[u]Part 13[/u]
"Sean? What are you doing here?" Liz asked, turning her reddened eyes up towards him.
"Well, it's great to see you too, Liz," Sean said a bit hesitantly.
Liz took a deep breath and tried to ignore the slight sense of panic welling up in her chest. How could this happen to her? She'd been careful not to leave any word behind at work about where she'd be. She'd told Sean she wanted to do something for the wedding, and that it was a surprise, which wasn't totally a lie. She'd planned to think of something she could get for Sean to bring home to him, planned on telling him it was an early wedding present. She did need an excuse to get out of town after all. So, she'd covered all her tracks. How had Sean known where to find her?
He was only going to complicate things. She'd never told Sean she'd been married before, the right time having never presented itself. He was bound to have some questions she wasn't sure she could answer at the moment.
Liz shook her head, mentally berating herself for greeting Sean so rudely. After all, it wasn't [i]his[/i] fault that she was going to have some heavy explaining to do. That one was all hers. "I'm sorry, Sean, I'm just exhausted," Liz said as she stood up from the stool and crossed the room to where he was standing. She hugged him, and a soft smile fluttered to her features when she felt his arms tighten around her shoulders.
"How did you know I was here?" Liz asked against Sean's chest.
"Well, I called your studio, and no one knew anything. When I couldn't get a hold of Serena, I figured she was with you, so I contacted her office. They said she'd gone to New Mexico. I remembered you were from Roswell, so I figured you'd come back to tell your parents, see some old friends or something."
Liz kept her eyes closed, all but sensing one of the questions she knew Sean would have was coming.
"Liz, honey, I looked everywhere for a Jefferey and Nancy Evans listed in Roswell. I was going to come to your house and surprise you. There's no listing anywhere in New Mexico, much less Roswell. How come your parents don't seem to exist?"
"Sean, I know I have some explaining to do, and I know you have some questions that need to be asked. I can give you answers. But I'm afraid if I don't get some sleep, I'll be a dead woman walking. Can we talk tomorrow?" Liz asked. She turned her face towards Sean, trying with every bone in her body to make herself look as tired and exhausted as she felt. Relief flooded through her body when Sean's face softened and his shoulders slumped slightly.
"Sure, darling. You look tired." He kissed her on the forehead. "Let's go back to the hotel. I'm booked at the same place you and Serena are staying."
Liz nodded, and turned back to Maria. "Maria, I'll see you tomorrow, all right?" Liz said, giving her friend a quick hug.
Liz turned, following Sean and Serena out of the Crashdown's front doors. And as she followed them to the car, she couldn't help but glance over at the UFO Center. And for a split moment, Liz Evans wanted nothing more than to run back inside and fix what had gone so wrong between her and Max. But as quickly as the thought had come, it vanished. Because Liz Evans was not a selfish person. She wouldn't risk the end of the world because she wasn't strong enough to do the right thing.
Thirty minutes later, after arriving at the motel, Liz said good night to Sean, and headed towards the room she shared with Serena as he headed into the room he'd rented for himself.
Taking a moment to relax against the door to her room, she watched as Sean made his way across the parking lot, and smiled when he turned and waved at her before heading into his own room.
Closing her eyes and breathing a deep sigh of relief, Liz was glad that she and Sean had made the decision long ago not to share a bed until after they were married. If things between them had crossed that line, it would have made things much more complicated than she was willing to let them get.
When she'd met Sean four years ago, they'd been nothing more than friends, despite his relentless pursual of her. It wasn't until almost two years later she'd broken down on the side of the road and been rescued by Sean. Since then, they'd been happy together, but when the issue of sex had come up, she'd made the suggestion that they wait until marriage. She'd never expected Sean to agree so quickly, but when he had, she didn't ask questions. She guessed he assumed she was a virgin and that she wanted to wait until marriage. But only Liz knew the real reasons.
What would sleeping with Sean do to him, given the status of her still developing powers? What if something happened that she couldn't control? She didn't even know if her powers could harm Sean, or if she could control them well enough to make sure they'd stay hidden.
That, and despite the fact that she had left him behind and didn't love him anymore, Liz had only shared a bed with one other person, and still couldn't imagine sharing one with anyone else. She had never expected things between she and Sean to get as serious as they had, and she knew she'd have to get over her qualms about sleeping with Sean. If she refused to sleep with him on the honeymoon, it would certainly mean he'd have questions. And she wasn't sure how she would answer them.
She undressed and collapsed into bed, turning on her side, and hugging the extra pillow close to her stomach.
Liz closed her eyes, as the dam behind them broke, causing her tears to soak the soft pillow beneath her head.
They were tears of relief. Max had signed her divorce papers.
They were tears of joy. She could marry Sean, and move on with the life she'd spent four years building for herself.
They were tears of anxiety. She wondered how Sean was going to react when he found out she had been married before.
But most of all, perhaps more than anything, they were tears of heartbreak. Because it wasn't until she'd left him standing there at the UFO center, broken and battered emotionally, that Liz Evans realized exactly how much she still loved the man who had given her his name.
All the years she had spent building a new life for herself without Max had been for nothing. All the time spent pretending he didn't still matter had been a wast. None of it was true.
She knew now that there was no point in pretending to herself any longer. She was still in love with him and always would be.
But even if she could no longer lie to herself, she would continue to lie to everyone else. Because, in the end, there was no other choice.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Tess stepped up onto the small porch, knocked softly at the door. She waited for a moment, contemplated using her powers to unlock the door herself, but decided not to risk giving Isabel a heart attack. Thinking of a better idea, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the familiar number.
After four rings, Isabel answered.
"This better be good," she said groggily.
"Isabel?" Tess asked softly.
"Tess? Is something wrong?" Isabel asked, suddenly concerned.
"Nothing's wrong, Iz, I just.I was wondering if I could crash on your couch tonight? I'm out front, and I just.I really need somewhere to go."
