Decent into Lunacy
Part two, redone and re added, I'm putting part three with it… Not that anyone's gunna read it.
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The gates to the Labyrinth loomed ahead of them, and for, a moment Sarah seemed to back away. But she quickly followed the sprites up to the towering wooden doors.
'How do we open them?' She asked the sprites.
'Open them? Why would you need to do that?' Sour Peppercorn asked.
'You can just walk though them.' Fizzy Cream added.
'But I…' Sarah protested. Sour Peppercorn cut her off.
'This is the Labyrinth, nothing is what it seems, dimwit' Sour Peppercorn said, her voice coloured by a slightly darker tone.
Sarah shrugged, the doors seemed very solid, but after all, the sprites were right. She steeled her nerves and walked confidently, and literally, into the doors. The sprites burst out laughing.
'You lied to me!' She cried, rubbing her forehead. The sprites feigned shock.
'We DID?' Sour Peppercorn asked sarcastically.
'US? You accuse us of LYING?' Fizzy Cream looked hurt, collapsing melodramatically into her sister's arms, sobbing. Sour Peppercorn looked from the sobbing Fizzy Cream to a confused Sarah.
'Now look what you did!' She accused. Fizzy Cream's sobs turned into fits of laughter. Sour Peppercorn looked at her again, shrugged, and let her drop to the ground. Fizzy Cream landed. Hard.
'HEY!' She yelled, flying back up towards Sour Peppercorn her fists clenched, but when their eyes met, both broke into hysterics.
Hoggle shook his head. 'Don't worry none about them, Sarah. That's just sprites for ya. They find the most childish things funny. Don't let 'em get to ya.' Hoggle turned around to find Sour Peppercorn and Fizzy Cream standing behind him, chanting in a singsong voice
'Nyeh Nyeh-nyeh nye nyeh! Don't worry about them Sarah. My name is Hoggle. And I smell funny!' Hoggle cleared his throat and both Sour Peppercorn and Fizzy Cream stopped impersonating Hoggle and started whistling innocently. He turned to grab for them, but the darted out of his way, giggling madly. Sarah nodded towards Hoggle as Fizzy Cream started to hover up behind him, ready to bounce a bright yellow ball off his head. Hoggle swore and spun around, grabbing for the sprite's leg, or throat- which ever came to him first, but Fizzy Cream just giggled and flew out of his reach. Hoggle cursed.
'Let's get moving. The sooner we're rid of them the better.' Hoggle opened the gates with a gesture. Sarah stopped.
'Which way should we go?' She asked the dwarf. The sprites looked thoughtful, and then flew to rest on her shoulders.
'Left.' Fizzy Cream urged.
'Right.' Sour Peppercorn demanded.
'Left!'
'Right!'
'Left!'
'Right!'
'Stop it!' Sarah whined. Both the sprites stopped, and for a minute there was silence. Then Fizzy Cream lent forward to her sister.
'Is left right?' She asked innocently.
'NO! Right is right!' Sour Peppercorn said helpfully.
'SO if we left left, then right would still be right, but we'd have left left?' Fizzy Cream asked.
'Yeah, but if we left right, then we'd be wrong, or maybe right. What about if we left right?' Sour Peppercorn asked.
'Left right is right, so LEFT RIGHT IT IS!' Fizzy Cream declared, and the two sprites shook hands enthusiastically and grinned as Sarah buried her face in her hands.
'This is hopeless!' Sarah cried. 'We're not getting anywhere!'
Hoggle sighed as he swiped at the sprites with a stubby hand. 'If you keep listening t' them you'll end up like Jareth. Just pick a way.' Sarah looked up, determined.
'Then we'll go right.' She said firmly. The Sprites looked at each other.
'Right?' Sour Peppercorn asked, in faint surprise. Fizzy Cream shook her head.
'What?' Sarah asked, apprehensively. The sprites simply looked at each other, eyebrows raised.
'Nothing….' Fizzy Cream drawled.
'No, nothing at all…. It's just that… never mind…' her sister added hesitantly.
'What? What's wrong with right?!' Sarah demanded.
'Don't mind them. They're just trying to mess with ya. They COULD be more supportive…' He glared at the pair, both of whom were staring at him in mock innocence. 'Never mind. Right it is.'
As Sarah marched down the narrow pathway, she gained a certain confidence, of which had been shaken by the sprites banter. Further and further, it was almost as if her feet confidently knew the path ahead, that every pitted stone somehow felt familiar, until they, along with her legs, ended up kicking around in mid air. Hoggle grunted irritably and went to help Sarah to her feet.
'Don't worry dear, that branch tripped you up, we'll be your lawyers and sue him for every damn leaf it's got.' Fizzy Cream called out to the fallen girl. Hoggle glared at her. 'What? I'm being supportive aren't I?' She said, pouting.
