It was one of those cold days in November where the sun was shining brightly despite the frigid northern breeze. I was looking up toward the sky when I saw three crows circling high above my head in the deep-blue sky. I loved this kinds of days where I could sit near the lake and think about whatever was on my mind. I needed these days to live a healthy life. I looked up the hill to notice Malfoy walking down towards the water-- I'm sure he hadn't seen me sitting here. If so, I don't know why he would continue to walk this way. I turned around and took a gaze over the water. It was calm and extremely blue today-- more than normal. Malfoy came down sputtering about something, and he gazed down on me. Cold chills trickled down my spine when I felt his glares down my back. He stopped, spurted something, and walked back up the hill. I was too engulfed in my own thoughts to say anything negative or rude back to him. Serves him right for being a stuck-up conceited Slytherin. How I despise him-- or did I really? Maybe this was all one love for Malfoy-- deep, passionate feelings that only I would bottle deep down into my soul. Though he treats me like dirt on a rainy day, I still feel this warmth-- his warmth-- from him when I am near him.

I took out my notebook that I had conveniently placed inside of my pouch bag earlier after class. I needed to write-- I needed inspiration and I think Malfoy just brought it to me. I knew what I had to write about. I had to jot down all my thoughts and dirty feelings that came to mind when I thought about that Slytherin boy. I could write them on paper, then afterwards off to the trash the feelings would go-nobody would ever need to know the dirty lust I had for this boy. I looked up into the sky that suddenly had changed grey and cloudy and decided to head back up into the dorm.

I walked through the opened passage in the wall where the painting used to be only seconds ago. I understood the whole security issue, but don't you think we are taking it a bit too far? Anyway, I walked through as if I owned the place. I had so many thoughts that could be thrown out of my mind verbally-things I would regret only seconds after. I was going crazy over some silly boy that would never have feelings for me. He was a Slytherin for crying out loud! No one from that house would ever fall in love with a Gryffindor, especially poor Hermione. Everyone seems to believe I don't have a heart or a soul. I am just a studious girl that doesn't have many friends except for the bugs and cobwebs that flow through the books in the *restricted* section. God only knows if they are actually considering me a friend, even though I see them all too often.

I saw Harry, and he went pale. I blushed, as I already knew that he had feelings for me. Harry had hugged me before, and it wasn't just a sign of friendship. It had more. warmth. I liked it, but I couldn't ever like Harry like that. These things just don't happen between friends. Maybe it was just the way he seemed to care about me. That must be it. There sitting beside him was of course no one other than Ron. We had our little disagreements earlier in the year, and we were becoming best friends now. We were all like this show that Mum was describing to me. I guess it was called "The Three Musketeers" and it was about three guys that were good friends. Anyway, I think of us being similar to that. Only I am not a guy. I ran in and slammed down in one of the nice padded chairs in the common room. Harry and Ron stared at me blankly and I knew that they were very curious. I had to leave them in suspicion or just plain clueless. I was the only one to know about these feelings. I could never release them, and nobody is to ever EVER find this notebook. If they would, I would be humiliated for the rest of my existence. Luckily, no one would be brave enough to go through my restless notebook. I use it so much that people would either be worried that there was just useless ramble contained in its ink and pages or that there would be information that they would get hung up on. And I completely understand the feeling. God, I wish I wasn't so smart. I wish I wasn't Hermione. Maybe then Draco would actually LOOK at me.

Harry stared me down as I continued to hold my eyes to the ground. I couldn't give him a look back. I sat there for a minute before clearing my throat. Harry sat up and said, "So, Hermione, what have you been up to? I was thinking." I replied back, "I was outside near the lake. I needed some time alone." Ron jumped into the conversation. "Well, I think I am going to go up to the dorm. I will see you two tomorrow. G'night." Harry and I nodded simultaneously. I looked back at Harry, and he looked down at the floor.

It looked as if we were the only two down in the common room, but it was only 7 o' clock in the evening, so I just continued to sit there. Harry reached over and touched my hand, as if asking permission to hold it. I looked up at him, and his hand backed away. I knew this was the perfect time to talk about his lust or love or whatever he wanted this to be.

"Harry, is there something you need to talk to me about," I asked, innocently. "Well, Hermione, I don't.I don't know. I just don't know how to put things. I have so many feelings for you and I just can't deny them any longer. I want to be with you and I want to care for you, and even though I know you probably don't feel the same about me, I wish you really did. Hermione, all this time that we have been at Hogwart's has been a true blessing. You are a talented girl and I think it is the best thing. I love going on our adventures and discoveries together, and when you were petrified last year, it was you that I stayed with. I don't know if I could necessarily say that I love you, because I don't know what love really is, but I like you so much," Harry said, out of breath.

I sat there in shock, as I felt my face turn white as a ghost. I knew it. I knew he was going to say all of that, yet I provoked him to tell me everything. even though in reality, I didn't want to hear about any of it. He walked over and held me in an embrace, and I just sat there dumbfounded. I took of in a jolt away from him as he continued calling my name. I ran to the library to sulk in my guilt. Feelings for two boys-I am in for it now.