"Honey, sure. I'll be right there."
Tess closed her phone, and waited, sighing in relief when she saw the living room light come on, and Isabel's form appear at the suddenly open door.
"Tess, what's going on?" Isabel demanded, rushing Tess inside and shutting the door behind them. "Is something wrong?"
Tess took a deep breath, and shook her head, fighting a losing battle with the tears that were fighting their way out of her crystal blue eyes. "Nothing that a pint of ice cream and a big bottle of Tabasco won't cure," she joked lamely, her voice breaking slightly.
Isabel hugged Tess tightly around the shoulders. "What's this all about?" She asked, her voice full of concern.
"It's Kyle. We had this long over due conversation tonight, and."
"I'll kill him," Isabel interrupted. "Tess, if he broke up with you, I swear, I'll blast him from here to."
Tess watched Isabel's voice change from concerned and upset to impatient and angry, as her friend put her hands on her hips and started to rant about a problem she'd made up in her mind. Isabel was standing in front of her, in a night gown and fluffy leopard print sneakers, with her usually long silky locks rolled into tight pink foam curlers hanging at odd intervals from her head. She'd obviously gone to bed without washing off her makeup, because sleep had caused her mascara and eyeshadow to form a ruddy blue-gray circle around her eyes, and her lipstick had smudged around her lips, giving her flawless complexion a comical look. Tess couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that made her double over in giggles. Dropping her purse to the floor, she grabbed her sides in an effort to keep her composure. Through the tears her laughing fit had caused, Tess glimpsed Isabel staring at her in shock.
"I'm-sorry-Isabel-I-just." Tess tried to explain, but she realized that laughing right now was exactly what she needed to do. She'd had way too much on her mind lately and, right now, laughing just felt good. She looked at Isabel and burst into another fit of uncontrollable giggles upon seeing her with her mouth open wide in astonishment.
After what seemed like hours, Tess was finally able to stop giggling. As her laughter died down, she reached up to wipe the tears that her hysterics had caused. She took a deep breath, and leaned back against the couch, where she had slouched to the floor during her laughing fit. She threw her head back against the couch cushions, sighing deeply.
"Tess, you want to explain what's wrong?" Isabel asked after giving Tess a chance to catch her breath.
Tess smiled again, her somber mood considerably lighter than it had been when she'd arrived. "Isabel, I'm just.sometimes I'm so overwhelmed, you know? I try to be strong. For you guys. For Max. For Kyle. But it's just that right now, there's so much going on. It's a lot to take in at once. Especially now that Liz is back in town. I've always heard that things get harder before they can get better. They've already gotten harder. I just can't wait for the better."
"Liz coming back [i]has[/i] made things.awkward, to say the least," Isabel agreed quietly, easing herself down into the floor to sit cross legged across from Tess. "You want to talk about it?"
"It's just that, you know, before, I thought I had everything planned out. What my future held, how things were supposed to be, how I felt about the people around me, the way my life's turned out. And now, I'm just not sure of anything."
"Tess, are you having second thoughts about Kyle?"
Tess turned her face abruptly towards Isabel, her eyes wide with emotion. "No, Isabel. Of course not. Kyle is the one constant in my life. The one thing I know that's good for me. I just want to make sure that I'm good for him. That he knows exactly what he means to me and how I feel about him."
Tess closed her eyes, dropped her head, knowing Isabel would listen until she knew it was time to talk. She knew that Kyle knew she loved him. But what hurt was that it had taken a life-altering explanation of something that happened in the past for him to believe it. Would he ever fully understand how much he meant to her? Would he ever be able to fully grasp the magnitude of the love she felt for the man who had snuck up on her and stolen her heart out of nowhere? Somewhere deep down, she knew. She just supposed that maybe it was her own insecurities and unresolved issues causing her to doubt the first true thing she'd ever found in life.
Her soulmate. Her other half. Kyle was the person that she'd spend the rest of her life with. Tess didn't doubt that for a second. But she knew that there were some things that she needed to get out, problems she needed to solve, answers she needed to find before she'd truly be ready to move forward with her life, no baggage attached. And every single one of those answers in some way or another had to do with Liz Parker Evans.
"What are you going to do, Tess?" Isabel asked softly.
"I have to talk to Liz, Isabel. I have to talk to Liz [I]and[/I] Max. They need to know the truth."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Getting up early, Liz showered quietly, and scribbled a quick note to Serena, should she happen to wake up. She got in the car, and drove to the Crashdown, knowing Maria would already be there preparing for the breakfast crowd. She walked up to the glass doors, and cupped her hands around her face, searching the small café for Maria's bustling form. As she spotted her inside, she reached for the door handle and was momentarily sidetracked as she was hit with a flash from the past.
I look at you, and I know you're the person I'm supposed to be with. I've always known it. You're the one, Liz...the only one. I could never be with anyone else.
Despite her gloomy mood, Liz found herself smiling at a memory of she and Max for the first time since she'd been in Roswell. Actually, this was the first time since she'd [i]left[/i] Roswell four years ago, she could remember even smiling at a memory of Max at all. It seemed a bit easier to remember him now. How could that be? How could things have gotten so much easier, yet so much harder and more complicated all at once?
She wondered if it was because she had finally accepted that she did love him still. Maybe denying it was what had made this whole homecoming so difficult. It didn't change that they couldn't be together, but it certainly felt like a load had been lifted off her shoulders that she was no longer lying to herself.
Once again, as this thought passed through her mind, she heard Max's voice from the past. She saw his gentle eyes, filled with hurt and confusion. This time, he was answering the question she'd silently asked herself.
I think that's what being in love is.
How had Max Evans, at sixteen, been so insightful? He had been lying to himself at the time, that they could go back to just being friends, but he had been right. Falling in love with him was the easiest thing she had ever done. Trying to pretend she no longer was had been the hardest. And, damn, if it wasn't always complicated.
