Chapter 2
I have been staring in the wall for a long time. Trying to drown the buzz in my head. Trying to calm the wild beat of my heart. Trying to stop the tears that are flowing. It's no use.
I can't do anything about it. Everywhere I look, everything I hear has to do with Hisoka. Even in my mind's eye, I can see his face scrunched with anger. On that fateful night. Why did I ever let my hormones get the best of me? I thought to myself guiltily as I dropped my head to my hands, crying for the nth time.
For months, weeks, days... Ever since I've fallen for him, I've thought about how to break it to him. Thought about confessing my love for him gently. Thought about not stressing him to much. Thought about giving him time. I never did any of those.
Instead I forced myself to him. Fucking forced myself!! Of all people it should have been me who understands him fully. It should've been me who knows that he is not ready for a relationship. A physical relationship. He must think that I only wanted him for pleasure. Like Muraki did. But that's not true. I love him for who he is. I love him for all he's worth.
But my actions say otherwise, I thought angrily as I punched the wall. It was the most stupid move I could ever make. He deserved a break me. He might even deserve not seeing me anymore. For sure, he hates me now.
That's why I decided to break our partnership. We won't be able to work right anymore. I doubt if he'll ever talk to me. And I doubt that I will be able to look at him anymore. I'm too ashamed.
I just had enough strength to pick up the phone and talk to Kachou. Enough strength to hold back my tears and to stop my voice from breaking. Kachou had a lot of questions. I was able to answer one. He asked me why. Why did I decide to end our partnership? He thought it was one of the most successful partnerships ever. I just stammered that I can't face Hisoka anymore. It won't work at all. That it was my entire fault.
Before he had the chance to ask me further, I dropped the phone and dragged myself to the couch. I haven't moved since. I looked at the clock and noticed that it's already 8 am. Which means another sleepless night. I don't think I will be able to go En-macho today. I thought as I entertained the thought of going there. No definitely not.
I don't give a damn if Kachou gets mad. I don't give a damn that I probably won't have any salary at the end of the month. All I know is that Hisoka will be there. I know that he is the most prudent worker there, maybe besides Tatasumi. He won't be absent no matter what fate throws him. But that doesn't matter.
I looked around my apartment looking for something to concentrate on. My gaze fell on my bedroom door. Hmmmm.... Sleep. The bed looks entertaining, if you ask me. Mesmerized, I stood up and went to my room. I lied down and closed my eyes, not bothering to undress I invited sleep to settle in.
If I get lucky, really lucky, maybe I won't wake up at all..... I thought dreamily as sleep sets in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hisoka....? Where are you going?" I ask him, confused. The emerald- eyed empath, the object of my obsession, just shrugged and looked at me haughtily.
"Away." He said simply, shifting the luggage in his hands.
"Why? I need you here, Hisoka. Don't leave me." I pleaded with him, clutching his hands. He shook violently away from my grasp, his eyes glinting with annoyance.
"Don't touch me! And I can do whatever I want. And I don't need you. In fact I want to be away from you." My world toppled over itself as I heard his words. What did I do?
"Hisoka, why? Why are you leaving me?" He looked at me as if I was crazy. He dropped his luggage to the ground and waved his arms about exasperated.
"You're asking me?! Have you forgotten already Tsuzuki?! Is your brain that damaged you can't remember?" My eyes watered at his harsh words, I wanted to runaway from him but then..... I was too afraid that if I let him go, he'll be gone forever. That I won't ever see him again. And I don't want that. Hisoka grabbed his bags and walked away briskly. I ran after him.
"Hisoka wait.... We have to talk! Hisoka!" I screamed over and over again. The faster I ran, the harder it is to catch up with him. When I thought I was gaining on him, someone took my hand, stopping me from running.
"What the fuck??!!" I angrily screamed as I turned to see who it was.
"Tsuzuki-san. What are you doing?" It was Tatsumi.
"Not now, Tatsumi I'm catching up with Hisoka." I looked at the road to see where he went. I can't see him anywhere.
"Hisoka?! Hisoka?!" I bellowed, hoping that he'll appear. He didn't.
"Tsuzuki-san. He's gone. He'll never come back. Never." Tatsumi gazed into my eyes earnestly. His words stung. It can't be.
