A/n hello you lovely peps that have stuck to reading this!!! I own squach
so…DEAL WITH IT!!!! Flames will be eaten/laughed at/used to warm bed during
cold winter months, here you go! the poem is mine; I am very proud of it so
touch it and die!!!!
The song however, is not mine, it belongs to the Moulin Rouge, but it fits well, and Haldir is making it up as he goes along
AJ, to answer your Question, it was a dream as you find out
Oh oh oh and age wise one hundred elf years = one year, e.g. I am one thousand years old = I am ten years old
You are beautiful, Little Star
Chapter three
Questions asked, things revealed
Haldir woke up drenched in sweat; he had never been able to remember his rape in such detail. He had remembered everything so clearly, cruel words, cold hands…..
Legolas came bursting through the doors panic stricken. He had heard Haldir screaming and came through to see what was so wrong.
"What is it Haldir, what is wrong? You were crying out in your sleep, tell me!
"If I told you Legolas, you would be so disgusted you would never talk to me again."
Legolas caught the self-loathing in Haldirs voice and the shame in his eyes before Haldir turned away.
"Oh, Haldir, what has happened to you to make you feel this way?"
Haldir said nothing, but silver tears started streaming down his face, and Legolas saw them.
He was shocked; he knew that elves could only cry at a deep, deep hurt. He himself had never cried, and had only seen one other elf do so. His father; on hearing of his wife's death.
Haldir had sat up, his head turned away from Legolas, as he felt him sit on the bed beside him, he was surprised when he felt two arms were put about him as he was pulled into a reassuring embrace.
Legolas held the little elf in his arms and brushed the tears off Haldir's face.
"What has happened to you?"
Haldir just looked at him, but his eyes said it all, "Please don't make me tell you Legolas, please, don't make me tell you."
"Haldir…"
"I was, I was raped,"
A small shaky whisper came out of Haldir,
"Over a thousand years ago."
"Oh…. Haldir…. oh my poor, poor baby…"
Haldir broke into sobs, body shaking sobs. He half expected Legolas to leave.
"Why have you not told a soul, why?"
"Because I am ashamed. I m ashamed and disgusted at myself, and it's all my fault, I deserved it!"
Why would Haldir feel like that? No one deserved that!
"No, no Haldir, never believe anything like that is your fault. Never. You have nothing to be ashamed or disgusted about. Do you hear me?"
Legolas could not believe he was hearing this, he would not wish this on his worst enemy, never mind sweet, shy Haldir. Maybe he could be a bit arrogant, but he knew elves that were much worse.
"Maybe that is true, but I can't even look at myself in a mirror anymore, I am ugly and horrible and there is nothing I can do to get that out of my head."
Legolas looked at the pale, perfect face of Haldir, by Elbereth he was beautiful, even for an elf, his hair was like Galadriel's, golden as the sun, yet with silver of the moon and stars trapped in it.
"You are beautiful little star."
Haldir sobbed into Legolas' chest, lots of things had been revealed that night, and those things would not leave this room.
"Stay with me."
Legolas almost managed to smile.
"Yes, I will be here Haldir, try to sleep little one, and I promise, things will look brighter in the morning."
~***~
"Haldir, Haldir love, wake up dear, come on!"
"Nnnnnoooooo!"
"Come on, it's morning now!"
"Go awaaay!"
"Haldir, you are lying on my arm, I think I may lose feeling in it."
"Oh; sorry."
Haldir rolled onto his side. Legolas gave him a sad smile.
"I do not need your pity Legolas."
"No, and I do not give it to you, but you do need me, even as just someone to talk to"
Haldir frowned, he had not told ant one how he felt for over one thousand years, he wasn't going to let his feelings be dragged through the mud again.
"Help me to understand Haldir, please, I want to help you"
"Do you thing I am just a child? That I need protection? Because I'm not a child Legolas, I stopped being a child one millennium and a half years ago, way before my time"
"Please…"
Haldir closed his eyes, he felt that he could not refuse Legolas anything; he just didn't want to bring up memories that were long buried.
"Just stop if it hurts too much"
"It couldn't possibly hurt anymore than it all ready does…"
Haldir went to his desk and took out a small box from one of the drawers.
It was not well kept, and the silver paint was flaking off.
Haldir took out bits of parchment, letters mostly, until he took out a bit of wood that was as wide as the box but as thin as paper.
A secret compartment.
He took out a piece of parchment and walked over to Legolas.
As he handed it over he said
"I wrote this shortly after it happened"
As Legolas read Haldir recited it in a whisper;
Silver blood, silver tears,
Watch them flow, my greatest fears.
