I LOVE LUCY: The Broadway Play
Act One, Scene Two: Derek Nolan's Office
(Derek Nolan is sitting at his desk when his secretary comes on over the intercom.)
SECRETARY: (Off-screen, over the intercom) Mr. Nolan, there are two actresses here to see you about your new show.
NOLAN: Fine. Send them in please.
(The door to the office opens and the secretary Lucy and Ethel into the room. Lucy is wearing a sleeveless dress, long gloves, a fur around her neck, sunglasses on, and wearing her hair down. They stand in front of the doorway and the secretary closes the door behind them. They stand there, just staring at Mr. Nolan.)
NOLAN.: You may sit down, ladies.
LUCY: (Chuckles) Oh, of course.
(Lucy and Ethel walk over to the two seats in front of the desk. Lucy does everything with grace and poise as if she is imitating a movie star.)
NOLAN: Now, what brings you two ladies here today?
LUCY: (Cooley) Well, my name is Candy Kaye and this is my friend Ethel Mertz.
ETHEL: Hello
LUCY: I was interested in trying out for the lead in your new musical.
NOLAN: Well, Miss, the auditions are this afternoon at four and...
LUCY: Well, I was hoping to speak with you before then about the part. You see, there is another audition this afternoon and I wanted to know if I had a chance at this part or if I should take my offer from Richard and Oscar.
NOLAN: (impressed) Oh! Well then! Perhaps I could be able to ask you a few questions that may be able to help you out.
LUCY: All right
NOLAN: (Picks up a pen and begins writing things down on a paper in front of him.) Let's see, what was you're name again, Miss?
LUCY: Kaye. Candy Kaye.
NOLAN: Yes, yes. Well Miss Kaye, what are your skills?
LUCY: I do everything really. You see, I am an actress, a singer, a dancer..
NOLAN: Very good and how old are you?
LUCY: 23.
NOLAN: (Takes a good look at Lucy) I'll add "comedienne" to your list of skills
(Lucy is insulted at this, but manages to smile and giggle awkwardly. Ethel gives Lucy a smug look.)
ETHEL: (Mockingly) Yep, that's Candy for you. A million laughs.
(Lucy shoots Ethel a cruel glance.)
NOLAN: Yes, now what kind of experience do you have?
LUCY: Oh, I have plenty of experience. (Shoots him a big smile)
NOLAN: Like what, Miss?
LUCY: (Under her breath, trying to think of what to say) Yeah, what?
NOLAN: Do you have a resume?
LUCY: (Meekly) Well....
NOLAN: I sorry them, Miss Kaye. I just don't think that you are the type we're looking for.
LUCY: You don't?
NOLAN: No. You see, we're looking for a big name to be the star of this production. Besides, the part is that of a Latin seniorita. We're looking for someone a bit more exotic.
ETHEL: Well, are there any other parts that you still haven't cast yet?
NOLAN.: No, I'm afraid this is the last role I have left to cast.
ETHEL: (Disappointed, to Lucy) Oh well. We tried.
LUCY: (thinking) A bigger, more exotic name?
NOLAN: Yes, yes. I'm afraid so.
LUCY: (An idea dawns on Lucy) Well what about Ricardo?
(Ethel is shocked at this statement. Mr. is impressed.)
NOLAN: (excitedly) Ricardo? As in Ricky Ricardo, the famous bandleader?
LUCY: No, I mean Mrs. Ricardo, Ricky Ricardo's wife.
ETHEL: (gasp)
NOLAN.: Really?
LUCY: Yes, I actually happen to know her personally, don't I Ethel. (hinting for Ethel to back her story up)
ETHEL: (Trying to recover from the shock) Err.. uhhh...yes. You could say they're very close.
NOLAN: Well, the wife of a famous performer would be just perfect for this role. Is she very popular?
LUCY: Is she popular?! (laughs) You must be joking! Everyone just loves her!
ETHEL: Yeah. Lots of people have been following her career. I know my husband is always saying "What in the world is that Lucy doing now."
NOLAN: You mean to say that her name is Lucy? That doesn't seem very Latin.
LUCY: Well, it's short for Lucita.
NOLAN: Ahh.. and she's just perfect for the role of a Spanish senorita?
LUCY: Oh, perfect. That's the kind of role she was born to play.
NOLAN: Well then, that's all that I need to hear. (Calls his secretary over the intercom) Would you please cancel the auditions for the lead that were to be this afternoon? And tell my agent that my new lead will be Lucita Ricardo- wife of the famous bandleader Ricky Ricardo. (turns to Lucy and Ethel) Thank you ladies for your time. You have been a great help.
LUCY: (excited) Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.
(Lucy and Ethel get up. Lucy shakes Mr. Nolan's hand.)