"HISOKA!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Tsuzuki-san! Wake up! Wake up!" Tatsumi yelled as he shook Tsuzuki in his sleep. The amethyst-eyed man has been murmuring nonsense in his sleep and he was tossing violently around the bed. Tatsumi was getting worried.
It has been already 5 minutes of shaking, shouting and pinching and yet Tsuzuki is still confined in his nightmare. Eyeing a pitcher of water near the bed, Tatsumi grabbed it and prayed that this method will work.
As he was about to pour it wildly on the sleeping man, Tsuzuki sat up, screaming.
"HISOKA!!!!" Tatsumi set down the pitcher and went to Tsuzuki's aid immediately. He stroked the other man's back comfortingly.
"Calm down Tsuzuki-san. It's just a nightmare." The amethyst-eyed Shinigami just hiccupped.
"It's over." Tatsumi said.
"No its not. My life is a nightmare. I wish I never woke up!" Tsuzuki said as he eyed Tatsumi earnestly.
"If you never woke up, who'll pay your dues at En-macho? Do you suppose I'll pay for it?" Tatsumi said, lightening up the situation. Tsuzuki tried to smile but failed. Instead he broke down in tears.
"Tsuzuki-san.... What happened? I heard that you and Kurosaki- kun...." He didn't finish the sentence.
"Its true. I broke it up."
"Why?" Tatsumi inquired. Tsuzuki looked at him pleadingly.
"I'm not ready to talk about it. Please just leave me alone." He pleaded as he hugged himself.
"No." Tatsumi said firmly.
"Tatsumi.... I'm not in the mood for your talks... Please."
"You have work to do. And besides, you'll have to face Kurosaki-kun sooner or later. That's that. I won't leave here until you go with me. Do you hear?" Tsuzuki looked at Tatsumi exasperatedly. He shook his head. The sapphire eyed man is in his I'm-your-boss-mood. He meant what he said.
Grudgingly, he stood up and dressed himself. Muttering all the while, about how fate and Tatsumi conspired on him. He went out to see that the sapphire eyed man was not in his living room, not in his kitchen. Frowning Tsuzuki went outside.
Tatsumi was already waiting outside; he was looking up at the sky, watching the birds soar freely. Tsuzuki ahemed to signal his presence. The other Shinigami looked preoccupied at the moment.
"Ah. Tsuzuki-san. Nice day, isn't it?" Tsuzuki just grumbled.
"Now, that's a shame. It looks like this day bid good sign."
"Whatever." Tsuzuki grumbled as he started to walk towards En-macho. He didn't give a damn that he was being rude. Good sign, bad sign... It won't change the fact that he's a dumbass. A world-class dumbass.
Tatsumi caught up with him, tutting. Disapproving his manners, it seems.
"Tsuzuki-san. Do you know why I have to drag you to work?"
"Because you have magic up your sleeves and you'll make Hisoka forgive me?" Tsuzuki sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes at himself.
"No. Because we have an assignment. You'll be my partner for this task."
"What?! Can't you find another one? I can't work right now.... Okay?" He turned around to face Tatsumi, puppy, begging mode. It didn't work.
"Kachou thinks its better. It'll keep your mind off... Other things."
"No matter what work you'll give me, I'll never be able to do that." Tsuzuki said earnestly.
"That's too bad. Even if it won't work, you're still a Shinigami with a lot of dues."
"Touché, Tatsumi." I grumbled as I walked briskly. We are already in En- macho, already walking under those, beautiful Sakura trees. I am eagerly anticipating seeing Hisoka again. Though I have to be careful, not to let him see me.
I was starting to smile when my eye caught some dirt. And it hurt like hell!
"OW!!!" I yelled as I shut my lids tighter, my hand flying to my right eye. Instead of the pain going away, it became intense.
"Tsuzuki-san? What's going on?" Tatsumi demanded as he went to my side, putting his arms around me shoulders.
"My eye, It caught something. Blow it Tatsumi." I said to him. He grasped my hand and tried to open my eyes, which were not cooperating with me. He blew a couple of times. It went off after the tenth one, it seems.
"Better?" Tatsumi asks me, smiling. I nodded to smiling, gratefully. Then out of the corner of my eye, I see Hisoka, running around the corner, his hands on his face.
t.b.c
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have been staring in the wall for a long time. Trying to drown the buzz in my head. Trying to calm the wild beat of my heart. Trying to stop the tears that are flowing. It's no use.
