Spike unpacked the groceries and put them in the cabinet hoping he put them in the right place. Brenna and Tierney helped by telling him that the milk and cheese and orange juice went in the refrigerator and the ice cream in the freezer. He smiled and listened as Brenna explained that ice cream could melt. They were good little girls, smart girls. Brenna's question about him being their new daddy had thrown him for a loop. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he liked that idea as much as she did. He needed to come clean with Buffy about everything and hope that she was willing to give him his umpteenth chance.

***

Buffy looked at the small clock on her desk, just thirty minutes more and she could leave, it had been a very long day. Mr. Brannon seemed to keep finding more filing and typing for her to do. She sighed as she finished the last letter he had given her.

"Buffy?"

She looked to see her boss at the door. Mr. Brannon was a nice looking man with a reputation as a womanizer, lately he had been showing more interest in her and it made her nervous. He walked into the office with a bag of Chinese food in his hand and pulled up a chair next to the desk. " I ordered in some food for us. I hope you like chinese."

"That was nice of you sir, but I really need to finish up and go on home to my girls." She smiled pleasantly at him.

"Call it a night, eat with me and then you can go." He began to pull plates and utensils from the bag,

"By the way how are the girls?"

"There much better but I really need to get home to them." Buffy started to stand but he placed his hand on her arm.

"Please, just have a bite, then you can go."

Buffy sighed and sat down again as he pushed a plate of food to her; she gave a half smile as she took a bite of sweet and sour chicken. "It's good."

"Yeah, this place has the best food. We should go there in person some night. or maybe even this weekend?" He suggested with a wink.

"Well.....I have plans this weekend." Buffy began to think of a good excuse.

"Another time then, I think I may need you to work some more late nights." He picked at his food.

"Yes sir, let me know when." She quickly finished her food, "Thanks for dinner." She told him as she gathered her purse and left him in the office. She could feel his eyes watching her as she left.

**

The girls finished there "paschetti and meatballs" and kept Spike company as he cleaned up and put the leftovers away for Buffy.

"Can we read now?" Brenna asked as he shut the fridge door.

"Yes, go get a book." He told her as he followed them to the living room they had just sat down when Buffy came through the door.

"Mommy!!" Both girls cried out as they left the couch to run greet her.

"Brenna! Tierney!" She called out their names and laughed, "Were you good girls?"

"Uh huh." Brenna answered, "We went to the store with Mr. Spike."

"Did you get some milk?" Buffy asked as picked Tierney up.

"Yep, and lots of other stuff." Brenna smiled.

"Ice cream." Tierney added with a giggle.

"Spike?" Buffy turned to him.

"What? It wasn't hordes of chocolate." He smirked. "There's leftover spaghetti in the kitchen."

"I ate but thank you." Buffy sat down with Tierney, "My boss brought in some chinese. I was ready to go but he insisted."

"He insisted?" Spike's voice grew concerned.

"Nothing I can't handle, Spike." She gave him a warning with her eyes, "I'm a big girl."

"I know you can." He put the book back on the shelf, "I guess I better get going. I'll talk to you soon."

"You don't have to rush." Buffy smiled at him, "Stay, have some ice cream."

"I suppose I could do that." He grinned.

"Yeah!" Brenna took him by the hand, "Ice cream and then you can read some more."

"Mr. Spike can't stay just to keep you entertained, Brenna." Buffy teased her daughter, "He probably has to do some actual work or his boss will make him work late."

"I kiind of need to talk to you about that." Spike took a deep breath.

"Your work?" Buffy asked as she led them to the kitchen and began to get out the bowls and spoons.

"My boss, actually." Spike opened the freezer and pulled out both quarts of icecream.

"Oh, mint chocolate chip! My favorite." Buffy squealed happily.

"I thought it was." Spike replied as he helped her dish out the icecream and get the little girls settled at the table.

"So, what about your boss?" Buffy asked as she took a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, she let the mint and the chocolate roll around on her tongue, "Mmmm."

"You...umm...know him." Spike watched her expression carefully as he ate his own ice cream.

"I do?" She stopped the spoon midway to her mouth.

"I work for Angel in LA."

"You what?" Her face fell with realization.

"I work for Angel. Let me explain." He started but was quickly interrupted.

