Foreign and Domestic
a Bug's Life fanfic
by
C. "Sparky" Read

Chapter Five

"That was the single most harrowing experience I think I've ever had to endure," Slim was complaining as they approached their own tent.

"I cannot believe that stingy cockroach wouldn't even let us visit Tuck and Roll after the show," added Manny in a huff. "The audacity."

"But we got more free passes."

Slim glared at Francis. "You couldn't pay me to go back there," he growled.

Heimlich nodded. "Ja, and ve vill have to perform tomorrow night. Ve von't be able to go."

Rosie threw her hands in the air. "What would be the point in performing?" she demanded. "You saw that crowd. They were gushing over Farkas' circus. Do you really think we'll get any business before they leave town?"

"What should we do?" Dim asked her.

Rosie paused. "I think...I think we should go back," she said. "Tuck and Roll are our friends, and we don't know how many times we'll be able to see them before...they're gone. This could even be our last chance."

The others were silent as they stepped inside the tent. As unpleasant as it was, the spider could well be right.

"I'm going to tell P.T. right now that we're going to have to cancel another show," said Slim solemnly, and he knocked at the flap of the flea's office.

P.T. poked his head out. He looked exhausted. "You yahoos back already?" he asked tiredly.

"P.T.," said the walkingstick in his most forceful tone, "I'm afraid to inform you that - "

"Oh hey, before I forget," the flea interrupted, scratching his back distractedly, "I'm cancelling tomorrow's show. Yeah, I know you're all disappointed," he went on, seeing the confusion on the others' faces. "But I thought I'd go and catch that Farkas' shindig. If anyone wants to tag along, they can. Now, I've gotta go get some shut-eye." He disappeared back into his office.

Slim blinked. "Uh, take...that," he said dazedly.

"Vell, that vas easy," said Heimlich cheerfully. "Good night."

The rest of the circus bugs bid eachother good night as well, and wandered off to bed.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"Boo! Boo! Get off the stage, ya phony!!"

The circus bugs stared at P.T. in horror as Ciki paused in his firebreathing act to look around for the heckler. "You want to make us roasty-toasty?" hissed Francis.

P.T. leaned back in his seat. "Ah, they wouldn't do anything to us, we're paying customers."

"P.T., these passes were free."

The flea glanced over at Rosie and said nothing.

Slim leaned forward. "P.T., you have done nothing but shout at the performers ever since the show began," he whispered to the flea. "Surely you must concede that they aren't that bad?"

"Effen if they are all horrible jerks," added Heimlich.

P.T. shrugged as Ciki finished his act and tromped out of the ring. "Eh," he said simply. The others blinked at him.

Farkas appeared suddenly out of the shadows behind the group, startling Gypsy and Dim quite badly. "You do not seem to be enjoying my circus, Mr. Flea," he addressed P.T. shortly.

P.T. waved a hand dismissively in his direction. "I've seen better acts at the dump," he replied.

The others stared in stunned silence, broken only by Francis' comment to Manny, "We're doomed."

Farkas paused, then forced a smile. "No doubt you are the expert," he said. "I trust you will not be so disruptive during the scorpion trainer's act? That could prove rather...oh I don't know...bad."

Heimlich eeped. "Bad?"

The flea didn't seem concerned. "I only state what I see," he shrugged.

When Farkas returned to the ring to introduce Izo and Szara, the circus bugs practically pounced on P.T.

"What on Earth do you think you are doing, P.T.?" Rosie demanded through clenched teeth. "These people are dangerous! Why are you egging them on?"

The flea wriggled away. "Hey hey hey, relax," he grumped. "You're all way too touchy." In a way, he seemed to be enjoying himself. "I know what I'm doing."

P.T. was indeed disruptive during the scorpion's act, and by this time, the rest of the audience was highly irritated and didn't seem to be enjoying themselves very much. Farkas could be seen seething in the shadows, just out of the center ring. The flea's employees fidgeted and looked at eachother nervously. Farkas' bunch were a tough group, and they didn't want to get jumped and pounded on on their way home.

Finally, after poor Bovli got heckled nearly to death by P.T., it was Tuck and Roll's turn to perform.

"P.T.," growled Francis. "You can't seriously consider heckling Tuck and Roll. They're our friends. This may be the last time we see them, so keep it zipped, okay?"

But P.T. didn't seem to be listening. "Who are these yahoos?" he yelled as the pillbugs rolled into the ring. "I didn't come here to see a couple of BB's roll around!"

P.T.'s troupe was aghast. "P.T., how dare you!" cried Rosie.

"Ja, P.T., you might yell at us backstage but neffer...neffer in front of the audience!"

The flea hopped away from Heimlich so the butterfly couldn't grab him. "Boo!" he yelled at the pillbugs, drowning out Farkas' introduction. "Is this what we paid for? I could go see better acts under a rock! Boo!"

At this point, a large point of the audience had had enough. Grumbling and muttering, they stood and began filing out of the tent.

Farkas positively raged. Spreading his long wings, he fluttered right up into the stands among the flea's performers, who scattered. The cockroach prodded P.T. menecingly in the chest with the handle of his cane.

"You imbecilic little blood-sucker," he snarled, the image of fury. "Look what you have done! The audience is leaving!"

P.T., in an impressive show of bravery, stood his ground. "Oh my," he said in mock surprise. "So they are. It doesn't look as if they like your little tumbling act, Mr. Farkas. Perhaps you should fire them."

Farkas gave P.T. a shove, knocking the tiny bug down. "I will not fire them!" he roared, brandishing the pillbug's contracts - the originals this time - from under a wing. "They are mine! It was you who drove off the audience!"

At this point Tuck and Roll, confused, wandered over to stand nearby.

The flea picked himself up and made a big show of brushing himself off. "Oh no," he said evenly. "That's not the way it works. Maybe you should reread those fancy contracts of yours, pal."

Farkas drew a blank, as did P.T.'s performers. "What in blazes are you talking about?" the cockroach demanded.

P.T. reached out and plucked one of the contracts from Farkas' hand. "Right here, and as I translated with the help of a dictionary or two: Employment of the undersigned is subject to immediate termination in the event of the majority of any audience's departure during said party's act. Harsh words but there they are. Good thing I don't have a stipulation like that in my employees' contracts or I'd have to fire them every show!"

The news that Tuck and Roll would be fired from Farkas' circus was too good for any of P.T.'s performers to be jilted at that last comment. They began to cheer. The pillbugs sensed something had turned in their favor and they joined in. Farkas, meanwhile, was not amused, but he favored P.T. with a wry smile.

"You did your homework," he conceded dryly. "All right." He turned to Tuck and Roll, who immediately sobered up. Farkas said something to them, and they gaped at him, then at eachother, stunned.

P.T. coughed. "Poor guys, I don't envy them," he said, to no one in particular. "Being out of work is tough. I wonder who will take them in?"

The performers cheered some more, and Tuck and Roll rushed to the flea's side and each gave him a hearty kiss, on either cheek.

P.T. spluttered. "Hey!" he roared. "Don't ever do that again or I'll dock you a week's wages! Speaking of wages," he added suddenly, "you two will be starting at groundlevel pay again. You don't mind, do you?"

As the ten bugs left to spend the Solstace together, Farkas stood, alone, in the stands, watching them go. Slowly and deliberately, he tore the pillbugs' contracts into tiny bits and let them fall like confetti among the ordinary concession trash. "You are a true businessman, Mr. Flea," the cockroach murmured, before stepping back into the shadows.