I can't do anything about it. Everywhere I look, everything I hear has to do with Hisoka. Even in my mind's eye, I can see his face scrunched with anger. On that fateful night. Why did I ever let my hormones get the best of me? I thought to myself guiltily as I dropped my head to my hands, crying for the nth time.
For months, weeks, days... Ever since I've fallen for him, I've thought about how to break it to him. Thought about confessing my love for him gently. Thought about not stressing him to much. Thought about giving him time. I never did any of those.
Instead I forced myself to him. Fucking forced myself!! Of all people it should have been me who understands him fully. It should've been me who knows that he is not ready for a relationship. A physical relationship. He must think that I only wanted him for pleasure. Like Muraki did. But that's not true. I love him for who he is. I love him for all he's worth.
But my actions say otherwise, I thought angrily as I punched the wall. It was the most stupid move I could ever make. He deserved a break me. He might even deserve not seeing me anymore. For sure, he hates me now.
That's why I decided to break our partnership. We won't be able to work right anymore. I doubt if he'll ever talk to me. And I doubt that I will be able to look at him anymore. I'm too ashamed.
I just had enough strength to pick up the phone and talk to Kachou. Enough strength to hold back my tears and to stop my voice from breaking. Kachou had a lot of questions. I was able to answer one. He asked me why. Why did I decide to end our partnership? He thought it was one of the most successful partnerships ever. I just stammered that I can't face Hisoka anymore. It won't work at all. That it was my entire fault.
Before he had the chance to ask me further, I dropped the phone and dragged myself to the couch. I haven't moved since. I looked at the clock and noticed that it's already 8 am. Which means another sleepless night. I don't think I will be able to go En-macho today. I thought as I entertained the thought of going there. No definitely not.
I don't give a damn if Kachou gets mad. I don't give a damn that I probably won't have any salary at the end of the month. All I know is that Hisoka will be there. I know that he is the most prudent worker there, maybe besides Tatasumi. He won't be absent no matter what fate throws him. But that doesn't matter.
I looked around my apartment looking for something to concentrate on. My gaze fell on my bedroom door. Hmmmm.... Sleep. The bed looks entertaining, if you ask me. Mesmerized, I stood up and went to my room. I lied down and closed my eyes, not bothering to undress I invited sleep to settle in.
If I get lucky, really lucky, maybe I won't wake up at all..... I thought dreamily as sleep sets in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hisoka....? Where are you going?" I ask him, confused. The emerald- eyed empath, the object of my obsession, just shrugged and looked at me haughtily.
"Away." He said simply, shifting the luggage in his hands.
"Why? I need you here, Hisoka. Don't leave me." I pleaded with him, clutching his hands. He shook violently away from my grasp, his eyes glinting with annoyance.
"Don't touch me! And I can do whatever I want. And I don't need you. In fact I want to be away from you." My world toppled over itself as I heard his words. What did I do?
"Hisoka, why? Why are you leaving me?" He looked at me as if I was crazy. He dropped his luggage to the ground and waved his arms about exasperated.
"You're asking me?! Have you forgotten already Tsuzuki?! Is your brain that damaged you can't remember?" My eyes watered at his harsh words, I wanted to runaway from him but then..... I was too afraid that if I let him go, he'll be gone forever. That I won't ever see him again. And I don't want that. Hisoka grabbed his bags and walked away briskly. I ran after him.
"Hisoka wait.... We have to talk! Hisoka!" I screamed over and over again. The faster I ran, the harder it is to catch up with him. When I thought I was gaining on him, someone took my hand, stopping me from running.
"What the fuck??!!" I angrily screamed as I turned to see who it was.
"Tsuzuki-san. What are you doing?" It was Tatsumi.
"Not now, Tatsumi I'm catching up with Hisoka." I looked at the road to see where he went. I can't see him anywhere.
"Hisoka?! Hisoka?!" I bellowed, hoping that he'll appear. He didn't.
"Tsuzuki-san. He's gone. He'll never come back. Never." Tatsumi gazed into my eyes earnestly. His words stung. It can't be.
