Chapter 6: The Hope of the Hopeless

Evie sat in her father's old study, swaying gently as she rocked in his old rocking chair. Staring into space, she rocked and rocked, never very aware of her surroundings...she was oblivious to the fact that she had been in that same spot for hours, always thinking as the sun sank beneath the horizon.

She had vowed...she had promised...to move on, for both Jonathan's and Alex's sake...but, no matter how set in stone that promise was, no matter how adamantly she swore to find a way to live without Rick...he was still everywhere...everywhere she looked...

... ... ... ... ... ...

Rick...

It hurt to say his name. It hurt to even think of his name. It hurt to remember his face, his smile, his warm, comforting presence. But...through all of that...

... ... ... ... ...

It hurt the most to think...to understand...that he was gone, and that she couldn't go with him...

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all – at this moment, Evie hated that statement beyond any anger she had ever felt in her entire life.

In some small corner of her soul, she did wish that she had never seen Rick O'Connell...that she had never met him in that horrible, disgusting prison...that she had never fallen in love with him...

She mentally shook herself. What was she saying?!? Rick O'Connell had been the absolute greatest thing to ever grace her small existence on this Earth. There was no way for her to possibly express her feelings towards the only man she had ever loved like that – it was a feeling she and Rick had shared, the feeling that love had no bounds and that nothing less than the tongues of the angels could describe it.

She began to realize it was true – no matter how much that small part of her wished she had never met her husband (so that she would never have had to suffer through the torment of losing him), she saw how wonderful he had made her life, day by day.

He had given her his heart, his body, and his soul. He had loved her more than any of life's blessings (well, besides their son); he had been a good father to Alex, always there when his baby boy needed him; but most of all, he had been the one who had swept her away, the one who had shown her all of life's possibilities in one blinding whirl.

Tears began to fall from her face, landing on the soft fabric of her blouse.

She missed him...terribly...She missed him more and more every day, more than anyone had been missed during the Earth's long years.

Gazing out the window with teary eyes, she glanced up at the fading sky. She wondered, constantly, where he was – was he up there, looking down upon her...? Was he feeling the anguish she was feeling...? Did he weep too for the loss of her...?

A small hiccupping cry escaped her mouth, shocking her back into reality. She realized how dark it had become in the study; she wanted to go to bed, but couldn't, being too wrapped up in her feelings.

She did not make another sound, but simply sat there, tears flowing constantly as she mourned the loss of her love.

~{:*:}~

"Evie?"

Jonathan did not know where his sister had gone to, but he had the urge to know. Since Rick's death, he had felt the need to know where both Alex and Evie were at any given moment. With Alex somewhat on the mend, however, Evie became his prime concern.

"Evie, where are you?"

He walked up the stairs and looked through the door that led to what had once been his father's study. Creeping slowly, he thought he heard muffled sobs...and there she was...

Walking up next to her, he laid a hand on her trembling shoulder.

"Evie..."

She let out a small gasp and stiffened noticeably. Calming down, she turned to face her brother in the dark.

"Jonathan, you scared me half to death!"

He knelt down next to her chair and took her hand. Rubbing it slowly, he spoke softly to her.

"Evie, please tell me what you are doing here in the dark."

She sat silently for a moment; Jonathan had a suspicion to why she was here in this darkened room, but he needed to hear it from her mouth.

Quietly, she whispered, "Just thinking?"

"About him?"

Silence once again. He felt her hand tremble in his grasp slightly. He shook his head: his sister, the sister he had protected his entire life, was being made to go through hell against her will, and she did not deserve it.

"Evie..."

"No, Jonathan...don't say it..."

She turned her hand in his grasp just enough so she could squeeze his hand in reassurance.

She wanted to grieve, but knew she couldn't – she had endured enough; Alex shouldn't have been made to stand by through it all.

"It's time...to move on...I know I've said that once before, but the grief was still too near...to actually mean it..."

She paused before continuing.

