Chapter 4: Eternity, Day by Day

For Evie, a new kind of darkness had formed before her very eyes. Despair so low, so wrenching, attacked her on an unstoppable pace – it amazed some small part of her mind that, no matter what it be, any object, fragrance, or aura would trigger the sensations within her that, maybe, after all, it was just a nightmare...Rick was there, and would always be there to comfort her, to hold her when she needed him most...

...and then, life would come crashing down to reality. The recognition that Rick was not there would hit her in a full-body blow. Try as she might, she could not accept it. The fact that Rick was gone, never to return, ran awash over her, evoking emotions as fresh as that fateful day back at Ahm-Shere.

 She felt them, everywhere: the spirits that reminded her of Rick. She had refused to remove anything of his from the house – his clothes still lingered in their closet; his car was still parked in the garage...and yet, there was more to it than that. The essence of Rick himself was EVERYWHERE. She would sense it as she moved from room to room; on some occasions, it was as if she could actually see Rick, above her, watching over her. And no matter how many times she cried, no matter how many times she wailed for him to come back, that presence disappeared, leaving the boundaries of conscious reality.

The demons would not leave her, would not let her forget...and, even though she swore that she would NEVER forget, they continued to pass above, around, and through her, tormenting her soul with the pain of love that had been lost.

~{:*:}~

It had been five weeks, five agonizing weeks, before Evie had pushed herself to leave her room. Alex had reached this same juncture in much less time, but with no less anguish.

It had surprised both Jonathan and Alex greatly when, one morning, as they both ate breakfast, she walked into the kitchen, firmly but silently doing everything in her power to retain her mind.

Jonathan looked up at his sister, surprised, happy, and distressed all at once. He had, in past weeks, admitted to himself that he was not ready at all to fill the position that Rick had once so easily occupied. Sure, Jonathan thought to himself, I've done the best I can. But that is not nearly good enough. He felt somewhat hopeless at times, having to take care of both his sister and his nephew...but, no matter how he felt, he understood he had a job to do.

Jonathan had indeed changed since their return from Ahm-Shere. True, he still retained his joking demeanor, but a new level of seriousness had entered his veins. He had not touched a drop of alcohol in five weeks, and while it had been killing him on the inside, he realized that now, to disregard his duities to his family would do far worse than the absence of his favorite drink.

His happiness at seeing his sister was strained; he could literally feel the pain, the tension, the sense of abandon pouring off of her. She met his eyes; both brother and sister gazed at each other. Her's was the first to break; tears welled up in her eyes as she bowed her head in defeat.

Both Alex and Jonathan were there immediately, reaching for her in comfort. Again to their surprise, she lifted her head and held her hand, palm forwards, towards them.

"No..." she whispered softly. She would not allow this to continue. She did not know if she could block her emotions completely, but now, she vowed that she bloody well would keep her feelings in check around her family. The time for grieving would continue in all of their hearts – but now, life had to move on.

She attempted to smile slightly and, surprisingly, succeeded. She shook her head slightly and motioned for her brother and her son to sit down. She moved around the counter to the teapot and poured herself a cup.

She sat down at the table. She, Jonathan, and Alex occupied three of the four chairs at the table. She gazed at the empty fourth spot across from her...

...and he was there. Reading the mail. He shuffled through the stack, making faces of disgust as what were presumably bills, and smiling at the occasional letter that someone had bothered to send. He looked up at her, smiled his goofy grin and winked at her. Shyly, he mouthed the words "I love you..."

"Evie?"

Her attention snapped back to the present as she turned to face her brother. His face was still full of concern, despite her attitude that there should be none.

"Are you okay, old mum?"

She stared at him for a moment, and then let her gaze trail back to the empty seat across from her. Empty...that was all it would ever be. She could not be free of him, no matter how much she wanted to be. Their love was so strong that it would not leave her – it transcended all bounds. But she refused to let it consume her any longer – that love would always remain, but now, she reminded herself, she had a brother and a son to care for.

"I'm fine Jonathan...perfectly fine."

