sf : There are things being explained in this chapter. Blink and you'll miss them.
Muse : *blinks*
sf : You nut.
Warning : More bad language than normal. Angst. Cliffhanger! Wahhahaa.
CHAPTER 5
Dark. The quiet silence of the night.
Rain. Blood. Youkai.
His master.
A much younger Genjo Sanzo stared at the corpse of the man who'd been everything to him. Stared at the blood.. at his master's blood.. dripping off his heads.
There was so much of it.
"Why..?" he whispered. The darkness returned nothing.
No one left to follow. Nothing left to believe in.
Trust nothing. Love and friendship and trust and reliance will only hurt you in the end. All lies. Illusions. Temporal.
Trust no one.
No one.
*
"...no one..." Sanzo murmured.
"Sanzo?" a voice reached him.
He opened his eyes and turned towards the source of that voice. It wasn't easy. He felt as if someone had filled him with lead.
Hakkai was seated in a chair beside the bed, a smile of relief on his face. "Feeling better?"
Hakkai.
Unconsciousness had not driven away the memories of what had happened. The fact that he could barely move a finger testified that it hadn't been a dream.
The silence stretched.
"Sanzo..." Hakkai evidently knew what was going through his mind. "Gomen nasai. It was a mistake."
A mis-fired ki blast. Going down the wrong road into a youkai ambush. Leading a pack of youkai onto me. I can accept that the first was a mistake. I can accept that the second was a mistake. The third.. no.
"Sanzo, I didn't know that they were following me. I didn't know that Hanto was a youkai. If I had, I'd never have let him accompany me."
"..get lost."
"Sanzo.."
Purple eyes narrowed. "..You're lucky that I can't shoot you. So I'm giving you this chance. Get lost. The next time I see you, you're dead."
"How can I convince you that it wasn't intentional?" Hakkai asked.
Silence. Quite a bit of it.
"Sanzo.."
"Quit calling me that!"
"It was a genuine mistake!"
"Mistake my ass! Do you expect me to believe that you fucked up gloriously three times in forty eight hours? If it were the kappa, I'd say that his incompetence is reaching new heights--"
"I would never betray you. Why would I want to? What would I have to gain?!"
"How the fuck would I know?!"
"Look, Sanzo.. if I wanted to betray you, I had plenty of chances in the past. Why now?"
"Goddamnit.."
"Why would I have changed?!"
"Natsuji brainwashed you. Isir brainwashed you. Why the fuck are you asking me?!"
"Sanzo!"
"Get... the... hell... LOST! I swear I'll kill you if you stay any longer!"
"I rescued you. Does that count? I saved--"
Wrong thing to say. Sanzo made a concerted effort to get up and reach for the gun on the side table. He made it all the way up onto one elbow before collapsing back. "Bastard. Get out of my sight!"
Clenching his teeth in anger, Hakkai stood and left. He barely managed to restrain himself from slamming the door.
Blinded by a combination of guilt and absolute fury, he stormed down the hall. He had to go. He had to..
In a way, it was my fault. I can't blame him for feeling that way. But I didn't do it on purpose! I didn't! Someone's trying to get back at us. Someone's trying to split us up. Who?!!
Hands. Hands gripping his shoulders. Shaking him. "Hakkai! What's wrong? Hakkai!"
Who is it? Isir? Why? And how? How could he?! What does he mean Isir brainwashed me? Why me? Why not anyone else? I need answers, damnit!
"Hakkai! Snap out of it! What's wrong?"
Red. Red hair. Gojyo.
"Sanzo.."
"What the fuck did he do? I'll kill that bloody--"
"No. No." Hakkai took a deep breath and shook his head.
"Hakkai.."
He took another breath, calming himself and clearing his head. It seemed.. as much as he hated the notion, there really wasn't very much other choice. There was only one course ahead of him now.
"I'm leaving."
"What?"
"I'm leaving," Hakkai repeated.
"You mean the monk is fit to travel?"
"No. I'm leaving. Alone."
"What the--! Come to your senses! Did Sanzo get to you or something?! What happened between the two of you?"
"Please don't stop me, Gojyo."
"Damnit, Hakkai, you at least owe me an explanation!"
Hakkai paused and looked up.
Explanations.. there were too many things unexplained between them.
Finally, he sighed. "It's a long story. I think I need to start from the beginning." He pushed past Gojyo and headed for his own room. Gojyo followed.
Hakkai sat on the bed with a sigh. Hesitantly, he recalled the events that had transpired since they were split up by the attack. Meeting Hanto. Finding Sanzo. The chase that ensued.
