[u]Part 20[/u]
Liz woke with a gasp, sitting up and staring at the wall before she even realized she was awake. Her heart was still pounding from some nightmare that was slipping out of her memory already. She frowned slightly, forced herself to take deep breaths to calm down.
She had no idea what she had been dreaming about, but she knew somehow that it had to do with Max. Something was wrong. Either he was in danger or something else had happened. Concentrating now she understood abruptly that the turmoil she was feeling had absolutely nothing to do with any bad dream and everything to do with Max.
Liz felt tears fill her eyes, felt a lump enter her throat as she understood what it meant. She felt a smile of pure joy break out across her face.
The connection had reopened. She had opened her heart to him again and suddenly, without warning she could [I]feel[/I] him, just like in the old days.
Blinking away the moisture, she glanced out her bedroom window, almost expecting Max to be waiting for her there, peering in her window like he used to do when they were in high school. He would always look slightly uncomfortable until he was certain she was there, had always relaxed visibly when their eyes had met. He had told her once that he had always feared accidentally running into her father or mother. She giggled slightly now, amused still that he could find her parents so terrifying. Of course, based on her mother's reaction when they had eloped to Vegas, she couldn't say that she blamed him. Her parents had almost seemed relieved when she had run away from Max. She knew it was why they hadn't told anyone where she was for such a long time. They had always believed that she had thrown away her life for Max Evans.
But that had never been it of course. She had thrown away her life by running away from him. She had been a martyr long enough. It was time to go get things back on track, time to make herself happy for once.
They were meant to be. The fact that he was with her now, after so long, when he wasn't even anywhere in the vicinity.it was the last proof she needed that this was the right thing.
Jumping to her feet, Liz glanced at the clock, realized that it was still extremely early, barely six o'clock. But she wanted to catch Max before he went to work and there was no way she would be able to get back to sleep anyway. Her vision of their reunion involved far too much emotion for it to occur in a public place.
They needed to be alone for what she had in mind.
Grinning to herself in the shower moments later, Liz shook her head when she realized that she was actually humming - off key, yes, but humming nontheless.
[I]You're lucky you're so cute wife of mine.[/I] Now that she was allowing her happy memories to return, they were coming back full force. She could almost picture Max pulling back the shower curtain and running his eyes up and down her body appreciatively. [I]You have the worst voice I've ever heard.[/I]
She could hear her own sultry voice replying, twirled under the stream of water in anticipation [I]Well then husband dear, come make me really sing.[/I]
Less than half an hour later, Liz was out of her parent's apartment and driving to Max's house. He actually lived very close to the Crashdown, likely because of the convenience of walking to work at the UFO Center every day. It was only as she drew nearer to her husband's small home the Liz felt her good mood draining a bit. Because she was beginning to remember the bad feeling with which she had awoken.
The connection she shared with Max had jerked her out of a sound sleep. It had disappeared almost immediately, and she had ignored what he had been feeling through it, because of her joy at his sudden presence back in her soul. It was the only excuse that she could come up with for why she had ignored the bad feeling she was now getting as she drew closer to Max.
She frowned, concentrated again. She realized that she must have known right off that he wasn't in any physical danger. She could tell that now too. It was maybe another little excuse for ignoring what was now so blatantly clear to her, it was almost painful.
He wasn't happy. At all. Something [I]was[/I] wrong, but she couldn't quite get enough of a read to figure out what. But he was definitely awake. And, somehow, she knew that he was waiting for her.
Liz was beginning to feel a little trepidation as she turned onto Max's quiet street. She passed an early morning jogger, nodded hello, but bit her lip as she stopped in front of her husband's house.
She rolled her eyes slightly when she realized that she was hoping that he was going to throw open the front door and make this easy for her. She couldn't imagine that Tess hadn't told him [I]something[/I] last night. In spite of their new, friendlier status, Liz knew that Tess was, and always would be, Max's friend first. She would have done the same thing.
Of course, if Tess had spoken to Max, shouldn't he be in a better frame of mind? Liz wrinkled her nose, realized that she could almost feel his black mood descending over her like a physical mass. She sighed heavily, understood that he wasn't going to make this easy on her. He was still upset about what had happened at the jail - rightfully - but it was going to make this all harder than she had anticipated.
Well, she wasn't leaving without telling him exactly what she wanted from him. They had been apart long enough. He had spent the last three days trying to convince her that she still loved him. She wasn't going to let him turn his back on that now. Not when they could finally be together!
Steeling herself, Liz marched up the front walk, onto the porch and knocked on the door. She smiled nervously when Max's dog - had she ever known it's name? Heck, had she ever even known that Max [I]liked[/I] dogs? - started barking.
"Be quiet Lou!" Liz frowned slightly, recognizing Tess's voice through the door. It opened a moment later to reveal the small blonde. She stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind her so Lou couldn't get out. "Sorry Liz. He only shuts up when Max tells him to," she sighed as the dog continued to bark.
"That's okay," Liz replied. "Um, where's Max?" She asked, her dread becoming a small knot on the pit of her stomach. "I.I thought he was here."
Tess shook her head in annoyance. "He was here. He left about five minutes ago. I think he knew you were coming."
"Why are [I]you[/I] here Tess?" Liz asked. She was desperately trying to control the panic that was threatening to take over. This was bad. Really bad. Her premonition earlier had not been a figment of her imagination it seemed. In spite of the fact that all she wanted was to see him, it seemed that he was feeling exactly the opposite at the moment. "Did you tell him?"
"Some of it," Tess admitted. "Liz, I won't lie to you. He's not himself. I can't figure out what the heck is wrong with him. I ran into him last night and he was acting really strange. What did you [I]say[/I] to him yesterday? Because whatever it was, it worked."
Liz closed her eyes, swallowed. "Does it really matter?" She finally asked, her heart breaking over how much she had hurt Max the day before. She hadn't allowed herself to [I]really[/I] think about it until now, but the image of him on the floor of that jail-cell watching her walk away from him [I]again[/I].it was starting to haunt her.
"I guess not," Tess replied. "I came over first thing, tried to talk to him Liz, tried to get him to give you a chance to explain once and for all. I just don't know why he's finally pissed. It's so weird."
"Tess, we need to find him," Liz said firmly, forcing herself to remain calm. Now was not the time to freak out. She needed to find Max and they needed to work this out once and for all.
"I think you can find him Liz," Tess told her. "He said that you'd know where he was if you really thought about it. That he would be in the one place where you've always been totally honest with each other?" She shrugged helplessly. "Do you have any idea where that is?"
Liz felt momentarily perplexed. She closed her eyes again, reached out with her senses, trying to understand what Max was doing, where he was. The one place where they had always been honest with each other? What the heck was he talking about?
And suddenly she knew.
[I] It was the night of their graduation and they had come out to the radio tower near Pohlman Ranch to be alone after dropping Michael and Maria off at home. Liz had been sure that they were in for a lengthy make-out session, but Max had become increasingly quiet and pensive. Now, they were stretched out on a blanket, staring up at the star-filled sky, their hands linked, neither having said anything for a long time. It was a comfortable silence, but Liz also knew that Max had something on his mind that he wanted to talk about. She had tried to wait patiently, but her nerves were getting the better of her.
"What are you thinking about?" She finally whispered, tempted to sit up so that she could look at his face, but resisting, knowing somehow that he needed her to stay where she was.
There was a long pause. Liz concentrated on the feeling of Max's thumb rubbing gently against the back of her hand, tried to stay calm. She was nervous for some reason she didn't understand, but not in a bad way.
