[I]Part 6[/I]

"You're awfully quiet babe."

Tess, who had been staring out the window without seeing a thing, turned her head and smiled weakly at Kyle. "Just tired I guess. It's been a long day." And it's not over yet, she reflected, wrinkling her nose. Somehow she just [I]knew[/I] that she had a lengthy telephone conversation with Max in her future. She had managed to evade him at the restaurant, but she knew that he was going to want an explanation for why she hadn't told him about Liz.

She didn't even really know why. How was she supposed to explain it to him? But she had just felt like she owed Liz something because of the fact that it had been [I]her[/I] mistake that had driven Liz out of town. And the worse part was, once she had found out she was wrong, she hadn't done anything about it. Sure Max had followed Liz to New York, but it had been before they knew the [I]real[/I] truth. Maybe if he had gone back again.

Max had been absolutely adamant though, after they found out that Maria was pregnant, that he was going to leave Liz alone. Tess wondered now why she hadn't pushed him about it, but she wished she had. Maybe if he had gone back when they first learned about Maria's baby, everything still could have been different.

But now it was too late. Liz was engaged to someone else and from the whispered conversation Tess had shared with Maria in the ladies' room, both of them quickly shutting up when Isabel joined them, it was apparent that she was madly in love with her fiancé as well. Liz had not pined for Max, it was quite obvious. Tess absolutely could not bear that Max was going to be hurt again, but she knew almost certainly that he was going to be. He still loved Liz, in spite of everything. He didn't blame her for anything.

Rightfully too. It was all Tess's fault after all. She was just grateful that Max didn't hold it against her, that he knew that she had been just as duped as any of them, that she had truly believed what she'd told them when she'd returned to Roswell. If only she hadn't gotten it into her head to translate that damned destiny book.

"So, are you ever going to tell me?" Kyle asked now, quietly, not sounding angry, just sad. "Why Liz left I mean. You told me when we got together that you'd tell me someday Tess and I haven't pushed you. But I think the time has just about arrived."

"It's not my."

"I know, I know," Kyle interrupted. "It's not your story to tell. But I think it is Tess. I think you had a bigger role in what happened between Max and Liz than either you or his royal alienness have ever admitted."

Tess felt the lump of fear forming in her throat. It was always there whenever she considered telling Kyle the truth. He was going to hate her - not because of what had happened when Liz had left, but because of the fact that Tess had never fixed it.

Kyle and Liz had not been particularly close before she left, but if there was one thing Kyle couldn't stand, it was a coward. He had always thought that of Liz for running out on her marriage vows the way she had. He had been particularly annoyed, considering the fact that she had thrown so much caution to the wind - not to mention had dumped him - to be with Max in the first place. And then, suddenly, she was scared? It had never made sense to Kyle. But if Tess told him, he would know the real truth. That it wasn't Liz who was a coward, but she, Tess.

"I don't want you to hate me," Tess admitted, disliking that her voice broke. She hated feeling weak. But when it came to Kyle, it was unavoidable. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him. He was the one person who had given her life meaning after she had learned that everything Nasedo had raised her to be was complete hogwash. Kyle loved her for herself and she still couldn't quite grasp that it was really true. What if he changed his mind when he heard the reality of what she had let Liz believe? It didn't matter that she had believed it herself. She couldn't let that fact matter.

This was all her fault and she was finally facing up to it.

She was so lost in her self-pity, it took her a moment to realize that Kyle had pulled off the road. She blinked, frowned slightly. "What are you doing?"

"I want you to tell me," Kyle said firmly. "The sheer lunacy of the fact that you just said that you thought I could ever hate you means that you [I]have[/I] to tell me."

"Why?" Tess stared at him in confusion, then lowered her eyes fearfully, hating the certain expression on his face. The expression that told her that he was sure that he knew everything there was to know about her.

But he didn't. He didn't know how scared she was - all the time.

"So that I can prove you wrong." Kyle reached out and gently raised her chin with his fore-finger. He was smiling at her. "I mean, are you really such an idiot? I almost want to bet on it. It's such easy money."

Tess closed her eyes, allowed herself to enjoy the feel of Kyle's fingers against her cheek. "Okay. Okay, I'll tell you. But I'm warning you. It's not pretty."

"Let me decide that," Kyle ordered gently. "Besides, I'd rather hear it from you Tess. Because I really think it's going to come out anyway. Liz is here and I'm guessing this is going to get a lot harder before it gets easier. For all of us."

