Ring Around The Rosie

An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa

**See chapter one for disclaimers and such

Chapter Two

"Abby?" I close my eyes against his voice. It's not that I didn't want to see him, God knows I want him to take me in his arms and hold me, but I just lay there, not sure how to reach out to him, afraid to reach out to him.

Luka and I have been 'seeing' each other for about six months. He killed a man on our first date. A man that knocked him out with a lead pipe then tried to snatch my purse, but a man just the same. It's been an up hill battle ever since, and some days I wonder why he stays with me. Lord knows he could do so much better, find a sweet girl with a normal mother and normal emotions.

"Abby, are you all right?" Damn him for being so sweet and perfect. So warm and caring. And that accent…He's the kind of guy every girl dreams about marrying. I heard the air hiss out of the stool when he sat down beside my bed.

"I'm fine, Luka," I manage a weak attempt to reassure him, without looking at him. I know he sees my mother every time he looks at me, and he wonders if I'm going to turn out like her. He's probably waiting for the first signs so he can lock me up in some institution, visit me every other weekend.

His fingers feel like the soft whisper of caterpillars crawling on my arms. My brother and I used to hunt caterpillars when we were little. I loved how they felt crawling on my skin. Soft and tingly and somehow comforting, as if I could believe everything was right in the world because I held a caterpillar in my hands. Someday that caterpillar would be a beautiful butterfly, and life goes on.

I'm like those caterpillars I used to catch. Helpless, at the mercy of someone else. Not very pretty to look at, but full of promise and potential. I'm the caterpillar, and Luka is me. I'm crawling on his arm and he has the power, to let me keep crawling, to force me on a new path, to throw me down and stomp on me.

"Abby, look at me." His voice is intoxicating. I never knew anyone from Croatia before. His accent is so soft and melodic, like a lullaby from one of those colorful mobiles that would hang above a baby's crib. I turn my head to him without meaning to. I don't want to look at him. I don't think I can stand to see the sadness in his eyes.

"Luka..." Saying his name broke the barrier I had so carefully built around myself. I start crying, my face twisting with the release. I feel like an idiot, like a stupid child. And of course Luka is right there, moving to sit with me on the bed, wrapping his arms around me, holding my head against his shoulder.

"Shhhh, Abby. It's all right." He strokes my hair. I don't know how long we stayed like that, me crying and him comforting me with whispers and soft caresses. I don't think you can measure time like that, when you can feel your whole world crashing down around your feet and you don't know which way to turn to make it right again, if it can ever be made right again.

I don't deserve him. He's too good to me. He's so supportive and so...well, perfect. So unlike Richard. Richard would never hold me like this, Richard would never whisper reassuring words in my ear, he'd walk away and leave me to work through my emotions on my own. He always said they were my emotions, my problem, not his.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Carter breezed into the little exam room, and came up short seeing Luka. The tension between the two men was palpable, thick enough to cut with a knife as the saying goes. I could almost feel the heat of Luka's gaze penetrating Carter's think skin.

Luka slips out of the bed, and stands next to it. Carter takes a deep breath, straightens his back to stand a little taller, He looks at me, swiftly avoiding Luka. "I had a patient. Luka, I think Dr. Weaver is looking for you."

"I'll be back." Luka bends down to kiss my cheek, then my forehead. He squeezes my hand then goes to the door. He looks back and blows a kiss off his hand before he disappears. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, try to hold my composure because all I really want to do is cry.

Carter waits a few seconds before sitting on the stool. "Thank you," I whisper, and I know he has the results of the pregnancy test because of the softness and concern painted on his face like make-up. I shut my eyes, still in denial, and not willing to face the reality.

"Abby..."

"Don't. Carter. Just...please don't." I feel the tears rising again, filling my eyes, spilling over my cheeks. I wipe my face with the backs of my hands.

Richard and I knew we would never have kids. He didn't want them to interfere with his career, and I was afraid of them. Not other people's kids, just the thought of having my own. I swore I would never bring a child into this world, never pass on the genes my mother must have given to me. And in the end, when Mother Nature gave me the real test, I followed through on all those promises I had made to myself.

"Abby, we should do an ultrasound."

"No!" I shot a desperate glance at him. "I don't want to know."

"Abby..." His dark eyes seemed to shine with tears. How absurd that he should cry for me. Damn him for being so...so...so perfect and wonderful and concerned.

"No. I said no."

"What are you going to tell Luka?"

I glare at him and wish he would disappear with a little pop. He'd be there one moment, and gone the next, and if anyone asked me if I had seen the good Dr. Carter, I'd say 'No.'

"Leave me alone, Carter." If I could get him to leave before Luka came back, maybe I could sneak out and catch the first bus out of town. I'd go to Mexico and never look back. I'd change my name and pretend Abigail Wyczenski-Lockhart never existed.

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I hope you all like this chapter. Let me know in review. If you've made it this far, please let me know you're out there. Feedback is like food to a writer. Thank you.