"I was just thinking about how I used to look at these stars and wonder what my future held, if someone out there was going to come back for us one day," Max finally replied quietly. "I was thinking that it was weird to look at them and [I]know[/I] now for sure that I don't want them to."
"You don't?" Liz asked, her heart beating more quickly against her rib- cage.
"No. I belong here." He moved slightly, propped his head up on his hand and stared down into her face. It was dark, but the stars provided enough light that she could see the way his eyes were shining, their beauty taking her breath away. She reached up and gently traced the contours of his face, marveling again that he was really hers. "I was also thinking that I wanted to be brutally honest with you about something, but I'm scared to be."
Liz frowned slightly. "Why? Don't you know by now that you can say anything to me?"
"Of course. It's not that. I'm just worried that you're not ready. That I might screw this up somehow." He paused, sighed. "Liz, you have so many dreams. I don't want to stand in your way - ever."
"You couldn't ever stand in my way Max!" Liz insisted. "I love you. You are my dream come true. Everything else comes second. It's my decision to love you, to want to be with you, no matter what."
He grinned. "Yeah, you can be pretty stubborn, can't you?" He was obviously referring to how she had chased him during their sophomore year until he had finally given in. She frowned at him for teasing her, but he only bent his head, kissed her gently on the lips. "Thank God for that," he added.
"So, tell me," Liz sighed happily, sitting up and crossing her legs to listen.
Max stared at her for a long moment, then finally he continued, "Liz, I once told you that whether I did tomorrow or fifty years from now, my destiny is the same - it's you. It's always been you Liz. There could never be anyone else. I love you. We belong together. I know that we're too young and I know it's crazy, but I just don't see the point in waiting. I want our official life together to have started yesterday. Say you'll be my wife. Please, marry me Liz."
She blinked at him in astonishment. She knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn't help it. She had always known that this day would come, but it had never once crossed her mind that it would be so soon.
And, yet, she knew it was right. There was no doubt in her mind. She didn't even answer him, simply threw her arms around his neck and started kissing him. After a long moment, he pulled back, laughing. "Is that a yes?"
"What do you think?" Liz replied, her tone sultry. She kissed him again, in her heart sealing their bond for all time. They made love under the stars, then drove to Vegas early in the morning to make it official.[/I]
"I know where he is," Liz whispered, tears filling her eyes, as she understood exactly what he was trying to do. "He wants to erase it all. He wants to end it permanently in the place where it all started."
Tess frowned at her. "Liz, what's going on? What are you talking about?"
"Tess, I don't know if I can fix this. I really don't," Liz admitted. "I can't believe it's true, but I might be too late."
"You're not giving up are you?" Tess sounded horrified. "You haven't even talked to him!"
Liz met Tess's eyes, could see the outrage beginning to appear on the pretty blonde's face. "Why are you mad?" She asked, feeling a little shocked that fate could be so cruel, that this could all be going so badly, and not understanding why Tess was mad at [I]her[/I].
"I can't believe you're giving up on him! He's never given up on you." Tess was almost shaking in her fury. "Whatever it takes Liz - you have to do it. He deserves that much from you. [I]You[/I] deserve to be happy too. You are both such idiots. I can't believe I can't make either of you see it."
Liz stared at her. "I never said I was giving up Tess," she finally said. "It's too important. I [I]won't[/I] give up."
The relief that appeared on Tess's face was almost comical. Liz smiled.almost. She couldn't quite manage it. It was still a little upsetting that her reunion with Max was not going to go as smoothly as she'd hoped.
"Well, then what are you waiting for?" Tess demanded. "Go find him!"
Liz impulsively reached out and hugged the other woman. "I will. But stick close your phone. He may need a shoulder to cry on when I'm through with him."
Tess began to look slightly worried again. "Liz, what are you planning?"
"I'm planning to let him say whatever he has to say to me," Liz shrugged, pretending a nonchalance and confidence she did not feel. She refused to allow herself to think about what she was going to have to get through over the next few hours. But it needed to be done. He was stubborn, but if there was one thing she had proven over the past few days - over the past few [I]years[/I] - she was more so. "And then I'm going to win him back," she finished firmly.
********************************** He was waiting for her exactly where she knew he would be. He was leaning against the radio tower, watched her drive up. She couldn't see his expression from where she was, but the practiced casualness of his pose indicated that it would be perfectly unreadable, just like it always was when he was being stubborn.
Unfortunately for him, she didn't need to read his face. She could read his mood just fine, thanks to the connection. And it was not pretty. He wasn't angry exactly, but he wasn't particularly glad to see her either. In fact, he was sort of giving off the vibes of eagerly anticipating getting a dreaded chore over with.
Liz pulled her rental car to a stop next to his old Jeep, which she was amazed to see he was still driving. How the heck was that thing still running? It had to be alien voodoo. There was no other explanation.
She climbed out of the car, walked slowly towards him. "Hi." She hadn't thought about exactly how she was going to start the conversation, but this seemed safe. She was going to allow him to lead the way, at least for the moment. She looked around, felt a small smile cross her face as the familiar smell and sights of the desert made her blood sing. How she had missed this place - [I]their[/I] place. It was so liberating to be able to allow herself to feel it. "It's been so long since I've been out here."
Max didn't answer her, simply crossed his arms and waited. Liz grimaced. She had no idea what he wanted from her.
After a long moment of silence he finally said, "Well?"
"Well what?" Liz asked patiently.
"Tess tells me you have something to say," Max replied. "I'm listening."
"That's true," Liz admitted. "We found something.something that eradicates everything I've known to be true for the past four years."
"Interesting." He didn't sound the least bit interested. In fact, he was beginning to sound angry. "And what would that be? Something to do with this miracle child I'm supposed to father?"
"Well, yes. It turns out that [I] I'm[/I] supposed to be its mother," Liz told him wryly. "We just have to undergo a little alien ceremony thing and I'll be able to." Liz felt a lump enter her throat. For the first time, she allowed herself to feel the joy that she was actually going to be able to bear a child. Max's child. "You know," she trailed off, meeting his eyes uncertainly.
"So that is what this is about," Max muttered. "I knew it. I cannot believe this."
"Believe what? It's good news Max. The reason we were apart no longer exists." Liz moved forward a step, reached out her hand. He eyed it for a moment but didn't take it. Liz slowly lowered it again, continued, "I know that we can't just go back to the way things were, but I want you to know that I never stopped loving you. You saw what I was trying to avoid by leaving you. I know that when you kissed me, you got the flashes. I had no choice."
"[I]You[/I] always have a choice Liz," Max snapped. She had seen his eyes flicker slightly when she had said that she loved him, like he believed it, but it didn't matter one single bit. "I never do. And that's the real problem here, isn't it?"
"What?"
"While I can admire why you did what you did, I don't know if I can forgive you for it. All this time, I thought I could. I thought that if you'd only come back, we could fix things because we belonged together. And, of course, all along I was right. But you ran at the first sign of trouble and didn't even tell me[I]why[/I]."
"I did so tell you Max!" Liz exclaimed. "You knew I couldn't have kids!"
"Fine, you told me that," Max conceded. "But you didn't tell me why it was so important. You made the decision all by yourself that I was just going to have to let you go. Well, you know what Liz? As much as you want to, you don't control my heart. I can't just turn it off and on like you can."
"Max, that's not true! This whole time, I've been miserable."
"Liz, you got engaged to someone else for Pete's sake! That does not scream misery to me," Max reminded her angrily.
"It was to try and forget you. It had nothing to do with not loving you."
