A/N - OK this is the epilogue. I wrote it a loooooong time ago (around
Chapter 4) so originally some things didn't add up. I've been through it
and tried to change everything so it makes sense with the previous chapters
but I am only human, (big shock I know) so if some things don't make sense
I am sorry. OK on with the story! Oh yeah! There will be no more of this
from me so thank you thank you thank you! To everyone who gave me a
positive review. They got better towards the end and I really appreciate
them. After this I'm moving on to Broken Promises, Shattered Dreams and I
want to finish that. Better show you the ending now or I'll never shut up .
. .
Epilogue - Letters
Hope walked through the empty hallway, silently searching for a face. She walked right to the end before she found it. She stood in front of the picture for a moment, searching desperately inside her for any connection with this picture. But she felt none. The picture might well have been of a stranger. It wasn't though. It was her mother. The mother that she had never known. The mother that she had wished for the past 16 years she had some memories of. She stood in front of the image and drank in her mothers long brown hair and her sparkling blue eyes. Hope had neither feature.
She looked up at the big sign above the images, "In Our Prayers Forever" Hope had always though of it as the 'Dead Student' board. It was simply a board with all the pictures of deceased students on. Under each was the persons name and their year of birth and death. Hope had never known her mothers. She had never asked and Monica had never volunteered the information. As curiosity got the better of her she looked towards the bottom of her mothers picture.
Eloise Bing
1987 - 2003
Hope looked confused, 1987 - 2003? Surely that wasn't right? She quickly did the math in her head. 16. Her mom had been 16 when she died. Her mother had given birth to her at 16 and then died. How could she not have known this? Why was she never told? She picked up her bag, never taking her eyes off the picture. Silently she headed home. She needed answers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hope let herself into the house quietly, straining her ears for a sound, any sound. There was only the sound of water running in the kitchen. She walked through the hallway and entered the spacious kitchen without making a sound. It was only when she cleared her throat that Monica turned around.
"Jesus sweetie! You scared me!" Monica exclaimed before moving on, ignoring Hope's uncharacteristic silence, "So how was your day?"
Again Hope said nothing. She couldn't find the words inside of her to ask why her mother had died at 16. Hope had never seen a picture of her mother, she had never wanted to. It was probably because of this that she had always imagined her mother as in her mid-twenties. Looking exactly like Hope did. In her mind her mother always wore flowery skirts and pretty cardigans. She was always smiling. Hope had always known it was unlikely that her mother was actually like that, it was probably more likely that the president was her father, but she had never imagined her mother as a 16 year old. It just didn't fit.
"Sweetie is something the matter?" Monica asked concern ringing through her voice.
Suddenly Hope just blurted out the sentence she had been rehearsing since she had left school that afternoon.
"Whywasmymom16?"
Monica looked taken-aback by the sudden outburst. But one look at Hope's face told her now was the time. She couldn't hide it anymore. Hope had a right to know the truth. Monica beckoned her over to the table in the middle of the kitchen and sat her down gently. Monica took a deep breath and braced herself for what she was about to do.
"OK sweetie now this isn't going to be easy but can you please just let me get it out?"
Hope nodded, unsure of what to think. She didn't have much time to contemplate as Monica launched straight into it.
"I had your mother before I met your granddad. I'd had a serious relationship with this guy and got pregnant. He took off soon after though. I'd been friends with your granddad for ages and he had a son, David, who was about the same age as your mother. David's mom had died when he was quiet young, about the time my ex took off. Me and your granddad comforted each other and when your mom was three we got married. Well the next few years are pretty uneventful. We moved here, had your Aunty Belle and then your Aunty Clare. We were really happy and everyone treated your mom and David as brother and sister. Then one day I came home and. . . " Monica never finished her sentence. Just then Chandler walked into the kitchen and sat down, kissing Monica on her forehead,
"So" he asked, "What we talking about?"
Neither Monica nor Hope spoke. Neither seemed to want to make this conversation a reality. They didn't want to make this a reality. As long as neither of them admitted what they were talking about they believed they could just move on at the end of the conversation.
Chandler asked again, "C'mon! What's the big secret?!"
Monica swallowed and turned to face him, "Hope was just asking about her mother. I was just beginning"
The smile dropped from Chandler's face as he realised that Hope was going to know the truth. His precious Hope who he had tried so hard to protect from this truth was going to know what he did. She was going to know what a monster her granddad was. Know that if it wasn't for him her mom might still be here. But Chandler knew he couldn't run. He had to face the music some time. He slowly pulled up a chair and sat in silence waiting for the conversation to resume.
Hope spoke first, "You came home and. . . ?"
Monica closed her eyes, almost as if she was summoning the strength to say the next sentence, "I came home and they were together. Having sex" Hope's eyes widened as the pieces began to slot into place. Chandler placed a reassuring hand on her arm, silencing her.