Shaking her head out of her reverie, Liz pulled open the door and walked inside, smiling at Maria as she turned around to see who had entered.
"Liz! Oh my gosh! What happened last night? Did you tell Sean? Does he know about Max? What did he say? Is he mad?"
Liz held up her hands, beckoning for Maria to stop. "Whoa, slow down, Maria. One thing at a time. I'm in a fragile state here. It's not likely I could even walk and chew gum at the same time. So, first things first. Breakfast. For two."
Maria raised an eyebrow and tapped her foot on the floor. "Are you hungry, Liz?"
"It's to go. I'm taking some back for Sean. I have to talk to him. Soon."
"Liz, how come you never told him?" Maria asked. "I know he doesn't know. Serena told me. How could you not tell him, Liz? I mean, he's your fiancé!"
Liz slid into the nearest booth, shaking her head. "I don't have any explanation. Except that it hurt. To talk about Max and being married, and why I left. What would I tell him, Maria? I'm married to a former alien king, but I had to leave him so he could have a baby with his former queen to fulfill a prophecy and save the world? [i]That[/i] one would go over like a lead balloon."
Realizing what she'd said, and that Maria still didn't know the real reason she'd left, Liz looked up for Maria's reaction and saw her staring back at her, with wide eyes and a befuddled expression. She opened her mouth to speak, but once again, Liz held up her hands to stop her. "I owe you an explanation, Maria, I know I do. But please, trust me, I can't tell you right now. I just.can you just trust me that I'll tell you, and let me do it on my own time? Please?" Liz could feel her hands shaking, and knew that Maria would back off. She needed time to think, and if anyone would understand, it would be the person who'd been there for her when her ride on the alien express had begun.
She was going to tell Maria eventually. But right now, she needed to handle Sean. He was innocent, and didn't know what was going on. He deserved the truth. Well, as much of it as she could tell him, at least.
"Sure, Liz. Take your time. I trust you," Maria said, reaching over to grab Liz's hand and squeeze them softly. "I'll go make that breakfast."
Liz nodded and let her head drop to the table. She closed her eyes and groaned, trying to figure out exactly what she was going to tell Sean. Hearing the door open behind her, Liz heard heavy footsteps, and assumed it was one of the other waitresses coming in to help Maria. She realized that the steps had stopped right in front of her table, and raised her eyes.
She gasped slightly when she found herself staring into the eyes of a very angry Michael Guerin.
"Ummm.hey, Michael, long time no see," Liz said, laughing nervously.
The nervous smile faded from her features when Michael spoke his first words to her in over four years.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tess opened her eyes and found herself staring straight at the gray and black striped pattern of Isabel Evan's living room couch. Blinking twice to adjust to her surroundings, she groaned out loud when the previous night's events came crashing back full force. Tess had done some heavy soul searching as she lie awake on Isabel's couch, and she could think of nothing else she wanted to do other than to go to Kyle. She needed to talk to Kyle.
Tess turned over, and swung her legs over the side of the couch. She stood up, stretched her arms, and jumped a foot off the ground when she heard someone clear their throat from the other side of the room.
She spun around, and was surpised to see Max sitting in the chair across from her. He was watching at her, his face blank, emotionless, in a Max Evan's trademark stare.
And, yet, she saw through him, as always. He was mad. Really mad.
"Max, what are you doing here?"
"You lied to me, Tess. All this time, you've been lying to me. And you say you care about me."
The gears in Tess's mind started spinning. What was she lying to him about? She racked her brain, trying to remember if she'd told Max anything that hadn't been true. But before she could remember, Max proved to her once more just how well he knew her.
"You didn't say anything, Tess. It's what you didn't say."
Tess shook her head, still unaware of what Max was talking about. "Max, I don't know what you mean, what are you talking about?"
"You know why Liz left Roswell, Tess. You know because you went to see her."
Tess's eyes widened as realization dawned on her. He'd talked to Liz. She'd made good on her promise to tell him why she left if he beat her in pool, and now he wanted Tess's version. He wanted to know what had happened in those last few days before Liz left, and he'd come to her for answers. But as the answer she knew Max would be seeking came to her, Tess knew that her own fears had been confirmed. She had lied to herself. Rather, Future Tess had lied to her. She had gone to see Liz. Despite the fact that it wasn't actually her who had gone to see Liz, it was a version of her. And Tess couldn't help but feel a tad bit guilty for the hurt she had caused in the lives of everyone she loved.
"What did she tell you, Max?" Tess asked. Because I want to know what really happened, too.
"It wasn't what she told me, so much as what she showed me. She didn't tell me everything."
"She showed you?" Tess asked. "You mean, you."
"I kissed her. She was holding back and I knew it, so I did the only thing I could think of. I thought if I kissed her, I'd get flashes. I thought all of my questions would be answered."
"Did you get them? Did you get your answers?" Tess asked. Do you have my answers? she wanted to add. Tess waited for Max to speak, her heart thudding in her chest.
She wanted answers. She wanted Max to tell her what the other Tess had told Liz. She wanted to know what Liz had been told that had made her run out on her happy marriage. But more than anything, Tess wanted to know what lies she was responsible for. Because, the way things were playing out, someone somewhere was lying. And she was ninety-nine percent sure it wasn't Liz.
On the other hand, Tess was afraid of what would happen if the truth did come out. How would Max see her, if he knew what really happened? How would he react when he found out that Tess Harding from the future had come back to the past to gain her destiny, and what she thought was rightfully hers? What would Max do when he realized that Tess had once been so evil and so hard hearted that she would lie to her own self to get what she really wanted?
"What did you see, Max?" Tess asked again, rephrasing her question after Max failed to answer her.
"I saw you, Tess. I saw you telling Liz that you and I were meant to be together. I saw you tell her that you and I were destined to be together."