'Which is not easy with such a clumsy clientele.' Sour Peppercorn muttered, sending both of them into gales of laughter, from which Sour Peppercorn recovered first, grabbing Fizzy Cream by the arm.
'Do you see what I see?' Sour Peppercorn said, gesturing towards the human girl on her hands and knees with a wicked grin. Fizzy Cream's grin grew sly.
'Battering ram!' They shouted in unison, moving quickly forward towards their target in leaps and tumbles. Hoggle looked up just in time to see them coming, and grabbed them by the legs.
'No! I don't wanta go looking for some girl who's been battered across the other side of the labyrinth. So just…' he paused, looking irritably at the two, who were hanging like bats from his hands.
'Hey Hoggsy.' Fizzy Cream started,
'You have unsightly nose hair.' Sour Peppercorn finished for her. Hoggle flung them to one side, and followed Sarah as she continued her trek. The sprites followed quietly, until Sarah stopped.
'This is about where the worm was, so the invisible passage way would be about…. Here!' She declared, walking into the wall. The sprites collapsed into fits of laughter.
'This is great!' Fizzy Cream declared.
'And we didn't even have to say anything.' Sour Peppercorn added. Hoggle silenced them with a glare. Although, secretly he was dumbfounded by Sarah's stupidity.
He lent to offer her a hand up, but instead Sarah herself burst out laughing. Hoggle looked confused, but turned around, following Sarah's eyes. The sprites folded their arms and began looking around nervously, and whistling off key.
'BAH!' Hoggle grunted, dismissing their antics with a wave. Sarah had pulled herself to her feet and had found the real hidden pathway, and walked confidently down one way.
'NO!' The sprites cried, flinging themselves into flight in the hurry to stop her. Sarah stopped.
'What?'
'Don't go that way!' They spluttered. Sarah smiled knowingly.
'You're tricking me again! The worm said not to go the other way last time.' She said happily, walking ahead down her chosen route. The sprites watched her go, blank looks on their faces. They glanced at each other before hurrying after her.
'Didn't you think to ask why?' Sour Peppercorn demanded to know.
'No.' Sarah replied. Both sprites shook their heads.
'OK,' Fizzy Cream began, talking slowly. 'If someone says 'Don't push that jolly, candy-like button!' what do you say?' Sarah thought for a moment.
'I'd say. 'OK'.'
The sprites groaned.
'You
don't ask why?'
'No.' Sarah replied, turning another corner.
The sisters were at the end of their rope. 'THE OTHER WAY LED STRAIGHT TO THE CASTLE!' They yelled. Sarah turned to face them.
'Well why didn't you tell me!' She yelled hurrying back the way she came. The sprites sighed and rolled their eyes upwards, before hurrying after her.
'You can't go back, it's probably changed by now.' Sour Peppercorn yelled after the human girl. Sarah shrugged.
'So we'll keep going this way…it's a piece of…' The sprites leapt onto Sarah gagging her with and apple.
'Don't say that! Don't ever ever say that!!!' They scolded her. Sarah pulled the apple out of her mouth.
'Good thing you took that thing out.' Sour Peppercorn said thoughtfully.
'You looked like a roast pig.' Fizzy Cream giggled.
'A definite improvement' Sour Peppercorn added
'Indubitably' replied Fizzy Cream with a strange English accent.
Hoggle led the way, as Sarah was beginning to feel useless. She kicked at a stone, sending it scuttling across the path. A familiar voice jerked her from her thoughts.
'Perhaps
you should try one of these doors, one of 'em lead to the castle at the centre
of th' labyrinth and the other one leads to…'
'BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM'
'Certain
death.'
'Oooooooooooooo.'
Sarah looked up to see the rather peculiar door guards she had met in her last trip though the labyrinth. Hoggle muttered curses under his breath. One of the guards looked up.
'You'll have to ask a question.'
'But you can only ask one of us.' Input another.
'Aah…but one of us always tells the truth and one of always lies.' A third and forth one said. The sprites grinned at each other.
'We'll take up that challenge.' Sour Peppercorn said, still grinning.
Fizzy Cream flew up to one of them. 'If I asked you if the door you stand in front of were flown into by a eagle then eaten by King Jareth himself and only one crumb remained uneaten, would its number be 6?' She asked.
The guards ducked behind their shields, whispering words Sarah couldn't quite make out.
One of them finally emerged and cleared his throat. 'Oh, ah…No.'
Fizzy Cream turned to Sour Peppercorn.
'So, that's the eagle multiplied by the number of tiles on the kitchen floor, minus 'h'.' Sour Peppercorn grinned and together they turned and pointed to the door on the right.