"And therein lies the problem. You have never believed in us as much as I have. And I just don't know if I'm able to keep believing enough for the both of us. It's just so damn tiring." Max scraped his hands through his hair, making it stand up on end. Liz felt a shiver descend her spine at how truly angry he was. "How am I supposed to ever trust you again? You can tell me you love me one minute and then you run away from me the next! I just would not survive it again Liz. I wouldn't."
"You won't have to Max. I'll never leave you again. I know now that we belong together." Liz reached out, touched his arm. He stared down at her hand for a long moment, then flinched away.
"It took a stupid book to tell you that Liz. I'm sorry that I have issues with that fact, but I do."
He turned his back on her, stared out across the desert. "I want a divorce. I want you to sign those papers and then I want you to go back to New York, to your new life, and just leave me alone."
She felt another shiver descend her spine. She had never in a million years expected him to just come out and say it. But why not? She had done it to him enough times over the past few days.
"Max, I [I]can't[/I]," she whispered. "Don't you know that?"
"Oh right. The miracle kid. Fine. I'm sure we can manage that first."
The cold tone of his voice made her blood freeze in her veins. "That's not what I meant Max and you know it," she said firmly, desperately trying to hold onto her composure. She had known that this was going to be bad, but she hadn't imagined it quite like this.
He did not trust her. He did not know if he could ever trust her again. And she could not blame him one single bit.
"I don't particularly care what you meant Liz."
"Max, you're being ridiculous!" Liz flared, suddenly angry. "Are you trying to tell me that you would allow me to take your child out of Roswell? You would never in a million years agree to that."
He frowned, obviously not having considered this point. It was pretty clear by now that he wasn't thinking straight at all. He was just too upset. Well, she was just going to have to fix that. And there was only one way. She was going to have to make him trust her again.
"No," he agreed. "Fine. I'll move to New York to be near it. But it doesn't mean that we can be together anymore."
"Why not?" Liz demanded. "You love me, I love you. The math isn't that difficult Max."
"Liz, don't you get it?" He asked, his voice suddenly so raw, she glanced up at his face in astonishment. All of his anger was gone, replaced by a despair so deep, she felt her heart crack into little pieces and then shatter in her chest. "How.How can I ever believe that you really want to be with [I]me[/I]? You ran so quickly, didn't even try and let me help you. I always thought that we could do anything together, but then at the first test, you left. You proved that you [I]never[/I] believed it. And now, if we're together, I'll always wonder deep down if it's only because of the baby.because all you care about is saving the world. You left me because of it, and now it's brought you back."
"Max, that makes no sense," Liz said quietly. "We are meant to create a child to save the world because we love each other. The love came first Max. The baby will just be the symbol of it."
"Maybe that would have been true once Liz," Max acknowledged. "There's just no way that I can ever know that for sure now." He swallowed, brushed impatiently at his shining eyes. "I'm sorry I'm not as brave as you are. But I just can't do it. I can't risk you leaving me again. Because whose to say some future version of someone won't come to you at some point in the future and make you do it again? They'll always come to you Liz, because they'll always know that you're the strong one. And you'll always believe them and you'll always do what's best for everyone else. It's why I love you, it's who you are, but it's also why I have to be the one to walk away this time."
And he did exactly that.
Liz watched him drive off in the Jeep several moments later, tears streaming down her face. The mess she had made of their relationship was only now becoming clear to her. She had made Max think that she didn't trust him to help make the major decisions in their lives. And, really, wasn't that what she had done by running away without telling him the truth? Because hadn't she known that somehow he would convince her to stay in Roswell? That his eternal hope and optimism would have defeated her in the end?
The sheer irony was that she had done the right thing. Tess never would have returned to Roswell and stayed had Liz still been here and they [I]needed[/I] her. They never would have found out about the [I]real[/I] prophecy if Tess hadn't stayed. But, to make all that happen, Liz's marriage had been almost irrepairably destroyed and there was no question that Max's faith in her had suffered.
He had never felt that he was worthy of her and by running away, she had made his worst fear a reality - that she felt the same way. She had not trusted him enough to help her do the right thing and she had proven him right, even though it had been the last thing she intended to do.
But he still loved her. That was clear. All was not lost. Love was still the most important thing. It could heal everything. It was only going to take longer than Liz had hoped. He had been patient for so long. She could certainly do the same for him.
She had told Tess that she was not giving up and she wasn't. She would [I]make[/I] him trust her again if it was the last thing she ever did. And she knew exactly how to go about doing it too. If he wanted her to stop thinking about everyone else first, well, that's exactly what she would do.
For the first time in a long time, she knew exactly what she wanted and she wasn't giving up until she got it.
Straightening her spine, Liz marched to her rental car, ready to set her plan into motion.
************************
Tess hurried across the Roswell main drag towards the UFO Centre, two cups of coffee from the Crashdown in her hands. She frowned when she reached the double doors, staring at them in consternation and then down at the drinks in her grasp. Now what?
She raised her head in suprise when the doors opened from the inside. Max was leaning against the door-frame, one eyebrow raised as he glanced down at his watch. "You're two hours late."
"What?" Tess asked in annoyance, thrusting one of the cups towards him. He took it, turned around and walked back inside.
"I was expecting you to come yell at me by noon. Liz's friend Serena has already been here. She was pretending to look around, but she kept shooting me evil glances, so I know she wanted to make me feel guilty. Maria called me earlier to tell me she was coming over later. I'm shocked and appalled that [I]both[/I] of them beat you Tess. You're losing your touch."
Tess grimaced at the sarcasm in his tone. But she was more angry than anything, so she just snapped, "So you really did it then? You really told Liz you didn't want to get back together?" She followed him down the stairs, shaking her head in disbelief at his unbelievable self-sabotage. "Why Max? Why on Earth would you do that to yourself? Are you really so bound and determined to punish Liz that you're willing to live in misery for the rest of your life?"
Max sighed heavily as he took a sip of his coffee. "I'm not trying to punish Liz," he told her firmly. "I'm trying to protect myself. There's only so much torture a guy can take Tess."
"A guy? Since when are you a [I]guy[/I]?" Tess demanded. "You're Max. She's Liz. What the heck does being a guy have to do with any of it? You're above being a [I]guy[/I] Max. You live for torturing yourself over her. That's really the truth isn't it? You're scared because there really and truly isn't anything standing in your way anymore."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Max replied evenly. His controlled stubborness was enough to make Tess want to belt him. "But you might as well just say it all Tess. Because I'm warning you. I don't want to ever talk about this again. I've made my decision. You get one shot and this is it. After this, if you intend for our friendship to continue, Liz Parker will no longer be a topic open for conversation."
"You know [I]exactly[/I] what I'm talking about," Tess replied. "And you can't threaten to end this friendship Max. That's bull and you know it. We were always meant to be friends. Why else did you and Liz have to go through all this? So you can try and shut it off if you want to, but I won't ever leave you alone. Because friends don't allow their friends to deliberately mess up their lives. The end."
"I'm so glad I have the resident expert on friendship in my life." Max plopped down on the bench behind the counter, a scowl on his face.
"Stop pouting and tell me what you did you big idiot!"
"You know what I did. Half the town seems to know what I did," Max retorted. "Did Liz put a bulletin in the newspaper or something?"
"What?" Tess wondered what the hell he was talking about.
It all became clear a moment later when Pam came out from the back room, brushed past without saying a single flirtatious thing to Max. In fact, the chill coming off of her was enough to send a shiver down Tess's back. "What the heck was that about?" Tess whispered when Pam stomped up the stairs towards the entrance. Moments later the sound of her slamming things around on the admissions desk came floating down. When Tess turned back towards Max, he was glowering after his employee.