"Max, I can explain-"
"No!" Max snapped. "Don't explain. Don't tell me your side. Don't lie to me again, Tess. I don't deserve that."
"I won't lie to you, Max."
"You have been lying to me for the past four years, Tess. Don't you think it's a bit late to say you won't?"
Tess cringed at the sarcasm dripping in Max's voice. How could he think this of her? She was his best friend. She loved him like a brother. How could he think that she would have broken his heart by running the love of his life out of town, and then proceeded to lie to him about it for four years? Sure, she had come to Roswell to break up his marriage, although when she'd arrived she'd found Liz already gone, and Max still not the least bit interested in being with her. But the first few months after she'd come back were the last few months she had ever believed she wanted to be with Max. He knew that. She'd told him before.
So why would he hold it against her, thinking that all this time she'd been lying to him? The only thing she'd ever lied to Max about was Future Tess. And even then, she didn't lie outright. She lied by omission. Because Max had no idea about Future Tess, and she had never told him. But surely he wasn't this angry at her for that.
"That wasn't me, Max." It was a lame answer, but she couldn't think of any other.
"What do you mean that wasn't you, Tess? I saw you! I would know you anywhere. You changed your clothes, and fixed your hair different, but it was you!"
"Max, it was me," Tess agreed, pleading with her voice for Max to listen to her. "But it wasn't me. It was a version of me. From 14 years in the future."
"Tess, stop lying to me! Now you just sound crazy!"
"I thought I was too. The day I came home and found myself sitting in my bedroom."
"Do you know how ridiculous you sound?" Max demanded, snorting in disbelief.
"It was the granolith. She modified it for time travel. And she came back to bring me the destiny book. The real one. Max, the one we had wasn't the whole thing. The one she gave me was the full version. It told of things to come that I had to try and prevent."
Tess watched Max's face, knew a million thoughts were running rampant in his mind. She knew that he was trying hard to decide whether or not to believe her, that he was running the unanswered questions over and over in his mind. She also knew that he was rethinking what she'd just told him. Wondering if it was true that the Granolith had more uses than they thought.
"Why should I believe you, Tess? Why?"
"She showed me, Max. She showed me things. Horrible things that I couldn't bear to see happen. I can't begin to tell you what I saw."
Tess watched as Max's expression changed. Was that.realization? Recognition? Had she said something that struck a chord with him somewhere?
"So after you saw her, you came here?"
"I came to you, Max. When I came here, I believed that the only way to save the world was for you to have a child. I believed I was the only one who could have that child. I believed it with my whole heart and soul, and I would have done anything to make sure it came to pass."
"Well, now you know that's not true, don't you? Because of Ellie. So why didn't you tell me, Tess? She ran out on me for goodness sake! And you knew why! I had no idea! How could you just let me hurt like that, Tess!"
"Because I was hurting too!" Tess said angrily, tears filling her eyes. "At first because I believed I belonged with you. It hurt that you wouldn't even give me the time of day. It hurt that the one person in the world I believed I belonged with didn't want me! That you only wanted the girl who ran away from you!"
"And then?" Max questioned. "After you fell in love with Kyle? After Ellie? What stopped you from telling me then?"
"The truth, Max? I didn't want to face it. I'd believed that you had to have a child, and that because I was a hybrid, that we were the only two capable of having that child. But I was wrong, Max! And you know why? Because in the end, I'm gonna turn out to be a horrible person! I'm going to turn out to be someone so cruel and evil that I would lie to myself just to be happy, with no thoughts about how many lives I wrecked along the way! So that's why I didn't tell you, Max," Tess replied tearfully. She took a deep breath, lowered her voice. "Because if what I thought was true, then I was a heartless person, Max. And I couldn't bear the thought of being that person. I thought if maybe I didn't say it out loud, that it wasn't true. That it was just my imagination. But it wasn't, was it?"
Tess turned her eyes up to Max's, searching for some sort of comfort as she felt the tears running down her cheek. The hard look in his eyes softened.
"I had no idea, Tess. I had no idea things were this complicated," he said, moving over to the couch. He put an arm around Tess's shoulders, and she laid her head on his shoulder as he talked. "I believe you, Tess. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I should have known you would never lie to me."
Tess sniffled a bit, lifted her head, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sleepshirt. "Thank you, Max," she said. "Why? Why do you believe me?"
"Because you said the same thing Liz said. You said you'd seen things that could have happened. That's what she said. You can't both be lying. So you must be telling the truth."
"What are we going to do, Max? Something still isn't right here. Something doesn't click. I don't know if it's the prophecy, or the destiny book, or what. But I don't think we know the whole story."
"I think you need to talk to Liz," Max said.
"What did she say?" Tess asked turning to look at Max again.
"When?"
"When you told her about the flashes. That you knew. What did she say?"
Tess narrowed her eyes as Max began to shift uncomfortably. "What, Max?" Tess prodded.
"Liz didn't say anything, Tess. She doesn't know."
"She doesn't know? Max, you got a flash from her that revealed to you part of the reason why she left and you didn't tell her? Why?" Tess demanded, disbelieving.
"Because there was a reason she didn't tell me everything," Max said. "She'll tell me when she's ready. I know she will. But in the meantime, maybe you could answer me something," he continued.
Tess shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, Max. What is it?"
"I got flashes from Liz about you.er.the other you going to see her. But she didn't tell me that it was you who gave her all that information. In fact, she was very careful not to mention you. For all she knows, you're the one that ran her out of town, after coming back to claim your destiny with me."
"Yeah?" Tess said, trying to figure out exactly what he was getting at. After all, she and Liz weren't exactly friends. Come to think of it, she wouldn't even consider them acquaintances. They had nothing in common, and nothing to talk about. But Max's next question made Tess realize that maybe things had changed. Maybe she and Liz [i]did[/i] have something to talk about.
"If Liz has every reason to hate you, then why is she trying so hard to protect you?"