'That one!' They declared.
Sarah looked at them, horrified. 'What kind of logic is that?!' She exclaimed.
'Simple Labyrinthine mathematics.' Fizzy Cream replied.
'Even Hoggle could work it out.' Sour Peppercorn added.
Sarah shrugged nonchalantly. 'Well I figured it out last time, and it was the same door so you must be right.' She declared, pushing open the door and walking though. 'See? This is a piece of cake.' She realized what she had said, and cringed waiting to fall though the ground. She opened her eyes and smiled. 'I guess I'm not even going to fall down the holeeeeeeeeeee...' She cried out as the, ground fell from beneath her feet. Hoggle sighed, walked though the doorway and jumped down after her. The sprites looked at the oubliette, then at each other, sighed, then darted down after them.
'Down!' Cried Sour Peppercorn as the darted though untouched by the green hands lining the wall. And the helping hands dropped Sarah and Hoggle.
'Sheee saidddd Dowwnnn!' The hands chimed in happily.
'No! UP! UP!' yelled Sarah, grasping for one of the hands to hold her up. But to no avail. The plunged though, into the oubliette, landing painfully. The sprites, however, fluttered down slowly. Returning grumpy glares with innocent grins tinged with insanity. Hoggle pulled himself to his feet, muttering curses to the small sprites.
'That was really horrible.' Sarah informed them.
'Not horrible, Hoggle!' Fizzy Cream corrected again, pointing to the aggravated dwarf.
'Cut it out.' Hoggle ordered, shuffling over to the wooden door that lay on the ground.
'From here on in things may start to get a bit insane. The closer we get to the castle, the worse it is.' Hoggle explained, pushing the door into its place in the wall. The sprites cheered at the promise of insanity and chaos. Hoggle glared at them yet again and pulled open the door. The sprites' cheers turned to jeers as the dwarf was assaulted by the janitor's cupboard. Sour Peppercorn turned to Fizzy Cream, but kept her eyes glued to the pots, brooms and buckets that had fallen from the closet.
'I think we should 'prepare' for the worst.' She suggested, raising an eyebrow.
Fizzy Cream caught onto the idea. 'Armor might be needed.' She agreed. They smiled wickedly and dived into the pile of junk, dashing back and forward from Hoggle or Sarah to the Junk pile. Eventually they rested to admire their handy work.
Sarah pushed a bucket/helmet off of her head.
'Why did you do that?' She demanded to know.
'Improves your looks, sweetie' Sour Peppercorn said in a camp voice.
Hoggle waved his broom/sword at the sprites.
'Protection!' Fizzy Cream declared, blocking the attacking broom with a priceless antique vase, Hoggle saw what she was wielding and tried to hold back the blow, but it was too late, the vase went crashing to the ground. He looked up at the sprite, of who was smiling at him.
'Gonna tell papa you broke his family vase.' She sing-songed at him.
'I…I didn't.' Hoggle stuttered.
'Did too!…sister?' Fizzy Cream consulted her sister.
'Guilty until proven guilty.' Sour Peppercorn chimed in.
Hoggle puffed out his chest.
'You ain't tellin' Jareth nothin' if we don't get to the castle soon.' He declared, shedding his armor with a few irritated kicks.
'Wait…Jareth's your father?' Sarah asked weakly. Hoggle snorted with disgust as he readjusted the door.
The sprites regarded her disdainfully.
'But that means…' She began.
'They ain't his real children, they're born of his CRYSTAL balls… not his... well… other ones…' Hoggle informed her uncomfortably.
The sprites' eyes narrowed and their hands clenched into fists as they stomped towards the dwarf. Hoggle looked nervously from sprite to sprite.
'Now, don't you guys go getting' crazy like…we have a … job to do.' He stuttered. Sour Peppercorn considered him carefully.
'Squirrel grip!' She cried suddenly and grabbed the dwarf by the groin. Fizzy Cream said nothing but stuck her hand in Hoggle's ear, feeling around his brain.
'Got it!' She cried, as Hoggle started to hit himself in the face. 'REFLEX!' She cheered happily.
'STOP IT!' Sarah cried, gesturing helplessly.
'OK, OK. You're legitimate like…Jareth's your dad.' Hoggle screamed out. The sprite smiled, satisfied, and backed away. Hoggle frowned and rubbed his crotch and forehead.
Sarah looked dismayed.
'How can you do such a thing to another living creature?' She asked.
'Quite simple really.' Sour Peppercorn said. 'Like you.'
'Would you like us to demonstrate?' Fizzy Cream offered, advancing on the human. Hoggle grabbed the two sprites by the tails and shoved them though the door into the corridors beyond.