Tess snorted. "You can say that again," she muttered. "Especially when Liz realizes what Eliza's birth really means." She wasn't looking forward to Liz's wrath when she got a hold of her. Because hadn't Maria told them all that Liz knew about the baby? She was going to freak out.

Of course, that was only if she cared at all anymore. Tess sort of hoped, actually, that Liz did wail on her. For Max's sake. Because it would mean that Liz [I]did[/I] still care. If only a little.

"What does Ellie have to do with any of this?" Kyle asked, perplexed.

"Let's just say that her existence means that the main reason Liz left town doesn't even make sense anymore."

"Huh?"

"I'm going to have to go way back Kyle. This stretches back long before I came back to Roswell. In fact, it starts right before I left." She licked her lips, felt again the flash of grief that claimed her whenever she thought of that time. "Do you remember when that was?"

"Right after Nasedo died," Kyle replied. "You ruthlessly moved in with me and my dad for a week, made me all crazy and then left without a single word." His voice was sad.

"I'm still sorry about that Kyle." And she was. Because if she could only have seen past her own narrow vision of what her life was supposed to be - what Nasedo had told her it was supposed to be - she might have found happiness with Kyle so much sooner. Not only that, but Max and Liz never would have been torn apart when she returned.

"You're here now."

She smiled at him. "Forever." She allowed herself to enjoy the light kiss he placed on her lips. "Anyway, you know something about why I left, but you don't really know why I came back."

Kyle frowned. "I guess I don't," he admitted.

"Well, let's just say that, when I returned, I truly believed that if Max and I didn't get together, it meant that the entire world was going to end. And I'm not talking in a symbolic way. I thought it in the literal sense. And I wasn't going to let it happen."

*********************************************************************

Spring 2003

Tess stared at the apartment door, her heart in her throat. She set the back-pack she was carrying down and raised her hand to knock. Her knuckle paused in mid-air.

What if Liz answered? What was she going to say if Liz Parker.No, make that Liz Evans.answered the door? She knew that Max would at least listen to her, but Liz had never trusted her. The fact that all Tess now knew meant that Liz's marriage might not be able to continue.Well, that was certainly not going to improve the situation. And Tess knew that she had to say it all right away or it might not come out. What if she had to wait with Liz for Max to return? How uncomfortable was that going to be - Tess knowing that her news was going to end Liz's happiness and Liz having absolutely no idea? Liz might even try and make inane small talk! How on Earth would Tess deal with that?

God. What would she do if Liz answered?

It had not come as a surprise when Tess had learned through carefully placed sources in Roswell - keeping in touch with that annoying Pam Troy for the close to three years she was gone had served a purpose after all - that Max and Liz had gotten married. She still remembered the look of determination on Max's face when he stood up in the Crashdown and told Liz in front of everyone that he wasn't going to give up on her, that he was[/I]coming for her.[I] After all, it was what had made Tess finally decide once and for all to leave Roswell. Nasedo's death had caused the first yearnings for a life beyond destiny, but finally seeing right smack in front of her face that Max would never love her.It had been the final impetus. Because, even she couldn't deny it any longer. If any two people were meant to be together, they were Max and Liz. It had taken that moment of absolute crystal clarity - that in spite of everything, Max loved Liz and that he would never love Tess - for her to come to the conclusion that she couldn't stay any longer.

Even Tess had been a bit shocked at how quickly they had taken the plunge following graduation though and even more so about the fact that neither of them had gone away to school. Pam had been unable to tell her why Liz and Max had stayed in Roswell. Tess had even been a little disappointed that Liz hadn't gone on to her brilliant career in science or some such field, Max cheering her on, staying quietly hidden in the background, as was his way. At one time it would have annoyed Tess, that aspect of Max's character. It wasn't king-like in her estimation, but she was long past caring about that. No, really, it was Liz who had disappointed her. Because it was the perfect Liz Parker who had won Max from the moment he had first laid eyes on her. The fact that she had given up her dream for him.It had tarnished Liz's perfection in Tess's eyes. At least when Liz was perfect, there was an excuse for why Tess had never had a chance with Max.

And now Liz was maybe going to lose the person she had given up everything for. How could Tess do it to her?

There's no choice! Tess reminded herself firmly. You know what the Destiny Book says now!

Oh did she know.

Sighing, Tess raised her hand and knocked firmly. There was no help for it. She had to tell Max and let him make the decision himself. He had to be told that if he didn't father a child, the world was destined to end.

When the door opened and she met his eyes - those gorgeous eyes that she still sometimes wished had just once looked at her the way they looked at Liz - she knew that it wasn't going to be the hard part, telling him that.