"Sean? What are you doing here?" Liz asked, turning her reddened eyes up towards him.
"Well, it's great to see you too, Liz," Sean said a bit hesitantly.
Liz took a deep breath and tried to ignore the slight sense of panic welling up in her chest. How could this happen to her? She'd been careful not to leave any word behind at work about where she'd be. She'd told Sean she wanted to do something for the wedding, and that it was a surprise, which wasn't totally a lie. She'd planned to think of something she could get for Sean to bring home to him, planned on telling him it was an early wedding present. She did need an excuse to get out of town after all. So, she'd covered all her tracks. How had Sean known where to find her?
He was only going to complicate things. She'd never told Sean she'd been married before, the right time having never presented itself. He was bound to have some questions she wasn't sure she could answer at the moment.
Liz shook her head, mentally berating herself for greeting Sean so rudely. After all, it wasn't [i]his[/i] fault that she was going to have some heavy explaining to do. That one was all hers. "I'm sorry, Sean, I'm just exhausted," Liz said as she stood up from the stool and crossed the room to where he was standing. She hugged him, and a soft smile fluttered to her features when she felt his arms tighten around her shoulders.
"How did you know I was here?" Liz asked against Sean's chest.
"Well, I called your studio, and no one knew anything. When I couldn't get a hold of Serena, I figured she was with you, so I contacted her office. They said she'd gone to New Mexico. I remembered you were from Roswell, so I figured you'd come back to tell your parents, see some old friends or something."
Liz kept her eyes closed, all but sensing one of the questions she knew Sean would have was coming.
"Liz, honey, I looked everywhere for a Jefferey and Nancy Evans listed in Roswell. I was going to come to your house and surprise you. There's no listing anywhere in New Mexico, much less Roswell. How come your parents don't seem to exist?"
"Sean, I know I have some explaining to do, and I know you have some questions that need to be asked. I can give you answers. But I'm afraid if I don't get some sleep, I'll be a dead woman walking. Can we talk tomorrow?" Liz asked. She turned her face towards Sean, trying with every bone in her body to make herself look as tired and exhausted as she felt. Relief flooded through her body when Sean's face softened and his shoulders slumped slightly.
"Sure, darling. You look tired." He kissed her on the forehead. "Let's go back to the hotel. I'm booked at the same place you and Serena are staying."
Liz nodded, and turned back to Maria. "Maria, I'll see you tomorrow, all right?" Liz said, giving her friend a quick hug.
Liz turned, following Sean and Serena out of the Crashdown's front doors. And as she followed them to the car, she couldn't help but glance over at the UFO Center. And for a split moment, Liz Evans wanted nothing more than to run back inside and fix what had gone so wrong between her and Max. But as quickly as the thought had come, it vanished. Because Liz Evans was not a selfish person. She wouldn't risk the end of the world because she wasn't strong enough to do the right thing.
Thirty minutes later, after arriving at the motel, Liz said good night to Sean, and headed towards the room she shared with Serena as he headed into the room he'd rented for himself.
Taking a moment to relax against the door to her room, she watched as Sean made his way across the parking lot, and smiled when he turned and waved at her before heading into his own room.
Closing her eyes and breathing a deep sigh of relief, Liz was glad that she and Sean had made the decision long ago not to share a bed until after they were married. If things between them had crossed that line, it would have made things much more complicated than she was willing to let them get.
When she'd met Sean four years ago, they'd been nothing more than friends, despite his relentless pursual of her. It wasn't until almost two years later she'd broken down on the side of the road and been rescued by Sean. Since then, they'd been happy together, but when the issue of sex had come up, she'd made the suggestion that they wait until marriage. She'd never expected Sean to agree so quickly, but when he had, she didn't ask questions. She guessed he assumed she was a virgin and that she wanted to wait until marriage. But only Liz knew the real reasons.
What would sleeping with Sean do to him, given the status of her still developing powers? What if something happened that she couldn't control? She didn't even know if her powers could harm Sean, or if she could control them well enough to make sure they'd stay hidden.
That, and despite the fact that she had left him behind and didn't love him anymore, Liz had only shared a bed with one other person, and still couldn't imagine sharing one with anyone else. She had never expected things between she and Sean to get as serious as they had, and she knew she'd have to get over her qualms about sleeping with Sean. If she refused to sleep with him on the honeymoon, it would certainly mean he'd have questions. And she wasn't sure how she would answer them.
She undressed and collapsed into bed, turning on her side, and hugging the extra pillow close to her stomach.
Liz closed her eyes, as the dam behind them broke, causing her tears to soak the soft pillow beneath her head.
They were tears of relief. Max had signed her divorce papers.
They were tears of joy. She could marry Sean, and move on with the life she'd spent four years building for herself.
They were tears of anxiety. She wondered how Sean was going to react when he found out she had been married before.
But most of all, perhaps more than anything, they were tears of heartbreak. Because it wasn't until she'd left him standing there at the UFO center, broken and battered emotionally, that Liz Evans realized exactly how much she still loved the man who had given her his name.
All the years she had spent building a new life for herself without Max had been for nothing. All the time spent pretending he didn't still matter had been a wast. None of it was true.
She knew now that there was no point in pretending to herself any longer. She was still in love with him and always would be.
But even if she could no longer lie to herself, she would continue to lie to everyone else. Because, in the end, there was no other choice.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Tess stepped up onto the small porch, knocked softly at the door. She waited for a moment, contemplated using her powers to unlock the door herself, but decided not to risk giving Isabel a heart attack. Thinking of a better idea, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the familiar number.
After four rings, Isabel answered.
"This better be good," she said groggily.
"Isabel?" Tess asked softly.
"Tess? Is something wrong?" Isabel asked, suddenly concerned.
"Nothing's wrong, Iz, I just.I was wondering if I could crash on your couch tonight? I'm out front, and I just.I really need somewhere to go."