Silver tears my eyes did flood,
As I saw my sliver blood.
Darkest red, deepest blue,
Yet both had the silver through.
Silver tears mixed silver blood,
All my hopes dragged through the mud.
Watch them flow, my greatest fears,
Silver blood, silver tears.
Legolas looked up at Haldir, that was deep, dark stuff, and Legolas didn't like it, if that was hoe Haldir felt all the time, it was a wonder he wasn't dead.
"What age were you Haldir?"
"It was morning time, the morning of my one thousand four hundredth and ninety second in fact"
Legolas frowned, that was sick, that was really, really sick, Haldir had been nought but a child!
Damn that…that…
"What species?"
"Is that really important, I wont tell you who it was"?
"What species?"
"An elf…a Mirkwood elf I think…"
So, an elf had done it, if there had been ant justice in this cold world it would have been mortal…from Mirkwood.
Legolas looked down at the paper again,
"Silver blood…"
Haldir unbuttoned the first two buttons on his Knee length shirt and showed Legolas a thin red scar, that ran from the his neck to the right side of his left nipple, maybe a couple of inches away.
"He did that?"
"A constant reminder"
"Why has it not healed?"
"I do not know, perhaps I will not let it heal…"
Poor Haldir, Legolas thought, if he won't let it heal… poor little Haldir
"I remember when you were just young, you were so chatty and lively, full of life, constantly playing tricks on the older elves, even me once, I was stuck in that badgers set for hours"
Legolas smiled, he still didn't know how Haldir had managed that
"Then when I came back with the fellowship you were so quiet, shy…you've locked everyone out, and it's killing your brothers…"
"How do you know this?"
"I have heard them speak"
Haldir sighed, why did everyone think they knew best for him, he was the oldest of all his siblings, why did they feel they had to baby him, he wasn't that pitiful was he?
"How can I be true to them when I cannot be true to myself"
Legolas felt so…so, he couldn't explain how he felt, but what had been done to Haldir, was so unfair and cruel, elves like him should never feel sad, not so sad they where brought to tears.
Haldir was such a beautiful creature, he may look arrogant and ready to take on anything with his Uniform and bow strapped to his back, and so wise and grown up at Celeborn and Galadriel's side but right now the elf that sat at the edge of his bed in just a shirt looked like a little forlorn boy, a poor innocent little forlorn boy. Legolas realised he must be one of a select few who had ever seen Haldir like this, and his arrogance was just a way to cover up for his insecurity.
Haldir looked up at Legolas with his big hazel eyes.
Legolas loved those eyes, they were like little stars, a little star in each one, but they weren't quite there anymore, stars that had faded away and left a shadow.
Haldir blushed
"Legolas…"
"What?"
"I need to get dressed"
"Wha…? Oh! right, sorry, I'll see you later then?"
"Later"
Haldir said as he shut the door,
"Later…"
~***~
Legolas threw himself onto his bed face first screaming into the pillows in frustration.
How could this be happening, he was falling in love! This wasn't supposed to happen! He was never ever going to fall in love, because you end up getting hurt, or worse, dead, he had seen what grief could do to elves, his father…
But Haldir was so beautiful, in both body and soul, so sweet and innocent, gods, he wanted Haldir so bad.
If he was truly in love , Legolas would have to give up the throne to Curonlas and he would not be happy, oh Elbereth, this was so hard, he could try to avoid it, avoid Haldir, avoid Lorien if needs be, but it was to late, he was already addicted to him, to the ground he walked on, to the air he breathed!
The prince of Mirkwood howled into his pillows and had bitter thoughts.
~***~
Haldir buttoned up a new shirt, singing to himself, he could not remember when he had last been so happy
"never knew I could feel like this,
like I've never seen the sky before"
Sure, Legolas had not spoken of love to him, but Haldir had slept in his arms night and Legolas had kissed him
"want to vanish inside your kiss,
every day I love you more and more"
By Elbereth, to hear Legolas say I love you, would be the biggest thrill of his life, and he would give Legolas everything he had to be in his arms again.
1 "Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
telling me to give you everything"
He knew he would always love Legolas, through summer winter….for Centuries, for Eternity.
"seasons may change, winter to spring
but I'll love you until the end of time"
So, what do you think, sorry it took so long, but I locked myself out of the House (go on laugh, I'm to tired to care) please review, otherwise I'll stop writing and crawl away into a hole and shrivel up.
That "Silver blood silver tears" poem is mine (as I've said before) and I love it to pieces because I got an "F" with that baby (that's an "A" to all ye over the pacific )in English * smiles *
Gladathriel typed half this page out when I forgot how to read and write (it was scary, I swear I totally freaked and ran around in circles) so thank you Gladdie!!!
