[u]Part 10[/u]

"Kyle are you home?" Tess shut the door behind her and turned the lock, calling out for her fiancé. His shift ended at midnight, so he had to be there somewhere.

"In the bedroom babe!"

She found him flipping channels on the T.V. at the end of their bed. "What're you doing?" She asked, sitting down beside him.

"Looking for the highlights," he said, his eyes shifting from the screen to her face. "What's wrong?" He demanded, hitting the power button. Silence fell over the room.

"Cardinals lost," she said quietly, pulling off her boots and crawling up the bed to flop down beside him.

"Somehow I don't think that's what has you so glum," Kyle replied, tossing the remote aside and turning on his side to face her. He reached out and pushed a stray blonde curl off her face where it had escaped from her braid.

"Max signed the divorce papers," Tess admitted, sighing. "It doesn't look good Kyle. I think this might actually be it."

Kyle frowned. "Well, that sucks for Evans, but it's gotta be a good thing that they're both going to move on." He stared at her for a long moment. "Isn't it?"

"It's not," Tess replied firmly. "Because I'm beginning to think that Liz doesn't want to move on. She hasn't signed them yet."

There was another long pause. "And you want to tell her the truth," Kyle finally finished for her. "Do you really think it's going to make a difference Tess? She must have figured it out on her own by now."

Tess sat up, stared straight ahead, biting her lip, voicing the thoughts that had been swirling in her head the whole drive home. "I just don't get it Kyle. Something's [I]off[/I] with this whole thing. Because you're right. I mean, I can't believe that Liz hasn't confronted me about Eliza. Her existence basically proves that everything she told." Tess stopped, grimaced, wondered if Kyle had noticed the slip. "Er - everything [I]I[/I] thought the destiny book said was a lie."

"You think there's more to it?" Kyle asked. He didn't sound suspicious, just curious.

"There just [I]has[/I] to be." She paused. "Kyle, I've been thinking about what happened when Liz left town. With how she's been behaving, I think that I was wrong about [I]why[/I] she left. I don't think it had anything to do with me at all. I mean, I [I]know[/I] Max told her about it, but I just can't believe that he told her it meant they couldn't be together. He told [I]me[/I] then that he didn't buy it and I'm sure he said the same thing to her."

"You don't know for sure? I thought Max told you everything."

Tess was perplexed. "I thought he did too."

"But why would he keep it a secret?"

"He wouldn't," Tess replied firmly. "Which means that something weird is going on."

Kyle groaned. "And which also means you're going to find out, doesn't it?"

Tess scowled at him. "What is that supposed to mean? Of course I'm going to find out!"

"Tess, you've spent the last four years feeling guilty about something that might not even be your fault. I think you should just stay out of it!''

"It [I]was[/I] my fault," Tess argued. "More than you can possibly know. And I do owe Liz an apology, no matter what the real reason was for why she left."

"Why can't you just leave well enough alone?" Kyle demanded. "I really don't think this is a good idea."

"Kyle, you just don't understand," Tess exclaimed, jumping to her feet and starting to pace. She could feel his eyes following her, could feel his concern, like he was really worried that she was losing it.

She [I]was[/I] losing it. She wanted to tell him the absolute truth. Finally, this was what was driving her so insane. She [I]wanted[/I] him to know.

But how could she tell him when it was going to change everything he had ever believed about her? Because, she was finally beginning to realize that who she was today was in no way who she had the potential to be. [I]He[/I] was the only thing that kept her from turning into who she was beginning to suspect she might have been.

Well, he and Max. The two most important people in her life. And neither of them knew the absolute truth. She had tried to put it out of her mind, had tried to forget [I]how[/I] she had finally managed to translate the destiny book. But she had started to suspect when Maria got pregnant that the source of her translation wasn't the most reliable person in the world. At first she had believed that the translator had just made a mistake, that it could all be explained easily.

But, now.She was really beginning to wonder if she had actually been lied to. By the one person she should have been able to trust above all others.

"Tess, tell me what the hell you're thinking!" Kyle was beginning to sound impatient and not a little mad.