She watched his eyes widen in shock at the sight of her, glanced over his shoulder, her eyes lighting on the framed wedding picture of Max and Liz hanging on the wall behind him. Her heart sank. Could they possibly look any happier? Did she really have to see that right before she broke his heart?

No, telling him that he had to father a child was not the problem. The problem was that he was going to have to be told that there was no way - absolutely no way at all - that he would ever be able to father a child with his wife.

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Roswell - Present Day

"Oh my God! You're kidding!" Maria's spoon hung in mid-air as she stared at Liz in complete shock, the ice cream she had brought over when she had invaded Liz's hotel room completely forgotten. "Lizzie! That's terrible!"

"I wish I was," Liz shrugged. She tried to ignore the dull ache in her heart - the one that always returned when she allowed herself to think about it. "I've dealt with it Maria. I'm just glad that I have Eliza to spoil rotten now."

"But Liz! Not having kids." Maria's blue eyes were filling with tears. "I'm so sorry chica."

Liz smiled weakly. "It's really okay. I can't imagine having a child fit into my lifestyle anyway," she admitted. "No one we know has kids, I doubt I'd be good with them anyway and, well." She trailed off. "I've just accepted it. We can't change destiny."

Maria was hugging Liz, her pain for her so palpable that Liz abruptly knew just how much Eliza meant to her mother. "I so would not have brought it up if I'd known."

"I know. Maria, really, let's just drop it okay? You had no way of knowing. It was a natural question. People ask it sometimes when they find out someone's engaged. Are you going to have kids? I mean, you really could not have known." Liz disentangled herself, cleared her throat. "Sean doesn't want them anyway."

Maria stepped back, stared at her. "He doesn't? Why not?"

"He's just not the fatherly type," Liz replied, laughing slightly. "I think he'd recite stock prices as a bed-time story. I mean, I love the man, but I know him. I just don't see him as daddy material."

Maria snorted, brushing a hand under her eyes, obviously intending to return to the cheerfulness of their conversation before the subject of children came up. Because if Liz was going to do it, then she would. It was one of the things that Liz had always loved about Maria - the fact that she knew when Liz wanted to talk about something and when she didn't. Liz had forgotten how good it felt to be around someone who just [I]knew[/I] you like that.

"I didn't think Michael would be a good dad either, but he's certainly proven me wrong," Maria said, shaking her head. "I'm lucky if I even get to change a diaper. The man is obsessed."

Liz giggled. "I so cannot see Michael as Mr. Mom."

"Liz, it's ridiculous. That child has him wrapped around her little finger. I wanted to bring her tonight but he wouldn't let me - said it was his "turn." I swear to God, it's [I]always[/I] his turn. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when she can actually talk," Maria groaned. "If she asks for the moon, I think he might fire up the granolith and try and get it for her."

Liz frowned slightly. "The granolith? What do you mean?"

Maria's eyes widened. "Oh I forgot! You don't know that it's a spaceship. It was in the destiny book Tess brought back wit her. We found out after you left." She stopped speaking abruptly.

There was a long pause as the two women stared at each other, Liz knowing exactly what was going through her oldest friend's mind. Finally Maria sighed, "God Liz. I know you tried to explain before, but something still doesn't sound right to me. I mean, you had to know that Max would in no way ever turn to Tess. Why did you leave? What you told me and Alex before.that you just [I]knew[/I] it was going to happen and that you wanted to make the choice before Max made it for you.it just does [I]not[/I] make sense."

Liz looked away, a lump in her throat. "I can't believe they didn't get together," she finally said, knowing that she wasn't in any way answering Maria's question, but wanting to hear Maria's take on the Max situation. She was still in shock over how much he had changed. Had it all been a result of her having run out on him? Was she really to blame for that?

"Liz, Max has only ever loved one person," Maria said firmly. "You know that. You've [I]always[/I] known it. Why you thought Tess coming back would change anything."

"Maria, I told you already that I saw him," Liz shot back, abruptly annoyed. It was not her fault! He could have come after her if had really wanted her so badly! What was she supposed to have thought?

[I]You can't really blame him for that,[/I] a small voice in the back of her mind reminded her. [I]It made it easier on you that he didn't come. You would have just had to turn him away again anyway.[/I]

Liz knew it was true and, yet, a small part of her couldn't help but still feel slightly resentful that he hadn't ever come looking for her. And, so, she continued her mini-rant against Max. "He's holding my divorce ransom for God's sake! There is no way that man still loves me."