"Apparently Pam knows too. She's mad at me for standing up for myself. Who knew she could be turned so easily? Women."
Tess felt a pang of sympathy. "So Serena was here too huh?"
Max nodded glumly. "That woman hates my guts."
"Can you blame her Max? Your wife left you to save the world and now that you can be together, you tell her no? After practically making her insane trying to get her back over the past week? Serena has every right to dislike you."
"I'm so glad I have you to tell me these things Tess," Max replied. He rolled his eyes. "I really need to hang out with more guys. Michael would understand."
"Michael is whipped and you know it." Tess modified her tone. "Max, you can't leave things like this. You know you can't. You love her. Hasn't she been through enough? Just give in gracefully, be happy. Why is this so difficult for you?"
"I can't trust her," Max said stubbornly. "I just can't. It's impossible."
"There is [I]no[/I] way?" Tess asked quietly. "Absolutely [I]no[/I] way, ever?"
"No."
"That's crap." Max blinked at her, obviously slightly surprised at the tone of her voice. "Excuse my language, but it is. I was right before. You're just scared. You're scared of screwing this up again."
"You keep saying that," Max almost yelled. "I don't even know what you're talking about. I didn't screw up before. [I]I[/I] wasn't the one who left!"
Tess didn't reply for a long moment, just felt her heart break for him. "No Max, you didn't. But you blame yourself that she couldn't tel l you what was going on. You blame yourself for her leaving you. "
"What? Why would I do that?" But his eyes had widened, as though he was a little frightened by her words.
"You blame yourself for loving her too much. Because you know that you wouldn't have let her leave. You know that even if there was no other way, you would have let the world end rather than lose her." Tess reached out, took his hand and squeezed. "You're not scared of her leaving you again. You're scared because you know that she won't. And you still don't feel worthy of her. You never have, isn't that really it?"
"No." But his voice cracked as he said it.
"Oh Max. You weren't surprised at all when she left. It was what you expected all along, wasn't it? And now that she's really back, you have to accept that you're worth this. You and Liz belong together Max and you do deserve to be happy." Tess felt tears filling her eyes at the naked pain on his face. "What are we going to do with you?"
She reached out and hugged him. He was shaking, apparently incapable of saying anything. Tess wondered if she had finally made him recognize something even he hadn't seen in himself. She couldn't understand why. Tess had known the truth ever since he had come back from New York alone that first time. He hadn't fought for Liz because all this time, he really hadn't believed that he deserved her.
"I'm taking you home," Tess finally said, pulling away and taking him by the hand. He just nodded, looking shell-shocked. "Pam?" She yelled up the stairs.
The bottled blonde appeared a moment later, obviously surprised that Tess was deigning to speak to her. She felt a flash of guilt. "Yeah?"
"Man the fort. I'm taking Max home."
Tess could see Pam's annoyance fading as she took in Max's abrupt disarray. She understood that the blonde had been more angry on Liz's behalf at Max's steely control than anything, probably mad that he was giving up something he obviously still wanted. For the first time, Tess actually liked Pam. She wasn't that bad at all.
"Okay," Pam replied.
A quarter of an hour later, Tess was pulling her car up in front of Max's house. He hadn't said a word. Tess had glanced at him several times in concern but he didn't seem upset any longer, just thoughtful.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly as they both sat in the driveway, staring out the front windshield at Max's small, lonely house.
"I will be. You've given me some stuff to think about," Max admitted.
"Do you want me to come in?"
"If you want to," Max replied. "I'm just going to sit staring at the wall." He laughed, sounding slightly bitter. "I was so sure that this was all going to finally be behind me. Like that can ever happen. Like I [I]want[/I] that to happen." He rubbed a hand wearily across his face. "God Tess. What am I going to do?"
"What your heart [I]wants[/I] you to do," she replied quietly as they walked up the front path.
"My heart's not the problem," Max sighed. "My heart is ready to be trampled again. It's my brain that refuses to shut off. I just can't seem to get past the fact that she came here to divorce me. And now she wants to suddenly get back together because it turns out we [I]can[/I] have kids. It's hard [I]not[/I] to feel like I'm the secondary concern to this potential baby."
"But Max you [I]wanted[/I] kids with Liz. You would have had them if it wasn't for the fact that you guys didn't know that you had to be bonded."
"That's not the point Tess. The point is that she never would have agreed to get back together if she hadn't found that out. [I]That's[/I] what's bothering me so much about this. What she said to me last night.I just finally recognized that it wasn't going to happen. Ever. And, then, suddenly, it [I]is[/I] possible. It's all a bit much, you know?"
"I know Max," Tess said sympathetically. "But now you have to really think about this. Are you going to let that little fact stand in the way? Because you love her. She loves you. She doesn't [I]have[/I] to stay away anymore. You can be together. It doesn't [I]have[/I] to be this difficult."
Max didn't reply. Tess realized that he was staring at his front door, as slight frown on his face.
"Max?" Tess waved a hand in front of his face.
"Tess, why is my front door open?"
Tess turned her head, blinked. Max's door was indeed open. "Um.I have no idea."
"It can't be a robber. Lou would have killed him," Max said, sounding suspicious.
They both stood on the porch, staring at the front door. The inner door was wide open, only the screen door shut.
"Isabel?" Tess asked.
"I don't think so," Max replied, his eyes narrowed.
An instant later Liz appeared in the doorway, a wide smile on her face. "Nope! It's me!" She exclaimed cheerfully. She was holding a dishtowel in her hands, as though she had just been in the kitchen. Lou the dog was panting at her side, gazing up at her adoringly.
"I knew it," Max muttered. Tess glanced at him sharply. He sounded slightly angry, but also a little amazed.
"Knew what?" Tess asked.
She looked back at Liz, who was smiling serenely at Max. "I wondered how long it would take you to notice it was back." Tess frowned. Max's wife sounded minutely smug if she wasn't mistaken.
"What's back?" She asked, confused.
"Never mind," Max snapped. He moved past Liz and into the house, glaring at the dog as he passed. "Traitor! Don't you know she doesn't belong here?" He didn't sound extremely upset though, much to Tess's relief. He then looked at Liz again, his expression stony. "What are you doing here Liz?"
"I live here now Max."
"WHAT?" The roar was so sudden, Tess actually jumped. Well, so much for Max [I]not[/I] being upset.
She saw Liz flinch too, but she didn't back down. She just continued to gaze innocently at Max. "We're married aren't we? Your house is my house." She narrowed her eyes. "In spite of what the Roswell Police Department might think."
"Oh for." Max ran his hands through his hair in complete frustration. "I can't do this right now." He stomped past Liz and through the living room. Tess jumped again when his bedroom door slammed moments later.
Tess met Liz's gaze. "What are you [I]doing[/I]?" She whispered urgently. "I got the impression from Max that he had pretty much ended things permanently. And now you're moving in?"
Liz sobered. "He doesn't think he can trust me. Well, I'm going to prove he can. I'm not going anywhere until I show him that I want to be with [I]him[/I], that this isn't about some stupid prophecy."
Tess shook her head, admiration running through her. "I don't think it's going to be very long Liz. He's crumbling already. And it's not all just about you either. I finally got him to at least sort of admit that he feels partially to blame for you leaving."
"I knew it." Liz sighed heavily. "Thanks for the head's up though." She was grim as she continued, "I have my work cut out for me, but I love him. I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again."
The determined expression on Liz's face made Tess believe her.
