"The Breath of God"

part 4

a Weib Kreuz fic by Mirrordance

don't own anyone.

Plot: When Ken dies, an angel gives him the chance to take over someone else's body to live again…

Ken's P.O.V.

      When I woke up I knew I was taller, thinner and had a mop of blond hair, and I wasn't very surprised anymore.

      Amused, yes.  But not surprised.

      Dizzy with a hangover, yes.  But not surprised.

      I pushed myself up to my elbows on the couch and looked at the watch on Yoji's--mine, now--wrist.  I couldn't see it very well in the dark, so I pressed a button, hoping for a light.  What resulted was a hissing that indicated I just released some wires…

      "Shit!" I exclaimed, pressing more tiny buttons to try and get them back, but they weren't following me.

      Muttering even more curses, I hurriedly removed the damn thing before I hurt myself; Yoji could do magic with those wires. 

      I rushed up to Yoji's apartment, stopping by the clock on the shop along the way.  Five a.m.  Not a typical Yoji-hour, but nevertheless, I'm awake and I'm on a mission. 

      I left the wristwatch and the disgruntled wires on his night table, took a shower, then looked at the clothes in Yoji's cabinet; I'd give a lot to be able to wear my own clothes, but well, I couldn't be picky.  I chose some that were closer to my own taste; a loose cotton shirt and the oldest and softest pair of faded jeans I could find.  Then, still slightly damp (sorry, Yoji), I placed his mop of hair on a ponytail against my back (it took me some time to figure it out, though), to get it away from my face. 

      I didn't put the wristwatch on along with the clothes; that was a disaster waiting to happen.  It would seem strange to Omi and Ran; after all, Yoji always had his watch/weapon on, as it was the most inconspicuous of all of ours.  Never mind.  I'll just tell them it was out of order.

      The shower definitely got most of my/Yoji's hangover away, so I happily trotted down to the basement, feeling hungry and for some reason, excited.

      I plopped down on a seat by the table, wondering if I should cook breakfast, seeing as I was the first one up this morning.

      I was still contemplating when I heard curt and quiet footsteps that couldn't have belonged to anyone but Ran; untrained ears wouldn't have been able to hear them, as he was agile as a cat.

      His guard was down today, as if he wasn't expecting anyone to be around but him, which would have been true except I was inside Yoji's body today, and I woke up early most of the time.  I was seeing a part of Ran that, for some reason or other, he decided to hide even after his sister has been rescued.

      Watching him stretch his arms over his head and yawn, lazily scratching at his cheek made me chuckle, and he finally paid attention enough to notice I was there.

      A flicker of surprise there, which he expertly covered up with a nonchalant expression.

      "You're up early" he commented flatly.

      I wasn't so intimidated anymore, having just seen him behave like a normal human being; not a very frequent occurrence.

      I shrugged, watched as he started preparing our breakfast.

      "Need help?" I asked.

      "Coffee" he grunted without looking at me, and that suddenly made me nervous.  Yoji made terrific coffee, a fact even Ran had conceded to.  I had no bloody idea what goes where!

      Numbly, I headed for one of Yoji's creature comforts; a bag of coffee beans from Starbucks, some kind of variation from East Timor.  The brewer must be around here somewhere.  And those white filter things? Where could Yoji have hidden them all?

      I shoved the bag into a cabinet and aborted the search; instead, I grabbed three glasses and a carton of milk from the refrigerator.  I knew Ran was looking, even if he always tried to hide it, so I decided on an explanation.

      "I think I've been having too much caffeine lately," I offered lamely, which he didn't dignify with a comment.

      I knew for a fact that Ran loved Yoji's coffee.  But he wouldn't beg me to make some; he tried not to care about trivial things like that.

      I set up the table as Ran cooked, which meant I finished sooner than he did, so I had the time to just sit on the kitchen's counter and watch him.  In everything he did, his movements were enviably fluid.

      It gave me some joy watching him cook, as much as it gave me joy to read Omi's writing and leaf through his messy notebook.  It's the little things that I'm sure I'll miss, those little things I've never thought to pay attention to before.

      We settled on the table, as we waited for the meals to cook, and for the first time in many years I found that I had no idea what to say to him.

      "You shouldn't have been driving drunk," he told me, breaking the uneasy silence.  "You could have--"
      "I know" I cut him off, "never again."