And thank you reviewers, I love you all!!!!!
Luv
Elendor
xxx
The song however, is not mine, it belongs to the Moulin Rouge, but it fits well, and Haldir is making it up as he goes along
AJ, to answer your Question, it was a dream as you find out
Oh oh oh and age wise one hundred elf years = one year, e.g. I am one thousand years old = I am ten years old
You are beautiful, Little Star
Chapter three
Questions asked, things revealed
Haldir woke up drenched in sweat; he had never been able to remember his rape in such detail. He had remembered everything so clearly, cruel words, cold hands…..
Legolas came bursting through the doors panic stricken. He had heard Haldir screaming and came through to see what was so wrong.
"What is it Haldir, what is wrong? You were crying out in your sleep, tell me!
"If I told you Legolas, you would be so disgusted you would never talk to me again."
Legolas caught the self-loathing in Haldirs voice and the shame in his eyes before Haldir turned away.
"Oh, Haldir, what has happened to you to make you feel this way?"
Haldir said nothing, but silver tears started streaming down his face, and Legolas saw them.
He was shocked; he knew that elves could only cry at a deep, deep hurt. He himself had never cried, and had only seen one other elf do so. His father; on hearing of his wife's death.
Haldir had sat up, his head turned away from Legolas, as he felt him sit on the bed beside him, he was surprised when he felt two arms were put about him as he was pulled into a reassuring embrace.
Legolas held the little elf in his arms and brushed the tears off Haldir's face.
"What has happened to you?"
Haldir just looked at him, but his eyes said it all, "Please don't make me tell you Legolas, please, don't make me tell you."
"Haldir…"
"I was, I was raped,"
A small shaky whisper came out of Haldir,
"Over a thousand years ago."
"Oh…. Haldir…. oh my poor, poor baby…"
Haldir broke into sobs, body shaking sobs. He half expected Legolas to leave.
"Why have you not told a soul, why?"
"Because I am ashamed. I m ashamed and disgusted at myself, and it's all my fault, I deserved it!"
Why would Haldir feel like that? No one deserved that!
"No, no Haldir, never believe anything like that is your fault. Never. You have nothing to be ashamed or disgusted about. Do you hear me?"
Legolas could not believe he was hearing this, he would not wish this on his worst enemy, never mind sweet, shy Haldir. Maybe he could be a bit arrogant, but he knew elves that were much worse.
"Maybe that is true, but I can't even look at myself in a mirror anymore, I am ugly and horrible and there is nothing I can do to get that out of my head."
Legolas looked at the pale, perfect face of Haldir, by Elbereth he was beautiful, even for an elf, his hair was like Galadriel's, golden as the sun, yet with silver of the moon and stars trapped in it.
"You are beautiful little star."
Haldir sobbed into Legolas' chest, lots of things had been revealed that night, and those things would not leave this room.
"Stay with me."
Legolas almost managed to smile.
"Yes, I will be here Haldir, try to sleep little one, and I promise, things will look brighter in the morning."
~***~
"Haldir, Haldir love, wake up dear, come on!"
"Nnnnnoooooo!"
"Come on, it's morning now!"
"Go awaaay!"
"Haldir, you are lying on my arm, I think I may lose feeling in it."
"Oh; sorry."
Haldir rolled onto his side. Legolas gave him a sad smile.
"I do not need your pity Legolas."
"No, and I do not give it to you, but you do need me, even as just someone to talk to"
Haldir frowned, he had not told ant one how he felt for over one thousand years, he wasn't going to let his feelings be dragged through the mud again.
"Help me to understand Haldir, please, I want to help you"
"Do you thing I am just a child? That I need protection? Because I'm not a child Legolas, I stopped being a child one millennium and a half years ago, way before my time"
"Please…"
Haldir closed his eyes, he felt that he could not refuse Legolas anything; he just didn't want to bring up memories that were long buried.
"Just stop if it hurts too much"
"It couldn't possibly hurt anymore than it all ready does…"
Haldir went to his desk and took out a small box from one of the drawers.
It was not well kept, and the silver paint was flaking off.
Haldir took out bits of parchment, letters mostly, until he took out a bit of wood that was as wide as the box but as thin as paper.
A secret compartment.
He took out a piece of parchment and walked over to Legolas.
As he handed it over he said
"I wrote this shortly after it happened"
As Legolas read Haldir recited it in a whisper;
Silver blood, silver tears,
Watch them flow, my greatest fears.
Silver tears my eyes did flood,
As I saw my sliver blood.
Darkest red, deepest blue,
Yet both had the silver through.