"Someone is deliberately trying to set me up," he said wearily. "That night.. the ki blast.. I wasn't quite myself. Things were.. fuzzy. But I never meant to hit him. I.. didn't know that we were taking the wrong turning. I didn't know that Hanto was a youkai."
"I'm sure that you told the monk that."
"But... when I say it, it sounds like a justification. I mean... it just sounds like .. a bad excuse." Hakkai's words trailed off and he chewed on his lip.
"What was his response?"
"He.. he told me to leave," Hakkai replied. "And I'm not surprised."
"He's crazy," Gojyo declared, pacing the room. "He is absolutely and entirely nuts. There is no way we're going to reach our destination on foot. The next time he gets his ass busted, he can heal himself the hard way."
"Gojyo.."
"Fucking insane." Gojyo was mad. Gojyo was damned mad, and Hakkai wasn't sure his words were reaching him any more.
"I'm going to pound some sense into his thick skull," Gojyo snapped, heading for the door.
Hakkai was on his feet in an instant. "Gojyo, no."
A pause. "Why not?"
"Can you imagine.. if you were in his shoes, you'd be thinking the same way too."
"Yeah, but how can he.. how can anyone accuse you of doing something like that on purpose? How long have we known each other? How many times have we watched each other's backs? How can he even suspect that you'd .. you'd... do something like that?! I'll make him see sense, even if it takes a sledgehammer to do it!" Then he was out of the door.
*
"Oy, bouzu. Wake up."
Sanzo cracked an eyelid open. "What is it?"
"Are you out of your damned mind?! Sending Hakkai away?"
Sanzo closed his eyes again. "Do you want a traitor at your back?"
"Hakkai's not a traitor," Gojyo growled. "If you'd just stop being an ass and just listen for a change!"
Purple eyes snapped open. A glare that almost made Gojyo back up a pace. Almost. "You weren't there," Sanzo said in a low voice. "You weren't there when he came by with a youkai by his side and a whole pack of them on his heels. He would have known if it was a youkai in human form. You weren't the one on the bloody receiving end."
"Yeah, which is why I'm still thinking clearly. Look, Hakkai was distracted. After one night of killing youkai and chasing through the woods looking for you, not to mention the ankle, he couldn't have been thinking clearly. What do you expect? It's not like detecting youkai with limiters is the easiest thing to do. Hell, you've slipped up before."
"Fuck it, Gojyo.. the youkai didn't lay a finger on him! They were thanking him!"
"And you'd take a youkai's word over Hakkai's?!"
"It's not as if Hakkai's not youkai."
Something snapped in him. After all they'd been through.. for Sanzo to let that old grievance get between them again, just because he was human and they weren't..
Gojyo grabbed Sanzo by the front of his robe and hissed, "Yeah, and so are the rest of us! What, do you think we'd betray you? Me? The bakazaru?"
"I've considered the possibility."
Things went a little red after that. Gojyo wasn't exactly sure what was happening until his fist connected with Sanzo's head hard enough to hurt his knuckles. "If he wanted you dead, you'd be dead by now! See sense, damnit!"
"Fuck you.." Sanzo was truly furious now. Furious at Gojyo, furious at Hakkai, furious at his own inability to retaliate. A fist glanced weakly off his shoulder in what was probably meant to be a punch before dropping limply back.
"Yeah? Fuck you too," Gojyo snarled back. "Damn elitist human bas--"
Something bowled him into him, slamming him into the floor. The next moment, a blow stung him hard across on temple.
Gojyo blinked. "Goku?"
"Keep your hands off him!" Goku yelled. "Goddamnit, what the hell did you do that for?! "
"Goku!" Hakkai yelled from the doorway. "Goku--"
Goku leapt to his feet and spun. "What is wrong with both of you?"
"Nothing," Gojyo replied, standing. "There's just something wrong with him." He jerked a thumb at Sanzo.
"You were the one who hit him! When he can't fight back!" Goku snapped.
"And that's the only reason why he's still alive," Sanzo said dangerously.
"Yeah?" Gojyo said. "You can't--"
"Gojyo. Stop it," Hakkai intervened. "Goku... let me explain."
"Yeah. Everyone shut up and let Hakkai tell the story. For his point of view." Gojyo's last comment was pointedly directed at Sanzo.
Hakkai took a deep breath, and began all over again.
*
By the end of it, Goku was looking confused, Gojyo had calmed down and retreated to the window to smoke, and Sanzo..
Sanzo had struggled into a sitting position with some assistance from Goku. His expression was completely unreadable.
"I don't deny that strange things have happened," Hakkai concluded. "Personally, I think that Isir had a hand in them." He glanced at Sanzo.