      He accepted this with a nod, and I wondered if his initial concern was for my/Yoji's safety, or that I could have run over someone.

      I poured us some milk, and he took a sip from his and made a face that I thought was both uncharacteristic and very, very welcome.

      He grabbed the carton, and was off-guard long enough to seem just a little lonely.  On Ran it was darn dramatic, as he never shows how he feels.

      "What?" I asked, looking at my glass dubiously.

      "It's expired," he said, picking up both our glasses and throwing the contents in the sink.  He emptied the carton too, then seemed to hesitate over throwing the container in the trash.

      "You shouldn't look so tragic about it," I teased, before I could stop to think.

      He dropped the carton in the trash can and sat down across from me again, the mask back.

      I watched as his fingers played absently with the silverware, fondly thinking that maybe he wanted to stab me with it.

      "Stock's almost out," he told me, "you go by the grocery today, Yoji.  And don't buy any goddamn milk.  No one drinks them in this house anymore"

      I liked milk.  But it looks like I'm out of the equation.  It just occurred to me that I was also the last one to go shopping in this house.

      Well, I guess that lonely look was for me.  But instead of being touched I was getting irritated.  These people have nothing else to do but feel sorry for themselves!

      Omi stepped down to breakfast, still in his house clothes for it was too early to dress for school.  He was rubbing at his eyes, and looked at us blearily.

      "G'morning"

      "Hey, Omi" I greeted, anxious to observe his reaction to what I've done with his life.

      "Yoj, didja remember me posting a calendar in my room yesterday?" he asked, me looking puzzled.

      "Yup," I lied.  Sorry God.

      "D'you remember me on the phone at all last night?" he asked.

      "Yup," I lied again.

      "That's funny," he said, scratching his head, "I don't"
      "Maybe you got my hangover instead of me," I teased.

      "You were drunk?" he asked, wide-eyed.

      Ran was looking at us funny.  Couldn't blame him.  Of all the 'four' people in this room, only one guy knew the answer and he ain't talking.

      Omi groaned, laughing at himself a little.  "I think I must have been a little out of my mind.  I found my answering machine more swamped than usual.  I woke up with a calendar in my view full of dates and I thought it was a nightmare!"

      "Girls are very nice to be around," I pointed out.

      Omi conceded, but he still looked slightly troubled.  "But I would love to know how in the world I got myself into all this"

      Yeah, you would, wouldncha?

      "Oh, and Ran?" called out Omi as he sank on a seat for breakfast.  "Aya-chan called from her boarding school to ask if she could come home for the weekend"
      "Tell her no" he said blandly.

      "Shouldn't you tell her yourself?" I snapped.

      "She shouldn't be around us," said Ran tersely.  "No one should"

      "That's not true," I argued, but should have known I wouldn't be able to get through to him.  Of course I saw his point.  People who were near to us were in even more danger than we ourselves were.  But Ran isn't very…um…communicative, so I doubt Aya-chan could ever understand and accept that.

      "She is going to be more annoyed about this than the last time," said Omi reflectively, "she's not going to want to come anymore, after awhile"

      "Good" said Ran, though we all knew he didn't mean it.

      With a smile that could have belonged to my kids when they won their first tournament, I strolled to the garage bearing the keys to Yoji's Jalopy.

      Oh, the joy of it.  He never let anyone touch the classic car, and here I was…! Sorry, Yoj.  But a man's got to do what a man's got to do: groceries.

      As I stepped into the convenience store, chimes signaled my entrance and a young woman appeared behind the counter, giving me a very pleased and very measuring look.

      I smirked, and tolerated her scrutiny as I grabbed a cart and started piling things into them; I knew full-well the tastes of my comrades by now.

      I headed for the counter to pay, and she mostly punched in numbers instead of using that laser thingie.

      "Why have it if you're not using it?" I asked, nodding to the contraption.

      "Well…" her eyes teased, "of course I could say I was doing this the long way so I could spend more time with you, but…it wouldn't be the truth, now would it?"
      I grinned.  "Of course not"

      She studied the things I've purchased.  "Bachelor, hm? Well, I guess that means you must be one of those guys from the flower shop a few blocks off.  I'm new in town, and this is my first job, but I hear tons of things.  I wondered if the frequent subject of the teeny-boppers who come in here was worth it all"
      "And?" I asked, leaning against the counter, Yoji-style.  This was fun.  Being anyone else but me made me think less of the consequences.  Sorry again, Yoj.