Silver tears mixed silver blood,
All my hopes dragged through the mud.
Watch them flow, my greatest fears,
Silver blood, silver tears.
Legolas looked up at Haldir, that was deep, dark stuff, and Legolas didn't like it, if that was hoe Haldir felt all the time, it was a wonder he wasn't dead.
"What age were you Haldir?"
"It was morning time, the morning of my one thousand four hundredth and ninety second in fact"
Legolas frowned, that was sick, that was really, really sick, Haldir had been nought but a child!
Damn that…that…
"What species?"
"Is that really important, I wont tell you who it was"?
"What species?"
"An elf…a Mirkwood elf I think…"
So, an elf had done it, if there had been ant justice in this cold world it would have been mortal…from Mirkwood.
Legolas looked down at the paper again,
"Silver blood…"
Haldir unbuttoned the first two buttons on his Knee length shirt and showed Legolas a thin red scar, that ran from the his neck to the right side of his left nipple, maybe a couple of inches away.
"He did that?"
"A constant reminder"
"Why has it not healed?"
"I do not know, perhaps I will not let it heal…"
Poor Haldir, Legolas thought, if he won't let it heal… poor little Haldir
"I remember when you were just young, you were so chatty and lively, full of life, constantly playing tricks on the older elves, even me once, I was stuck in that badgers set for hours"
Legolas smiled, he still didn't know how Haldir had managed that
"Then when I came back with the fellowship you were so quiet, shy…you've locked everyone out, and it's killing your brothers…"
"How do you know this?"
"I have heard them speak"
Haldir sighed, why did everyone think they knew best for him, he was the oldest of all his siblings, why did they feel they had to baby him, he wasn't that pitiful was he?
"How can I be true to them when I cannot be true to myself"
Legolas felt so…so, he couldn't explain how he felt, but what had been done to Haldir, was so unfair and cruel, elves like him should never feel sad, not so sad they where brought to tears.
Haldir was such a beautiful creature, he may look arrogant and ready to take on anything with his Uniform and bow strapped to his back, and so wise and grown up at Celeborn and Galadriel's side but right now the elf that sat at the edge of his bed in just a shirt looked like a little forlorn boy, a poor innocent little forlorn boy. Legolas realised he must be one of a select few who had ever seen Haldir like this, and his arrogance was just a way to cover up for his insecurity.
Haldir looked up at Legolas with his big hazel eyes.
Legolas loved those eyes, they were like little stars, a little star in each one, but they weren't quite there anymore, stars that had faded away and left a shadow.
Haldir blushed
"Legolas…"
"What?"
"I need to get dressed"
"Wha…? Oh! right, sorry, I'll see you later then?"
"Later"
Haldir said as he shut the door,
"Later…"
~***~
Legolas threw himself onto his bed face first screaming into the pillows in frustration.
How could this be happening, he was falling in love! This wasn't supposed to happen! He was never ever going to fall in love, because you end up getting hurt, or worse, dead, he had seen what grief could do to elves, his father…
But Haldir was so beautiful, in both body and soul, so sweet and innocent, gods, he wanted Haldir so bad.
If he was truly in love , Legolas would have to give up the throne to Curonlas and he would not be happy, oh Elbereth, this was so hard, he could try to avoid it, avoid Haldir, avoid Lorien if needs be, but it was to late, he was already addicted to him, to the ground he walked on, to the air he breathed!
The prince of Mirkwood howled into his pillows and had bitter thoughts.
~***~
Haldir buttoned up a new shirt, singing to himself, he could not remember when he had last been so happy
"never knew I could feel like this,
like I've never seen the sky before"
Sure, Legolas had not spoken of love to him, but Haldir had slept in his arms night and Legolas had kissed him
"want to vanish inside your kiss,
every day I love you more and more"
By Elbereth, to hear Legolas say I love you, would be the biggest thrill of his life, and he would give Legolas everything he had to be in his arms again.
1 "Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
telling me to give you everything"
He knew he would always love Legolas, through summer winter….for Centuries, for Eternity.
"seasons may change, winter to spring
but I'll love you until the end of time"
So, what do you think, sorry it took so long, but I locked myself out of the House (go on laugh, I'm to tired to care) please review, otherwise I'll stop writing and crawl away into a hole and shrivel up.
That "Silver blood silver tears" poem is mine (as I've said before) and I love it to pieces because I got an "F" with that baby (that's an "A" to all ye over the pacific )in English * smiles *
Gladathriel typed half this page out when I forgot how to read and write (it was scary, I swear I totally freaked and ran around in circles) so thank you Gladdie!!!
And thank you reviewers, I love you all!!!!!
Luv
Elendor
xxx
