainly explain why that voice sounded so much like Splinter and knew my name.
I don't think I'll ever know for sure. It's too confusing to really think about that much, especially now. My head still hurts from waking and the rest of my body isn't too far behind. Maybe I'll give it another go when these things go away, if they do.
Which brings me to another question: where in the world am I? The last thing that I can remember clearly before I blacked out was being in one of the cells at Rancor. I had been lying on the floor, still sort of dazed from my last beating and everything was continually getting hazy.
Icy coldness came to mind too. I think that came from the stone floor I was lying on and the lack of other warm bodies to help gather heat. Which makes me realize that here, I'm not cold. I'm…warm?
Hmm, that's strange. I don't think that should be happening, unless someone put me near a furnace while I was out. No, that's not it. Even though I can't move without getting an intense backlash, I'm still able to sense things or least starting to again. It's just the experience of doing such things is coming back to me very slowly, so I hadn't noticed before.
But now that I think about it, there is something covering me. It's not swamp gunk or trash. It feels more like, cloth, torn and beaten but still cloth. It doesn't feel like the warmest thing I've known, but it beats just having my own fur for warmth.
I think that I'll take this as a good sign, since it means I'm probably not in my cell anymore. If I were, I'd still be lying on a cold slab of rock turning into what Raph once termed as a fur-cicle. Which is certainly another event that I'll never forget.
I had just turned seven and my brothers were about ten. It was winter and Splinter had taken above ground at night for short period of time so that we could see the snow. It was amazing, seeing something so pure and untouched, and fun to play in too.
We were having the time of our lives, even if we didn't get to stay as long as we wanted. That was for two reasons. One, because my brothers, being Turtles and thus cold-blooded, couldn't stand the cold for very long and had to be back inside where it was warm so they could function. And two, even in the dead of winter, there was always the chance of being spotted and Splinter wasn't about to take any chances.
Before we went home however, Raphael and Michelangelo played a trick on me that had me mad at them for days. We were throwing snowballs at each other and when I wasn't looking, the two had come up behind me and started dumping loads of snow on me. I yowled so loud that I swear half of New York must have heard me and probably over in Jersey too. It certainly gave Raph and Mikey a laugh, and Leo and Don once they saw me.
Needless to say, I was both freezing and furious with what my brothers had done. And I still say that it was lucky for them that Splinter came when he did. If he hadn't, I would have been short two brothers and had myself a new pair of scratching posts instead.
Well, to make a long story short, I soon caught a cold after that little stunt and had to spend a week in bed recuperating. During that time, I was grouchy and miserable, hissing at anyone but Master Splinter if they came near me. The only thing that made me feel better was that Raph and Mikey had to spend that same week and the following one doing my chores, plus apologizing to me for their trick.
Yeah, it's funny now that I think back on it after all this time. Then it didn't seem so great, but I guess that when you've been around awhile, your perspective can change. But, I think I'll consider more on that later. That and figuring out where the heck I am and how I hot here, wherever that is. Right now, I suddenly feel really tired. I think, I'll just doze for awhile and hopefully without any more weird dreams. When I wake up, maybe this will make more sense.
Chapter 3: Return, but to where?
When I regained my senses somewhat, it felt like someone had thrust me headfirst underwater and I had just managed to bring myself to the surface again. I had to take several short, gasping breaths for the next few minutes that helped to wear down the shock a bit. I was still in darkness, but not the total nothingness that had the voice had claimed to be my regret. No, it was the kind of darkness that came from having your eyes closed.
With that kind, if there's a light somewhere nearby, then it shines in dim reflection through your eyelids. Not enough to wake you up, but just enough to let you know that it's there. At the moment, that was the kind that I was sensing and I can't tell begin to express the relief that I was feeling. I guess being in total darkness really can take more out of a person than I thought it could.
Relief can only go so far however, and for the moment, it was just restricted to only a small portion of my brain. The rest of me felt terrible. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I had felt the last time I was awake, but it was bad enough to make me ache all over.
The part of me that remained strangely aloof from the pain and partial relief thought it was weird being back in a body again. For what I was now supposing was a long time, I hadn't been able to move. All I could do was think, and as much as freedom as that can offer, it isn't the same thing as moving around in your own flesh.