"I can control it...I will control it...it won't have a hold over me any longer."

With that, he felt her rise from her chair. Standing with her, he felt her arms wrap him in an embrace.

"Thank you, Jonathan...for everything you've done...You've been there for both Alex and me, and I'm grateful for it..."

Stepping back from her brother, he felt her hand slip from his.

"I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Softly, Jonathan replied, "Night, old mum."

He stood there in a state of disbelief – he hoped that Evie would be able to get pass the grief, but he alone knew that it would be a battle hard fought and paved with stones of anguish.

He hoped that she could move on – however, that did not change his perceptions: he wished that his beloved sister were not in a position where she needed to move on.

~{:*:}~

Under the cover of her bed blankets, Evie thought about her last words to Jonathan. She had promised this time to master the grief, to control its evil energies.

The last thought she had before slumber took her was the hope that she would be able to fulfill that promise, no matter how much it pained her to do so.

~{:*:}~

Rick watched, painfully, as Evie sank into the bed...their bed...

Being in the Otherworld gave him the ability to feel the earthly emotions put forth by others. And hers were just as clear, if not clearer, as any other.

She had wondered if he grieved for her...she had wondered if he wept for her the way she did for him...

Sadness pouring out of his body, Rick spoke out softly.

"Evie, if it's possible, I miss you more than you miss me – I'm here, I can see you and Alex and Jonathan and, for all the anguish I have, I can do nothing to protect you..."

Tears slowly escaped from his now closed eyelids.

"I'm sorry sweetheart...God, I'm so sorry I can't be there for you."

He opened his eyes and looked at her closely – wanting her to know that his sadness was just as deep as hers, he pushed himself to a decision.

"Evie, I love you, so much...I promise you, if at all it can be done, I will come back to you...I give you my word, sweetheart – I will find my way back to you..."

He sent his words to her, hoping that she would feel what he felt and take comfort from it.

~{:*:}~

Sound asleep, Evie felt herself entering the land of dreams. But this was like no other – she stood in darkness, only seeing herself in the expanse of nothingness.

She walked around a bit, but with no result – she couldn't sense anything else here. And then...

...she saw him, above, looking down on her...

Almost instantly, the pain hit her – she sank to the ground and bowed her head, wishing that she could be done with it all...wishing that the visions would leave her...

"Evie..."

She looked up at his face, so alive, and yet so full of pain and sadness.

"I will come back to you...I promise..."

She stared deeper into his beautiful eyes, willing him to be real, hoping that his words were the ordained truth of the heavens...

"Evie...I love you..."

She wanted to rush up to him, but she couldn't – the emotions running through her wouldn't let her move.

"Rick!!" she cried. "Rick...don't leave me..."

He smiled a comforting smile, one that appeared through his own layer of anguish.

"Rick..." she called.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Rick..."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

~{:*:}~

She woke with a start in the middle of the night. She laid back, thoughts running through her head. She remembered the dream vividly, and recalled his...promise to her.

So much pain filtered through her body that she couldn't breathe.

The heavens were torturing her again, sending her false images of him, spreading untrue rumors of hope.

She rolled onto her side and cried, making no sound except for the sound of her tears hitting her pillow.

...They were continuing to torment her...she would never see Rick again, and they were sending her hope that did not exist...the Rick that she had seen had only been one of their tricks...

Crying still, she closed her eyes, praying that the grief could somehow be broken through, and that the demons that plagued her soul would leave her hollow realm forever.

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Author's Note: Well everybody, this is a pivotal chapter – by the time you read this, I will be considering my options for the end of this story.

I know many of you believe that this pure angst will overpower every other possibility, but to tell you the truth, I have not made up my mind on the ending yet. And while the next chapter won't be the last, it will be the turning point – you will see everyone's outcome next chapter. Hope the suspense isn't too painful – I'll post as quickly as I can, but I want to take my time and write the next part well. So, until we meet again...

Cheers!!

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