To be continued.
Liz woke with a gasp, sitting up and staring at the wall before she even realized she was awake. Her heart was still pounding from some nightmare that was slipping out of her memory already. She frowned slightly, forced herself to take deep breaths to calm down.
She had no idea what she had been dreaming about, but she knew somehow that it had to do with Max. Something was wrong. Either he was in danger or something else had happened. Concentrating now she understood abruptly that the turmoil she was feeling had absolutely nothing to do with any bad dream and everything to do with Max.
Liz felt tears fill her eyes, felt a lump enter her throat as she understood what it meant. She felt a smile of pure joy break out across her face.
The connection had reopened. She had opened her heart to him again and suddenly, without warning she could [I]feel[/I] him, just like in the old days.
Blinking away the moisture, she glanced out her bedroom window, almost expecting Max to be waiting for her there, peering in her window like he used to do when they were in high school. He would always look slightly uncomfortable until he was certain she was there, had always relaxed visibly when their eyes had met. He had told her once that he had always feared accidentally running into her father or mother. She giggled slightly now, amused still that he could find her parents so terrifying. Of course, based on her mother's reaction when they had eloped to Vegas, she couldn't say that she blamed him. Her parents had almost seemed relieved when she had run away from Max. She knew it was why they hadn't told anyone where she was for such a long time. They had always believed that she had thrown away her life for Max Evans.
But that had never been it of course. She had thrown away her life by running away from him. She had been a martyr long enough. It was time to go get things back on track, time to make herself happy for once.
They were meant to be. The fact that he was with her now, after so long, when he wasn't even anywhere in the vicinity.it was the last proof she needed that this was the right thing.
Jumping to her feet, Liz glanced at the clock, realized that it was still extremely early, barely six o'clock. But she wanted to catch Max before he went to work and there was no way she would be able to get back to sleep anyway. Her vision of their reunion involved far too much emotion for it to occur in a public place.
They needed to be alone for what she had in mind.
Grinning to herself in the shower moments later, Liz shook her head when she realized that she was actually humming - off key, yes, but humming nontheless.
[I]You're lucky you're so cute wife of mine.[/I] Now that she was allowing her happy memories to return, they were coming back full force. She could almost picture Max pulling back the shower curtain and running his eyes up and down her body appreciatively. [I]You have the worst voice I've ever heard.[/I]
She could hear her own sultry voice replying, twirled under the stream of water in anticipation [I]Well then husband dear, come make me really sing.[/I]
Less than half an hour later, Liz was out of her parent's apartment and driving to Max's house. He actually lived very close to the Crashdown, likely because of the convenience of walking to work at the UFO Center every day. It was only as she drew nearer to her husband's small home the Liz felt her good mood draining a bit. Because she was beginning to remember the bad feeling with which she had awoken.
The connection she shared with Max had jerked her out of a sound sleep. It had disappeared almost immediately, and she had ignored what he had been feeling through it, because of her joy at his sudden presence back in her soul. It was the only excuse that she could come up with for why she had ignored the bad feeling she was now getting as she drew closer to Max.
She frowned, concentrated again. She realized that she must have known right off that he wasn't in any physical danger. She could tell that now too. It was maybe another little excuse for ignoring what was now so blatantly clear to her, it was almost painful.
He wasn't happy. At all. Something [I]was[/I] wrong, but she couldn't quite get enough of a read to figure out what. But he was definitely awake. And, somehow, she knew that he was waiting for her.
Liz was beginning to feel a little trepidation as she turned onto Max's quiet street. She passed an early morning jogger, nodded hello, but bit her lip as she stopped in front of her husband's house.
She rolled her eyes slightly when she realized that she was hoping that he was going to throw open the front door and make this easy for her. She couldn't imagine that Tess hadn't told him [I]something[/I] last night. In spite of their new, friendlier status, Liz knew that Tess was, and always would be, Max's friend first. She would have done the same thing.
Of course, if Tess had spoken to Max, shouldn't he be in a better frame of mind? Liz wrinkled her nose, realized that she could almost feel his black mood descending over her like a physical mass. She sighed heavily, understood that he wasn't going to make this easy on her. He was still upset about what had happened at the jail - rightfully - but it was going to make this all harder than she had anticipated.
Well, she wasn't leaving without telling him exactly what she wanted from him. They had been apart long enough. He had spent the last three days trying to convince her that she still loved him. She wasn't going to let him turn his back on that now. Not when they could finally be together!
Steeling herself, Liz marched up the front walk, onto the porch and knocked on the door. She smiled nervously when Max's dog - had she ever known it's name? Heck, had she ever even known that Max [I]liked[/I] dogs? - started barking.
"Be quiet Lou!" Liz frowned slightly, recognizing Tess's voice through the door. It opened a moment later to reveal the small blonde. She stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind her so Lou couldn't get out. "Sorry Liz. He only shuts up when Max tells him to," she sighed as the dog continued to bark.
"That's okay," Liz replied. "Um, where's Max?" She asked, her dread becoming a small knot on the pit of her stomach. "I.I thought he was here."
Tess shook her head in annoyance. "He was here. He left about five minutes ago. I think he knew you were coming."
"Why are [I]you[/I] here Tess?" Liz asked. She was desperately trying to control the panic that was threatening to take over. This was bad. Really bad. Her premonition earlier had not been a figment of her imagination it seemed. In spite of the fact that all she wanted was to see him, it seemed that he was feeling exactly the opposite at the moment. "Did you tell him?"
"Some of it," Tess admitted. "Liz, I won't lie to you. He's not himself. I can't figure out what the heck is wrong with him. I ran into him last night and he was acting really strange. What did you [I]say[/I] to him yesterday? Because whatever it was, it worked."
Liz closed her eyes, swallowed. "Does it really matter?" She finally asked, her heart breaking over how much she had hurt Max the day before. She hadn't allowed herself to [I]really[/I] think about it until now, but the image of him on the floor of that jail-cell watching her walk away from him [I]again[/I].it was starting to haunt her.
"I guess not," Tess replied. "I came over first thing, tried to talk to him Liz, tried to get him to give you a chance to explain once and for all. I just don't know why he's finally pissed. It's so weird."
"Tess, we need to find him," Liz said firmly, forcing herself to remain calm. Now was not the time to freak out. She needed to find Max and they needed to work this out once and for all.
"I think you can find him Liz," Tess told her. "He said that you'd know where he was if you really thought about it. That he would be in the one place where you've always been totally honest with each other?" She shrugged helplessly. "Do you have any idea where that is?"
Liz felt momentarily perplexed. She closed her eyes again, reached out with her senses, trying to understand what Max was doing, where he was. The one place where they had always been honest with each other? What the heck was he talking about?
And suddenly she knew.
[I] It was the night of their graduation and they had come out to the radio tower near Pohlman Ranch to be alone after dropping Michael and Maria off at home. Liz had been sure that they were in for a lengthy make-out session, but Max had become increasingly quiet and pensive. Now, they were stretched out on a blanket, staring up at the star-filled sky, their hands linked, neither having said anything for a long time. It was a comfortable silence, but Liz also knew that Max had something on his mind that he wanted to talk about. She had tried to wait patiently, but her nerves were getting the better of her.
"What are you thinking about?" She finally whispered, tempted to sit up so that she could look at his face, but resisting, knowing somehow that he needed her to stay where she was.
There was a long pause. Liz concentrated on the feeling of Max's thumb rubbing gently against the back of her hand, tried to stay calm. She was nervous for some reason she didn't understand, but not in a bad way.
