Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Rugby League
A/N: pmf is pronounced permiff

"Students, instead of Qudditch this year, we are going to do a muggle sport, so that the muggle studies class can get a feel of how muggles in Oceanina play 'sport'." Dumbeldore said.

"We did that last year!" Ron complained. "...and the year before that, and the year before that! My god, our last year without Qudditch will be..."

"Incomplete." Hermione finished. "I can't stand Slytherin winning the Rugby League cup..."

"Gryffindor goes for Brains over Brawn that's why." Harry said. "We need to eat loadsa red meat and stuff."

"Actually Harry, I've been reading Muggle Nutrtion-"

Ron sighed. Hermione gave him 'the look'.

"-and to get the best body, quicker, then eat blocks of..." She shuddered. "Tofu."

"What's Tofu?" Ron asked

"Err, you don't want to know. It's artifical." Harry shuddered.

"Enjoy!" Dumbeldore said, as the tables filled with Food.

"What the...?" The Gryffindors said.

The Gryffindor table was filled with...Tofu.

Tofu chicken legs, Tofu mash potatoes, Tofu fruit and more Tofu products all over the table. Except the drink, which was a low calorie health smoothie.

"Yuk." said Dean. "Ew, yuk."

"Hold on, here comes Hedwig!" Harry said.

Hedwig dropped two letters and a parcel onto the table.

"Have a drink Hedwig."

Hedwig perched herself onto Harry's goblet, took a sniff and with a look of disgust she flew away to the owlery.

"There's a letter from Dobby!

Dear Mr. Harry Potter sir,

We (The House Elves) have changed the diet of the Gryffindors so that they have a chance at winning the Rugby League Cup for Gryffindor this year.

Dobby and the House Elves." Harry said astonished

"That's nice of Dobby." Hermione smiled. "What about the others?"

"It's from Sirius.

Dear Harry,

I've brought you a little present so that you can help Gryffindor win the Rugby League Cup.

From Sirius."

Harry turned to the package.

"What do you suppose it is?" Hermione asked. "A spell?"

"Hope so." Ron said, staring at the square package. "I don't want to eat this Toefooie stuff..."

It looked like Ron wasn't the only one. The Gryffindors kept picking up the tofu, smelling it, and putting it back down again.

Harry tore the brown paper off the box, and there stood a ball in a see- through box.

"A rugby ball." Harry said. "I'd never forget the sight of one. Three years, Quidditch has been jebordised..."

There was a note. Hermione picked it up.

"Harry," She read. "I want you to practise with this ball until the Gryffindors are perfect. I want Gryffindor to win, since they intrduced the Muggle Studies isignment when I was there, we haven't won. Make Godric proud, Harry."

"Pmf." Ron 'pmf'-ed. "Like we're gonna win! We're a short and scrawny, not to mention Harry-no offence."

"Non taken. I can't win this." Harry sighed. "'Make Godric proud' my arse."

"Harry, we can try!" Hermione said. "Now eat your tofu."

Ron and Harry shuddered.

"Urgh, I'm thirsty." Neville said, getting out his wand. "Eye of Rabbit, harping hum, turn this smoothie into Rum!"

KABOOM.

"I gotta stop doing that!" Neville said in an exasperated voice.