"Honey, sure. I'll be right there."
Tess closed her phone, and waited, sighing in relief when she saw the living room light come on, and Isabel's form appear at the suddenly open door.
"Tess, what's going on?" Isabel demanded, rushing Tess inside and shutting the door behind them. "Is something wrong?"
Tess took a deep breath, and shook her head, fighting a losing battle with the tears that were fighting their way out of her crystal blue eyes. "Nothing that a pint of ice cream and a big bottle of Tabasco won't cure," she joked lamely, her voice breaking slightly.
Isabel hugged Tess tightly around the shoulders. "What's this all about?" She asked, her voice full of concern.
"It's Kyle. We had this long over due conversation tonight, and."
"I'll kill him," Isabel interrupted. "Tess, if he broke up with you, I swear, I'll blast him from here to."
Tess watched Isabel's voice change from concerned and upset to impatient and angry, as her friend put her hands on her hips and started to rant about a problem she'd made up in her mind. Isabel was standing in front of her, in a night gown and fluffy leopard print sneakers, with her usually long silky locks rolled into tight pink foam curlers hanging at odd intervals from her head. She'd obviously gone to bed without washing off her makeup, because sleep had caused her mascara and eyeshadow to form a ruddy blue-gray circle around her eyes, and her lipstick had smudged around her lips, giving her flawless complexion a comical look. Tess couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that made her double over in giggles. Dropping her purse to the floor, she grabbed her sides in an effort to keep her composure. Through the tears her laughing fit had caused, Tess glimpsed Isabel staring at her in shock.
"I'm-sorry-Isabel-I-just." Tess tried to explain, but she realized that laughing right now was exactly what she needed to do. She'd had way too much on her mind lately and, right now, laughing just felt good. She looked at Isabel and burst into another fit of uncontrollable giggles upon seeing her with her mouth open wide in astonishment.
After what seemed like hours, Tess was finally able to stop giggling. As her laughter died down, she reached up to wipe the tears that her hysterics had caused. She took a deep breath, and leaned back against the couch, where she had slouched to the floor during her laughing fit. She threw her head back against the couch cushions, sighing deeply.
"Tess, you want to explain what's wrong?" Isabel asked after giving Tess a chance to catch her breath.
Tess smiled again, her somber mood considerably lighter than it had been when she'd arrived. "Isabel, I'm just.sometimes I'm so overwhelmed, you know? I try to be strong. For you guys. For Max. For Kyle. But it's just that right now, there's so much going on. It's a lot to take in at once. Especially now that Liz is back in town. I've always heard that things get harder before they can get better. They've already gotten harder. I just can't wait for the better."
"Liz coming back [i]has[/i] made things.awkward, to say the least," Isabel agreed quietly, easing herself down into the floor to sit cross legged across from Tess. "You want to talk about it?"
"It's just that, you know, before, I thought I had everything planned out. What my future held, how things were supposed to be, how I felt about the people around me, the way my life's turned out. And now, I'm just not sure of anything."
"Tess, are you having second thoughts about Kyle?"
Tess turned her face abruptly towards Isabel, her eyes wide with emotion. "No, Isabel. Of course not. Kyle is the one constant in my life. The one thing I know that's good for me. I just want to make sure that I'm good for him. That he knows exactly what he means to me and how I feel about him."
Tess closed her eyes, dropped her head, knowing Isabel would listen until she knew it was time to talk. She knew that Kyle knew she loved him. But what hurt was that it had taken a life-altering explanation of something that happened in the past for him to believe it. Would he ever fully understand how much he meant to her? Would he ever be able to fully grasp the magnitude of the love she felt for the man who had snuck up on her and stolen her heart out of nowhere? Somewhere deep down, she knew. She just supposed that maybe it was her own insecurities and unresolved issues causing her to doubt the first true thing she'd ever found in life.
Her soulmate. Her other half. Kyle was the person that she'd spend the rest of her life with. Tess didn't doubt that for a second. But she knew that there were some things that she needed to get out, problems she needed to solve, answers she needed to find before she'd truly be ready to move forward with her life, no baggage attached. And every single one of those answers in some way or another had to do with Liz Parker Evans.
"What are you going to do, Tess?" Isabel asked softly.
"I have to talk to Liz, Isabel. I have to talk to Liz [I]and[/I] Max. They need to know the truth."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Getting up early, Liz showered quietly, and scribbled a quick note to Serena, should she happen to wake up. She got in the car, and drove to the Crashdown, knowing Maria would already be there preparing for the breakfast crowd. She walked up to the glass doors, and cupped her hands around her face, searching the small café for Maria's bustling form. As she spotted her inside, she reached for the door handle and was momentarily sidetracked as she was hit with a flash from the past.
I look at you, and I know you're the person I'm supposed to be with. I've always known it. You're the one, Liz...the only one. I could never be with anyone else.
Despite her gloomy mood, Liz found herself smiling at a memory of she and Max for the first time since she'd been in Roswell. Actually, this was the first time since she'd [i]left[/i] Roswell four years ago, she could remember even smiling at a memory of Max at all. It seemed a bit easier to remember him now. How could that be? How could things have gotten so much easier, yet so much harder and more complicated all at once?
She wondered if it was because she had finally accepted that she did love him still. Maybe denying it was what had made this whole homecoming so difficult. It didn't change that they couldn't be together, but it certainly felt like a load had been lifted off her shoulders that she was no longer lying to herself.
Once again, as this thought passed through her mind, she heard Max's voice from the past. She saw his gentle eyes, filled with hurt and confusion. This time, he was answering the question she'd silently asked herself.
I think that's what being in love is.
How had Max Evans, at sixteen, been so insightful? He had been lying to himself at the time, that they could go back to just being friends, but he had been right. Falling in love with him was the easiest thing she had ever done. Trying to pretend she no longer was had been the hardest. And, damn, if it wasn't always complicated.