(fades out.)
Act One, Scene Two: Derek Nolan's Office
(Derek Nolan is sitting at his desk when his secretary comes on over the intercom.)
SECRETARY: (Off-screen, over the intercom) Mr. Nolan, there are two actresses here to see you about your new show.
NOLAN: Fine. Send them in please.
(The door to the office opens and the secretary Lucy and Ethel into the room. Lucy is wearing a sleeveless dress, long gloves, a fur around her neck, sunglasses on, and wearing her hair down. They stand in front of the doorway and the secretary closes the door behind them. They stand there, just staring at Mr. Nolan.)
NOLAN.: You may sit down, ladies.
LUCY: (Chuckles) Oh, of course.
(Lucy and Ethel walk over to the two seats in front of the desk. Lucy does everything with grace and poise as if she is imitating a movie star.)
NOLAN: Now, what brings you two ladies here today?
LUCY: (Cooley) Well, my name is Candy Kaye and this is my friend Ethel Mertz.
ETHEL: Hello
LUCY: I was interested in trying out for the lead in your new musical.
NOLAN: Well, Miss, the auditions are this afternoon at four and...
LUCY: Well, I was hoping to speak with you before then about the part. You see, there is another audition this afternoon and I wanted to know if I had a chance at this part or if I should take my offer from Richard and Oscar.
NOLAN: (impressed) Oh! Well then! Perhaps I could be able to ask you a few questions that may be able to help you out.
LUCY: All right
NOLAN: (Picks up a pen and begins writing things down on a paper in front of him.) Let's see, what was you're name again, Miss?
LUCY: Kaye. Candy Kaye.
NOLAN: Yes, yes. Well Miss Kaye, what are your skills?
LUCY: I do everything really. You see, I am an actress, a singer, a dancer..
NOLAN: Very good and how old are you?
LUCY: 23.
NOLAN: (Takes a good look at Lucy) I'll add "comedienne" to your list of skills
(Lucy is insulted at this, but manages to smile and giggle awkwardly. Ethel gives Lucy a smug look.)
ETHEL: (Mockingly) Yep, that's Candy for you. A million laughs.
(Lucy shoots Ethel a cruel glance.)
NOLAN: Yes, now what kind of experience do you have?
LUCY: Oh, I have plenty of experience. (Shoots him a big smile)
NOLAN: Like what, Miss?
LUCY: (Under her breath, trying to think of what to say) Yeah, what?
NOLAN: Do you have a resume?
LUCY: (Meekly) Well....
NOLAN: I sorry them, Miss Kaye. I just don't think that you are the type we're looking for.
LUCY: You don't?
NOLAN: No. You see, we're looking for a big name to be the star of this production. Besides, the part is that of a Latin seniorita. We're looking for someone a bit more exotic.
ETHEL: Well, are there any other parts that you still haven't cast yet?
NOLAN.: No, I'm afraid this is the last role I have left to cast.
ETHEL: (Disappointed, to Lucy) Oh well. We tried.
LUCY: (thinking) A bigger, more exotic name?
NOLAN: Yes, yes. I'm afraid so.
LUCY: (An idea dawns on Lucy) Well what about Ricardo?
(Ethel is shocked at this statement. Mr. is impressed.)
NOLAN: (excitedly) Ricardo? As in Ricky Ricardo, the famous bandleader?
LUCY: No, I mean Mrs. Ricardo, Ricky Ricardo's wife.
ETHEL: (gasp)
NOLAN.: Really?
LUCY: Yes, I actually happen to know her personally, don't I Ethel. (hinting for Ethel to back her story up)
ETHEL: (Trying to recover from the shock) Err.. uhhh...yes. You could say they're very close.
NOLAN: Well, the wife of a famous performer would be just perfect for this role. Is she very popular?
LUCY: Is she popular?! (laughs) You must be joking! Everyone just loves her!
ETHEL: Yeah. Lots of people have been following her career. I know my husband is always saying "What in the world is that Lucy doing now."
NOLAN: You mean to say that her name is Lucy? That doesn't seem very Latin.
LUCY: Well, it's short for Lucita.
NOLAN: Ahh.. and she's just perfect for the role of a Spanish senorita?
LUCY: Oh, perfect. That's the kind of role she was born to play.
NOLAN: Well then, that's all that I need to hear. (Calls his secretary over the intercom) Would you please cancel the auditions for the lead that were to be this afternoon? And tell my agent that my new lead will be Lucita Ricardo- wife of the famous bandleader Ricky Ricardo. (turns to Lucy and Ethel) Thank you ladies for your time. You have been a great help.
LUCY: (excited) Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.
(Lucy and Ethel get up. Lucy shakes Mr. Nolan's hand.)
(fades out.)
