Bottom Paint
When they woke up, they were sopping wet. The air around them smelled mouth wateringly nice. They slowly sat up, with moans about certain pains, and, just as slowly looked around. A bog extended far, it's surface shifting hues, shimmering like a rainbow.
'What is that delicious smell?' Sarah asked, sniffing the air luxuriantly.
Hoggle looked across the bog, eyes wary. 'It's the Bog of Eternal Stench.' Sarah stared at him, eyes disbelievingly wide. Her head jerked back to the bog.
'No- it can't be- it smells like- like-'
'Hot Jam doughnuts!' Fizzy Cream yelled, leaping up. Sour Peppercorn shook off the water like a dog.
'Hot Jam doughnuts. Yes! That's it. The bog smelled foul last time. Is it Jareth again?' She asked. Abruptly, the smell shifted, to something awful.
'Urg! Burning tyres!' Hoggle gagged, 'Yes, the King, the castle is very close now.'
They hurried past the bog, it's scents shifting from baby powder to seaweed, to curry then burnt plastic, ink then roast beef. Presently, a voice drifted from the bog, singing...
♪♫ ♪ '… It's the terror of knowing what this World is about; watching some good friends scream 'Let me out!' But tomorrow, takes me higher, pressure on people, people on streets…'♫ ♪♫
They rounded a bend, and then they saw the Goblin king again. He was sitting in the bog, wearing a shower cap, and held a scrubbing brush. His upper torso and knees were visible above the bog. He was also naked.
He glanced at them, and did a double take.
'I must hide before these lemon fried door fiends see me!' He seemed oblivious to the fact he stated this aloud, and also to the fact that they all stared openly at him. He dived head first into the bog, leaving a pale, British bottom peeking above the surface. Sarah averted her eyes, blushing. Hoggle looked as if he wished he were anywhere else but there, but the Sprites snickered and pointed.
'Blue or white?' Fizzy Cream asked with a grin, staring at the bottom.
'I'd say a unique combination of the two.' Sour Peppercorn answered, with a bubbling laugh.
'No, I think it's more a delicate cream than blue'
Suddenly they faced each other, glaring balefully.
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
'Delicate cream!'
'Unique combination!'
This debate continued until Fizzy Cream was hit on the head with a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it and looked closely at the still-exposed buttocks of the Goblin King. As she was doing this, the others noticed more and more of these were raining down hard around them.
Sour Peppercorn reached over near Hoggle, who took the automatic precaution of covering his crotch with his hands, but instead of squirrel gripping him, she grabbed another folded piece of paper lying near his shoe. She then unfolded it and they both wandered across the surface of the bog, defying gravity, to their all-powerful ruler's prone posterior.
Fizzy Cream turned to Hoggle and Sarah, waving the paper, 'Look! Paint charts! Now we can find out what colour Jareth's bottom is!'
The two sprites, now consumed by an urge to find the right shade of Jareth's rear, started poring over the charts enthusiastically while Hoggle and Sarah just looked at each other and shrugged.
'No, it's not Turquoise Mist. ' Fizzy Cream said indignantly. 'Too dark. Needs to have more of a glow about it.'
'What about Fairy Song?' suggested Sour Peppercorn. 'Actually, no, it's too glossy. The shine has to come from inside the colour,'
'How about May Meddows?'
'No, too flamboyant'
'I've got it!' Sour Peppercorn exclaimed. She pointed with a gleeful grin to a colour in the corner of the chart. 'Autumnal Essex Moon!' Just the right luminescence, and it's washable too'
Hoggle made a disgusted grunt, grabbed the two mollified sprites, and dragged them towards the dump surrounding the castle.