"HISOKA!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Tsuzuki-san! Wake up! Wake up!" Tatsumi yelled as he shook Tsuzuki in his sleep. The amethyst-eyed man has been murmuring nonsense in his sleep and he was tossing violently around the bed. Tatsumi was getting worried.
It has been already 5 minutes of shaking, shouting and pinching and yet Tsuzuki is still confined in his nightmare. Eyeing a pitcher of water near the bed, Tatsumi grabbed it and prayed that this method will work.
As he was about to pour it wildly on the sleeping man, Tsuzuki sat up, screaming.
"HISOKA!!!!" Tatsumi set down the pitcher and went to Tsuzuki's aid immediately. He stroked the other man's back comfortingly.
"Calm down Tsuzuki-san. It's just a nightmare." The amethyst-eyed Shinigami just hiccupped.
"It's over." Tatsumi said.
"No its not. My life is a nightmare. I wish I never woke up!" Tsuzuki said as he eyed Tatsumi earnestly.
"If you never woke up, who'll pay your dues at En-macho? Do you suppose I'll pay for it?" Tatsumi said, lightening up the situation. Tsuzuki tried to smile but failed. Instead he broke down in tears.
"Tsuzuki-san.... What happened? I heard that you and Kurosaki- kun...." He didn't finish the sentence.
"Its true. I broke it up."
"Why?" Tatsumi inquired. Tsuzuki looked at him pleadingly.
"I'm not ready to talk about it. Please just leave me alone." He pleaded as he hugged himself.
"No." Tatsumi said firmly.
"Tatsumi.... I'm not in the mood for your talks... Please."
"You have work to do. And besides, you'll have to face Kurosaki-kun sooner or later. That's that. I won't leave here until you go with me. Do you hear?" Tsuzuki looked at Tatsumi exasperatedly. He shook his head. The sapphire eyed man is in his I'm-your-boss-mood. He meant what he said.
Grudgingly, he stood up and dressed himself. Muttering all the while, about how fate and Tatsumi conspired on him. He went out to see that the sapphire eyed man was not in his living room, not in his kitchen. Frowning Tsuzuki went outside.
Tatsumi was already waiting outside; he was looking up at the sky, watching the birds soar freely. Tsuzuki ahemed to signal his presence. The other Shinigami looked preoccupied at the moment.
"Ah. Tsuzuki-san. Nice day, isn't it?" Tsuzuki just grumbled.
"Now, that's a shame. It looks like this day bid good sign."
"Whatever." Tsuzuki grumbled as he started to walk towards En-macho. He didn't give a damn that he was being rude. Good sign, bad sign... It won't change the fact that he's a dumbass. A world-class dumbass.
Tatsumi caught up with him, tutting. Disapproving his manners, it seems.
"Tsuzuki-san. Do you know why I have to drag you to work?"
"Because you have magic up your sleeves and you'll make Hisoka forgive me?" Tsuzuki sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes at himself.
"No. Because we have an assignment. You'll be my partner for this task."
"What?! Can't you find another one? I can't work right now.... Okay?" He turned around to face Tatsumi, puppy, begging mode. It didn't work.
"Kachou thinks its better. It'll keep your mind off... Other things."
"No matter what work you'll give me, I'll never be able to do that." Tsuzuki said earnestly.
"That's too bad. Even if it won't work, you're still a Shinigami with a lot of dues."
"Touché, Tatsumi." I grumbled as I walked briskly. We are already in En- macho, already walking under those, beautiful Sakura trees. I am eagerly anticipating seeing Hisoka again. Though I have to be careful, not to let him see me.
I was starting to smile when my eye caught some dirt. And it hurt like hell!
"OW!!!" I yelled as I shut my lids tighter, my hand flying to my right eye. Instead of the pain going away, it became intense.
"Tsuzuki-san? What's going on?" Tatsumi demanded as he went to my side, putting his arms around me shoulders.
"My eye, It caught something. Blow it Tatsumi." I said to him. He grasped my hand and tried to open my eyes, which were not cooperating with me. He blew a couple of times. It went off after the tenth one, it seems.
"Better?" Tatsumi asks me, smiling. I nodded to smiling, gratefully. Then out of the corner of my eye, I see Hisoka, running around the corner, his hands on his face.
t.b.c
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