"I was just so . . . I don't think there's a word to describe it. I just ran. Came home a few hours later and tried to sort everything out. Well, I told them it was sick and they should end it. They didn't. I could see it in their eyes, this wasn't just a fling, this was love. I told them I could try and deal with it and then. . .and then. . ." Monica paused and looked at Chandler, pleading with him. He took his cue.
"And then I stepped in. Told them they had to go to different schools, different everything. When they said no I kicked them out. My own kids. I just threw them onto the street like a piece of garbage. I saw them a few months later. Your mom was pregnant."
"With me" Hope whispered, almost to herself. The pieces of the puzzle finally clicking into place.
Chandler nodded sadly, "I really went mad then. Told them they were sick and that if they bothered us again I'd call the police. That was the last time I saw them. A few months later there was a knock on the door and you were outside with a letter. It said. . .it said. . . " Chandler couldn't go on anymore. Monica reassuringly stroked his arm as she picked up the tale,
"I raced as fast as I could but by the time I got their it was too late. They'd taken an overdose. Couldn't deal with everything. We never forgave ourselves for that"
Hope was stunned. Her parents were . . .were . . .they were. She couldn't even bring herself to say it. Her grandparents were both her parents' parents. Her mom and dad had killed themselves because the people who had raised Hope had thrown them out. The two people she had trusted her whole life were the reason why she didn't have parents. She slowly lifted her head and looked at them, expecting to hate them. She didn't. She could see in their eyes how much they regretted what had happened. She quickly gave them both hugs and ran upstairs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Her parents had been brother and sister. Incest. It was sick. Incest. She was the child of two teenage siblings. Incest. Why would two people do that? Incest. How could you date your brother? Incest. Sleep with your brother? Incest. Have a child with your brother? Incest.
Hope stood up suddenly. She needed to get away from all these voices, and she needed to sort something out in her head. There was still one more question she needed to ask.
She made her way down the stairs and into the lounge. Monica was still up, she glanced quickly at the door when Hope entered.
"Hey sweetie" she whispered softly
Hope didn't answer straight away, she struggled to sort out the questions that were buzzing around her head. Slowly she asked her first question, unsure of Monica's reaction,
"Can I . . .can I see the letter? . . .please?" she asked in a whisper
Monica didn't say anything for a while and Hope began to wonder if she'd crossed the line. It was only when she turned to look at Monica that she saw the tears running down her face. As she struggled to control them Monica reached across to the coffee table and took a piece of paper from the centre of it. She placed it in Hope's hands and slowly moved her arm until it was around Hope's back. Reassuringly, she squeezed her granddaughters shoulder.
Hope took a deep breath and began to read.
Dear mom and dad,
It's strange, all day I've been imagining what it would feel like to write this letter and every time I imagined it I felt so scared I would just start trembling. But now that I'm doing it I don't feel scared at all, I feel calm almost like this is the right thing to do. I don't feel scared because I know that no matter what I have David and he will always love me.
Congratulations by the way. As of 9:15am this morning you are grandparents of a little girl. She's so beautiful, as you can see. Her names Hope, Hope Marie. We chose Hope for obvious reasons and Marie was . . . . . well when we used to sit in David's bedroom and talk all night about our future we always said we would get married and have kids. David always said he wanted to name out first daughter Marie. Marie Bing. It all seems like a lifetime ago now but it wasn't even a year ago. I sometimes wish we could just go back to last summer. To that amazing weekend we spent as a family at the lake. I really miss those times. But now I have David and Hope and I wouldn't be without them for the world. But I know I have to be. I don't have a choice anymore.
When Hope was born this morning we spent an hour just looking at her. Taking in every one of her features. It was only when I looked up that we remembered where we were. Hope would have no life with us. She'd be better off with people who can take care of her. I love my daughter and I wish I didn't have to do this but I do. We do. Me and David. We don't have a life out here, we barely have an existence. It'd be easier for everyone if we went. I know you won't understand. All I'm asking is that you try. For us. For your granddaughter. For your family.
Tell Hope everyday how much we loved her and how much we wished we could have changed things. But we can't. I don't blame either of you for how things have turned out. It was just one of those things. I was always a great believer in fate and I believe that this was the way things were meant to happen. I wish with all my heart that things could be different but they aren't. I just hope that over time you will understand our reasons and that you're happy. All of you, even Belle and Clare. Give our love to them and try to explain everything to them.
We love you all and please don't hate yourselves for this. It was fate that's all. Fate.
We will love you forever.
David and Eloise
Xxx
As she finished Hope felt for the first time in her life a connection with her parents. She had never really cared what had happened, never missed them, never known them. But now she understood at least a little of what they were going through. And she knew that they loved her and in the end that was all she needed to know.
"If you want to know anything else sweetie just ask OK?"
