I LOVE LUCY: The Broadway Play

Act Two, Scene One: The Ricardo's Apartment

(Lucy and Ethel are sitting on the couch, with their hands on their chins and their elbows on their knees, thinking. Ethel turns her head to look at Lucy.)

ETHEL: Well, you've finally done it. You've gotten into show business, now how are you going to be in that show without Mr. Nolan recognizing you?

LUCY: Well, it was my only shot to get that part to say that I was an exotic Latin starlet. I just couldn't resist.

ETHEL: Well what are you going to do?

LUCY: I don't know, but I've got to think of something.

ETHEL: Yeah.

LUCY: Hey! The black wig from Ricky's Latin show!

ETHEL: What about it?

LUCY: It's perfect!

ETHEL: What's perfect? Lucy, what's going on in that little brain of yours?

LUCY: Mr. Nolan is expecting some beautiful Latin girl, right.

ETHEL: Yeah. So?

LUCY: Well, when I arrive at the first rehearsal that's just what he'll get.

ETHEL: Oh, no Lucy, You don't mean that you're going to go in wearing that wig and expect him to think that you're Latin. There's more than just dark hair. What about an accent?

LUCY: Ethel, After 13 years of being married to Ricky, I think I can manage to fake a Spanish accent.

ETHEL: Still, won't he recognize you from seeing you this morning?

LUCY: All he saw was a glamorous redhead wearing dark sunglasses. One look at me in that wig and with my accent and he would never recognize me.

ETHEL: Well where is this wig?

LUCY: (getting off the couch and making her way to the bedroom door with Ethel following her) In the closet in Ricky's costume trunk. Come on. I'll show you

ETHEL: All right.

(Lucy and Ethel walk into the bedroom. As soon as they are gone, Ricky enters the Living Room door, putting his hat on the hat rack. )

RICKY: Lucy. I'm home.

(Ricky looks around for Lucy, but can't find her.)

RICKY: Lucy?

(Ricky hears the noise of Lucy and Ethel opening the trunk in the bedroom and curiously starts heading toward the door. Just before he gets close to the bedroom door, Fred walks in.)

FRED: Hey, Rick.

RICKY: (walks towards Fred) Oh, Hi Fred. What are you doing here?

FRED: I'm here to fix your sink remember?

RICKY: Oh, yeah. I had forgot. (Changing the subject) You haven't seen Lucy anywhere around, have you?

FRED: (Thinking) Lucy? No, can't say that I have.

RICKY: Well, what about Ethel?

FRED: I think she's in our apartment. Why else do you think I'm here?

RICKY: (Laughs) Alright. I think I'll go ask her if she's seen Lucy.

FRED: Alright. See ya, Rick.

(Ricky leaves out the front door. Fred ducks down under the sink and begins fixing it. As soon as they are out of view, Lucy and Ethel come out of the bedroom door, Lucy wearing a long black wig.)

ETHEL: You're right Lucy. He'd never recognize you in that.

LUCY: (Faking a Spanish accent) Oh, no Senora. I dunt think he will.

ETHEL: (Laughs) Ha-Ha! That's perfect!

RICKY: (Off-stage): Lucy? Lucy where are you?

LUCY: (whispering) Ricky! The Trunk!

ETHEL: (Gasps)

LUCY: We've got to put that trunk away and fast!

(Lucy and Ethel run into the bedroom. As soon as they are out of site. Fred pops up from behind the sink and Ricky comes in the front door.)

RICKY: Well, now Ethel's missing too.

FRED: Say, that's the best news I've heard all day.

RICKY: Well, they've got to be somewhere. Maybe they're out shopping or somethin'.

FRED: Now that you mention it, I did overhear Ethel say that she and Lucy were going somewhere this afternoon. (goes back under the sink and continues working)

RICKY: You'd think that they would be back by now.

(Ricky goes to the closet, opens the door and hangs his coat in the closet, while he is doing this, Lucy and Ethel come out of the bedroom, not noticing Ricky in the closet. Ricky does not notice Lucy and Ethel either and continues hanging up his coat. Lucy and Ethel walk past the closet.)

LUCY: (looking around) Oh, maybe that wasn't Ricky after all.

RICKY: (Still hanging his coat up) Lucy, honey? Is that you?

LUCY: Yes, dear, it's me.

ETHEL: (Noticing that Lucy is still wearing the black wig, speaking softly so Ricky won't hear her but still with intensity) Lucy! The Wig!

(Lucy rips the wig off her head and then looks around, trying to figure out where to hide it Before she can do anything with it, Ricky closes the door and comes toward her.)

RICKY: Hello, Lucy.

LUCY (Hiding the Wig behind her back and running toward Ricky) Ricky, darling! (She puts an arm around him and gives him a big kiss. While doing this she uses her other arm to toss the wig to Ethel, who is standing near the kitchen counter)

(Ethel catches the wig and tosses it into the sink and down the garbage disposal. Ricky and Lucy finish kissing.)

RICKY: (Happy) Well, that was a nice hello. (Noticing Ethel) Oh, hello Ethel.

ETHEL: Hi, Rick. (Starts making her way to the door) I was just leaving. G'Bye Lucy.

LUCY: Bye, Ethel.

(Ethel leaves through the front door.)

RICKY: What's her hurry?

LUCY: Who knows. You know Ethel.

RICKY: Yeah.

LUCY: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back.

RICKY: Alright, honey.

(Lucy walks into the bedroom.)

FRED: (under the sink) Well, Rick, I think I found your problem.

RICKY: (Walks over to the kitchen counter) Really, what is it Fred?

FRED: (Coming out from under the sink covered in shredded black hair) Well, it seems like your drain was all clogged with hair.

RICKY: (Shocked) What? How did all that hair get into the sink?

FRED: Well I can assure you it isn't mine.

LUCY: (Walks out at the bedroom and is shocked when she sees Fred) Why, Fred! What happened? (Jokingly) I haven't seen that much hair on your head in years. (Laughs)

FRED: (Sarcastically) Very funny.

RICKY: (Walking over to Lucy) Lucy, how did all that hair get into that sink.

LUCY: That hair?

RICKY: Yes, Lucy how did it get into out sink?

LUCY: (Hesitates for a second) Through the hole in the top?

RICKY: (Losing his temper): Lucy!

LUCY: Well, I didn't do it- honest.

RICKY: Is that the truth?

LUCY: Cross my heart. (She draws an 'X' on her chest with her finger)

RICKY: Alright, dear. If you say so.

LUCY: Well, I do. I do.

(Fade out)