She swallowed, turned her head and looked at Kyle, who was definitely suspicious now. He could read her better than anyone these days. It was one of the things she most loved about him - how well he knew her. But it was at times like this that it could be frustrating too. She sometimes forgot how much of herself she had given to him when they had fallen in love. She couldn't hide from him like she used to be able to hide from everyone. When she had first met them all, the first time she had come to Roswell, they had all believed her to be one thing - a manipulative witch whose only goal was to drive a wedge between their close-knit group. While she freely admitted that she had not taken the best route towards making them trust her that first time, she hadn't really known any better at the time. And they hadn't known her at all. Not really. She was simply Nasedo's creation that first time.

It was only when she came back to Roswell and she learned what true friendship meant that she was able to see that Nasedo's way was the wrong way. But it had taken a while even then. She could not deny that she had been secretly thrilled when Liz had so precipitously left town after her return. And, in the end, when she started to care so much about the others, she had started to think that Liz didn't deserve any of them anyway. Because if she did, wouldn't she have stayed to fight?

But the Liz Parker Evans who had returned to Roswell was not entirely what Tess had expected. She was so desperate for her divorce and yet she forgot to sign the divorce papers herself? She wanted to be done with Max and, yet, she made a reckless bet with him whereby she might have to tell him why she left? And the weirdest part of all was that, as far as Tess knew, Liz hadn't even [I]reacted[/I] to the news that Maria had a baby fathered by Michael! It was the reason she had left Roswell in the first place - because she couldn't bear Max's child and according to the destiny book, he absolutely needed to be a father.

Absolutely none of it made sense. It was like Liz was teetering on the edge of some kind of mania and Tess couldn't believe it had taken her this long to see it.

Liz [I]wanted[/I] them all to know the truth about why she had left. And, yet, she was also clearly doing everything in her power to make it so that none of them would ask - or care - because of her strange behavior.

What did it mean?

The answer that was starting to dawn on Tess was so scary, she didn't even know if she would be able to deal with it if it was true. Because, while she did, to a certain extent blame herself for Liz's departure, until this minute she had never felt that she had done it with evil intentions. She had [I]truly[/I] believed that Max needed to father a child and that [I]she[/I] was the only one capable of providing him with one.

Yet, she had developed a close friendship with Max, not a romance. Sure she hadn't allowed anything to go forward with Kyle until they had known about Maria's pregnancy, until it became clear that Max could actually have a child with a human. And this was where most of her guilt stemmed from after all. From the fact that she hadn't gone to New York to tell Liz the truth about the destiny book. But, then, Max [I]had[/I] gone after Liz that first time, had come back alone and he hadn't even wanted to talk about it then. This was even [I]before[/I] they found out for sure that humans and aliens could have kids together.

What exactly [I]had[/I] gone down between Max and Liz during that New York trip? As close as they were, Max had never told her. Which was why Tess had been so shocked a couple of days ago when Max had told her that he and Liz weren't divorced. She had just naturally assumed that they had done it when Max had gone north three years before.

If they hadn't, what had happened?

Tess looked at Kyle, who was by now openly glaring at her. She wrinkled her nose. "Um."

"Okay woman, out with it," Kyle growled. "You are clearly having some very deep thoughts in that pretty head of yours and I want in on them."

Tess ran a hand wearily through her hair. She absolutely needed someone to talk to about this. She had already given Kyle the short version of the story. Maybe she [I]should[/I] tell him. Maybe he could work out this puzzle better than she could. Because with every minute that passed since Tess had noticed that Liz hadn't signed her own divorce papers, the more Tess knew that she just wasn't going to be able to let matters rest the way they were.

She knew that Max was going to be furious at her. But she just could not remain inactive any longer. She had to [I] do[/I] something. And telling Kyle was the first step.

"Kyle, did you think it was kind of weird that I never told you how I finally got the destiny book translated?" Tess blurted, before she could talk herself out of it again.