Hope nodded and then the second question popped into her mind. She wanted to know, she needed to know.
"Did they really love each other?"
Monica hugged her granddaughter then, holding on to her tight. For a moment Hope wondered if Monica had forgot the question. Then she heard her whisper, with tears streaming down her face.
"So much"
Epilogue - Letters
Hope walked through the empty hallway, silently searching for a face. She walked right to the end before she found it. She stood in front of the picture for a moment, searching desperately inside her for any connection with this picture. But she felt none. The picture might well have been of a stranger. It wasn't though. It was her mother. The mother that she had never known. The mother that she had wished for the past 16 years she had some memories of. She stood in front of the image and drank in her mothers long brown hair and her sparkling blue eyes. Hope had neither feature.
She looked up at the big sign above the images, "In Our Prayers Forever" Hope had always though of it as the 'Dead Student' board. It was simply a board with all the pictures of deceased students on. Under each was the persons name and their year of birth and death. Hope had never known her mothers. She had never asked and Monica had never volunteered the information. As curiosity got the better of her she looked towards the bottom of her mothers picture.
Eloise Bing
1987 - 2003
Hope looked confused, 1987 - 2003? Surely that wasn't right? She quickly did the math in her head. 16. Her mom had been 16 when she died. Her mother had given birth to her at 16 and then died. How could she not have known this? Why was she never told? She picked up her bag, never taking her eyes off the picture. Silently she headed home. She needed answers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hope let herself into the house quietly, straining her ears for a sound, any sound. There was only the sound of water running in the kitchen. She walked through the hallway and entered the spacious kitchen without making a sound. It was only when she cleared her throat that Monica turned around.
"Jesus sweetie! You scared me!" Monica exclaimed before moving on, ignoring Hope's uncharacteristic silence, "So how was your day?"
Again Hope said nothing. She couldn't find the words inside of her to ask why her mother had died at 16. Hope had never seen a picture of her mother, she had never wanted to. It was probably because of this that she had always imagined her mother as in her mid-twenties. Looking exactly like Hope did. In her mind her mother always wore flowery skirts and pretty cardigans. She was always smiling. Hope had always known it was unlikely that her mother was actually like that, it was probably more likely that the president was her father, but she had never imagined her mother as a 16 year old. It just didn't fit.
"Sweetie is something the matter?" Monica asked concern ringing through her voice.
Suddenly Hope just blurted out the sentence she had been rehearsing since she had left school that afternoon.
"Whywasmymom16?"
Monica looked taken-aback by the sudden outburst. But one look at Hope's face told her now was the time. She couldn't hide it anymore. Hope had a right to know the truth. Monica beckoned her over to the table in the middle of the kitchen and sat her down gently. Monica took a deep breath and braced herself for what she was about to do.
"OK sweetie now this isn't going to be easy but can you please just let me get it out?"
Hope nodded, unsure of what to think. She didn't have much time to contemplate as Monica launched straight into it.
"I had your mother before I met your granddad. I'd had a serious relationship with this guy and got pregnant. He took off soon after though. I'd been friends with your granddad for ages and he had a son, David, who was about the same age as your mother. David's mom had died when he was quiet young, about the time my ex took off. Me and your granddad comforted each other and when your mom was three we got married. Well the next few years are pretty uneventful. We moved here, had your Aunty Belle and then your Aunty Clare. We were really happy and everyone treated your mom and David as brother and sister. Then one day I came home and. . . " Monica never finished her sentence. Just then Chandler walked into the kitchen and sat down, kissing Monica on her forehead,
"So" he asked, "What we talking about?"
Neither Monica nor Hope spoke. Neither seemed to want to make this conversation a reality. They didn't want to make this a reality. As long as neither of them admitted what they were talking about they believed they could just move on at the end of the conversation.
Chandler asked again, "C'mon! What's the big secret?!"
Monica swallowed and turned to face him, "Hope was just asking about her mother. I was just beginning"
The smile dropped from Chandler's face as he realised that Hope was going to know the truth. His precious Hope who he had tried so hard to protect from this truth was going to know what he did. She was going to know what a monster her granddad was. Know that if it wasn't for him her mom might still be here. But Chandler knew he couldn't run. He had to face the music some time. He slowly pulled up a chair and sat in silence waiting for the conversation to resume.
Hope spoke first, "You came home and. . . ?"
Monica closed her eyes, almost as if she was summoning the strength to say the next sentence, "I came home and they were together. Having sex" Hope's eyes widened as the pieces began to slot into place. Chandler placed a reassuring hand on her arm, silencing her.
"I was just so . . . I don't think there's a word to describe it. I just ran. Came home a few hours later and tried to sort everything out. Well, I told them it was sick and they should end it. They didn't. I could see it in their eyes, this wasn't just a fling, this was love. I told them I could try and deal with it and then. . .and then. . ." Monica paused and looked at Chandler, pleading with him. He took his cue.