      "I had very high expectations," she teased, eyes narrowing a little, "but you'll do"

      "Are you cross-eyed?"
      "No, I'm trying to be seductive"

      We both laughed.

      That was when the bell chimed to announce the arrival of…her.

      Yuriko was much, much more beautiful then I remembered.  Suddenly I was me again, and I had no idea what to do.

      As if reading my mind, the disappointed clerk broke into my thoughts by saying, "Swallow your tongue first, loverboy, and go on from there"

      I looked at her as if she was crazy.

      She rolled back her eyes and started using the laser with quick, efficient hands to get me out of her sphere as soon as she could.

      I watched Yuriko from the corner of my eye, noted the things she had picked up.  Chocolates.   

      She suddenly looked up from an apparent contemplation over Hershey's and Cadburry's and her eyes met mine and froze there.

      With a tentative smile, she placed the packages down and sauntered my way.

      Yoji, ever the gentleman, would have met her halfway.

      But I froze where I was.

      "Yoji," she greeted, affectionately taking my slack hand.  I wondered what kind of a 'meeting' they had to be in such familiar terms.

      "Yuriko" I said in a strained voice, which if she had noticed showed no signs of.

      "I came by the shop earlier today," she told me shyly, "but you weren't there"
      I took a deep breath, and was still wondering about what to say to that when the girl behind the counter said with an edge in her voice, "If you're not buying anything else get out"

      Yuriko looked at her strangely, but picked up the lighter ones of my packages to help me out, and the two of us walked to Yoji's car.

      We piled the packages into the backseat, and I hesitated to open the door for her to get inside.

      "I have my bike parked in the lot," she said.  "I was…on my way to the cemetery"
      "I see," I said hoarsely.  "um…"

      Damn.  I want to be with her.  But do I want to do this?

      I cleared my throat.  "May I join you? We can take my car, just come back for your bike later"

      She hesitated for a few moments.  "Well…all right.  But I have to go get something first"

      I walked with her towards her bike, and before we even got close I knew what she was going to get.  There was a bouquet of gentians there, and she very nearly broke my heart.

      "As I said," she told me, "I stopped by your shop earlier"

      We walked back to Yoji's car, and I opened the passenger side's door for her.  As she settled in, I hopped into the driver's side and got the car into gear.  I knew where the cemetery was, from the directions I heard Yoji give to Cherry yesterday.

      "You didn't buy anything from the convenience store," I observed, saying the first thing that came to my mind that wasn't a sensitive topic.

      "The lady was a grouch," she said with a pleasant chuckle, wrinkling her nose.

      I laughed and watched her from the corner of my eye as I kept my attention focused on the road.

      I was starting to realize that my afterlife was starting to become as complicated as I was making my friends'.  Bad karma.  I was getting very, very confused.

      Being with Yuriko wanted me so badly to be alive again, but I didn't want to have to take the place of any of my friends.  And for the short time that I am here, I want Yuriko to love me as she had before.  But I don't want her to love Yoji.  I wanted her to love me, and me alone.

      But what choice to I have? I'm driving myself crazy in here--

      "Whatever it is I'm sure it's going to run away real soon" her melodious voice broke into my thoughts.

      "What?" I asked.

      "You had a certain look on your face," she said with a gentle smile, "so whatever or whoever it was you were thinking about, it's bound to run away in fright soon, so don't worry so much"

      "Sorry," I said sheepishly, feeling like an idiot.

      "You always look pensive," she said.  I wondered what it meant, but let it slide.  Yuriko is very open, and fore some reason I always understood what she was trying to say, individual words aside.

      "Like you're thinking of something all the time," she went on.  "You know when I approached you in that coffee shop?"

      Now I'm going to find out how they met…

      "Well, I wanted to find Ken," she said, "but we hadn't bothered with the formalities then.  No addresses or whatever.  It was just him, and me, and the now.  Nothing else seemed to matter.  I loved how that had felt.  I loved what it made me become and most of all I loved that I…loved. 