"I was just thinking about how I used to look at these stars and wonder what my future held, if someone out there was going to come back for us one day," Max finally replied quietly. "I was thinking that it was weird to look at them and [I]know[/I] now for sure that I don't want them to."
"You don't?" Liz asked, her heart beating more quickly against her rib- cage.
"No. I belong here." He moved slightly, propped his head up on his hand and stared down into her face. It was dark, but the stars provided enough light that she could see the way his eyes were shining, their beauty taking her breath away. She reached up and gently traced the contours of his face, marveling again that he was really hers. "I was also thinking that I wanted to be brutally honest with you about something, but I'm scared to be."
Liz frowned slightly. "Why? Don't you know by now that you can say anything to me?"
"Of course. It's not that. I'm just worried that you're not ready. That I might screw this up somehow." He paused, sighed. "Liz, you have so many dreams. I don't want to stand in your way - ever."
"You couldn't ever stand in my way Max!" Liz insisted. "I love you. You are my dream come true. Everything else comes second. It's my decision to love you, to want to be with you, no matter what."
He grinned. "Yeah, you can be pretty stubborn, can't you?" He was obviously referring to how she had chased him during their sophomore year until he had finally given in. She frowned at him for teasing her, but he only bent his head, kissed her gently on the lips. "Thank God for that," he added.
"So, tell me," Liz sighed happily, sitting up and crossing her legs to listen.
Max stared at her for a long moment, then finally he continued, "Liz, I once told you that whether I did tomorrow or fifty years from now, my destiny is the same - it's you. It's always been you Liz. There could never be anyone else. I love you. We belong together. I know that we're too young and I know it's crazy, but I just don't see the point in waiting. I want our official life together to have started yesterday. Say you'll be my wife. Please, marry me Liz."
She blinked at him in astonishment. She knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn't help it. She had always known that this day would come, but it had never once crossed her mind that it would be so soon.
And, yet, she knew it was right. There was no doubt in her mind. She didn't even answer him, simply threw her arms around his neck and started kissing him. After a long moment, he pulled back, laughing. "Is that a yes?"
"What do you think?" Liz replied, her tone sultry. She kissed him again, in her heart sealing their bond for all time. They made love under the stars, then drove to Vegas early in the morning to make it official.[/I]
"I know where he is," Liz whispered, tears filling her eyes, as she understood exactly what he was trying to do. "He wants to erase it all. He wants to end it permanently in the place where it all started."
Tess frowned at her. "Liz, what's going on? What are you talking about?"
"Tess, I don't know if I can fix this. I really don't," Liz admitted. "I can't believe it's true, but I might be too late."
"You're not giving up are you?" Tess sounded horrified. "You haven't even talked to him!"
Liz met Tess's eyes, could see the outrage beginning to appear on the pretty blonde's face. "Why are you mad?" She asked, feeling a little shocked that fate could be so cruel, that this could all be going so badly, and not understanding why Tess was mad at [I]her[/I].
"I can't believe you're giving up on him! He's never given up on you." Tess was almost shaking in her fury. "Whatever it takes Liz - you have to do it. He deserves that much from you. [I]You[/I] deserve to be happy too. You are both such idiots. I can't believe I can't make either of you see it."
Liz stared at her. "I never said I was giving up Tess," she finally said. "It's too important. I [I]won't[/I] give up."
The relief that appeared on Tess's face was almost comical. Liz smiled.almost. She couldn't quite manage it. It was still a little upsetting that her reunion with Max was not going to go as smoothly as she'd hoped.
"Well, then what are you waiting for?" Tess demanded. "Go find him!"
Liz impulsively reached out and hugged the other woman. "I will. But stick close your phone. He may need a shoulder to cry on when I'm through with him."
Tess began to look slightly worried again. "Liz, what are you planning?"
"I'm planning to let him say whatever he has to say to me," Liz shrugged, pretending a nonchalance and confidence she did not feel. She refused to allow herself to think about what she was going to have to get through over the next few hours. But it needed to be done. He was stubborn, but if there was one thing she had proven over the past few days - over the past few [I]years[/I] - she was more so. "And then I'm going to win him back," she finished firmly.
********************************** He was waiting for her exactly where she knew he would be. He was leaning against the radio tower, watched her drive up. She couldn't see his expression from where she was, but the practiced casualness of his pose indicated that it would be perfectly unreadable, just like it always was when he was being stubborn.
Unfortunately for him, she didn't need to read his face. She could read his mood just fine, thanks to the connection. And it was not pretty. He wasn't angry exactly, but he wasn't particularly glad to see her either. In fact, he was sort of giving off the vibes of eagerly anticipating getting a dreaded chore over with.
Liz pulled her rental car to a stop next to his old Jeep, which she was amazed to see he was still driving. How the heck was that thing still running? It had to be alien voodoo. There was no other explanation.
She climbed out of the car, walked slowly towards him. "Hi." She hadn't thought about exactly how she was going to start the conversation, but this seemed safe. She was going to allow him to lead the way, at least for the moment. She looked around, felt a small smile cross her face as the familiar smell and sights of the desert made her blood sing. How she had missed this place - [I]their[/I] place. It was so liberating to be able to allow herself to feel it. "It's been so long since I've been out here."
Max didn't answer her, simply crossed his arms and waited. Liz grimaced. She had no idea what he wanted from her.
After a long moment of silence he finally said, "Well?"
"Well what?" Liz asked patiently.
"Tess tells me you have something to say," Max replied. "I'm listening."
"That's true," Liz admitted. "We found something.something that eradicates everything I've known to be true for the past four years."
"Interesting." He didn't sound the least bit interested. In fact, he was beginning to sound angry. "And what would that be? Something to do with this miracle child I'm supposed to father?"
"Well, yes. It turns out that [I] I'm[/I] supposed to be its mother," Liz told him wryly. "We just have to undergo a little alien ceremony thing and I'll be able to." Liz felt a lump enter her throat. For the first time, she allowed herself to feel the joy that she was actually going to be able to bear a child. Max's child. "You know," she trailed off, meeting his eyes uncertainly.
"So that is what this is about," Max muttered. "I knew it. I cannot believe this."
"Believe what? It's good news Max. The reason we were apart no longer exists." Liz moved forward a step, reached out her hand. He eyed it for a moment but didn't take it. Liz slowly lowered it again, continued, "I know that we can't just go back to the way things were, but I want you to know that I never stopped loving you. You saw what I was trying to avoid by leaving you. I know that when you kissed me, you got the flashes. I had no choice."
"[I]You[/I] always have a choice Liz," Max snapped. She had seen his eyes flicker slightly when she had said that she loved him, like he believed it, but it didn't matter one single bit. "I never do. And that's the real problem here, isn't it?"
"What?"
"While I can admire why you did what you did, I don't know if I can forgive you for it. All this time, I thought I could. I thought that if you'd only come back, we could fix things because we belonged together. And, of course, all along I was right. But you ran at the first sign of trouble and didn't even tell me[I]why[/I]."
"I did so tell you Max!" Liz exclaimed. "You knew I couldn't have kids!"
"Fine, you told me that," Max conceded. "But you didn't tell me why it was so important. You made the decision all by yourself that I was just going to have to let you go. Well, you know what Liz? As much as you want to, you don't control my heart. I can't just turn it off and on like you can."
"Max, that's not true! This whole time, I've been miserable."
"Liz, you got engaged to someone else for Pete's sake! That does not scream misery to me," Max reminded her angrily.
"It was to try and forget you. It had nothing to do with not loving you."