Kyle stared at her like he was a little shocked at the complete change of subject, since he seemed aware that she had been ruminating about Max and Liz. "A little. I didn't think you were done telling me everything though. You implied that Liz left because you told her that aliens and humans don't mix, baby wise."

"And I implied that it was why I felt totally guilty about why Liz left," Tess interrupted, thinking aloud now. "Because it wasn't true, as we know now because of Maria." She paused, collected her thoughts. "But here's the thing Kyle. I've felt guilty [I]all[/I] along. How does that make any sense if I truly believed that Max and I had to be together? Shouldn't I have only started feeling bad about it after you and I got together and Maria got pregnant? Because I've always just assumed that my guilty feelings were because I was wrong."

Kyle was frowning, obviously confused. "Well, maybe you felt bad because Max was so devastated? I mean, you did care about him a lot. Even before you really knew him."

It was the same conclusion Tess had reached, but it still didn't make sense. "That's what I thought. But I'm beginning to think that's not it either. Because Liz is just acting so peculiar. There [I]has[/I] to be more to why she left than just the baby. I think I know what it is. And it also explains why I have always felt so guilty. Because [I]I[/I] was responsible for her leaving - but just not how I thought."

"Okay, what?" Kyle asked. He collapsed onto the bed, totally bewildered. "I have [I]no[/I] idea what you're talking about."

Tess grimaced, knew that this was going to get even more convoluted before it started to make any sort of sense. He was going to think [I]she[/I] was the one who had gone absolutely bonkers before she was finished with him. But she knew now that she had no choice but to tell. First Kyle and then Max.

While she had promised she would never tell, that had been before it had started to cross her mind that the translator of the destiny book might not be completely trustworthy. The whole problem with that line of thinking was that it made Tess even more guilty. Was it truly possible that she had turned out so horribly that she had come back to lie to [I]herself[/I] to achieve her own ends? And was it possible that she wasn't the only one who had met the translator? Had Liz been approached too?

The sheer irony in the whole thing was that, if what Tess was beginning to suspect was true, why on Earth had [I]Liz[/I] of all people ever believed it? She should have been the [I]last[/I] person who believed it. Why would Liz Evans ever have believed Tess Harding on anything that had to do with Max, even if it was a Tess from the future?

Tess sat down beside Kyle, sighing heavily. She couldn't even begin to unravel this herself. She [I]needed[/I] him. And if he ended up hating her because of it, well, there was no help for it.

Because she could no longer live with hating herself.

She had to tell him.

Well, if she was going to do it, then she might as well do it fast, before she lost her nerve.

"There was a very specific reason I didn't tell you who translated the destiny book," Tess began, her hands clenched in her lap, her heart beating a mile a minute. "I didn't think you'd believe me."

"Why not?"

"Well, I did it myself Kyle."

"Oh. You think it sounds bad. Like maybe I'd think you made it up? The translation I mean?" Kyle sounded like he finally understood, like her guilt was beginning to make sense.

"Not exactly," Tess replied. "I pretty much know now that I [I]did[/I] make it up. But here's the really weird part. [I]I [/I] didn't. I mean, [I]me[/I] me."

"What?"

Tess sighed again, smiled wanly. "So Kyle, tell me what you know about time travel."

*********************************************

Liz watched Max move past her. He was still staring at the crash display, his expression unreadable.

"Did you hear me Max? I'm here to tell you the truth," Liz said quietly. She could see the tension in his back, wondered what he was thinking. She wondered if he already knew that she only intended to tell him part of the story, that she couldn't tell him everything. She couldn't be sure that it was what he was thinking though. This was the worst part about being back here. She hated how distant they were from each other, how quickly it had all come flooding back - how connected they used to be and how, now, they just [I]weren't[/I].

She knew a lot of it was her fault. Most of it in fact. And if she could get a little absolution from him tonight, she might actually be able to look back on what they had shared with something approaching fondness, rather than the gut-wrenching, throat-closing pain she felt now. She hated that this was what their magical relationship had been reduced to - snapping at each other and making stupid bets and getting drunk so that they could exchange two civil words.

They were not meant to be together - she knew that - but it didn't mean that she didn't want to be able to maintain some semblance of a relationship between them.