"There's nothing to explain, Spike. Angel knows I'm here - Giles keeps in touch with him and lets me know how he is too. Does Giles know you're alive? Does everyone but me know?" Her voice was shaky as she tried to stay calm, Brenna and Tierney were looking at her now.

"Mommy?" Brenna asked her eyes wide, "Are you mad at Mr. Spike?"

"No, sweetie, I'm just a little upset about something. You don't need to worry about it." She glared at Spike over her spoon.

"It's not like that Buffy, well, Angel knew but no one else, well Dawn knows she saw me in LA but I didn't see her. She went to Angel- said you needed someone now." He knew he wasn't explaining this well and her face showed not only anger but hurt now too.

"I think you should probably go now, thank you for taking care of the girls and the groceries, I'll pay you for them on payday if you're still in town or I can send a check to Angel's for you.." Buffy 's voice was calm as she put her still half full icecream bowl in the sink.

"You didn't finish your ice cream, mommy." Tierney watched her mommy.

"I'm not hungry for it anymore."

"Buffy, please let me explain." Spike stood and put his bowl in the sink.

"Not now, please go." She could feel the tears stinging her eyes.

"Fine, I'll talk to you later then. Bye girls." He knelt down by Brenna as she gave him a hug, then turned to Tierney as she put her chubby arms around his neck.

"Bye, Mr. Spike." They spoke in unison.

"Finish your ice cream and I'll see Mr. Spike out." Buffy gave the girls a half hearted smile as she left the kitchen.

Spike grabbed his coat and tried one more time, "Buffy please listen to me."

"I said I'd get you that grocery money, go have a good life." Her voice was cold.

"I don't want your damn money, I want you to listen to me. It looks bad, I know that ,but Buffy I'm here now and I really don't want to leave." His voice rose slightly.

"Keep your voice down, the girls don't need to hear this. You say you want to stay, well I've heard that before from you, from Angel, from Riley, from poor David who really didn't have a choice. The only reason you're here now is out of pity, Angel heard poor Buffy needed help so he sent you here, if Dawn had never seen you - you would have never come would you? You would have never looked for me at all?" Her voice was rising now and she was doing her best to lower it and keep the tears from flowing.

"I think of you everyday, Buffy. Your picture is on my dresser, I talk to it like some lovestruck fool, I never stopped thinking about you. I asked Angel if you were happy, if you were okay, and he's always assured me you were so I thought it was best to leave it. Angel didn't know about your husband." Spike was getting desperate, "He didn't know....I would have come sooner if I'd known you were alone all this time."

"I don't believe that Angel didn't know about David's death. Giles talks to him , he even told me that Angel sent his condolences. I should have talked to Angel myself but after I married it seemed best to just go through Giles. So I'm sorry, I don't know why he decided to send you now, Dawn must have guilted him into it. But I'm not anyone's pity case." She gritted her teeth, "Please go now."

"Buffy...I." Spike could tell it was useless, "Goodbye." The word was a desperate whisper.

"Mr. Spike!" Brenna yelled from the kitchen doorway, "Will you come read to me again,

tomorrow?." Tierney joined her nodding her head in approval of her sister's question.

Spike looked from the little girl to her mother. Buffy spoke, "Mr. Spike is leaving to go back to his home, he won't be back."

Spike shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry Brenna." He opened the front door and let himself out.

"Mommy - you made him go away! Now he can't ever be my daddy." Brenna ran down the hall to her room crying, her sister following her.

Buffy started after her as the phone rang, she stopped to pick it up, "Hello, I'm sorry but I can't talk right now."

"Buffy, don't hang up, it's me, Dawn. "

"Dawn! Thanks so much for all you've done. I have to go now, I'll call you back" Buffy replied before she hung up the phone.

Dawn heard the phone slam down, the dialtone blared in her ear, "What could have gone wrong?."

"Brenna, Tierney,girls I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Buffy sat down on the bed between the girls.

"You made him go away, we liked him." Brenna explained through her tears.

"I know you did. But there are things that big people understand that little girls don't. Mr. Spike had to go home." Buffy pushed Brenna's soft brown hair off of her face.

"But he liked me, he could have been my daddy." Brenna frowned at Buffy.