"Well?" Gojyo said, a touch of annoyance creeping into his voice. "What's your verdict, oh high and mighty Sanzo-sama?"
"It's possible," Sanzo conceded.
"But..." Goku frowned. "Why?"
"Who knows?"
Typical Sanzo, Hakkai thought. He knows.. or he guesses more than he's letting on.
Purple eyes met his. He still couldn't make out what the priest was thinking. Acceptance? Distrust? It was impossible to tell.
"Very well. Do as you like," Sanzo said. He lowered his eyes in what was obviously a gesture of dismissal. Probably the closest to forgiveness that Sanzo would ever get.
"Huh?" Goku asked.
"Urusai, bakazaru," Sanzo muttered.
"I'll see you in the morning, then," Hakkai said quietly. "Oyasumi nasai."
Nothing. Sanzo's face was a closed book. Hakkai felt a twinge of unease as he left the room.
Gojyo's footsteps sounded behind him. Hakkai turned. "Thanks, Gojyo."
"You don't need to thank me. Hey... if you left, I'd go with you. I'm not sticking with Mister Worldly Monk if you aren't."
"I'm not leaving," Hakkai replied, smiling.
"You know, I'm thankful that the Isir fellow was overzealous with his binding spell. No way we'd have gotten Sanzo to sit down and listen otherwise."
"Sometimes, you're too harsh on him."
"It's nothing that he doesn't deserve."
"Really? Who are we to say who deserves what?" the slight smile had disappeared; Hakkai was studying him with all seriousness.
Gojyo was silent for a moment. "All of us are fucked up. It doesn't give him a reason to act the way he does. I don't see what Goku sees in him."
"That's because you're not Goku."
"You're too nice."
"Am I?"
"Yeah. Come on, let's go and get a drink. I need a beer. And since you're so nice, you can buy me one."
*
"Sanzo...?" Goku, resting his chin on the back of a chair, looked across the room. "Do you think Hakkai did it on purpose?"
Sanzo glanced at the window. "How would I know?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"You really are a nuisance," Sanzo replied. "Pass me the lighter."
Goku located the lighter and the pack of Marlboros and tossed them over. Sanzo lit one unsteadily. His hands were shaking.
"You didn't answer the question," Goku said doggedly.
Sanzo glared at him. "And why are you so interested in the answer?"
"Because.. because.. I don't know if Hakkai's lying or not." Goku cocked his head. "I trust Hakkai.. but I don't know.. I really don't know.." The confusion was clear in his voice.
Sanzo took his time answering.
"Believe in yourself," he said at last. "Believe in what your eyes tell you."
Goku studied him, golden eyes deep in thought. Then he nodded slowly.
"Ne, Sanzo."
Distracted from his thoughts, Sanzo looked up.
"Are you hungry?" Goku asked. "You haven't eaten all day."
He wasn't. He assuredly wasn't. "No."
"Do you want a drink? A beer?"
Sanzo arched an eyebrow. "If you're hungry, go get something from the kitchen, bakazaru."
"Really?" Goku leapt up. "You sure you don't want anything?"
An annoyed look then. "I can look after myself."
"Okie!" the door slammed, and Goku was gone.
Sanzo stared at it for a moment. The binding spell was wearing off quickly, leaving behind nothing worse than a dull ache from stiff muscles. Experimentally, he flexed his fingers, and was relieved to find that they responded. By morning, the worst of it would have passed.
He would wait till morning, then.
*
Gojyo awoke first, which was surprising in itself. Normally, Hakkai was the one who dragged him out of bed in the morning, or disappeared silently to procure breakfast, then dragged him out of bed.
But Hakkai's door was closed, and the brunette was presumably still asleep. It was probably the events of the past few days catching up with him. Yawning, Gojyo made his way downstairs. He was halfway down the steps when a familiar snore reached his ears.
"Eh? Goku?" he stepped into the common room (still bearing marks from the last youkai assault), and his eyes were drawn instantly to one table.
A plate, surrounded by crumbs. Several empty vessels around it. And Goku, the largest empty vessel, happily slumped over the table and snoring, oblivious to the world around him.
Gojyo shook his head with a slight smile. The two most important things in life to the saru were food and sleep, in that order. Oh, and Sanzo.
"Ohayo gozaimasu," a voice said from behind. Gojyo jumped and spun. Hakkai was standing behind him, wearing his usual cheerful smile.
"Oy, don't sneak up on people like that," Gojyo muttered. "And I thought you were sleeping."
"Oh, I overslept a little. Breakfast?"
"Yeah, the ape's already at the table. Spent the whole night there." Gojyo glanced over. "And the monk's holed up in his room."