"I know why you left," Max finally said, bringing Liz back to the situation at hand. "You thought that we couldn't have a baby together." He turned his head, looked at her, his eyes calm. "And I told you it was ridiculous, that we could adopt. So if that's the line you're going to feed me again, I don't want to hear it."

"Max, you [I]know[/I] there was more to it than that!" Liz exclaimed, getting riled in spite of herself. "[I]You[/I] need to have a child of your blood. The whole world depends on it. I just can't believe that you and Tess aren't together! What [I]happened?[/I]"

"I don't love Tess like that Liz," Max snapped. "Not that it's any of your business what I do in my love-life. Because clearly it's none of mine what you do, although one would think that a husband should be informed when his wife decides to get [I]engaged[/I]. I mean, I might have wanted to send a present!"

Liz closed her eyes, sighing. She wasn't going to let him get to her this time. She [I]wasn't[/I]. He was trying to piss her off. She knew he was. He seemed to be as erratic as she felt - one minute sweet and gentle, the next just plain [I]mean[/I]. She couldn't handle it anymore. "Max, please."

"I'm sorry." Her eyes snapped open and she stared at him. He was still looking at the display, his hands now buried in the pockets of his khakis. "I didn't mean that," he sighed. "This is just really difficult Liz."

"I know." There was a long pause. "Can I ask you something?" Liz finally inquired tentatively.

Max snorted. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to ask the questions." Liz could hear an underlying note of amusement though. He really seemed ready to try and have a civil conversation. "Fine, go ahead."

"Did you [I]really[/I] come to New York three years ago?"

There was another long silence. "So you heard about that, huh?" He sounded sheepish.

Liz looked at him in surprise. "You did come? I don't understand. Why didn't you try and see me?"

Max rubbed a hand across his face wearily. "I [I]did[/I] see you. You just didn't see me."

"What?" Her heart started to pound as she frantically tried to understand why he hadn't spoken to her. What had he [I]seen[/I] that had stopped him?

"I was waiting for you outside your building and you came home with that girl you brought with you here." Max began quietly.

"Serena," Liz inserted, frowning, wondering where he was going with this.

"And with [I]him[/I]."

Liz felt her eyes widen with horror. "You saw me with Sean?"

"Yeah." He shrugged, sounding pained. "I.You just looked really happy." He snorted again. "I was really surprised to see how happy you looked. I think I was shocked actually. I [I]couldn't[/I] talk to you. I mean, it's not that I wanted you to be miserable Liz, but when I saw you." He shook his head. "At that point, I felt like I was never going to laugh again. And there you were, having a grand old time, and it made me [I]really[/I] mad. I just knew that I couldn't talk to you when I felt that way."

"Max."

"So I came home," he finished. "Because I didn't like feeling that way. It was the worst thing in the world Liz, feeling like you had forgotten me so easily. It even made me hate you a bit."

Liz knew that her mouth was hanging open in dismay. To think that he had seen that! She felt terrible about it. And the sheer irony was that three years ago she had still been as miserable as she had been the day she left Roswell. How he happened to come across the one time she might have allowed herself to feel anything but completely devastated.What were the odds?

She didn't even know what to say to make it better. She was angry too thinking about it. How could he so easily misinterpret her? Hadn't he known her at all? How could he not know that leaving him had been the hardest thing she had ever had to do? That moving on was the hardest thing she had ever done? That she had known she had no choice because until she did, she absolutely knew that [I]he[/I] wouldn't?

And he still hadn't! So clearly she had been right! She was just lucky that she had found someone as wonderful as Sean. She didn't think that she deserved to be unhappy for her whole life after all. She wasn't an evil person. She was just a person who had made the choice to let herself fall for someone else because she couldn't be with the one she knew was her soul mate.

She wouldn't feel guilty about doing what she knew had to be and making the best of it.