"And then I stepped in. Told them they had to go to different schools, different everything. When they said no I kicked them out. My own kids. I just threw them onto the street like a piece of garbage. I saw them a few months later. Your mom was pregnant."
"With me" Hope whispered, almost to herself. The pieces of the puzzle finally clicking into place.
Chandler nodded sadly, "I really went mad then. Told them they were sick and that if they bothered us again I'd call the police. That was the last time I saw them. A few months later there was a knock on the door and you were outside with a letter. It said. . .it said. . . " Chandler couldn't go on anymore. Monica reassuringly stroked his arm as she picked up the tale,
"I raced as fast as I could but by the time I got their it was too late. They'd taken an overdose. Couldn't deal with everything. We never forgave ourselves for that"
Hope was stunned. Her parents were . . .were . . .they were. She couldn't even bring herself to say it. Her grandparents were both her parents' parents. Her mom and dad had killed themselves because the people who had raised Hope had thrown them out. The two people she had trusted her whole life were the reason why she didn't have parents. She slowly lifted her head and looked at them, expecting to hate them. She didn't. She could see in their eyes how much they regretted what had happened. She quickly gave them both hugs and ran upstairs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Her parents had been brother and sister. Incest. It was sick. Incest. She was the child of two teenage siblings. Incest. Why would two people do that? Incest. How could you date your brother? Incest. Sleep with your brother? Incest. Have a child with your brother? Incest.
Hope stood up suddenly. She needed to get away from all these voices, and she needed to sort something out in her head. There was still one more question she needed to ask.
She made her way down the stairs and into the lounge. Monica was still up, she glanced quickly at the door when Hope entered.
"Hey sweetie" she whispered softly
Hope didn't answer straight away, she struggled to sort out the questions that were buzzing around her head. Slowly she asked her first question, unsure of Monica's reaction,
"Can I . . .can I see the letter? . . .please?" she asked in a whisper
Monica didn't say anything for a while and Hope began to wonder if she'd crossed the line. It was only when she turned to look at Monica that she saw the tears running down her face. As she struggled to control them Monica reached across to the coffee table and took a piece of paper from the centre of it. She placed it in Hope's hands and slowly moved her arm until it was around Hope's back. Reassuringly, she squeezed her granddaughters shoulder.
Hope took a deep breath and began to read.
Dear mom and dad,
It's strange, all day I've been imagining what it would feel like to write this letter and every time I imagined it I felt so scared I would just start trembling. But now that I'm doing it I don't feel scared at all, I feel calm almost like this is the right thing to do. I don't feel scared because I know that no matter what I have David and he will always love me.
Congratulations by the way. As of 9:15am this morning you are grandparents of a little girl. She's so beautiful, as you can see. Her names Hope, Hope Marie. We chose Hope for obvious reasons and Marie was . . . . . well when we used to sit in David's bedroom and talk all night about our future we always said we would get married and have kids. David always said he wanted to name out first daughter Marie. Marie Bing. It all seems like a lifetime ago now but it wasn't even a year ago. I sometimes wish we could just go back to last summer. To that amazing weekend we spent as a family at the lake. I really miss those times. But now I have David and Hope and I wouldn't be without them for the world. But I know I have to be. I don't have a choice anymore.
When Hope was born this morning we spent an hour just looking at her. Taking in every one of her features. It was only when I looked up that we remembered where we were. Hope would have no life with us. She'd be better off with people who can take care of her. I love my daughter and I wish I didn't have to do this but I do. We do. Me and David. We don't have a life out here, we barely have an existence. It'd be easier for everyone if we went. I know you won't understand. All I'm asking is that you try. For us. For your granddaughter. For your family.
Tell Hope everyday how much we loved her and how much we wished we could have changed things. But we can't. I don't blame either of you for how things have turned out. It was just one of those things. I was always a great believer in fate and I believe that this was the way things were meant to happen. I wish with all my heart that things could be different but they aren't. I just hope that over time you will understand our reasons and that you're happy. All of you, even Belle and Clare. Give our love to them and try to explain everything to them.
We love you all and please don't hate yourselves for this. It was fate that's all. Fate.
We will love you forever.
David and Eloise
Xxx
As she finished Hope felt for the first time in her life a connection with her parents. She had never really cared what had happened, never missed them, never known them. But now she understood at least a little of what they were going through. And she knew that they loved her and in the end that was all she needed to know.
"If you want to know anything else sweetie just ask OK?"
Hope nodded and then the second question popped into her mind. She wanted to know, she needed to know.
"Did they really love each other?"
Monica hugged her granddaughter then, holding on to her tight. For a moment Hope wondered if Monica had forgot the question. Then she heard her whisper, with tears streaming down her face.
"So much"