But being back in my own body wasn't really as cracked up as I thought it would be. For one thing, the pain, though surprisingly lessened from what I last remembered, still made me feel as if I had been run over several times. And each time I tried to move anything, even my eyelids, a new wave of discomfort would wash over me with renewed intensity. So I was more or less stuck where I was, able to feel and sense things but unable to do much else but think.
Hmm, as if I hadn't had enough of that already? True, my experience had allowed me to sort out how I felt and what I had done all those years ago. It had also allowed me to find forgiveness not only within myself but the courage to seek out that of others. I know that I've said that I hope they forgive me someday, but there's a difference between saying and doing. One I hadn't seen until now.
In some ways, I'm surprised that I never realized that before. Maybe I was just so wrapped in trying to survive that I buried it in a place that I couldn't find or I just never wanted to let go of my self-pity. Or maybe I'm just going crazy and the whole thing was a fever dream.
I'm beginning to think it was all just that, a fever dream. An extremely weird and crazy fever dream, but still just a fever dream. One that was probably brought on by my pain and played out on the same note. If that were the case, then it would certainly explain why that voice sounded so much like Splinter and knew my name.
I don't think I'll ever know for sure. It's too confusing to really think about that much, especially now. My head still hurts from waking and the rest of my body isn't too far behind. Maybe I'll give it another go when these things go away, if they do.
Which brings me to another question: where in the world am I? The last thing that I can remember clearly before I blacked out was being in one of the cells at Rancor. I had been lying on the floor, still sort of dazed from my last beating and everything was continually getting hazy.
Icy coldness came to mind too. I think that came from the stone floor I was lying on and the lack of other warm bodies to help gather heat. Which makes me realize that here, I'm not cold. I'm…warm?
Hmm, that's strange. I don't think that should be happening, unless someone put me near a furnace while I was out. No, that's not it. Even though I can't move without getting an intense backlash, I'm still able to sense things or least starting to again. It's just the experience of doing such things is coming back to me very slowly, so I hadn't noticed before.
But now that I think about it, there is something covering me. It's not swamp gunk or trash. It feels more like, cloth, torn and beaten but still cloth. It doesn't feel like the warmest thing I've known, but it beats just having my own fur for warmth.
I think that I'll take this as a good sign, since it means I'm probably not in my cell anymore. If I were, I'd still be lying on a cold slab of rock turning into what Raph once termed as a fur-cicle. Which is certainly another event that I'll never forget.
I had just turned seven and my brothers were about ten. It was winter and Splinter had taken above ground at night for short period of time so that we could see the snow. It was amazing, seeing something so pure and untouched, and fun to play in too.
We were having the time of our lives, even if we didn't get to stay as long as we wanted. That was for two reasons. One, because my brothers, being Turtles and thus cold-blooded, couldn't stand the cold for very long and had to be back inside where it was warm so they could function. And two, even in the dead of winter, there was always the chance of being spotted and Splinter wasn't about to take any chances.
Before we went home however, Raphael and Michelangelo played a trick on me that had me mad at them for days. We were throwing snowballs at each other and when I wasn't looking, the two had come up behind me and started dumping loads of snow on me. I yowled so loud that I swear half of New York must have heard me and probably over in Jersey too. It certainly gave Raph and Mikey a laugh, and Leo and Don once they saw me.
Needless to say, I was both freezing and furious with what my brothers had done. And I still say that it was lucky for them that Splinter came when he did. If he hadn't, I would have been short two brothers and had myself a new pair of scratching posts instead.
Well, to make a long story short, I soon caught a cold after that little stunt and had to spend a week in bed recuperating. During that time, I was grouchy and miserable, hissing at anyone but Master Splinter if they came near me. The only thing that made me feel better was that Raph and Mikey had to spend that same week and the following one doing my chores, plus apologizing to me for their trick.
Yeah, it's funny now that I think back on it after all this time. Then it didn't seem so great, but I guess that when you've been around awhile, your perspective can change. But, I think I'll consider more on that later. That and figuring out where the heck I am and how I hot here, wherever that is. Right now, I suddenly feel really tired. I think, I'll just doze for awhile and hopefully without any more weird dreams. When I wake up, maybe this will make more sense.
