(In potions)
Snape: (Happily) Good morning my little sheep! Today we will make Christmas cookies and hand them out to the elderly!
Harry: Are you feeling okay?
Snape: Ah! A concerned child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor!
Draco: But that's not-
Snape: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE IDIOT CHILD!
(Draco paralyzed in shock)
Snape: YOU MALFOY OF A FOOL! (Runs over and hits Malfoy on the head with a staff)
Draco: OW! What did ya do that for?
Snape: Because you are a squashed banana!
Draco: That doesn't make sense!
Snape: I don't care! (Runs around throwing sparkles everywhere) Now think of a happy thought! And you can fly! (Runs around the room flapping his arms) WWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I will be right back! (He leaves)
(Snape returns wearing a Santa suit)
Hermione: I think you need help. I'll go get Dumbledore-
Snape: Hermione! Come sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas little girl. (Takes out want) Wingadium leviosa!
(Hermione lifts off floor and on to Snape's lap)
Snape: Ho! Ho! Ho!
Hermione: You've gone mad!
Snape: That's no way to talk to Santa! That is a naughty thing to say! (Grabs duck tape and tapes up Hermione from the neck down and sticks a bar of soap in her mouth) Santa must go now! (Runs out of the room to change)
(Snape comes back in)
Snape: Guess what my little sheep! I can do magic!
Harry: Umm.Duh!
Snape: Ah! An impudent child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor! Now! I need a volunteer! Seamus! You will be my volunteer! Come step into the box!
(Seamus steps in)
Snape: Now I will make him disappear!
(Snape closes the box and then opens it. In Seamus' place is the unenthusiastic lady Marv in Monsters Inc)
Marv: Tad-da! Ha ha ha ha.
(Ron opens his mouth to speak)
Harry: SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY BE CAUSE IT IS STUPID!
Snape: Ah! A mean-spirited child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor!
Neville: Where is Seamus?
Marv: What? You mean the ugly turkey? Oops.
Neville: What happened?
Marv: *BURP* I gotta go! (She leaves)
Snape: Oh well! I guess we won't see him any more! Let us sing! Joy to the world.
Crabbe: I just figured out how to make electricity with Draco's hair! It was simple! I calculated the square root of XY then divided by the RDG and multiplied the BRQ-
Harry: Just show us.
Snape: Ah! A demanding child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor!
(Crabbe touches two hairs together electrifying Draco. Now Draco looks like a mess because he was electrified)
Draco: HOW DARE YOU-
Snape: I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP YOU IDIOT CHILD! (Tapes up Draco with duck tape from the neck down and put soap in his mouth.)
Goyle: (To Crabbe) I just finished reading Physics Level 386. What did you think of it?
Crabbe: It was interesting, but Quantum Physics Level 386 was much better.
Snape: NO TALKING! (Tapes them up with duck tape from the neck down and puts soap in their mouths.) I love duck tape! (Tapes up everyone else besides Harry with duck tape from the neck down and put soap in their mouths.)
Harry: I'm hungry.
Snape: Ah! A complaining child! Wonderful! 20 points for Gryffindor! Harry, you are like a son to me. How about you come to my house and we can eat lima beans till we die?
Harry: Um.
Snape: I have something to reveal. I am your mommy!
Harry: You are a guy.
Snape: That is irrelevant. Now you are coming with me and eating lima beans till you die young man! (Grabs Harry's ear and drags him off.)
Snape: (Happily) Good morning my little sheep! Today we will make Christmas cookies and hand them out to the elderly!
Harry: Are you feeling okay?
Snape: Ah! A concerned child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor!
Draco: But that's not-
Snape: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE IDIOT CHILD!
(Draco paralyzed in shock)
Snape: YOU MALFOY OF A FOOL! (Runs over and hits Malfoy on the head with a staff)
Draco: OW! What did ya do that for?
Snape: Because you are a squashed banana!
Draco: That doesn't make sense!
Snape: I don't care! (Runs around throwing sparkles everywhere) Now think of a happy thought! And you can fly! (Runs around the room flapping his arms) WWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I will be right back! (He leaves)
(Snape returns wearing a Santa suit)
Hermione: I think you need help. I'll go get Dumbledore-
Snape: Hermione! Come sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas little girl. (Takes out want) Wingadium leviosa!
(Hermione lifts off floor and on to Snape's lap)
Snape: Ho! Ho! Ho!
Hermione: You've gone mad!
Snape: That's no way to talk to Santa! That is a naughty thing to say! (Grabs duck tape and tapes up Hermione from the neck down and sticks a bar of soap in her mouth) Santa must go now! (Runs out of the room to change)
(Snape comes back in)
Snape: Guess what my little sheep! I can do magic!
Harry: Umm.Duh!
Snape: Ah! An impudent child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor! Now! I need a volunteer! Seamus! You will be my volunteer! Come step into the box!
(Seamus steps in)
Snape: Now I will make him disappear!
(Snape closes the box and then opens it. In Seamus' place is the unenthusiastic lady Marv in Monsters Inc)
Marv: Tad-da! Ha ha ha ha.
(Ron opens his mouth to speak)
Harry: SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY BE CAUSE IT IS STUPID!
Snape: Ah! A mean-spirited child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor!
Neville: Where is Seamus?
Marv: What? You mean the ugly turkey? Oops.
Neville: What happened?
Marv: *BURP* I gotta go! (She leaves)
Snape: Oh well! I guess we won't see him any more! Let us sing! Joy to the world.
Crabbe: I just figured out how to make electricity with Draco's hair! It was simple! I calculated the square root of XY then divided by the RDG and multiplied the BRQ-
Harry: Just show us.
Snape: Ah! A demanding child! Wonderful! 20 house points for Gryffindor!
(Crabbe touches two hairs together electrifying Draco. Now Draco looks like a mess because he was electrified)
Draco: HOW DARE YOU-
Snape: I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP YOU IDIOT CHILD! (Tapes up Draco with duck tape from the neck down and put soap in his mouth.)
Goyle: (To Crabbe) I just finished reading Physics Level 386. What did you think of it?
Crabbe: It was interesting, but Quantum Physics Level 386 was much better.
Snape: NO TALKING! (Tapes them up with duck tape from the neck down and puts soap in their mouths.) I love duck tape! (Tapes up everyone else besides Harry with duck tape from the neck down and put soap in their mouths.)
Harry: I'm hungry.
Snape: Ah! A complaining child! Wonderful! 20 points for Gryffindor! Harry, you are like a son to me. How about you come to my house and we can eat lima beans till we die?
Harry: Um.
Snape: I have something to reveal. I am your mommy!
Harry: You are a guy.
Snape: That is irrelevant. Now you are coming with me and eating lima beans till you die young man! (Grabs Harry's ear and drags him off.)