Shaking her head out of her reverie, Liz pulled open the door and walked inside, smiling at Maria as she turned around to see who had entered.
"Liz! Oh my gosh! What happened last night? Did you tell Sean? Does he know about Max? What did he say? Is he mad?"
Liz held up her hands, beckoning for Maria to stop. "Whoa, slow down, Maria. One thing at a time. I'm in a fragile state here. It's not likely I could even walk and chew gum at the same time. So, first things first. Breakfast. For two."
Maria raised an eyebrow and tapped her foot on the floor. "Are you hungry, Liz?"
"It's to go. I'm taking some back for Sean. I have to talk to him. Soon."
"Liz, how come you never told him?" Maria asked. "I know he doesn't know. Serena told me. How could you not tell him, Liz? I mean, he's your fiancé!"
Liz slid into the nearest booth, shaking her head. "I don't have any explanation. Except that it hurt. To talk about Max and being married, and why I left. What would I tell him, Maria? I'm married to a former alien king, but I had to leave him so he could have a baby with his former queen to fulfill a prophecy and save the world? [i]That[/i] one would go over like a lead balloon."
Realizing what she'd said, and that Maria still didn't know the real reason she'd left, Liz looked up for Maria's reaction and saw her staring back at her, with wide eyes and a befuddled expression. She opened her mouth to speak, but once again, Liz held up her hands to stop her. "I owe you an explanation, Maria, I know I do. But please, trust me, I can't tell you right now. I just.can you just trust me that I'll tell you, and let me do it on my own time? Please?" Liz could feel her hands shaking, and knew that Maria would back off. She needed time to think, and if anyone would understand, it would be the person who'd been there for her when her ride on the alien express had begun.
She was going to tell Maria eventually. But right now, she needed to handle Sean. He was innocent, and didn't know what was going on. He deserved the truth. Well, as much of it as she could tell him, at least.
"Sure, Liz. Take your time. I trust you," Maria said, reaching over to grab Liz's hand and squeeze them softly. "I'll go make that breakfast."
Liz nodded and let her head drop to the table. She closed her eyes and groaned, trying to figure out exactly what she was going to tell Sean. Hearing the door open behind her, Liz heard heavy footsteps, and assumed it was one of the other waitresses coming in to help Maria. She realized that the steps had stopped right in front of her table, and raised her eyes.
She gasped slightly when she found herself staring into the eyes of a very angry Michael Guerin.
"Ummm.hey, Michael, long time no see," Liz said, laughing nervously.
The nervous smile faded from her features when Michael spoke his first words to her in over four years.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tess opened her eyes and found herself staring straight at the gray and black striped pattern of Isabel Evan's living room couch. Blinking twice to adjust to her surroundings, she groaned out loud when the previous night's events came crashing back full force. Tess had done some heavy soul searching as she lie awake on Isabel's couch, and she could think of nothing else she wanted to do other than to go to Kyle. She needed to talk to Kyle.
Tess turned over, and swung her legs over the side of the couch. She stood up, stretched her arms, and jumped a foot off the ground when she heard someone clear their throat from the other side of the room.
She spun around, and was surpised to see Max sitting in the chair across from her. He was watching at her, his face blank, emotionless, in a Max Evan's trademark stare.
And, yet, she saw through him, as always. He was mad. Really mad.
"Max, what are you doing here?"
"You lied to me, Tess. All this time, you've been lying to me. And you say you care about me."
The gears in Tess's mind started spinning. What was she lying to him about? She racked her brain, trying to remember if she'd told Max anything that hadn't been true. But before she could remember, Max proved to her once more just how well he knew her.
"You didn't say anything, Tess. It's what you didn't say."
Tess shook her head, still unaware of what Max was talking about. "Max, I don't know what you mean, what are you talking about?"
"You know why Liz left Roswell, Tess. You know because you went to see her."
Tess's eyes widened as realization dawned on her. He'd talked to Liz. She'd made good on her promise to tell him why she left if he beat her in pool, and now he wanted Tess's version. He wanted to know what had happened in those last few days before Liz left, and he'd come to her for answers. But as the answer she knew Max would be seeking came to her, Tess knew that her own fears had been confirmed. She had lied to herself. Rather, Future Tess had lied to her. She had gone to see Liz. Despite the fact that it wasn't actually her who had gone to see Liz, it was a version of her. And Tess couldn't help but feel a tad bit guilty for the hurt she had caused in the lives of everyone she loved.
"What did she tell you, Max?" Tess asked. Because I want to know what really happened, too.
"It wasn't what she told me, so much as what she showed me. She didn't tell me everything."
"She showed you?" Tess asked. "You mean, you."
"I kissed her. She was holding back and I knew it, so I did the only thing I could think of. I thought if I kissed her, I'd get flashes. I thought all of my questions would be answered."
"Did you get them? Did you get your answers?" Tess asked. Do you have my answers? she wanted to add. Tess waited for Max to speak, her heart thudding in her chest.
She wanted answers. She wanted Max to tell her what the other Tess had told Liz. She wanted to know what Liz had been told that had made her run out on her happy marriage. But more than anything, Tess wanted to know what lies she was responsible for. Because, the way things were playing out, someone somewhere was lying. And she was ninety-nine percent sure it wasn't Liz.
On the other hand, Tess was afraid of what would happen if the truth did come out. How would Max see her, if he knew what really happened? How would he react when he found out that Tess Harding from the future had come back to the past to gain her destiny, and what she thought was rightfully hers? What would Max do when he realized that Tess had once been so evil and so hard hearted that she would lie to her own self to get what she really wanted?
"What did you see, Max?" Tess asked again, rephrasing her question after Max failed to answer her.
"I saw you, Tess. I saw you telling Liz that you and I were meant to be together. I saw you tell her that you and I were destined to be together."