      "As I was saying," she said, "I heard some girls talking about you, and that you were working in that flower shop.  I knew Ken did the same thing and I wanted to ask you.  I was reluctant to approach you at first, because you had two cups of coffee with you, as if you were with someone or, or waiting for someone.

      She chuckled at herself.  "I was almost resigned to the fact that I was going to have to stalk you, then you asked for the bill and I made up my mind to come over and ask"

      I smiled a little.  Yes, Yoji did his solo-coffee-shop-thing. 

      "Before I even asked you about Ken," she said, lowering her eyes and her voice, "you looked so sad that I think you must have known what I was going to ask even before I said anything"

      Of course, Yoji would have recognized her.

      She shrugged.  "Well, anyway.  What I'm trying to get at is…you look thoughtful all the time.  Like now.  I feel like I'm intruding on this war going on inside your head"
      You aren't intruding, Yuriko.  You're the war going on inside my/Yoji's head.

      She tucked her hair behind her ear, suddenly uneasy.  "So…ah…I know he loved flowers.  The girls told me gentians were his favorite though.  Was…Is that true?"
      "Yes," I answered.

      "They're like wildflowers," she said, "Gentians, I mean.  I should have known he would like wildflowers"

      Like you.

      "I'm sorry I wasn't able to go to the funeral," she continued, "though I doubt I would have gone had I known about it.  The girls, they told me it was a nice funeral.  Everyone brought flowers.  So much that the shop ran out and those shops around it too, especially of gentians.  They said there were so many girls, and so many little boys with their families and little league coaches and…I should have known he had a lot of friends"
      Well, I didn't.

      I thought I'd die in great pain and alone and be quickly forgotten afterwards.  Then go to hell and see a gloating Kase to welcome me.  It was nice to know I was wrong.  Nothing in life, nor after it, is ever as you expect it to be.

      "You were there," she pointed out, "were they right?"
      "Yes."

      Another lie.  Well, I can't help it.

      She settled back in her seat, seemingly satisfied for now.  She seemed changed, somehow.  I remember how hysterical she got when upset.  What a spitfire.  And now here she was, with a lonely look on her serene face, fingering gentians.  The only indication of her turmoil inside was her slightly misty eyes, and, modesty aside, I knew that they were for me.

      Soon, I parked the car, and the two of us stepped down and started walking around.

      I had no idea where my grave was, but I followed the scent of gentians, and sure enough I found it.

      It was a nice morning; deceptively sunny and bright but not oppressively hot, just comfortably warm.  She was walking beside me, and though I was heading straight for an honest-to-goodness confrontation with having died already, I felt complete somehow, just having her there.

      My grave was a no-nonsense slab.  A name, some dates.  Not even a dedication.  But whoever would come, including me, would know that the person under there was loved. 

      As if defying time, the flowers seemed fresh still, and overflowed.  As if they spilled from the depths below.  There was just so much of them, so damn much.

      I looked at my name, and for a fleeting moment felt disoriented.  Maybe it wasn't really me.  Maybe it was someone else.  Maybe I was really Yoji, losing my mind.

      Yuriko slowly sank to her knees beside me, staring at my name engraved there, bringing me back to reality.  Her shoulders were shaking as she cried quietly.

      I was suddenly struck with the realization that people never could get over anyone easily.  I never got over Kase.  And I certainly never got over Yuriko.  But I managed to hobble along.  To survive.  They will too, without me.  And wherever I may go, so will I, without them.

      She looked up at me, laughing and crying at the same time.

      "You must think I'm one of those crazy girls," she said, "you don't know me very well, and Ken himself never knew for very long.  I don't know, maybe he even forgot about me already.  Maybe I'm making a fool of myself here, when it was just nothing to him, I'm crying my heart out.  Wouldn't that be funny, Yoji?"
      "He never forgot, Yuriko," I guaranteed her.  And there must have been something in the way that I said those simple words.

      She believed me.

      We drove back to the convenience store parking lot in silence, and when I stopped by her bike, she seemed to hesitate for awhile.

      "Thanks," she said softly.

      I nodded, not knowing what else I was supposed to do or say about that.

      She tucked her hair behind her ears again.  "I…um…I don't know too many people around here, Yoji.  And I like being with you.  Maybe because there is something about you that is kind of like him, or maybe there's something about you that's just you and comforts me"

      Dear God, she was going to ask me/Yoji out.