"Let him sleep. It's still early. In fact, what are you doing up so early?"
"I thought I heard a door slam. Figured that it was you, which meant that I'd have to wake up soon.. so I went back to sleep and dragged myself out of bed when I next woke up. Imagine my surprise when I found that it wasn't you. Might have been the saru, though."
"When was that?"
"Dunno. I was half asleep when I heard it and I dozed off again afterwards. I think it was still dark."
"Probably one of the other guests," Hakkai replied.
"Ehhh, Hakkai, did you say breakfast?" a very sleepy Goku was looking at them.
"Good morning, Goku," Hakkai called back.
"A bit slow on the uptake, saru," Gojyo said. "But then again, you always are."
"Don't call me a saru," Goku grumbled. "Ero-kappa."
"Not so early in the morning, please," Hakkai said pacifyingly. "You'll wake everyone else."
"Yeah, and the monk will be pissed," Gojyo groaned. "I tell you, Sanzo's just weird. Either he doesn't sleep at all or he's dead to the world."
"That's usually because someone knocks him out," Hakkai noted.
"Well.. whatever," Gojyo reached for a cigarette.
"Isn't it a bit early in the morning for that, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked.
"Nope. Never too early for smokes, drinks, and chicks."
*
Sanzo didn't join them for breakfast.
He still hadn't made an appearance by the time Goku was through his second breakfast, by which time, the sun was high in the sky.
"Goku? Could you go and check on Sanzo?" Hakkai said.
Gojyo glanced over. Normally, Hakkai was the one who did the wake up calls - he was the only one who get Sanzo out of bed without running the risk of being seriously damaged in the process.
"Mmm k," Goku replied, pushing his chair back and clattering upstairs, all happy and energetic now that he'd been fed.
Hakkai met Gojyo's inquiring stare briefly and smiled.
"Well, it's high time the ape earned his keep, anyway," Gojyo said. "Say... do we have to pass through that godawful forest again to get to the next town?"
"We have to get Sanzo's sutra back," Hakkai reminded him.
Gojyo winced. "I'd forgotten. And he'll be oh-so-bright-and-chirpy because he's lost it. Probably'll put a few bullets through someone's head before the day is out."
"Then you'd better stay out of his way."
"Ahaha. Yes. Excellent idea." Gojyo popped another cigarette out of the pack. "By the way, how's the ankle?"
"Much better. I used a bit of ki-healing on it last night, and the swelling's almost gone."
"Sanzo? Sanzo?!" Goku's voice came drifting to them from above.
Hakkai and Gojyo instinctively turned towards the stairs. Split seconds later, Goku came charging down, glancing wildly around. "Hakkai! Sanzo's gone!"
It took two heartbeats for that to register. Then : "Gojyo! When did you say you heard that door close?" Hakkai said urgently.
"Sun wasn't up. Maybe 5, 6am. Shit... you don't think..."
"It must have been." Hakkai glanced at the clock. "If it was 5, that would have been 3 hours ago."
"What?! He left in the middle of the night?!" Goku cried. "Without telling us? Where would he have gone?"
"Certainly not for a morning stroll," Gojyo said grimly.
"K'sou!" Goku swore, and bounded out the door before anyone could stop him.
"Goku!" Hakkai called.
"Damnit, bakazaru! Get back here!" Gojyo yelled.
Hakkai shook his head. "I'll go after him. You stay here in case Sanzo comes back."
"Why me?! What about your ankle?!"
Too late. Hakkai was out of the door and running, Hakuryuu gliding along after him.
***
TBC.
***
sf : I anticipate that Shadows will be about the length of Borderline. If a certain plot twist that I'm considering actually does happen, I'll write it into a sequel, rather than add it to the fic. The estimated final length of Shadows is 30,000 words, standard for a medium length fic, which means that we're about halfway through..
Muse : Wah! So much more to go..
Sf : Regarding the Kougaiji-tachi.. I seriously don't think they'll make an appearance. Ch 4 of Reverse Psychology aside, the last time I wrote Kougaiji was in Circumstance, and I'm not familiar enough with his character to try again. It's all very well and good for other authors, but I know a Kougaiji fanatic who'll pummel me into dust if he's OOC.. -_-.
Muse : Besides, I can't find any room in the plot to fit them in.
Sf : And, in case you weren't reading carefully.. yes, Sanzo and Hakkai may figure out that Isir's manipulating them. However, it doesn't make a difference, because they can't stop it from happening.
Muse : Bwahahaa. We're so evil...
Sf : And if the Sanzo-Hakkai showdown wasn't violent enough, blame my Muse.
Muse : OY!
***