"Max, why do you have to make this so hard?" Liz whimpered. She shook her head, shocked that it had come out so pathetically. Strong! She was strong dammit! She cleared her throat, made her voice obey her. "Don't you know how hard it was to leave you? Whatever you saw, I wasn't really happy. But I'm [I]glad[/I] you saw it. Because if you'd come to me then, I would have gone home with you. And it just can't [I]be[/I]." She grabbed his arm, hoping to shake some sense into him. He looked at her in surprise, then stared down at her hand.

A shot of electricity shot up her fingers, through her hand and up her arm, causing her heart to pound crazily in her chest. She quickly moved away again. God. How could he do that to her just by touching him? What was this between them?

"So you came to tell me why you left," Max said in a monotone, still staring down at his arm. "I think you just realized why I haven't been able to move on. How can I move on when no one will ever make me feel the way you do?" He sighed again. "Just tell me if you have to. I'll give you whatever forgiveness you need and you can go back to New York and I can try and get on with my life."

"Max, I can't have children." She blurted it out, just wanted it over with. It wasn't supposed to hurt this much. She was supposed to be over him!

"Liz, I don't know why you're still harping on this," Max said impatiently. "I told you I [I]don't[/I] care. And it's not even true anyway. Look at Michael and Maria!"

"You don't understand," she whispered. "I mean, I can't have kids with [I]anyone[/I]. It's a physical impossibility. The doctors have told me so."

That was a lie. No doctor had ever said such a thing. She had been told that she was perfectly normal and, yet, she knew inherently that she would not bear children.

She felt his shock, although she didn't look at him. She had forgotten how much it hurt to think about this. And here she was, talking about it twice already today. Most days she avoided thinking about it altogether. She swallowed, continued before she totally froze. "My body.it just won't carry a child to term. Any child."

She wouldn't tell him the whole truth - that Max had completely changed her when he had healed her, not only giving her powers, but also making it so that she wasn't entirely human.

She wasn't wholly alien, but she wasn't human anymore either. And, so, she couldn't procreate with either species.

"God.Liz." She felt his hand touch her lightly on the small of her back. "I'm sorry."

"I've accepted it." Liz tossed her head, lifted her chin. "Sean doesn't want kids anyway."

There was a long pause. "Well, that's good.I guess."

She turned and looked at him. "Max, please. You [I]have[/I] to move on. You have to have kids."

Max stared at her. "So that really [I]is[/I] why you left. You [I]really[/I] believed Tess? That the world would end if we didn't have a kid? Liz, [I]Tess[/I] doesn't even believe that anymore! It was a ploy for God's sake!"

Liz sighed. "Obviously, if she's moving on with Kyle." She had to make him understand, but still couldn't tell him the whole truth. She just [I]couldn't[/I]. He would never believe her anyway and things were messed up enough as it was. But she had to get him to accept his destiny somehow. He [I]had[/I] to be a father. "Max, have you ever just known something is completely true? It makes no sense, but you just [I]know[/I] it?"

Max grimaced, nodded. "I knew that you and I were meant to be together." He laughed shortly, bitterly.

Liz frowned. "Max, you have to listen to me. I don't care what you believe and I don't care what Tess thinks now. You [I]have[/I] to move on. You [I]must[/I] father a child. I just [I]know[/I] this is true." She paused, then went for broke. "If you can't sign my divorce papers for me, then do it for yourself. You [I]have[/I] to do this."

Max was staring at her again. "You [I]really[/I] believe this stuff Liz? Really?" He paused, his eyes narrowed. "Does this have anything to do with how you got in here? That door was locked."

Liz gaped at him. Trust Max to zero in on something she had forgotten about completely. It was why it was always so difficult to hide things from him. He could read her more easily and more quickly than anyone. "What do you mean?"

"Liz, how did you get in here?"

"I unlocked the door," Liz admitted quietly. "With my powers."

Max pressed his lips together. He didn't even seem surprised. "And is this how you know that we can't be together? That I have to father this child, for some weird reason? A child that I don't want if you're not the mother?"

Liz blinked. "Yes."

In the end, the truth came out as simply as that. Liz Parker Evans knew that the world was going to end if Max didn't have a child. She knew this because she had [I]seen[/I] it.