      "Thanks," I said tightly.

      She laughed nervously.  "What's a girl got to do?"

      Well, you surely got over me quickly.

      But my heart was melting.  Maybe there was something about her that found me, even if I didn't look the way I used to.  Either way, this wasn't a date I didn't want to set up for anyone but me.  But she looked so earnest there, and sweet and lonely.  I guess I should ask her out.  I'll be out of Yoji's body tomorrow, and he'd show her a good time.  I could count on him to let her down easy.  Yoji has a way with women.  He'll make it okay.

      "Do you want to go out with me?" I asked, and I couldn't keep my eyes from tearing up just a little, or the smile to appear on my face.  This was being like alive again.

      Life itself was the fire I saw in her eyes.

      "Yes," she answered, looking as elated as I must have.

      I opened the door for her and let her out the car.  Then, I walked her to her bike, and made sure I trailed her to her apartment to make sure she was safe.

      I returned to the shop and started working after I replenished the cabinets and the refrigerator.

      It would still be a few hours until Omi returned from school, and Ran and I handled the shop while he was gone.

      We worked efficiently, had snatches of conversation that was mostly me talking, as there were very few customers in school or office hours.

      It was about noon when I the phone rang.  Ran was nearer to it, but he seemed to be deliberately ignoring it.

      "You gonna answer that?" I asked, a little irritated.

      He looked a bit embarrassed.  Or maybe that was just me.  Ran Fujimiya never got embarrassed.  But then again, dead people never came back to life in different bodies either, did they?
      "Hello?" I greeted, grabbing the receiver.

      Should have known why Ran was hiding out.  His sister was calling.

      "Yoji?" she asked, "give him the phone, I know he's in there"
      Well, she wouldn't have been able to stand growing up with Ran if she wasn't as gung-ho as she was.  I was going to have to choose which rage I preferred to face; hers or Ran's.  The Fujimiya siblings packed a wallop.

      "Um…" moral decision time.

      "Put him on, Yoji…" she said in a sing-song warning.  "Oh, well.  You know what? Tell him if he doesn't pick up the phone I'm coming in there whether or not I have his permission"

      "Aya-chan…"

      "Tell him…" she hadn't said it, but I heard it damn clear.  "Or else."

      I looked at Ran miserably.  "If you won't talk to her, she's coming here whether she has your permission or not"

      Ran narrowed his eyes in irritation but made no step forward.  "She can come, I don't have to let her in"

      I told Aya as much, and she told me to tell her brother they both knew he wouldn't have the guts.

      He told me to tell her "Try me."

      She told me to tell him "Bite me."

      And hung up.

      I sighed. 

      I'm going to be Ran tomorrow, and this was going to be darn complicated.

      Omi went home looking dazed and, giving myself a pat on the back, quite happy.

      "I've got all these people talking to me that I didn't even know I knew," he said, sounding more than a little disoriented.

      Yoji would have said, girls can be pretty overwhelming.

      I said, "Good for you, kid."

      He was trudging up to his room to dispose of his school things when I told him something that will definitely help Yoji out when I leave his body tomorrow.

      "Omi?" I called.

      "Yup?"

      "If ever I forget," I said, "could you remind me I have a date with Yuriko tomorrow and I have to pick her up at noon?"

      He chuckled at me.  Well, it would have been typical for Yoji to forget one of his many arrangements now and then…Then he stopped, his mind probably recalling the name as belonging to a woman who was associated with me instead of Yoji.

      "Sure, Yoji," he said uncertainly, "I'll remind you."

      That night, I laid on my back thinking about the things I had done for today.

      It saddened me a bit that I did nothing for Yoji.  Just for me.  I got to speak with Yuriko for one last time (something in my heart must have resigned me to that idea), and faced my gravestone.  Was there anything I could have done for that drunk man from last night who sounded as if he were blaming himself for the problems of humanity?

      Nevertheless, that's over now.  I'm going to be Ran tomorrow.  He's been less serious since his sister became all right, but of course the constant threat of danger made him want to distance himself from her, causing a strain in their relationship.  This is bound to be interesting, if not fatal.

      I closed my eyes and fell asleep thinking:

      Dear God, please don't let the Fujimiyas skin me when this is all over.