Those words hit Buffy hard, memories surfaced from long ago, in another time, in another place, if things had been different, he might have been her daddy. She shook her head to get rid of these very unwanted thoughts.

Buffy wasn't exactly sure how to handle this daddy talk, Brenna had never really mentioned wanting a daddy before, she knew her daddy was in heaven but she had always seemed to accept that. Neither of the girls had been old enough to save memories of their daddy and she regretted that.

"Can he ever come back?" Brenna sniffing.

Buffy hugged both of her daughters close to her, "We'll see. Now lets get out baths and go to bed. It's back to daycare in the morning."

Later that evening when the girls were sleeping, Buffy dialed her sister's number."Dawn, I shouldn't have hung up like that. But you should have never gone to Angel about Spike. It's a mess now." Buffy's voice broke.

"What happened Buffy?" Dawn asked sympathetically.

"He took the girls out for happy meals and he reads to them and he babysat and cooked for them, bought groceries and they love him, already. And then he had the nerve to say that Giles never told Angel that David was sick or anything. That's such bull. He didn't even tell me he worked for Angel till tonight..I'm not going to let my kids get any more attached to him, I'm not gonna let him leave me....I mean leave my kids and hurt them too."

Dawn interrupted this time, "Buffy, he wasn't lying. I don't know why Giles chose not to tell Angel about David's death but he really didn't."

"Why would Giles do that, Dawn? It makes no sense." Buffy began to argue.

"Well if he thought it was in your best interest Buffy....he's been known to make some strange decisions when it comes to you." Dawn sighed into the phone.

"So, Angel really didn't know about everything?" Buffy's voice softened.

"No, he really didn't, he thought you were living a perfect life."

"So, Spike was telling the truth? Still Dawn, he dissappeared from my life, he made decisions for me that he had no right to. And one part of me is so angry about that, the other part wants to thank him for giving me the time with David and my Brenna and Tierney. I am so confused." Buffy took a deep breath, "I suppose I at least owe him an apology."

"I think so." Dawn agreed.

"I'm not sure how to reach him."

"Call Angel and find out where he's staying?" Dawn suggested.

"I'm not up to talking to Angel tonight. I need a couple of days to get myself together." Buffy twisted the phone cord between two fingers.

"Don't wait too long, Buffy. I know this is all sudden, but I need to ask you a question? And I want to preface it by saying that I know you loved David with all your heart and you were loyal and true to him and that you miss him everyday."

"Okay." Buffy murmured into the phone.

"Do you still care for Spike? Given the chance could you love him again?" Dawn went right to the point.

"I.....of course I care. But Dawn, I'm not really sure he still loves me, cares yes, feels the urge to take care of me and the girls ...yes he does, but does he still love me? I don't know. And I'm not sure I can risk my heart or the girls hearts." Buffy chewed on her bottom lip still furiously twisting the phone cord.

"He loves you...Buffy. I know he does. Don't take too long to talk to him, please?" Dawn pleaded with her sister.

"I'll think about it. I'm tired it's been a long day. I'll talk to you soon. Love you." Buffy hung up the phone and got ready for bed. It was going to be a long sleepless night.

****

"Angel, " Spike spoke irritably into the phone, "I've screwed up royally. I told her I worked for you. She put two and two together and came up with Buffy's usual five instead of four so she's sure I'm here out of pity!"

"Maybe it's not so bad as you think, Spike." Angel replied hoping that his words were true.

"Oh, it's that bad, she asked me to leave and she had that patented 'you screwed up big time, vampire' Buffy look on her face and I've seen if often enough to know it by heart." Spike sighed loudly into the reciever.

"So you're going to give up then, come on back to LA?" Angel asked baiting him.

"Well, no....I didn't say that, but I'm at my wits end here. I'm not sure how to make this right."

"You'll think of something, Spike. I know you, you're just as stubborn as she is. Keep me posted." Angel hung up the phone.

Spike paced around the hotel room for an hour before he lie down. He wanted to pick up the phone and call her, try again to make it right. He was sure she would just hang up on him though, he needed to see her in person. He decided to go see her at work tomorrow, he'd looked up where she worked and if he went to see her there, she'd have to listen, she wouldn't want to make a scene. It was a perfect plan, he smiled to himself as he closed his eyes.

TBC