Jonathan knew that to be a lie. She would not, could not possibly be perfectly fine. But for the moment, that façade would pass. He smiled at her; looking at Alex, he saw that same concern plainly in his face – he shook his head at his nephew, telling him that everything would be all right eventually.

For the moment, it seemed that peace had allowed the three a brief respite from the pain that ran through them all.

~{:*:}~

Pushing all bounds that Jonathan thought were still present, Evie had decided that she wanted to go into town, if for nothing else than to inoculate herself back into society.

Jonathan had driven her into downtown London, and had parked his car near a local park. He walked with her a bit, eyeing fancy things in shop windows, joking about who might buy them, trying in every way possible to lighten her spirits even a bit.

It worked, every so often. Walking with him, clasping his outstretched arm, she grinned, and even giggled once at a joke of his.

This brevity in the situation made Jonathan happier than he had ever been. He was at last getting through to her, it seemed.

Suddenly, while gazing in a window, he saw it. A beautiful silver armlet that was engraved with tiny, fluid handwriting in some odd language. He thought that it would look beautiful on her, and it would help to bring her happiness upwards.

Wanting to surprise her, he excused himself momentarily to go find a "loo." Evie sat down on a bench in the park, watching a few children run after a brightly colored ball. She smiled at their cuteness, remembering Alex when he was that age.

Whether it was by chance or by some divine design, she did not know, but at that exact moment, she happened to look to her left. She saw a few people talking, one with his back to her.

She felt the breath leave her as she inspected the man closer. From the back he looked...exactly...just like him...

The barriers that she had assembled around her shambled emotions came tumbling down. The tears fell from her eyes almost instantly – the spirit of him was everywhere...

She looked again...the man that he was talking to...could not be another apparition, could it? Her question was answered when a woman walking the opposite direction bumped into him, waved an apology, and walked off. The man nodded to her and went back to talking.

She thought that she had frozen right there – he was alive, he truly was!! This was no specter: he was talking to a real live person. No ghost could do that...

Brimming with happiness, she lifted herself off the bench and raced towards him, wanting to feel his arms wrap around her and never let go.

She reached him and touched his back, saying "Rick..." It came out as a sort of choked whisper, but its intent was unmistakable. He stiffened, straightening his back and turned around.

Her happiness and joy plummeted faster than anything imaginable. The man had the same haircut, the same clothes as him, but looked nothing like her beloved.

"Pardon me, m'lady, but what did you call me?" he asked politely.

She tried to speak, but it seemed as if everything living within her had died and no longer was. She tried to stammer out something, something with any semblance of human speaking, but she could not.

Somehow, she managed to carry herself back to Jonathan's car. It was luckily unlocked – she stumbled in and sat, breathing heavily, choking out sobs as she struggled for breath.

No...no...fate had stopped toying with her by means of a hallucination...and now, as it seemed that she had control over her mind...fate had begun to toy with her with an entirely new method.

She lay sideways in her seat, wracking cries emanating from within her chaotic soul. She wasn't really aware that time had passed until she felt Jonathan next to her.

"Evie...?" he said, panicked. She would not even look at him as she cried softly, calling out "Rick..." every so often.

Jonathan reached down and lifted her head up, cradling her dark curls in his lap.

"Shh, it's okay old mum...shh, I'm right here, don't worry..."

He didn't know what exactly had happened, but he could guess its obtained outcome.

He trembled, but not through sadness – sadness could not have mustered up the emotions he was feeling now. With bitter anger inside of him, Jonathan looked up and cursed whatever gods lay above and beyond the heavens – the love they had christened upon his sister was the means by which they continued to torment her.

They had her in their grasp, it seemed, for good or evil, and there was little that her brother seemed capable of doing.

He now understood that he was to be faced with the task of dragging her back to reality, back to the life that she knew. He alone had the job of bringing her away from the torture that gripped her, painful as it might be to them both.

And at that moment, Jonathan Carnahan, for the first time in his life, began to truly doubt his ability to save and protect the one person he had sworn since his childhood to shield.