"Max, I can explain-"
"No!" Max snapped. "Don't explain. Don't tell me your side. Don't lie to me again, Tess. I don't deserve that."
"I won't lie to you, Max."
"You have been lying to me for the past four years, Tess. Don't you think it's a bit late to say you won't?"
Tess cringed at the sarcasm dripping in Max's voice. How could he think this of her? She was his best friend. She loved him like a brother. How could he think that she would have broken his heart by running the love of his life out of town, and then proceeded to lie to him about it for four years? Sure, she had come to Roswell to break up his marriage, although when she'd arrived she'd found Liz already gone, and Max still not the least bit interested in being with her. But the first few months after she'd come back were the last few months she had ever believed she wanted to be with Max. He knew that. She'd told him before.
So why would he hold it against her, thinking that all this time she'd been lying to him? The only thing she'd ever lied to Max about was Future Tess. And even then, she didn't lie outright. She lied by omission. Because Max had no idea about Future Tess, and she had never told him. But surely he wasn't this angry at her for that.
"That wasn't me, Max." It was a lame answer, but she couldn't think of any other.
"What do you mean that wasn't you, Tess? I saw you! I would know you anywhere. You changed your clothes, and fixed your hair different, but it was you!"
"Max, it was me," Tess agreed, pleading with her voice for Max to listen to her. "But it wasn't me. It was a version of me. From 14 years in the future."
"Tess, stop lying to me! Now you just sound crazy!"
"I thought I was too. The day I came home and found myself sitting in my bedroom."
"Do you know how ridiculous you sound?" Max demanded, snorting in disbelief.
"It was the granolith. She modified it for time travel. And she came back to bring me the destiny book. The real one. Max, the one we had wasn't the whole thing. The one she gave me was the full version. It told of things to come that I had to try and prevent."
Tess watched Max's face, knew a million thoughts were running rampant in his mind. She knew that he was trying hard to decide whether or not to believe her, that he was running the unanswered questions over and over in his mind. She also knew that he was rethinking what she'd just told him. Wondering if it was true that the Granolith had more uses than they thought.
"Why should I believe you, Tess? Why?"
"She showed me, Max. She showed me things. Horrible things that I couldn't bear to see happen. I can't begin to tell you what I saw."
Tess watched as Max's expression changed. Was that.realization? Recognition? Had she said something that struck a chord with him somewhere?
"So after you saw her, you came here?"
"I came to you, Max. When I came here, I believed that the only way to save the world was for you to have a child. I believed I was the only one who could have that child. I believed it with my whole heart and soul, and I would have done anything to make sure it came to pass."
"Well, now you know that's not true, don't you? Because of Ellie. So why didn't you tell me, Tess? She ran out on me for goodness sake! And you knew why! I had no idea! How could you just let me hurt like that, Tess!"
"Because I was hurting too!" Tess said angrily, tears filling her eyes. "At first because I believed I belonged with you. It hurt that you wouldn't even give me the time of day. It hurt that the one person in the world I believed I belonged with didn't want me! That you only wanted the girl who ran away from you!"
"And then?" Max questioned. "After you fell in love with Kyle? After Ellie? What stopped you from telling me then?"
"The truth, Max? I didn't want to face it. I'd believed that you had to have a child, and that because I was a hybrid, that we were the only two capable of having that child. But I was wrong, Max! And you know why? Because in the end, I'm gonna turn out to be a horrible person! I'm going to turn out to be someone so cruel and evil that I would lie to myself just to be happy, with no thoughts about how many lives I wrecked along the way! So that's why I didn't tell you, Max," Tess replied tearfully. She took a deep breath, lowered her voice. "Because if what I thought was true, then I was a heartless person, Max. And I couldn't bear the thought of being that person. I thought if maybe I didn't say it out loud, that it wasn't true. That it was just my imagination. But it wasn't, was it?"
Tess turned her eyes up to Max's, searching for some sort of comfort as she felt the tears running down her cheek. The hard look in his eyes softened.
"I had no idea, Tess. I had no idea things were this complicated," he said, moving over to the couch. He put an arm around Tess's shoulders, and she laid her head on his shoulder as he talked. "I believe you, Tess. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I should have known you would never lie to me."
Tess sniffled a bit, lifted her head, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sleepshirt. "Thank you, Max," she said. "Why? Why do you believe me?"
"Because you said the same thing Liz said. You said you'd seen things that could have happened. That's what she said. You can't both be lying. So you must be telling the truth."
"What are we going to do, Max? Something still isn't right here. Something doesn't click. I don't know if it's the prophecy, or the destiny book, or what. But I don't think we know the whole story."
"I think you need to talk to Liz," Max said.
"What did she say?" Tess asked turning to look at Max again.
"When?"
"When you told her about the flashes. That you knew. What did she say?"
Tess narrowed her eyes as Max began to shift uncomfortably. "What, Max?" Tess prodded.
"Liz didn't say anything, Tess. She doesn't know."
"She doesn't know? Max, you got a flash from her that revealed to you part of the reason why she left and you didn't tell her? Why?" Tess demanded, disbelieving.
"Because there was a reason she didn't tell me everything," Max said. "She'll tell me when she's ready. I know she will. But in the meantime, maybe you could answer me something," he continued.
Tess shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, Max. What is it?"
"I got flashes from Liz about you.er.the other you going to see her. But she didn't tell me that it was you who gave her all that information. In fact, she was very careful not to mention you. For all she knows, you're the one that ran her out of town, after coming back to claim your destiny with me."
"Yeah?" Tess said, trying to figure out exactly what he was getting at. After all, she and Liz weren't exactly friends. Come to think of it, she wouldn't even consider them acquaintances. They had nothing in common, and nothing to talk about. But Max's next question made Tess realize that maybe things had changed. Maybe she and Liz [i]did[/i] have something to talk about.
"If Liz has every reason to hate you, then why is she trying so hard to protect you?"