"And therein lies the problem. You have never believed in us as much as I have. And I just don't know if I'm able to keep believing enough for the both of us. It's just so damn tiring." Max scraped his hands through his hair, making it stand up on end. Liz felt a shiver descend her spine at how truly angry he was. "How am I supposed to ever trust you again? You can tell me you love me one minute and then you run away from me the next! I just would not survive it again Liz. I wouldn't."
"You won't have to Max. I'll never leave you again. I know now that we belong together." Liz reached out, touched his arm. He stared down at her hand for a long moment, then flinched away.
"It took a stupid book to tell you that Liz. I'm sorry that I have issues with that fact, but I do."
He turned his back on her, stared out across the desert. "I want a divorce. I want you to sign those papers and then I want you to go back to New York, to your new life, and just leave me alone."
She felt another shiver descend her spine. She had never in a million years expected him to just come out and say it. But why not? She had done it to him enough times over the past few days.
"Max, I [I]can't[/I]," she whispered. "Don't you know that?"
"Oh right. The miracle kid. Fine. I'm sure we can manage that first."
The cold tone of his voice made her blood freeze in her veins. "That's not what I meant Max and you know it," she said firmly, desperately trying to hold onto her composure. She had known that this was going to be bad, but she hadn't imagined it quite like this.
He did not trust her. He did not know if he could ever trust her again. And she could not blame him one single bit.
"I don't particularly care what you meant Liz."
"Max, you're being ridiculous!" Liz flared, suddenly angry. "Are you trying to tell me that you would allow me to take your child out of Roswell? You would never in a million years agree to that."
He frowned, obviously not having considered this point. It was pretty clear by now that he wasn't thinking straight at all. He was just too upset. Well, she was just going to have to fix that. And there was only one way. She was going to have to make him trust her again.
"No," he agreed. "Fine. I'll move to New York to be near it. But it doesn't mean that we can be together anymore."
"Why not?" Liz demanded. "You love me, I love you. The math isn't that difficult Max."
"Liz, don't you get it?" He asked, his voice suddenly so raw, she glanced up at his face in astonishment. All of his anger was gone, replaced by a despair so deep, she felt her heart crack into little pieces and then shatter in her chest. "How.How can I ever believe that you really want to be with [I]me[/I]? You ran so quickly, didn't even try and let me help you. I always thought that we could do anything together, but then at the first test, you left. You proved that you [I]never[/I] believed it. And now, if we're together, I'll always wonder deep down if it's only because of the baby.because all you care about is saving the world. You left me because of it, and now it's brought you back."
"Max, that makes no sense," Liz said quietly. "We are meant to create a child to save the world because we love each other. The love came first Max. The baby will just be the symbol of it."
"Maybe that would have been true once Liz," Max acknowledged. "There's just no way that I can ever know that for sure now." He swallowed, brushed impatiently at his shining eyes. "I'm sorry I'm not as brave as you are. But I just can't do it. I can't risk you leaving me again. Because whose to say some future version of someone won't come to you at some point in the future and make you do it again? They'll always come to you Liz, because they'll always know that you're the strong one. And you'll always believe them and you'll always do what's best for everyone else. It's why I love you, it's who you are, but it's also why I have to be the one to walk away this time."
And he did exactly that.
Liz watched him drive off in the Jeep several moments later, tears streaming down her face. The mess she had made of their relationship was only now becoming clear to her. She had made Max think that she didn't trust him to help make the major decisions in their lives. And, really, wasn't that what she had done by running away without telling him the truth? Because hadn't she known that somehow he would convince her to stay in Roswell? That his eternal hope and optimism would have defeated her in the end?
The sheer irony was that she had done the right thing. Tess never would have returned to Roswell and stayed had Liz still been here and they [I]needed[/I] her. They never would have found out about the [I]real[/I] prophecy if Tess hadn't stayed. But, to make all that happen, Liz's marriage had been almost irrepairably destroyed and there was no question that Max's faith in her had suffered.
He had never felt that he was worthy of her and by running away, she had made his worst fear a reality - that she felt the same way. She had not trusted him enough to help her do the right thing and she had proven him right, even though it had been the last thing she intended to do.
But he still loved her. That was clear. All was not lost. Love was still the most important thing. It could heal everything. It was only going to take longer than Liz had hoped. He had been patient for so long. She could certainly do the same for him.
She had told Tess that she was not giving up and she wasn't. She would [I]make[/I] him trust her again if it was the last thing she ever did. And she knew exactly how to go about doing it too. If he wanted her to stop thinking about everyone else first, well, that's exactly what she would do.
For the first time in a long time, she knew exactly what she wanted and she wasn't giving up until she got it.
Straightening her spine, Liz marched to her rental car, ready to set her plan into motion.
************************
Tess hurried across the Roswell main drag towards the UFO Centre, two cups of coffee from the Crashdown in her hands. She frowned when she reached the double doors, staring at them in consternation and then down at the drinks in her grasp. Now what?
She raised her head in suprise when the doors opened from the inside. Max was leaning against the door-frame, one eyebrow raised as he glanced down at his watch. "You're two hours late."
"What?" Tess asked in annoyance, thrusting one of the cups towards him. He took it, turned around and walked back inside.
"I was expecting you to come yell at me by noon. Liz's friend Serena has already been here. She was pretending to look around, but she kept shooting me evil glances, so I know she wanted to make me feel guilty. Maria called me earlier to tell me she was coming over later. I'm shocked and appalled that [I]both[/I] of them beat you Tess. You're losing your touch."
Tess grimaced at the sarcasm in his tone. But she was more angry than anything, so she just snapped, "So you really did it then? You really told Liz you didn't want to get back together?" She followed him down the stairs, shaking her head in disbelief at his unbelievable self-sabotage. "Why Max? Why on Earth would you do that to yourself? Are you really so bound and determined to punish Liz that you're willing to live in misery for the rest of your life?"
Max sighed heavily as he took a sip of his coffee. "I'm not trying to punish Liz," he told her firmly. "I'm trying to protect myself. There's only so much torture a guy can take Tess."
"A guy? Since when are you a [I]guy[/I]?" Tess demanded. "You're Max. She's Liz. What the heck does being a guy have to do with any of it? You're above being a [I]guy[/I] Max. You live for torturing yourself over her. That's really the truth isn't it? You're scared because there really and truly isn't anything standing in your way anymore."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Max replied evenly. His controlled stubborness was enough to make Tess want to belt him. "But you might as well just say it all Tess. Because I'm warning you. I don't want to ever talk about this again. I've made my decision. You get one shot and this is it. After this, if you intend for our friendship to continue, Liz Parker will no longer be a topic open for conversation."
"You know [I]exactly[/I] what I'm talking about," Tess replied. "And you can't threaten to end this friendship Max. That's bull and you know it. We were always meant to be friends. Why else did you and Liz have to go through all this? So you can try and shut it off if you want to, but I won't ever leave you alone. Because friends don't allow their friends to deliberately mess up their lives. The end."
"I'm so glad I have the resident expert on friendship in my life." Max plopped down on the bench behind the counter, a scowl on his face.
"Stop pouting and tell me what you did you big idiot!"
"You know what I did. Half the town seems to know what I did," Max retorted. "Did Liz put a bulletin in the newspaper or something?"
"What?" Tess wondered what the hell he was talking about.
It all became clear a moment later when Pam came out from the back room, brushed past without saying a single flirtatious thing to Max. In fact, the chill coming off of her was enough to send a shiver down Tess's back. "What the heck was that about?" Tess whispered when Pam stomped up the stairs towards the entrance. Moments later the sound of her slamming things around on the admissions desk came floating down. When Tess turned back towards Max, he was glowering after his employee.