Maria just shook her head sadly, dipping her spoon back into the ice cream and bringing it to her mouth and chewing noisily.

"What?" Liz demanded. "Why are you looking like that?"

"You are so blind chica," Maria sighed. "It's sad really."

"What are you talking about?"

"Max doesn't want to divorce you silly! Of course he's not going to sign the stupid papers!"

Liz folded her arms over her chest, scowling. "It doesn't matter what [I]he[/I] wants. I have a right to a divorce if I want one. I may just go the Sheriff and complain. Maybe a night in jail will remind him that he can't play games with me."

Maria's eyes were narrowed. Liz tried to ignore the troubled expression on her friend's face. Why did Maria look so disapproving? She was only stating the truth. Max Evans did not run Liz's life - not any longer - and he could not control her. Whatever his reasons for extortion, she was not going to let him win. When Maria finally spoke, all she said was, "I don't think the Sheriff's going to throw Max in prison because he won't sign your papers."

Liz stared at Maria for a stunned moment and then started to giggle. Their eyes met and they both broke up into gales of laughter. "I.I guess he won't." Liz finally managed to say through her tears of amusement. Being back in Roswell obviously [I]was[/I] driving her crazy! She wasn't even thinking straight any longer.

Which only reinforced to her how vital it was that she get this divorce finalized as quickly as possible. She needed to get back to New York, her fiancé and her real life as soon as possible. Not to mention her sanity.

The two young women fell back against the pillows on the bed, their heads close together, just like they had done so many times in both of their bedrooms in their teens. Maria picked up Liz's hand, twining her fingers through hers. "So, tell me. You said that you knew what the destiny book said," Liz reminded Maria quietly, staring up at the ceiling, no longer feeling any urge to laugh.

"Some of it," Maria agreed. "Does it have something to do with why you left?"

"Yes," Liz sighed. "Tess thought that it said that humans couldn't have babies with aliens. That's what those pictures meant. I knew that Max wanted kids and I knew that the only way he was going to have them was with Tess. So I left." She hoped Maria would believe her. She could not go into the [I]real[/I] reason.

"And that's why you left? Because of that?" Maria sat up abruptly. "Wait a minute! Does Max know it's why you left?"

"Yes."

"Are you telling me that Max didn't want to stay married to you if you couldn't have kids?" Maria demanded, sounding horrified.

There was a long pause before Liz answered. Could she really have Maria think so poorly of Max? She swallowed, refused to think about the expression on his face when he had told her that he didn't care one bit if they couldn't have children.

[I]You mean everything to me Liz. If we have children, a child, it will be a gift, but just being with you has made my life complete. I don't need anything else.[/I]

He was haunting her. There was now no question about it. Not the Max who had demanded money from her, nor the Max who had been slightly rude and highly disapproving of her. No, [I]her[/I] Max - the one who had saved her life in the Crashdown - just being in Roswell was bringing all the memories back. And they were wonderful. In spite of everything that had come after - in spite of the secret she would take to her grave - she could no longer pretend that she had not loved being married to Max. That if what had happened had not happened, she would still be married to him and likely blissfully happy. Childless, yes, but they would have been complete anyway.

But it just was not meant to be.

She opened her mouth to make the final break, to betray Max completely by lying to Maria, by telling her friend that "No, Max did not want me because I couldn't have kids with him," when the door slammed open, making her sit up quickly.

"Rena!" Liz stared at Serena, managed to compose herself quickly. "Where have you been?"

"Out," Serena replied, advancing, her eyes speculative on Maria. Liz grimaced. Uh oh. This did not bode well. "Gathering information."

"About what?" Liz asked weakly. She could feel Maria tensing beside her. Please. Oh [I]please[/I] let them like each other!

"Oh, this and that," Serena said airily, waving her hand in the air. "Like on the fact that the blonde midget is indeed engaged to one Deputy Kyle Valenti. That Max Evans is single and owns the UFO Centre."

Liz started, turned to Maria. "He owns it?"

"Yes," Maria replied, distracted. She was still staring at Serena. "Liz, are you going to introduce us?"

"Er, yes," Liz said, feeling grimly confident that this was not going to go well at all. Maria's expression was stony now, had hardened with every word Serena had said about the others. Maria was going to defend them all until her dying breath. And if Serena couldn't keep her mouth shut about her antipathy towards them all - all on Liz's behalf of course - well.

It was going to be bad.

Play nice, Liz pleaded silently, looking from one to the other. She wondered if she had time to go hide before this conversation began.