The Taming of the Sue

Disclaimer: Do not own. If I was making money off this I would get my cat a decent hair-sheding machine. As I don't my black pants are now white with Snowflake fur. Oh, dearie.  Chapter One: Realizations of Lindserial

                  As Lindserial flipped her long, multi-hued, flowing, beautiful hair luxuriously and perfectly over her ever so slight shoulder, she began to wonder, for the first time, where and why she was in this forsaken place.

                  The last she remembered before she had been placed to this rather unadorned room was a memory of Legolas bending over her gracefully pain-wracked body in the midst of its mortal throes and whispering his undying love for her, right before her eyes had oh so sensually filmed over and closed in death.

Now, however, this plain white room looked nothing like the paradise she envisioned her eternal resting place (heaven, of course, goodness knows she'd been good enough!) to be. Her golden-flecked blue eyes rolled a little in her boredom. There weren't even any hot guys (or elves for that matter, why should she settle for less?) within a hundred yards of her! Disgraceful!

Before she could be afforded enough time to fully bemoan her sorrows, however, a door-shaped outline appeared suddenly in the middle of the room and, oddly, opened. This door to nothingness, as it were, seemed to signal to Lindserial the arrival of an undoubtedly noble personage such as the likes of Galadriel or even Varda Tintallë. Of course, Lindserial would be more beautiful, and her quick-thinking mind, you guessed it, quickly formed the quick conclusion that Varda or some other equivalent being must have quickly placed her here to quickly bestow upon her the title of Empress of All. Or perhaps Her Queenship of All Things Universal. Personally, Lindserial preferred Empress of All. It would make her title so much easier for all her loyal and adoring subjects to pronounce.

With that in mind, you can imagine her bewilderment when not a resplendently-clad, glowing queen appeared, but a short, plain-faced girl of about twelve walked through the ever-so-stunning entranceway.

"Excuse me, dear, where are you going? Are you here to get me ready to see Lady Varda?" This was, of course, our beloved perfect Lindserial. Using her already mentioned quick wits, she assumed that this girl must be some sort of servant to get her ready for her inevitable coronation as Empress of All.

The girl spun a little to face Lindserial, as she was headed away to some other destination, as of now unknown, and muttered something distinctly like, "Not another one…" The girl, as evident by her frustrated face, was in no mood to swap banter. She clapped once, causing two chairs to appear, facing each other.

"Take a seat." Her voice was nothing like Lindserial's hauntingly beautiful, melodious voice, which sounded, at any given moment, like lyres, harps, bells, and flutes, all at once. It was more like, as Lindserial quickly noted, the abbreviated version of Westron as servants were wont to use. But, in all of her expansive experience with servants, she had always been addressed as "Lady" or "Her Royal Highness."

The respect that the girl afforded Lindserial, or lack thereof, pushed Lindserial's temper a little off balance. "Excuse me? What did you say?"

"You heard me. Get off your high horse and sit your tush down on that chair now."

Lindserial had thought that the girl had misspoken from her first statement, but there was no mistaking the girl this time.

Lindserial's voice took on a hysterical pitch. "What did you just say?! Do you know who it is you speak to? It is I, Lindserial, wife-to-be of Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood! Who are you, foolish mortal, to command such as I?"

The girl did not even bat an eyelid at this not-so-impressive display. "Sit down."

As much as Lindserial resisted, she found herself sitting down in the highly uncomfortable plastic chair.

Once again, the girl clapped and a notebook and folder appeared in her hand. Lindserial could make out her name at the tops of both the folder and notebook in a flowing, elvish script, followed by lines of some bulky, dwarven runes. Lindserial had never bothered to learn them, considering the script of the dwarves too low beneath her to read. No pun intended.

"Ah, yes, Lind…Linds…Lindserial! You finally showed up. I was wondering, you know. You stayed out there for almost three years too long."

Lindserial could only look gracefully speechless as the girl continued.

"I suppose you'll be wanting to know why you're here, no? They all do."

"Yes, I — Wait, what do you mean by 'them'?"

"Oh, you poor thing. You don't know what you are, do you?"

Lindserial drew herself up in her grandest imitation of royal dignity. Of course, her added height only made the girl seem puny, in her mind.

"I know what I am thank you very much!"

The girl sighed and shook her head sadly. "No, I mean what you are. You have no clue what designation you fall under, do you?"

"Designation?"

"Yes, designation. You are, Lindserial, a Mary-Sue."

…TBC…

A/N: Whew! First chapter done. Now, just have to put the brains in motion and keep this fic going…goodness, if I don't finish this, this'll be the 3rd one! Oh, dearie!

~Akage-chan