"Apparently Pam knows too. She's mad at me for standing up for myself. Who knew she could be turned so easily? Women."
Tess felt a pang of sympathy. "So Serena was here too huh?"
Max nodded glumly. "That woman hates my guts."
"Can you blame her Max? Your wife left you to save the world and now that you can be together, you tell her no? After practically making her insane trying to get her back over the past week? Serena has every right to dislike you."
"I'm so glad I have you to tell me these things Tess," Max replied. He rolled his eyes. "I really need to hang out with more guys. Michael would understand."
"Michael is whipped and you know it." Tess modified her tone. "Max, you can't leave things like this. You know you can't. You love her. Hasn't she been through enough? Just give in gracefully, be happy. Why is this so difficult for you?"
"I can't trust her," Max said stubbornly. "I just can't. It's impossible."
"There is [I]no[/I] way?" Tess asked quietly. "Absolutely [I]no[/I] way, ever?"
"No."
"That's crap." Max blinked at her, obviously slightly surprised at the tone of her voice. "Excuse my language, but it is. I was right before. You're just scared. You're scared of screwing this up again."
"You keep saying that," Max almost yelled. "I don't even know what you're talking about. I didn't screw up before. [I]I[/I] wasn't the one who left!"
Tess didn't reply for a long moment, just felt her heart break for him. "No Max, you didn't. But you blame yourself that she couldn't tel l you what was going on. You blame yourself for her leaving you. "
"What? Why would I do that?" But his eyes had widened, as though he was a little frightened by her words.
"You blame yourself for loving her too much. Because you know that you wouldn't have let her leave. You know that even if there was no other way, you would have let the world end rather than lose her." Tess reached out, took his hand and squeezed. "You're not scared of her leaving you again. You're scared because you know that she won't. And you still don't feel worthy of her. You never have, isn't that really it?"
"No." But his voice cracked as he said it.
"Oh Max. You weren't surprised at all when she left. It was what you expected all along, wasn't it? And now that she's really back, you have to accept that you're worth this. You and Liz belong together Max and you do deserve to be happy." Tess felt tears filling her eyes at the naked pain on his face. "What are we going to do with you?"
She reached out and hugged him. He was shaking, apparently incapable of saying anything. Tess wondered if she had finally made him recognize something even he hadn't seen in himself. She couldn't understand why. Tess had known the truth ever since he had come back from New York alone that first time. He hadn't fought for Liz because all this time, he really hadn't believed that he deserved her.
"I'm taking you home," Tess finally said, pulling away and taking him by the hand. He just nodded, looking shell-shocked. "Pam?" She yelled up the stairs.
The bottled blonde appeared a moment later, obviously surprised that Tess was deigning to speak to her. She felt a flash of guilt. "Yeah?"
"Man the fort. I'm taking Max home."
Tess could see Pam's annoyance fading as she took in Max's abrupt disarray. She understood that the blonde had been more angry on Liz's behalf at Max's steely control than anything, probably mad that he was giving up something he obviously still wanted. For the first time, Tess actually liked Pam. She wasn't that bad at all.
"Okay," Pam replied.
A quarter of an hour later, Tess was pulling her car up in front of Max's house. He hadn't said a word. Tess had glanced at him several times in concern but he didn't seem upset any longer, just thoughtful.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly as they both sat in the driveway, staring out the front windshield at Max's small, lonely house.
"I will be. You've given me some stuff to think about," Max admitted.
"Do you want me to come in?"
"If you want to," Max replied. "I'm just going to sit staring at the wall." He laughed, sounding slightly bitter. "I was so sure that this was all going to finally be behind me. Like that can ever happen. Like I [I]want[/I] that to happen." He rubbed a hand wearily across his face. "God Tess. What am I going to do?"
"What your heart [I]wants[/I] you to do," she replied quietly as they walked up the front path.
"My heart's not the problem," Max sighed. "My heart is ready to be trampled again. It's my brain that refuses to shut off. I just can't seem to get past the fact that she came here to divorce me. And now she wants to suddenly get back together because it turns out we [I]can[/I] have kids. It's hard [I]not[/I] to feel like I'm the secondary concern to this potential baby."
"But Max you [I]wanted[/I] kids with Liz. You would have had them if it wasn't for the fact that you guys didn't know that you had to be bonded."
"That's not the point Tess. The point is that she never would have agreed to get back together if she hadn't found that out. [I]That's[/I] what's bothering me so much about this. What she said to me last night.I just finally recognized that it wasn't going to happen. Ever. And, then, suddenly, it [I]is[/I] possible. It's all a bit much, you know?"
"I know Max," Tess said sympathetically. "But now you have to really think about this. Are you going to let that little fact stand in the way? Because you love her. She loves you. She doesn't [I]have[/I] to stay away anymore. You can be together. It doesn't [I]have[/I] to be this difficult."
Max didn't reply. Tess realized that he was staring at his front door, as slight frown on his face.
"Max?" Tess waved a hand in front of his face.
"Tess, why is my front door open?"
Tess turned her head, blinked. Max's door was indeed open. "Um.I have no idea."
"It can't be a robber. Lou would have killed him," Max said, sounding suspicious.
They both stood on the porch, staring at the front door. The inner door was wide open, only the screen door shut.
"Isabel?" Tess asked.
"I don't think so," Max replied, his eyes narrowed.
An instant later Liz appeared in the doorway, a wide smile on her face. "Nope! It's me!" She exclaimed cheerfully. She was holding a dishtowel in her hands, as though she had just been in the kitchen. Lou the dog was panting at her side, gazing up at her adoringly.
"I knew it," Max muttered. Tess glanced at him sharply. He sounded slightly angry, but also a little amazed.
"Knew what?" Tess asked.
She looked back at Liz, who was smiling serenely at Max. "I wondered how long it would take you to notice it was back." Tess frowned. Max's wife sounded minutely smug if she wasn't mistaken.
"What's back?" She asked, confused.
"Never mind," Max snapped. He moved past Liz and into the house, glaring at the dog as he passed. "Traitor! Don't you know she doesn't belong here?" He didn't sound extremely upset though, much to Tess's relief. He then looked at Liz again, his expression stony. "What are you doing here Liz?"
"I live here now Max."
"WHAT?" The roar was so sudden, Tess actually jumped. Well, so much for Max [I]not[/I] being upset.
She saw Liz flinch too, but she didn't back down. She just continued to gaze innocently at Max. "We're married aren't we? Your house is my house." She narrowed her eyes. "In spite of what the Roswell Police Department might think."
"Oh for." Max ran his hands through his hair in complete frustration. "I can't do this right now." He stomped past Liz and through the living room. Tess jumped again when his bedroom door slammed moments later.
Tess met Liz's gaze. "What are you [I]doing[/I]?" She whispered urgently. "I got the impression from Max that he had pretty much ended things permanently. And now you're moving in?"
Liz sobered. "He doesn't think he can trust me. Well, I'm going to prove he can. I'm not going anywhere until I show him that I want to be with [I]him[/I], that this isn't about some stupid prophecy."
Tess shook her head, admiration running through her. "I don't think it's going to be very long Liz. He's crumbling already. And it's not all just about you either. I finally got him to at least sort of admit that he feels partially to blame for you leaving."
"I knew it." Liz sighed heavily. "Thanks for the head's up though." She was grim as she continued, "I have my work cut out for me, but I love him. I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again."
The determined expression on Liz's face made Tess believe her.
To be continued.
